


Great, Another Self Insert Fic

by Hyuuint



Series: Self Insert Saga. [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Gender, F/F, F/M, Fanon stuff largely ignored, I am gonna try to make it work out, Self-Insert, Serious, Slight plot change, Yes It's Another One, first fic, not sure what else to put, or at least attempted, spoiler warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 87,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyuuint/pseuds/Hyuuint
Summary: Yep. Another one.A person gets dumped into the Underground, after having played the game to death.Pacifist by choice, and despite being very much disgruntled by how they arrived, they decide to take the route they always took.Yet something is amiss....





	1. Welp. Here we go.

It started out so nice that night. I went to bed, curled up around my phone for a few hours after I should have gone to sleep, and zonked out at about two in the morning. You know, normal-if-irresponsible stuff, right?

Then it became way way WAY less normal. You know those dreams? The ones where you feel like you’re falling, but you’re not? It’s just your brain playing tricks on you. This wasn’t that.

Few seconds in, I realized I wasn’t in my bed. Hells, I wasn’t in my sleepwear. Before I could really register what was going on, WHUMPH! I hit this pile of soft something, and laid there. Groaning in minor pain.

I took a few moments to wallow in soreness for a few seconds, then rose up and took a bleary look around. Purple walls? Yellow flowers? What the heck? At least what I wore was normal enough. Thank goodness I could pull off purple as well as I do, or this polo would be horrid. Jeans and black tennis shoes finished it off. And, hey, bonus, I had my watch! Silver with a blue face, it took forever to fi- I had to focus.

There I was, sitting in a cave, in normal clothes, as far from being in my bed sound asleep and trying to rest up for work as I could get. At least I got to keep my glasses, even though they were on the flo- no, it didn’t matter, I was on a cave floor instead of my bed now anyways.

In my sleep-interrupted state, it took me a while to piece together my surrounding. But the moment I figured the purple rocks with the purple columns and the gold flowers and the fall?

“....You have got to be kidding me. I’m in the FREAKING UNDERGROUND?!”

I lifted my glasses just enough to pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yep. It finally happened. I cracked from lack of sleep, the job I once had, and years of solid game time. Ugh.” I took a moment to steel myself, then slapped myself across the face, just in case.

By the time the echo stopped bouncing around, it became quite clear that not only I hadn’t cracked, but I might have put a bit too much force into the hit. Now sore from both the fall and my own stupidity, I got up, and paced a bit.

“Ooooohhhhhkay. I’m in the Underground. As in the place in a game that makes you feel bad for hurting others Underground. I mean, I liked the story, but….ok, I loved the story and hated the idea of fighting in it if just cause I like the characters and their designs and oh holy crud this is real. This is really real.” 

My pacing sped up as I went round and round the flower patch. “If this is real then...then just beyond that way is Flowey and his little tirade against the world. Also Toriel. And her fireballs. And her tsundere mom-style. Hoooooboy.”

I sat myself down in the patch, uncomfortably aware that the body of the First Kid likely rested beneath. “OK. If this is anything, they’ll be closer to their in-game style, not their fan-made ones. Meaning…sans will be the only person that would help, but his understanding of the whole mess with time will be guesswork. Educated and highly accurate guesswork, but guesswork. Flowey knows, but he’d more likely try to kill me to get the timeline back. Or he’d keep me around to see what happens, who knows. Speaking of...I’m not the Player Kid either.” 

That led to a sobering thought. I’m not the Player Kid. I mean, hells, I wasn’t even a kid. And most of the time, I was an Integrity or Perseverance, or even a Justice type person. If Determination was what really helped the Player Kid come back…

“.....I can’t die. I die, it’s over. Ohhhh crud, I have to do a no-death run. And I have Undyne and Mettaton to look forward to.”

That meant I REALLY had to get sans on my side. If I didn’t? Might be as good as dead as soon as the tall grass came about. 

I noticed a stick sitting nearby. I snapped it up in an instant, but refused to ‘wield’ it. I knew it would come in handy later, but I wasn’t gonna hurt anyone if I could help it.

A few moments of gathering myself up later, I hefted myself off the ground, and marched myself to the entrance.

Less than a few steps in, HE made his appearance.

“Howdy! I’m Flowey! Flowey the-”

“Yeah yeah, kill everything, cute but dangerous, grrrr so evil, not interested, pardon shortstuff.” The voice that thing spoke with was way more annoying that what the fans came up with. I brushed off the weed as I stepped over and away from the little devil.  


It was a bit rude, but frankly? This flower kinda deserved it by now, if the canon stuff was anything to go by.

“”HeY! WhErE ArE yOu GoInG???” Flowey snarled. “THIS ISN’T HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO GO!” 

“Change of script.” I called over my shoulder. Maybe if I made to the-

A second stinging sensation shot across my still-red cheek as a seed-bullet whizzed by. I turned on my heels, and found that Flowey had several more at the ready, and was wearing his most horrific face. The way it melted was way more impressive in real life than the pixel art the game had.  


“You think you’re SOOOOOO clever! BUT I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS! You changed it! You changed it so badly! NOW I CAN CH-”

  
His little tirade was interrupted by a blast of fire. The heat was enough to make me wince, and was more than enough to send him flying.

_ Welp, guess that won’t be changing any time soon. Might as well turn about and see how Toriel looks for real. _ I thought to myself.

My first reaction? Wow. Toriel translated well. The whole hip-hugging dress thing that the fans kept putting her in obviously didn’t exist, but she was…cute. Adorable. Like a cartoony goat made real and yet somehow DIDN’T hit the ‘oh god what is that!’ thing that people liked to draw. 

Second reaction? Huh, she has maroon eyes, not purple. Good to know.

Third reaction? She was tall, and she was not happy.

“What a horrid creature, terrorizing a poor innocent being!” She growled. The voice was...way way off from what people put her as. WOW. She was definitely feminine, but holy crap, that...she was a bass!

“Hello ma’am. Thanks for the rescue. Much appreciated.” Hey, my plan was already scarpered, might as well be polite. “Name’s…not important, but it’s nice to meet you in person, Madam Toriel.”

“Oh, you are very- Wait." She backed off a bit, and looked incredibly wary. "How do you know my name?”  


_ Crud, too far!  _ “History! Lots of lore, especially about the war…you’re not buying that, are you.”

She shook her head, the tufts of her ears bobbing over her shoulders. “No. No I am not.”

“Ah. Well. I can tell you this: I know plenty, and I know that while you won’t like it, I need to get to the end of the Ruins. And through the puzzles. And around the Dummy. Yeah...soo….”

I took this moment to duck around her, and skitter past. Her shout of “Wait!” went unheeded.

I barrelled into the next room, and jumped onto the four stones needed to open the door, Toriel skidded to a stop, looking perplexed. “How did you-?”

“Sorry, can’t talk!” I zipped out of the room once more, and headed to the switches.

_ Crud why did I take the hard route! My big mouth! _ I did my best to keep as far up and away from the Queen as I could. I bounded over Froggits I should have faced, ignored the candy bowl, accidentally scared several packs of Whimsuns, and generally broke the whole flow of what was supposed to happen. Well, except in one place.

“You are a very nice person, if a bit silent, and you have a wonderful choice of living area. Please don’t think otherwise, and I like you as a person nonetheless. Please say hi to your anger-happy cousin.” 

_ “STOP!” _

“That’s my cue, gotta go!”

When I got to the rock that moves, I didn’t wait. I pulled out a massive burst of energy and simply LEAPT over the spikes. It was close, I think I missed them by an inch, but I made it nonetheless!

The puzzles were completed at lightning speed, and with Toriel hot on my heels (I hoped not literally. That fire was going to huuuuuuurt), it was the only way to do them. I missed the ribbon and toy knife in my mad dash, but I wasn’t too concerned. DEF was only going to do so much, and considering I hadn’t even been pulled into a battle-screen, it may not even exist.

I tore through Toriel’s house, taking care to not actually break anything. I had to pause a moment to catch my breath, but I heard the tell-tale sounds of heavy footfalls closing in. I gathered what strength I had left, and stumbled as fast as I could to the Exit.

I had just made it. I put my hand onto the purple stone, and was about to push..

**“STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE!”**

_ Crud. _ I turned slowly, and found the most furious looking goat-dragon-woman I had ever seen. And she was holding two of the second-largest fireballs I’d ever seen too.

“Hi?”   
  
“Don’t you ‘hi’ me! I don’t even know you, but you act like you know me! Then you tear through the Ruins as though you’ve walked through them a million times, but you’ve never been here! Then you barge into my house and come….come...HERE!”

All I could do was nod weakly.

“Even...even if, SOMEHOW, you know what this place is, where you are, then you know EXACTLY what is beyond those doors!” Her face shifted from pure anger to frustration. And just a little bit of fear.

I nodded again, panting heavily. The toll of so much action after a lifetime of relative inaction was catching up to me. “A-Asgore.”

Toriel looked like she was going to faint, but she steeled herself. “Yes. Him. And his plans.”

“Gotta...gotta get to him. Gotta..”

“WHY? All it would do is either give him the last piece of what he needs to destroy your kind, or you have to kill him to escape! WHY do you need to get to him?” The flames in her hands grew more fierce, changing from red to a normally-calming blue.

By this point my vision was fading. My knees wobbled, and my arms started to shake. 

“Gotta...gotta…”

The last thing I remember was Toriel’s expression changing to shock as she nullified her flames and ran forward to catch me. The world went black soon after.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy folks. This is literally the first fic I am going to be posting, ever. I have a couple others I was trying to write, but they are also basically 'put someone in the Undertale verse and find out what happens'. Sooooo they may never see the light of AOOO, considering the lack of originality there. :P
> 
> That said, hopefully the first chapter here went over well for ya. It was an interesting thing to write. I have a good chunk of the story planned out, so all I need to do is write it.
> 
> Interesting how it shifted on its own thought...
> 
> Shout out to Liatai, a friend of mine who beta-read this bit, and encouraged me to post it for other folks to read. Here's hoping!


	2. That was painful.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THAT could have gone better! Now we catch up with our narrator.

When I finally came to, I kept my eyes closed for a while. I felt that I was in a bed, about the size of the one I had at home, in a comforter that felt about the same as mine.

_ It was a dream. I had the strangest dream cause I kept rereading Undertale fanfictions, playing games, watching Markiplier be crazy. Utter nutball he is, and yet so loveable. OK. When I open my eyes I am going to oh who am I kidding, I feel the wall to my right, and the smell of pie in the air. And she’s right there I bet. _

 

I cracked open one eye, and indeed, I was nowhere near my room. It was Toriel’s. Her bed, her desk, her tsundere cactus, everything. The only thing that was missing was Toriel herself. It was a little weird, and it threw me off for a moment. Then it hit me. 

 

_ Well, duh, she couldn’t put me in the guest room for...emotional reasons, and the remaining room has a bed for kids, not an adult like me. _

 

With a fair bit of creaking from my overworked joints, I slipped out of the bed. While my knees were still a little wobbly, I stood up easily enough, and headed for the door. My shoes were nowhere to be seen, but fortunately, they and my watch were the only things that were missing.

 

I peeked out into the hallway, looking to and fro. Not a soul in sight, but the smell of pie was stronger. At least I could tell it was that butterscotch-cinnamon confection, and not that snail one.  _ HAH! Proof that I am not in real Hard Mode! _

 

As much as I wanted to get the heck out of Dodge, I passed the stairs to the lower level. I was sure the Lady of the Ruins would like an answer or two, and skipping out before I did so would be poor manners. She did tuck me in after running like a bat out of hell through her home. A few trepidation-laden steps later, and I was in the living room.

 

The fire crackled warmly, casting a nice soft glow on the room. The Queen herself sat on her recliner, seemingly engrossed with the snail-fact book she had in her hands. Paws. Firemakers.

 

That illusion broke off the second I was within feet of her. “Nice to see you up and about.” She looked away from her book and directly into my eyes. Hoooo the mother was strong with this one.  


 

“Yeah, I, uh...thanks. How, how long was I out?”

 

Toriel slowly closed her book, not bothering to put a mark to read later. “Twelve hours. Whatever possessed you to run madly through the Ruins like you did certainly wore you out.”

 

I gave an embarrassed laugh. “Yeah, years of doing hardly anything exercise-ish, waking up in the middle of the night after not really resting up to begin with, then pulling that stunt...Adrenaline can only do so much.”

 

She kept silent for a small while. The tension didn’t get too thick, but it definitely increased.

 

“I made a pie, for when you recovered. Need to get your strength back after all.” She set the book aside, and stared in a way that only a royal mother goat-dragon could do.

 

I took a bit of a breath. “You want some answers, don’t you?”

 

A sharp nod was the answer. “I believe I am owed a few.”

 

I strode over to the table and pulled out one of the wooden chairs. After settling myself down, I looked over to the Queen. “I will answer what I can, but please understand: There are some things that I won’t be able to.”

 

Her expression hardened, but she didn’t protest. “Who are you?”

 

I hesitated. Even names could be dangerous right now. “I am...an outsider. And before you give me grief about that,” I had seen her start to shuffle in her seat, “That is literally the best answer I can give you. I don’t belong in the Underground, both as a human, and as a being that...well.”   
  
I breathed in a bit. “I come from a place where someone like you, any of you, could not exist. And that is because what makes you does not exist. And I don’t mean the dust.”

 

“And yet, you know of me and my kind nonetheless.” 

 

_ Right, she’s always sharper than she lets on. Crud.  _ “I do. I know of the Ruins, of what happened in your past, what could happen now, of Asgore, of the state of Monsterkind. Most of everything, but not all of it. You...you all are but a story to us. And not the kind that you would find in history-”

 

“But in fiction,” Toriel finished for me in a solemn voice.

 

“Yes. Yes that.” I rubbed my cheek. This was harder than I thought, but if I could get through this, I might stand a chance with sans.

 

“Why do you want to continue to the rest of the Underground? We established that you know what happens beyond this place, beyond me. You know about… _ him. _ So why?”

 

I gave a bit of a chuckle. “Because! Where I come from, so many people want to help you! I want to help you! You and all of Monsterkind. I know what Asgore wants, and plans to do, but I know how to beat him. And the neat thing is, where I come from, we kinda did.”

 

That wary look of hers crept back onto her face, and that was when I realized how things came across. “I mean thwart, not..I don’t want to hurt anyone, if I can help it. Really. I won’t say no to a friendly spar if I could get away with no more than bruises, but I know that intent is everything down here. And I don’t intend to harm anyone. OK?”

 

Toriel stared me down, those maroon eyes of hers piercing me to my soul. Or maybe my SOUL. Whichever it was, she seemed to concede to my declarations, and simply relaxed in her chair.

 

“I...I know that this sounds callous, but I have to go. There’s a lot that needs to be done, and the biggest problem is, not only am I not supposed to be here, I’m preventing the person who is supposed to be here from…being here. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. Honest.”

 

She fidgeted in her seat, obviously uncomfortable with what I said. “Do you know how to defend yourself?”

 

“I can throw a mean hook if I have to. But I won’t need to.” I pointed past the doorway, towards the stairs. “Minor spoiler to things, but you know your friend from beyond the wall? The pun-maker?”

 

Toriel’s face darkened slightly as my knowledge of things crept back into the conversation. “Yes, I know of him. Meaning you know of his promise, correct?” Her tone was polite enough at any rate.

 

“Yes, I do. And the neat thing is?” I beamed quite broadly at this. “He really is gonna do what he can, whether it’s me or the person that’s supposed to be here. He’s that good a soul.”

 

The Queen blinked a bit as she digested this revelation. And just like that, she seemed to relax far more. “One last question.”

 

“Absolutely ma’am.”

 

“This story of ours...where you come from, does it have a happy ending?”

 

_ Dangit and darn that intuition of hers!  _ I took a breath once more, and chose my words carefully. “Many times, yes. There is a happy ending. Many many many people wanted that ending.” She smiled, but she could tell where this was going. “But there are just as many folks out there, whether they admit to it or not, that actively pursue a bad ending, a harmful ending...or the worst ending.”

 

She took her own time to take this in as well. When she finally spoke, Toriel’s voice cracked just ever so slightly. “I see. Well. We are blessed to have someone that does not wish to travel such paths, aren’t we?”

 

I gave a nod to that, all too glad that I was not one of the Genociders.

 

We sat in silence for a while longer, the flames crackling continuously in the meantime. After what felt like hours, Toriel stood, and made her way to the kitchen. “The pie should have cooled off by now. I know you have a journey ahead, but a slice or two won’t hurt too much. It may actually provide some relief.”

 

“Yes ma’am. I uh...thank you for getting me to a bed. It was very kind of you.”

 

Toriel leaned back to look me in the eyes once more. They were far kinder this time. “You are quite welcome.”

 

After a great deal of pie cutting, hmm and hawing over portions and slice-sizes, and finally being delivered on the confectionary goodness, I got a chance to try her cooking. And oh my Glob. To any fan that read this, you were way way off the mark. Her pies are beyond heavenly. This was something that could only be created by someone who had nothing but time to practice and perfect and mould and cultivate and oh the wonders of that first bite!

 

Aaaaaaaand then the cinnamon kicked in. It was a very interesting capstone to the sheer sweetness of the butterscotch, but holy freaking crud was it potent! It was nothing like the cinnamon you could get in our world, our time! It took me a few seconds to get over that flavor hurdle, but the moment I did, I found myself very pleased with the whole experience. 

 

And the neatest thing? The fans were right! It did pretty much disappear past the throat, and kinda...melted into my body. I could feel exactly how just one slice of this pie could make anyone be at their best. It was invigorating.

 

She shared the dessert in relative silence once more, but it was far less tense this time. Toriel was very much dreading what was going to happen, but she accepted it nonetheless. Once I finished my slice, I offered to take her plate as well. 

 

“Oh no no, I can get these.” 

 

“Ma’am, least I could do for breaking into your house, taking over your bed, and shattering your worldview. Dishes the least I could do.”

 

It took her a few seconds to realize what I said, before she snorted into her sleeve, and started cackling loudly. 

 

“Soap, if you don’t mind, I will stop being too much of a sponge, and I will clean up my act a bit. Alright?”

 

She could barely answer from her guffaws, only to give as best a nod she could, and handed me her plate. I took the dish and fork away from her, and to the kitchen for a quick clean up.

 

Once I finished up in there, Toriel (still slightly breathless) handed over my shoes and watch.

 

“You may not come from a place that has magic, but I sense powerful ones in these articles. I don’t know what they could do for you, but don’t lose these, alright?”

 

I thanked her for the advice, slipped on my shoes and watch, and made my way to the halls below. Toriel followed behind. Her steps grew slightly harder the closer we made it to the Exit.

 

And there we were. The place where the Player Kid was supposed to have their first major battle. The place where Toriel would expel her grief and rage. The place of no return.

 

I looked to the Queen with a sad smile on my face. “Thank you for being so understanding. I know,” I made a wave at the door. “This is gonna be hard. For both of us. Beyond this, I can’t come back, per the rules of your magic, right?”

 

She gave a nod, her face impassive.

 

“I promise not to harm anyone if I can, and not to let myself be harmed as much as I can too.”

 

Another nod, still as silent as when she started walking with me.

 

“I...I’ll get this resolved peacefully. Honest.” I turned and placed my hands upon the stone door, just like I had nearly a day ago.

 

“Wait.”

 

I stopped again, and turned back to Toriel.

 

She reached from behind herself, and handed me a small container. “Here. For the journey ahead. It’s not much but..”

 

I accepted the gift, and my smile grew wider. I could tell from the heft that it was yet another slice of that pie. Toriel had no idea how much it was going to help me.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” The Queen hesitated, then pulled me forward into a hug. It was..motherly. Calm. Protective. “Please. Please stay safe. For yourself, and for the fate of the Underground, if what you say is true.”

 

I held back tears as much as I could. “I promise.”

 

She let me go, then turned away. Toriel walked as briskly as she could manage away from the doors, and away from seeing me leave.

 

I turned back around, and wiped my eyes in the process. For the third and final time, I put my hands on that blasted door, and pushed.  _ Heh, I feel like the Lost Soul from Dark Souls, doing this. _

 

My thoughts were not without merit, considering how much the stone doors creaked as they opened, and the massive dark chamber that awaited me. I looked around, and was a bit impressed by the level of detail that I normally couldn’t see in this part of the caverns.

 

I strode forth, and was nearly out of the place when a great deal of vines shot out from the ground and criss-crossed all over the exit.

 

“Oh, right, I nearly forgot about you.”

 

"Oh, GOLLY, you DID, did you?!  _ Well  _ **_I_ ** _ didn't forget about  _ **_YOU!!!_ ** " Flowey shrieked from behind me. I looked over my shoulder, and was slightly surprised to see that he was merely using his normal face at this time.

 

“So, what do you want, shortstuff? I got places to be.”

 

He slithered along the ground, pushing through the dirt as though it was water. “Ohhhhh I am sooooo very sure you do! After all, you have so much to do! I bet you know AAAALLLLL about me, huh? About what’s gonna happen? About what I have made happen?”

 

“Yeah, I know full well you’ve been making this timeline your little playtoy.” I just glared down at the weed. Again, I know what he’d been through, but that doesn’t make what he DID any better.

 

“Yup! I sure did! HEE HEE HEE! Golly, you know so much! But guess what?”   
  
He finally unleashed his ‘scary face’ but only after getting as far up into mine as he could.

 

**_“BUT I CAN’T DO THAT ANY MORE AND IT’S ALL! YOUR! FAULT!”_ **

 

As his words echoed about the chamber, I had a minor epiphany.  _ He can’t SAVE or LOAD any more, but I haven’t even SEEN a star or anything like that! So just by being here, I scarper his plans! But I can’t let on that I can’t do it either, or else he’ll take the easy route. _

 

“Oh. Pity. I mean, wonder what could have happened to...ohhh, I see what you meant here, huh?”

 

**_“DON’T YOU PLAY COY WITH ME!_ ** ” Flowey roared, before he backed off to his normal height and face. “I will get my favorite toy back! But until then?” He smirked as wide as his malleable face could manage. “I’m gonna watch. You act soooo high and mighty about not wanting to kill? But now you have to face the real world. OUR world. KILL OR BE KILLED! And that! Is! A!  **Fact!** ”

 

Flowey pealed out his maniacal laugh as he slipped underground, and took his path-blocking vines with him.

 

Much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. Not that I wanted to kill, but there was a heavy chance to BE killed. I had been dreading Undyne and especially Mettaton, but I had completely forgotten about the Dogs up ahead. And the minor folks in between; they may not be boss-level Monsters, but they could still pack a punch against the likes of me.

 

Nonetheless, I steeled myself, and got to the final doors of the Ruins. They took a lot more effort to open, likely a result of Toriel’s spell. Once they were finally open, I took my first steps forward.

  
Deeper into the Underground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy again folks! 
> 
> I give further kudos to my beta-reader Liatai. She not only helped out with a few spelling errors here and there, but she also helped me out with the Flowey speech towards the end. Major kudos doodette!
> 
> I have much more to go on, and hope to keep up the pace for as long as I can. Hope ya'll enjoy!


	3. As Ice-Breakers went, that was a Heartbreaker

I took my first steps out into the outliers of Snowdin Forest. The doors that I just heaved open slammed shut pretty darn quickly when I got out of their path, and seemed to reverberate for a few seconds to boot. I looked down the path, took in a deep breath.

 

And screamed as loudly as I could muster: “I WAS JUST BY THE BIGGEST MOTHER HEN IN THE UNDERGROUND AND I FORGOT TO GET A SWEATER!”

 

HOLY FREAKING CRUD this place was COLD! The air was still, and you could tell that the environment’s temperature was fake, but holy crud! It was just enough to keep the snow from melting, and just not-warm enough to make me wish I had gotten the standard uniform of the Fallen Kid instead of my short sleeved polo!

 

To put it in perspective, it felt like going down the frozen aisles in a grocery store. No, it felt like going into the FREEZERS of the frozen sections. It was….pretty damn chilly, I tell you what.

 

I only bemoaned my lack of foresight for about ten minutes (or less, I wasn’t keeping track) before I hefted myself up and over the rock that was just slightly north of me. 

 

Yep, there it was. The camera. Alphys’ little spy, and one of many. Granted, I couldn’t remember where the rest were, I never took the time to memorize them. But this one at least I knew.

 

I gave a friendly wave to the lense, held up a peace sign and tried to give my best, biggest anime smile for the dino-lizard-scientist on the other side.  _ She’s gonna be watching me for a while, I know that, but hey, might as well show that I am friendly right off the bat, eh? _

 

And with that, I stomped off through the snow, and tried to contemplate how I was going to convince sans that I was on the level as well. That and trying to keep warm.

 

_ I know he’s gonna be wary of me right off the bat, just by virtue of being human. Revealing that I am a faaaaaaaiiiir bit more that what he’s used to in that regard is really gonna put him on edge. That said, his passwords are supposed to show that the person that knows them is supposed to be trustworthy. And I’m not covered in Dust either, so that should be another plus. Besides, once I get to meet Papyrus, then he’ll REALLY know that I am on his side. Good ok, plotting… _

 

Despite my internal musings, I did notice that the snow didn’t actually melt on me. It just kinda slipped off like oil. But it definitely acted like normal snow otherwise, right down to the crunching and crackling with each footstep. So, bonus, I wasn’t gonna suffer from the liquid re-freezing on my feet and ankles. Did not quite help with my fingers going slightly numb, but hey! Positives!

 

I nearly tripped over that sturdy root thanks to all my distractions, but I caught myself. I looked it over, then was struck with a bit of inspiration. I jumped up and SMASHED the root, breaking it to pieces. 

 

_ Hah, try to spook me now, sansy. _

 

Pleased with myself, I  strolled onwards, with just a slight shivering swagger to my step. But upon the tenth footfall, I heard a very odd DEHSAMS! I spun on my heels and...that damn root was put back together like nothing had happened!

 

“Okay, now you’re just showing off!” I called out into the woods. Naturally, no one answered.

 

I shook my head a bit ruefully and much more amusedly, and kept going. Soon enough, the bridge was in sight. I knew what was going to happen right...about...now.

 

I was frozen in place, both by choice and by spell. Behind me, deliberately heavy footfalls crept up, getting closer and closer.  _ Alrighty, I’ll admit, in person? Nice tone-setter there. _

 

I sensed him come right up to me, and stand there for nearly thirty seconds. Finally, he spoke up.

 

**“H U M A N.  Don’t you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand.”**

 

Yeah, that was DEFINITELY different in person. Far from the goofy sounding person people made him out to be, this sounded like what most folks put ASGORE as. More than enough proof to what he could do to a Genocider, and this was just his joking-hardcore side!

 

I turned just like he wanted, held out my hand like he wanted...then when he stuck out his own, and gripped him by the finger and shook it hard.

 

"wha- hey. you cheated.” His NORMAL voice on the other hand was far more normal. Again, not quite like the goofy doughy voice, but much more...reserved. Grumbly.

 

“Pfft, did not, you didn’t say how to shake your hand.” I said back, good-naturedly.

 

"heh. too bad. the whoopee cushion in the hand is always a crowd pleaser.”  He gave me a quick once-over. "anyways, you’re a human, right? that’s hilarious.”  His grin grew slightly wider, though it was hard to tell if it was honest or not.  “i’m sans. sans the skeleton.”

 

“Nice ta meetcha. Been doing well?”

 

“oh, you know, doing a skele-ton of work.”

 

“Ow. That was just painful, dood.” 

 

“tibia honest, that isn’t my best stuff.”

 

“Oh the pun damage! I knee-d you to stop!”

 

“throw me a bone, i don’t get to meet a human that likes puns every day, you know.”

 

“Fine, I’ll just shoulder the burden.”

 

“ulna scale of one to ten, how bad was that pun?”

 

“Twenty. It hit me in the funny bone.”

 

We shared a chuckle at our little pun-session. sans leaned over and glanced down the bridge.

 

“my bro should be coming around right about now. you might like him, but he’s rather gung-ho about capturing a human.”

 

“Ya don’t say. Hm. Could be either a problem or a chance to be hilarious.”

 

sans’ grin cracked even wider, and this time I could tell it was honest.  “i think you and i are gonna get along just fine. follow me. i have an idea.”

 

I did just that, though I had to duck slightly to get under the fence as I crossed the bridge. The infamous oddly-shaped lamp was there in all its glory, as was sans’ likely illegal hot-dog stand-slash-outpost. The lamp was barely as high as my hip, but sans already came up with another plan. He ushered me to duck down behind his stand, and waited patiently. I basically knew the banter by heart, but this was one sequence I was not keen to break.

 

As if on cue, a rush of boot-stomping skidded into the clearing. 

 

“sup, bro?”

 

“YOU KNOW WHAT’S ‘SUP’ BROTHER! IT’S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL! HAVEN’T! RECALIBRATED! YOUR! PUZZLES!”

 

My jaw just dropped when I heard Papyrus for the first time. The fans were right on the money about his voice! It was slightly less nasally, and slightly more refined, but holy crap, they got this one right!

 

“YOU JUST HANG AROUND OUTSIDE YOUR STATION! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!?”

 

“cookin’ hot-dogs while checking out this cool lamp. want one?”

 

“NO! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR HOT-DOGS! THAT IS LATER, WHEN WE’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE LUNCH! AND YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE COOKING HOT-DOGS ON THE CLOCK!”

 

I heard loud stomps in the snow. Hey, he still had the hissy fit. Neat. 

 

"WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE!?! I WANT TO BE READY!!! I WILL BE THE ONE! I MUST BE THE ONE! I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN!”

 

“THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS --”  (The air was still as ever, and yet I heard his cape-thing fluttering in a breeze) “ -- WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE! RESPECT! RECOGNITION! I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD! PEOPLE WILL ASK TO BE MY ‘FRIEND’? I WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EVERY MORNING!” 

 

“hmm...maybe a hot-dog will help you? i should have one or two ready by now.”

 

“SANS!! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!! YOU LAZYBONES!” There went the stomping again. He was even more riled up than how he looked in the game, wow.  “ALL YOU DO IS SIT AND BOONDOGGLE! YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERY DAY!”

 

“hey, take it easy. i’ve gotten a ton of work done today.” The air went even MORE still as Papyrus tensed up for the incoming pun. “a skele-ton.”

 

I damn near jumped out of my skin and into the clearing when I heard the BA-DUM-TISH. I knew it was coming, but I had no idea it was THAT close up! It felt like it came from everywhere at once!

 

“SANS!!!”

 

“come on, you’re smiling.”  That was a tone I knew well. An older sibling ribbing a younger one, and knowing it was working.

 

“I AM AND I HATE IT!” Despite his protest, I could hear Papyrus’ resigned acceptance of his brother’s attempt to make him laugh. I could hear a hint of appreciation too.

 

“SIGH...WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME...HAVE TO DO SO MUCH JUST TO GET SOME RECOGNITION.” 

 

I nearly bolted out of the station to give that skeleton a hug. His tone felt the same as ever, but the inflection hit exactly that as someone at the end of his social ropes, and it HURT to hear in real time!

 

“wow, sounds like you’re really working yourself...down to the bone.”

 

My heart wasn’t as ready as I was when the second blast of drums echoes through the forest.

 

“UGH!!! I WILL ATTEND TO MY PUZZLES...AS FOR YOUR WORK? PUT A LITTLE MORE --” (He actually paused right here? Neat.) “-- ‘BACKBONE’ INTO IT!!!”

 

Papyrus then walked out of the clearing, laughing his trademark  “NYEH HEH HEH!” the whole way. There was a few seconds of silence, before I heard him give one last  “HEH!” at sans, and promptly walked off.

 

After a few more seconds, I heard sans walking up to the counter.  “ok, you can can come out now.”

 

“No.”

 

“what? why not?”

 

“I like hot dogs. If I go out there, I end up with chilly dogs.”

 

“i guess you’re just too cool for a good chilly dog.”

 

“Yeah, I need to warm up to them.”

 

sans chuckled good-naturedly.  “heh, i getcha. a bit cold for someone in short sleeves and skin. makes sense. though, hey, i got a favor to ask ya.”

 

_ Yep, about right time too. But I gotta talk to ya first before I get too far into all this.  _ “What’s up?”

 

“you’re pretty observant, so you likely noticed that my bro’s been feeling a little down lately. it might be a bit of risk, but could ya meet him in a little while? actually seeing a human might brighten up his day. or heck, his whole decade.”

 

There was no way I wasn’t gonna be meeting that cinnamon roll in person. But I needed to talk to sans in a more serious light. I braced myself a bit, and spoke up.

 

“I can. But I need to talk to you first. Rather urgent stuff. Need a bit of privacy for it.”

 

sans was quiet for a bit. When he finally spoke, his voice was slightly more serious.  "Oh? Really? What about? And how private are we talkin’ here?”

 

_ Now or never. _ I cleared my throat. “I just thought you might like to talk to the most stupid of doo-doo heads in the known Underground.” I paused just long enough for that to sink in. “Also one of the most legendary fart-masters you’ll ever meet to boot.”

 

Silence was nothing compared to how the air went around the hot dog stand. sans didn’t even make an attempt to breathe. 

 

**“Yeah. I think I can get us to a nice, private place. I even know a shortcut. Follow me. Human.”**

  
I was fairly ready for that level of a reaction, and silently hoped he wasn’t going to simply end me the moment we got to his meeting place. I got up and out of the stand, and followed the near-glowing skeleton in the opposite direction of where his precious brother went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once more folks.
> 
> Yet again, I offer major kudos to my beta-reader, Liatai. She not only helped me with the spellchecking once more, but she also provided me the sans-papyrus dialogue. I kinda remembered it, but she copied me the thing verbatim, and was a major boon in that aspect. Thankya much doodette!
> 
> Also, I utilized La_Temperanza's "How to Mimic Undertale Fonts on AO3" tutorial to get the fonts down. I know there's a public one, but I couldn't get it to work. Their stuff, however, very much did, even if it took a bit of extra work to pop in. Thankya too!
> 
> As always, I hope ya'll enjoyed. See you next chapter.


	4. Keep Crossing those Rubicons

We didn’t walk too far from the outpost before sans took a sharp left. I turned right with him, but was a little concerned when we didn’t really go anywhere special. 

 

The moment I blinked, however, I jumped back in shock when I found the two of us were so far in the forest, I couldn’t even see the Ruins. There was nothing but trees and snow everywhere I looked.

 

“Holy cow... that was way more jarring than I expected it to be.”

 

sans didn’t say anything. He just stood there, facing away from me, both hands in his pockets.

 

“So, to make sure, this is very sensitive stuff I need to talk to you about. Any idea if a certain yellow thing will be able to hear us or not? It very much needs to be a not.”

 

“No worries. I come out here all the time. Never seen or heard him, and I got it set up so I would hear him even if he decided to pop up for quite a ways around.” sans’s voice had leveled out to his more serious but still laid-back state, so either he didn’t think I was too much a threat after his initial shock… 

 

**“Now start talkin’ before I do something I regret.”**

 

Or he was just trying to lull me into lowering my guard for a few seconds. Wonders.

 

“First thing’s first. You already have a good idea that someone or something has been messing with the timeline, right? Things stopping and restarting and going ‘round and ‘round?” He didn’t say anything, so I took his silence as “permission” to continue. “That’s not me. Kinda. It’s hard to explain. The being that has been doing it to the point where you’ve lost interest in the world, that’s Mr. Yellow that I asked about before. Neat thing is, with me here, I stop him from doing so by simple virtue of being here.”

 

sans’ head perked up a bit at that. He slowly turned about, and looked me in the eyes. “No foolin’? You fall into this place, and you disrupt him just like that?”

 

“No fooling. He’s stymied and he hates it.”

 

The skeleton seemed to mull it over for a few moments, before that rueful grin of his widened ever so slightly. “Well, I guess that’s a good thing. But….”

 

His eyes went dark, and oh my Glob. I think I understood the real depths of Entry 17.

 

**“That just means you have that control, don’t you?”**

 

I took a step back out of reflex. For a guy that had stats of all ones, he sure knew how to make a presence. 

 

“Yes...and no.” I took a deep breath. “It takes Determination to control that aspect of life, a LOT of it, and I am not that kind of person. Here, do that SOUL check of yours. You can see not only what I am, but my LV too. It’ll prove I’m on the level.”

 

sans’ eyelights flickered back into being, and he gave me a far more searching look up and down. I kid you not, I stood stock-still for nearly ten minutes until he finished his examination.

 

“huh. whaddya know? yer clean. not a drop of EXP in you, and only a LV of One. very impressive.”

 

“See? Toldya.”

 

sans took this opportunity to lean against a tree. “so, how’d you know about my little tricks? and my codephrases? i kinda learned to rely on my deja vu, but i ain’t pickin’ up anythin’ on ya. i get a feeling of stripes, but nothin’ like you.”

 

I rubbed my arms some more. I was getting used to the cold but I wasn’t sure if that was a GOOD thing.  “I come from way way away. You know physics, right? Theoretical stuff? Think multiversal theory where by sheer dumb luck the Underground’s story has become a massive sensation with lots of people having a chance to touch into your own.”

 

I never thought I’d see bone so malleable, but sans’ eye-holes grew huge at that revelation. 

 

“Because of that, I had a chance…several chances, actually, to peek into some of the life down here. And did it through a small kid as the avatar. Me and several thousand, maybe even millions of people. That might be where you’re getting the deja vu from.”

 

“Yeah. No kidding.”

 

“Know this though: Lots of those people either made it so everyone got to a happy ending. Lots of them. Hell, some would go absolutely livid if they caught wind of someone...not going that way.”

 

sans kept quiet again, but I could tell that he was listening intently. If he stared at me any harder, I’d have turned into a pile of gravity-slammed ash.

 

“As you can imagine, I was one of those folks that went for the peaceful route. I had to, you all were so...so awesome. Even the folks that no one seemed to like in this side of the ‘verse. Like Jerry.”

 

“welp, i knew it; you are an evil evil person.”

 

“Hey.”

 

“nope no chance of saving you now you’re utterly lost.”

 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes in good humor. At least he was cracking jokes again. “I don’t remember everything perfectly, but I do remember a lot. And I do know of a lot in terms of backstory.” I smacked my hands together when I remembered. “By the way! The nice lady, behind the stone doors?”

 

“the queen, right? no way that’s not her.”

 

“Yeah, Queen Toriel. She...she was absolutely thrilled when I told her that you’d fulfill your promise, in the timelines that I got to be a part of.”

 

The skeleton damn near slipped off the tree he was leaning on. “The Queen was impressed?”

 

“Very. Put this in perspective: She was very much about to tie me up and force me to live with her, if her body language was any indication. The moment I told her that you’d do good on that promise? You single-handedly, retroactively, restored an old goat-dragon-mother’s hope in the world.”

 

Silence filled the forest yet again, but by Grod it wasn’t nearly as tense as it was just minutes ago. sans wiped his forehead, and chuckled, mostly to himself. “i impressed the queen. what’re the odds?”

 

He paced back and forth a bit, obviously deep in thought. I myself was deep in my own armpits, trying to keep warm. Did I mention it was cold? Cause sitting on an ice cube would be about as pleasant right now.

 

“so. let’s say i decide to go along with you and your amazing ability to know so much. what’s it mean for us?”

 

“For us, you-me, it means I might stand a chance to get to Asgore in one piece.” I ducked down and whispered to him “I will explain that more when I can make absolutely certain no one hears me.” I gave him a wink, and he responded in kind. In my normal voice and back upright, I continued, “For us-everyone, I am gonna do my damndest to get the Underground to the happy ending they deserve. Even Jerry.”

 

“not helping your not-evil case there.”

 

“I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure it happens. Matter of fact…”

 

I was struck by another bout of inspiration. It was gonna be dangerous, but I had a good feeling that it was gonna totally tie down sans’ faith in me.

 

“I promise to not harm a soul down here, barring the few times where it becomes necessary. And yes, it does happen in a couple scenarios. I am gonna do what I can to prevent them, but it is a possibility. OK?”

 

“hey, no worries. you seem on the **level** so far.”

 

“There’s more to it than that.” I gulped and stepped up to sans. “I need you to promise me something in return.”

 

sans’ left eyebrow went up. “yeah? what’s that?”

 

“If, by some ungodly, unthinkable reason, I do dust someone, even on accident…I want you to obliterate me.”

 

His eyelights went completely dark, just as I expected. **“You want me to W H A T?”**

 

“You heard me. There’s a couple reasons for this. First off, remember that avatar I told you about?” He gave me a small nod. “Not only am I preventing Mr. Yellow’s happy funtimes, but I am also accidentally preventing them from being here. And who knows what’s that gonna do to the timeline. You already mentioned deja vu about stripes. They had them.”

 

sans’ eyebrows furrowed in thought.

 

“Second, and this is a big thing: The way to get everyone out requires EVERYONE. Absolutely every SOUL and soul in the Underground. If something happens to them, you’re screwed.”

 

My breath shuddered as I took another one, and it had nothing to do with the cold this time. “If I get offed, more’s the pity, but I hope that that causes a snapback on the timeline. But I can’t let anyone die, and unfortunately,  _ I _ am the one with that calling power. Understand?”

 

The skeleton went back to pacing. For someone that hated to do much, he sure was doing a lot of something. Guess I stirred up more than a few embers.

 

“Well? Do you promise?”

 

He stopped in his tracks, and turned slowly to me. His eyes had gone just as dark as when he threatened me moments ago. 

 

The intensity of the moment threatened to shatter my resolve. It made me want to take back what I said, try to restart, try to-

 

**“I promise.”**

sans stuck out his hand, free of whoopee cushion. I took it fully this time, and shook it thrice. 

 

“Good...good.” I was doing my best to keep my breath even, and I could tell sans was in about the same state I was. “Let’s go meet up with your bro, shall we?”

 

“good idea.” sans’ eyes came back to full life once more. “but if we’re gonna do this right, i’m gonna have to dump you back at the outpost. that cool?”

 

“It’d be very ice of you to do that.”

 

“hey, whatever keeps you frosty.”

 

“Chill, it’s snow problem.”

 

We laughed a bit more, and with another blink of my eyes, we were in the outpost clearing.

 

“I’ll see you two in a bit. I gotta cross as much of this place as normally as possible, ya know?”

 

“yeah, i understand. watch out for the other monsters. they might not be as nice as they might be with a kid walking around, ok?”

 

I nodded fervently at that. “Ohhhh, I am starting to be very prepared for changes.”

 

With that bit of understanding in place, I turned about-face, and started to make my way deeper into the Forest.

 

Now that I had taken a much safer route...well, kinda, but I had to hope. ANYWAYS. Safe route, leading to into the Forest. Finally. Felt like I was taking longer than normal to get here.

 

I knew what lay north of me at the first fork, and decided I wasn’t gonna deal with that. I’d rather not mess with badly-done attempts at courtship. Instead, I decided to check out the awesomeness of the Box.

 

Granted, it wasn’t as awesome as one would think in person. In object? Whatever. It was a really plain Box, wood with what looked like iron  bits and bolts, hinges, all that. There was a keyhole n the front as well, but not locked. Weird. I gave a chuckle to the sign next to the Box, and took a peek inside.

 

Lo and behold, there were the gloves. Far from the boxing glove idea some folks thought of, they were bright orange and very nicely knitted. While I still didn’t want to harm anyone, I did take them out and try them on. 

 

I coulda sworn they were built for a child’s hands, but they fit on me just fine. Maybe the inherent magic in them let them grow to meet the size of the person wearing them, like in those tabletop games. Whatever the reason was, my hands were far less chilly, though my arms remained largely uncovered.

 

Despite my plan to keep as much of my knowledge as carefully guarded as possible, I couldn’t help but grin widely when I spotted the two Bone Bros up ahead. I knew what was coming, and I planned to enjoy every second of it.

 

“SANS, I STILL DON’T THINK THAT UNDYNE WILL LIKE THE IDEA OF HOT-DOGS IN THE--”

 

Papyrus stopped mid-sentence to stare at me. He turned to sans, who turned to me, who turned back to Papyrus, who turned back to me, who turned back to sans again, who turned to me once more, and on and on the two went until they were a pair of bony whirls.

 

It took every ounce of willpower to not be cackling at the top of my lungs, or to join them in the twirling.

 

Papyrus stopped on a dime, reached over, and stopped sans just as quickly. He stooped down low, and in his best whisper, asked at a volume that I could hear very clearly: “SANS? IS THAT? A HUMAN???”

 

sans gave me a glance and a very knowing raise of the eyebrow. “nah, just a very ugly tree.”

 

I looked over my shoulder, and double-took when I saw one hell of an ugly-looking tree. I think it was an elm, before it got dunked on.

 

“OH…” Wow, that sounded just as dejected as I thought it would be. 

 

“hey bro. what’s that beside the ugly tree?”

 

Papyrus looked back up and over, straight at me once more. I did my best ‘ta-dah!’ pose, complete with jazz-hands, while sans gave me a thumbs up.

 

“OH! OH MY! IS THAT! ARE THEY! DID I???” Pure giddiness of this magnitude was nearly lethal at this range, but I stood my ground. 

 

“SANS! I DID IT! I FOUND A HUMAN! OH THE ROYAL GUARD ARE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY WITH ME! AND UNDYNE, I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE LOOK ON---!” The Royal-Guard-Hopeful stood as regally as he could, and pointed as dramatically to boot. 

 

“HUMAN! KNOW THIS! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS! AND BY THE TIME YOU LEAVE THIS FOREST, MY NAME WILL FOREVER ETCHED INTO YOUR MEMORY! PREPARE TO BE FLUMMOXED, BEFUDDLED AND OTHERWISE THROWN MENTALLY ASKEW AS YOU DELVE INTO TRAPS AND PUZZLES MOST NEFARIOUS! AND WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, I, PAPYRUS, SHALL BE THE NEWEST AND GREATEST MEMBER OF THE GREAT AND AMAZING ROYAL GUARD! HAVE AT THEE! IN THE NEXT AREA THAT IS! I WILL AWAIT YOU THERE!”

 

His great declaration finished, he zipped through the rest of the forest ahead of us, and disappeared into the cold. I swear I heard a girlish squee when he thought he was far enough away.

 

“wow. i heard him prepare that speech a thousand times, but never thought he’d belt it out that good. isn’t he the coolest?”

 

I grinned widely. “sans, you have no idea. You remember when I mentioned the folks that wanted to go the painful route?”

 

sans looked over to me, his lights having dimmed slightly.

 

“That monster, right there, is the sole reason for about half or more of them to stop in their tracks, undo time, and repent for what they did. He is just. That. Cool.”

  
sans didn’t say a thing. He didn’t have to. The massive, honest, proud grin he wore said it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may imagine by now Liatai continues to be my much-kudos'd beta-reader. Assume that she will be for as long as possible, but I won't stop mentioning her help and assurances.


	5. Spooky Scary Skeleton, Indeed.

I left sans where he stood, letting him bask in the timey-wimey glory of what his bro has done in countless universes, and strode ever onwards into the Forest. Naturally, I took a moment to enjoy Papyrus’ slap-dashed cardboard outpost.  _ Cinnamon roll and friendly dork he may be, but an architect, he is not. _

 

I hadn’t gotten too far away when I finally ran into my first ‘random encounter’. And I mean that literally. I turned a corner in the path, and ran smack into Snowdrake, who was backed by a gaggle of Chilldrakes.

 

“OOF!”

 

“Hey, that was COLD! Watch where yer going!” 

 

One of the Chilldrakes piped up, “Hey! Hey Snowy! Do it to this one! They’re sure to laugh at your material, man!”

 

The remaining gaggle chirruped their own affirmations and approvals.

 

“Hey… yeah. Yeah!” Snowdrake turned to me and seemed to puff up a bit.

 

_ Sweet Zombie Jesus, those teeth are even more horrifying in person! How can he stand that?? _ I backed up a bit, worried that it wasn’t his puns that was going to be the most damaging thing about this encounter.

 

“Hey, don’t SNOWFLAKE out on me!”

 

I was wrong.

 

“Oh, what, you too COOL to enjoy my humor? You need to CHILL out!” And with that, I got my second taste of Monster Bullets.

 

The snowflakes darted all over the place. I managed to duck and twist around some of them but more than enough found their mark easily.

 

I buckled from the intensity. These guys were supposed to be the first ones to face? Outside of the Ruins?? Each dart felt like instant frostbite! Granted, the sensation went away soon enough, but it was very draining.

 

“Ow...ow wow that...that ooooowwww…” 

 

“Hey man, I think they get it now!” “Yeah, more!”

 

Snowdrake preened himself a little, then started strutting back and forth like a rooster. 

 

“Yeah! I’m the COOLEST there is! Dad was wrong! SNOW way I couldn’t be!”

 

“Owww… heh." Ok I chuckled a little at the last one, if just cause it worked better.

 

“Yeah!” “You did it!” “FIGHT THE OLD MAN POWER!”

 

I fell on my backside as they cheered for their leader, panting heavily. I had no idea if HP worked like it how it was in the game, but I was definitely drained after that encounter. And it was my first real one to boot! How was I going to get past the REST of the Underground like this???

 

“Hey, you, are you ok?” “They look winded man.” “Definitely not good!”

 

The comedian-to-be shuffled up, and offered me a wing. “Hey, sorry about the CHILLY reception.”

 

“Ow, ok, ow, you hit me enough already dood.” I took his wing, and he was way more sturdy than I thought he’d be. Snowdrake pulled me up pretty easily. Meanwhile, his compadres laughed at the small joke I made.

 

“Thanks though! You proved my dad wrong! Now I know I can be a comedian with puns!”

 

I panted and rolled my shoulders. Yeah, the cold had evened out for me, and I was still not certain that was a good thing. “Yeah… you could… but!” I pointed dramatically, which spooked the Chilldrakes. 

 

“You! Must work on… DELIVERY!”

 

Snowdrake blinked a few times, looked to his equally confused buddies, then back to me. “What?”   
  
“A good pun is to be slipped in without notice. A bad pun is enforced so heavily as to be noticed no matter what. You must learn the art of subtlety. An ice way to do it is to think of many play of words, and to practice slipping them into sentences without build up. Then, once you have acquired a nice bank of phrases, learn to turn them into an avalanche. Keep them rolling until they are completely snowed over and have no choice but to laugh.   
  
“That! Is the way to good punmanship!”

 

The end of my little speech was greeted with yet more silence. Two of the Chilldrakes looked to one another...and started chuckling. “Oh! I got it!” It clicked in the head of the second, then the third, then finally the rest of the group, Snowy included, were guffawing loudly.    
  
“OH I get it now!” “We have to chill out on the emphasis!” “Let them drift into their own realization!” “Snow problem, we can do that!”

 

Snowy and the others continued a bit more, before they turned their attentions back to me. “Sorry about hittin ya like that. I was...a little angry. Here!” He held out a bag, and from the clinking, I knew this was my first pacifist reward! Woo!

 

“Not much, but it’s what we can spare? Try getting some Nice Cream up ahead! The salesguy is an ice guy, but we like warmer stuff. It might help those bruises and stuff!”

 

He turned to his gaggle of buddies, and crowed, “Let’s go get some more practice in! Then we can go prove my dad wrong!”

 

Another chorus of agreements and cheers, and they were off. I grinned at the departing pack, and turned back to the path.

 

However… just before they got out of my earshot….

 

“Hey… they looked kinda like a....”

 

I bolted.

 

After getting as far away as I could from the gang, I stopped to catch my breath. I felt like I dodged a bullet there. Quite literally. I was about to take in my surroundings when…

 

“HALT! WHO GOES THERE?”

 

I damn near jumped out of my skin again. At this rate, my heart wouldn’t calm down for the next century!

 

When I turned I found out that I was right in front of Doggo’s sentry post. With Doggo standing sentry at his post.

  
“I know you are there! I can smell you! And you smell human-ish! If you are human! I will make sure you stop forever!”

 

He swung out with one of his blades, and I stood as still as I could. Apparently a slight tremble from the chill and adrenaline didn’t count, because his blue blade passed right through me without worry.

 

“What? Was I wrong? But who did I hear? And smell?”

 

I reached over in this moment, and gave him a friendly scratch to the ear.

 

“PAT! POT! PIT! PATTING! Who did that?!”

 

I held back my laughter, especially as he decided to swing out again. Once it passed, I gave him another scritch, to the other ear.

 

“YES MORE PATTING! Wait WHO IS THERE??”

 

I kept still, letting him puzzle things out. “Pats from nowhere… smells from nowhere…. I need a doggy treat… goodbye whoever you are!” And with that, he slunk back down. The smell of burning dog treats filled the air, and I took that as my cue to press onwards.

 

I did make a point to meet the Snowman. Not much changed there, although he did seem a bit wary of me for some odd reason. Nonetheless, he still did ask for me to take a piece around, and I gladly took him up on his offer.

 

Just as I got back to the crossroad (which was strangely bereft of sans. Weird.), I tried to figure out where to put the piece without it getting squashed.

 

“Can’t put it my pockets, that’d be rude. And uncomfortable for the both of us. Besides, the pie...wait.”

 

I patted myself all over. “Where’s the pie? AND THE STICK? Oh frick, where’s...where’s the GP?!”

 

In a panic, I searched around in vain, wondering if I had dropped them nearby. I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I accidentally put them in the Box without thinking about it…

 

“Nooooo, I need that stuff! Where… where… wait.”

 

I remembered, Toriel had reached behind herself to get that pie slice. But… she didn’t have pockets back there. Or a tail to hold it up with. So how did she….

 

I tentatively reached behind myself, and thought about the pie slice. In an instant, I felt a weight pressed into my palm. I pulled my hand in front of me… and lo, I had pie! Still in its container!

 

“THAT is how they did it! Pockets my butt, there’s no way they held a pie in there all that time! Okay that makes sense, and this is so freaking cool! I have my own Hammerspace!”

 

Giddy at the prospect, I played around with the newly discovered feature, whipping out items willy nilly. Once I had gotten the hang of it, I slipped the Snowman piece back into the space, and grinned massively. “Oh man this is gonna be so helpful!”

 

I was positively beaming when I strode on into the next clearing. “Hey Paps! Hey sans! How’s it hanging?”

 

“OH! THE HUMAN! YOU ARE HERE! AND JUST IN TIME! FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE FINISHED PUTTING MY FINISHING TOUCHES TO MY ELECTRICITY MAZE!” He waved grandly to the gray mush before me.

 

“I am gonna guess… it’s invisible to boot?” I called out to him.

 

“WHY YES! YES IT IS! SANS WAS RIGHT, YOU ARE AN OBSERVANT HUMAN! THIS WILL MAKE YOUR INEVITABLE LOSS TO THE HANDS OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS THAT MUCH MORE INTERESTING! NOW, YOU NEED TO CROSS THE MAZE WITHOUT GETTING ZAPPED INTO SUBMISSION! HOW DOES IT WORK YOU ASK?” Papyrus pulled out The Orb. “WE USE THE ORB OF SHOCKING!”

 

“Oh, no, a terrible trap by the Great Papyrus! I don’t know if I can do this….” sans gave me another thumbs up. Hey, glad he liked it.

 

Papyrus, meanwhile, ate it up. “FEAR NOT HUMAN! I AM CERTAIN OF YOUR SUCCESS AS MUCH AS I AM CERTAIN OF YOUR FAILURE! NOW, STEP FORTH, AND TRY YOUR BRAIN IN THE MAZE!”

 

I grinned widely, and nearly stepped forth-

 

“wait. bro. you need to give the human the orb first, remember?”

 

What.

 

“SANS! YOU’RE RIGHT! HUMAN, STAY STILL, AND I WILL--”

 

“toss it to ‘em. it’ll be quicker.”

 

WHAT.

 

“YOU’RE RIGHT AGAIN SANS! AND ON A ROLL! HERE, HUMAN, CATCH!”

 

Papyrus lobbed The Orb up and into the air with perfect aim. I held out a hand, and it fell into place neatly. I looked from The Orb to sans. I swear, that grin of his just got even more trollish.

 

“Alright. Here I go!” I knew the path, even without Papyrus accidentally giving me the answer. I took a few steps forward and made a sharp left-

 

ZZZZAAAAAPPP!!

 

“Ow what the-?”

 

“YOU MUST TRAVERSE THE PATH WITHOUT HITTING A WALL! OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED QUITE SWIFTLY! MY BROTHER WAS KIND ENOUGH TO HELP ME CALIBRATE IT AT THE LAST SECOND, SO IT IS MUCH MORE NEFARIOUS THAN IT USUALLY IS! IT WAS ODD, HE USUALLY JUST LETS ME MAKE OUT THE PATH!”

 

I turned oh so slowly to look straight into sans’ eye sockets. “You don’t say?”

 

“what can i say, i was struck by inspiration.” he shrugged again, and yes. That grin was at near-maximum troll.

 

I gritted my teeth, but turned right instead of left. The path was way way WAY more winding than how I remembered, and got shocked several times to boot. The shocks weren’t that bad, kinda like getting hit with an all-body joy-buzzer. But at the fifteenth shock, I was very much annoyed.

 

When I finally stumbled out of the maze, Papyrus half-cheered, half jeered, “DRAT! YOU MADE IT THROUGH! AMAZING! TERRIBLE! BUT KNOW THIS! THAT WAS BUT ONE OF MY TRICKS! YOU SHALL FACE EVER MORE OF MY WILY SCHEMES, AND WILL SOON BE PUZZLED INTO SUBMISSION BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH HEH HEH!”

 

He zipped off again, leaving me alone with sans.

 

“have fun?”

 

“You. Are. A. Troll.”

 

“what, me, nooooo. i just wanted to make sure you didn’t get bored with that knowledge in your head.”

 

“Complete. Utter. Troll.”

  
“heh, whatever you want to think, pal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ello Ello, as you can imagine, it's kudos time again.
> 
> Plot twist! While Liatai did help with the chapter, I also have Chairtastic to thank for pointing out a few flaws here and there. They may not enjoy the flavor or narration so much, but they do like the content. Thankya.
> 
> Also, yes, I missed a day of posting. That was because I came home later from work than normal, and needed to be out and about to get things done. I figured rest before work would be a good idea, eh?
> 
> Onwards!


	6. Trolling, Joking Skeleton More Like

Still grumbling, I left sans behind, plodding down yet more of the path ahead. My mood brightened when I recalled my mental map of the area.

 

_ Unless I miss my guess, the Nice Cream Guy should be up ahead! And thanks to the Drakes, I have a enough money to buy a few! Finally I can see what the fuss is abo- what are they doing here??? _

 

With a skid to my stop, I backpedaled, and looked around one of the many pines in the Forest. There, standing at the Nice Cream Guy’s mobile kiosk, was Dogamy and Dogaressa.

 

“You sure that you haven’t seen a human?”

 

“(We were told they were kinda odd looking, wearing blue pants and a purple shirt. Silver watch. Black shoes.)”

 

The Nice Cream Guy shook his head. “No, I haven’t seen anyone all day. It’s kinda sad.” He perked up immensely. “But you two! Would you like a Nice Cream to split? Best kind of weather for a Nice Creamy Treat!”

 

As one, the Dog Couple looked to one another.

 

“Think a treat is in order?”

 

“(We have been good guards. A treat is in order!)”

 

While the Nice Cream Guy elatedly picked out the best treat for his first customers of the day, I panicked in my head.

 

_ They aren’t supposed to be there! They are supposed to be guarding the trap with the spikes that I have to lower after finding the button under the snow! Or was it the map? WHO CARES??? Them, here, now, not supposed to be! _

 

I waited until the two gathered up their many treats of the day, the pair having decided to buy way more than one apparently. The Nice Cream guy packed up, and left after them. I heard him say something about “Having to restock after such a good sale.”

 

Damnit. I wanted some of that Nice Cream.

 

Once I made sure the coast was clear, I zipped around the area, pointedly ignoring the Ball game.

 

_ I am not gonna waste my time for about two-to-three gold. I am being hunted. I AM the most dangerous game! I am- _

 

“WOOF!”

 

_ IN BIG TROUBLE! _

 

I jumped around, and found that the adorable Lesser Dog was right behind me. 

 

“Good boy?”

 

And that’s when he decided to start howling.

 

“Ack! No, bad boy, no howling!” I called out as I tore out of that bit of the Forest as fast as I could.

 

To my utter grand luck, I heard not only the howls of Doggo from where I had come from, but also Dogamy and Dogaressa from up ahead. Oh lordy, that deep one could only have been Greater Dog!

 

With Lesser Dog on my heels, I ran around in circles to get him off balance It… worked to a degree, but not as well as one would think. LD would just get on all fours until he regained his balance and continued the chase!

 

“Human! Human!” A group of IceCaps chorused out, pointing my path to the expanding pack of Dogs on my trail. 

 

“Oh come on, I actually like your hats!”

 

“DON’T STARE AT OUR HATS!”

 

I blew past the microwave and unfortunate spaghetti, and nearly ran into sans and Papyrus.

 

“HUMAN! WHAT ARE YOU--!”

 

“SORRY PAPS CAN’T TALK DOGS ARE DOGGING ME GOTTA RUN!” I accidentally shouldered the poor guy in my rush, and sent him spinning like a “NYEH-HEH-HEEEHHH???”-ing top. sans had just gotten him to stop when the rest of the Pack barreled through.

 

I bounded over the spikes like I had done in the Ruins before, but interestingly enough, that time I cleared them way easier. Maybe I was getting better at this?   
  


“AWWWOOOOO!!!!”

 

NO IT WAS PURE ADRENALINE.

 

With Papyrus very unfortunately skipped, I kept my hauling going. I skidded around a corner, made it to where I was supposed to meet the Dog Couple, and just. Kept. Running. 

 

I could hear a massive rumble behind me when I got to the ice skating puzzle. I figured,  _ Hey, why not, they might get as tripped up as I-! _

 

My thoughts were interrupted by the most fiendish, most devilish, most annoying thing in all the underground.

 

**_JERRY._ **

 

“Heeeyyy, watch where you’re going. Man, this sucks.”

 

I couldn’t really respond to the blob of a monster as I ended up head over heels, rolling down a pathway. The stickiness of the snow coalesced into a massive snowball, not unlike what happens in a cartoon. A few rotations in, and I couldn’t tell up from down any more. I kept rolling, and rolling, and  _ rolling _ until WHAM! Something sturdy stopped my chilly carcass from spinning evermore.

 

With the world a spinning, white mass, I kept where I was for a small while, until I braved a chance and popped my head out of the snowball. Or I would have, if I hadn’t collided with the frozen ground instead.

 

A few choice expletives later, I dug my way out of the ball, and looked around. I was really deep in the Forest now, well off the beaten path. I could hear the “awoo’s” from the Pack a long distance off, and it sounded like they were getting further away from me.

 

I breathed a sigh of re-

 

“sup.”

  
“GHAAAAAHHHH!!!” I jumped completely out of the snowball, and onto my backside for the umpteenth time that day. “DON’T DO THAT RIGHT NOW!”

 

“what, problem?”

 

“Now is not a good time to be trolling!” My left temple felt like it was going to explode.

 

sans gave a nonchalant look to where the howling came from. “i noticed. they did too.”

 

“Agh, this wasn’t supposed to happen! I was supposed to meet with the Dog Couple well into the forest! Lesser Dog wasn’t supposed to be there!” I paused. “And the Nice Cream Guy was supposed to have some Nice Cream for me to buy!”

 

“wow. harsh.” sans rolled his shoulders and leaned against a tree once more. “but ya know, ya shoulda expected it.”

 

I gave sans an incredulous look. “Come again?”

 

“goin’ back to your theoretical physics thing, butterfly effect. you ain’t supposed to be here? then you ain’t supposed to be having the avatar-kid’s path.”

 

It took me a few seconds, then it clicked. “Ohhhh crudballs.”

 

“pretty much.”

 

“Papyrus isn’t too upset, is he?”

 

sans shrugged. “he was a little miffed, but he accepted why you couldn’t stick around.”

 

“Ugh, I was looking forward to completing the puzzles with that cinnamon roll.”

 

sans chuckled. “and I was looking forward to messing with you. cinnamon roll?”

 

“It’s kinda a pet term the fans coined for him. Sweet and incorruptible pure pureness.” I got off my tush and brushed off the magically made snow.

 

“huh. kinda fits, really. anyways, forest ain’t a good place for ya to hang around in. even if you do want to face off against my bro, it’s too late. he’s already headed home.”

 

“Darn.”

 

“tell ya what. i can take ya to town, let ya rest up in the inn they got there. they don’t know about the human thing, and i can talk to the lady. she’ll understand.”

 

“You’d do that?”

 

“hey, you’re a human with weird metaknowledge who asked me to kill you if you accidentally dust someone. so yeah, i’d do that.”

 

I thanked sans for his offer, and with another blink, we were shortcutted to Snowdin.

 

“Hey, how come the shortcut thing only works if I blink.”

 

sans just looked up at me.

 

We did the hand wave at the same time “M(m)agic.”

 

“Yeah, I shoulda expected that.”

 

sans chuckled some more, and waved me to follow him to the Inn. We stepped inside, and up to the bunnylady at the counter. The kiddo next to her stared silently.

 

“hey. this person needs some shut eye. they got the gold, but they need the privacy. that good?”

 

The innkeep looked me over, and gave sans quite a heavy look.

 

“no worries. they’re cool. very chill. to the bone one may say.”

 

While the two were talking, I took the chance to rustle up the eighty GP needed to have a night. Day? Sleep-time.

 

“Oh, no worries dear. If he says you’re good, we’ll waive the fee this time. Poor thing, you look like you’ve run a marathon.”

 

Flushed from the run, I couldn’t help but agree with a nod.

 

She tossed me a key. “Here. Straight up, room on the left. And don’t worry. I won’t say a thing. okay?”

 

The little bunny behind the counter looked over owlishly at me, but didn’t say anything.

 

sans did though. “get some rest. you’re gonna need it. papyrus is likely gonna try and stop ya at the town exit.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“I know you won’t hurt him too much, if at all, but don’t do anything stupid. Be on the lookout for his BLUE attacks and his BLUE special attack. Got me?”

 

I nodded again. “Yep. I gotcha.”

 

“Good. Anyways…” sans seemed to deflate a little. “i’m going to grillby’s. good stuff if you get a chance to try it out.”

 

“Another place I look forward to trying. Thanks sans.”

 

sans just gave a wink, waved bye to the innkeep, and made his exit. I also bade the innbunny a good night, day, sleep, whatever, and trudged up to my temporary room.

 

Once again, the rush of adrenaline cut off, and I was utterly exhausted. I was gonna have to get used to all this if I was going to get through the rest of the Underground.

 

As I took off my glasses, shoes, gloves and watch, I got to thinking.  _ If the rest of the journey is gonna be as chaotic as it has been so far, what else am I going to look forward to? Undyne starting her chase early? Late? Nothing at all till I get to her peak? What about Alphys? The True Lab? Temmie Village? What the heck else could go weird? _

  
These thoughts plagued me until the sweet relief of unconsciousness took over, and led me into homebound dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations.
> 
> As you can likely guess, Liatai was the beta-reader again. I will keep posting this until she asks me to stop.
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoyed, and this shall continue!


	7. Just Call me Fleet Feet. No, Don’t Actually

I took my sweet time waking up. A quick glance at my watch told me that it was ten o’clock. Morning, night, did it matter? I was awake, and thanks to how I sleep, once I was up I am up.

 

I still took my time getting up though. Another thirty minutes of warm bliss, while I plotted out what I was going to do.

 

_ First thing, see if I can find a temporary measure of cold-reduction. Check around town till it becomes obvious I need to leave. Maybe see if the nice bunnylady downstairs has a hoodie or something I could use in the interim. Check out Grillby’s is a must unless the Dog Guard are in there. Monster Kid… they’re someone I better talk to, if just cause I want to have SOME level of consistency. _

 

With a plan formulated, I dragged myself out of bed, slipped on my watch, shoes, and made sure my Hammerspace was still working. It was.

 

When I got downstairs, the innkeep greeted me warmly. “Good morning. I trust you slept well? My apologies about the noise, but my family are notorious snorers.”

 

“The fam- oh! No no, no worries, they didn’t bother me at all. I was kinda zonked the entire night, so I didn’t even hear them.” I paused a moment, then asked, “It was night, right?”

 

“Close enough. You were definitely tired, seeing as you slept for a good ten hours.”

 

My eyebrows raised up at the realization that it was midnight when I came in. “Holy cow, that day was longer than I thought.” I waved hello to the bunnykid, who only continued to stare. I wasn’t sure if I had seen them blink yet.

 

“Ma’am, I have a couple important questions for you.” I regarded the bunnykeep once more. “First off do you have any hoodies or scarves or something I could wear while I’m in town? Not built for the cold.”

 

“I don’t, but my sister does. She sells them with the rest of her products.”

 

I nodded, figuring as much. “Good, I’ll get something from her, and maybe a few confections. They’ll... they’ll be necessary. Second, has there been any…?”

 

She smiled warmly at the unfinished question. “No one has been asking around for humans. The Dogs kept their watch in the Forest all night, and have yet to come into town. As for the teens, they didn’t say much of anything, because, you know, ‘rebellion’ and all that.”

 

“Ah, good. Good. Means I can get a burger at least.” I peeked outside. Flurries were coming down, but there wasn’t any indication of wind, per the usual down here. “Thank you again for the rest. It was… very, very needed.”

 

“Anyone who gets a vouch from sans is a good person in my book. He may be odd, but he is a good soul. Same of that brother of his, though he’s even odder.”

 

The little bunnykid piped up, “He’s funny!”

 

I chuckled. “Yes, yes he is, kiddo.” I waved bye to the pair, and braved the cold just long enough to make it to the Snowdin Shop.

 

The shopkeep inside greeted me almost instantly. “Hey there. You the person my sister mentioned? You look like the type that could use lots of my goods. Sniff around, see whatcha like.”

 

I thanked her, then poked around.When I found the hoodies, I gave them an odd look. “Ma’am, do you have any that aren’t purple?”

 

She shook her head. “Nope. I used to have some blue ones, but the taller bone guy came in and bought them all. Said something about the state of his brother’s current clothes. And fire. Oddballs, the both of them.”

 

I couldn’t help but agree. With the hoodie in hand, I headed up to the counter. I could smell the Cinnamon Bunnies since before I came inside.

 

“Lessee….I’m having a special on the hoodies. No one around here really needs them, so I need to get rid of the stock. Ten GP.”

 

I double checked my funds, and thanks to Drakes, I had about sixty GP. Sadly, no Mandana for me.

 

“Could I get this, and two Cinnamon Bunnies?”   
  
She gave a nod, then a grin. “Tell ya what. I’m feeling nice today, so for buying two, you get a third for free. How’s that sound”?

 

“I like that idea. Thank you, ma’am.”

 

She beamed. “Hey, thank you for proving the old stories about humans wrong.” I must have shown some worry on my face, cause she chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. My sister told me about you, and I couldn’t believe it. A human, in the Underground, and not hurting a soul? You guys must have finally calmed down or something.”

 

“You’d be very surprised just how well recieved Monster-Kind would be on the Surface by now.” 

 

She just laughed. “Well, maybe. Someday. Just be careful out there, ok, hun?”

 

“I will. Thanks again for the extra Bunny. It will come in handy.”

 

The bunnylady waved goodbye as I left the shop. I may have been broke, again, but I decided I was gonna check things out around town. Armed with my new hoodie, I snuggled up into the cold, and tightened the outside of my hood as much as I could without hurting my field of vision too badly. 

 

The tree in the center of town was way more brightly decorated than it was in the game. And way taller too. Several monster kids ran about, checking the presents to see which one of them was theirs. Two of the bears of the village were talking to one another with the brown one doing jazz-hands and spouting “politics” every other sentence. Nearby, another bunnylady of the town was taking her baby brother out for a walk, while the bunnyguy just stared in wonder.

 

Grillby’s, despite the absolutely tantalizingly greasy smell coming from the door, was passed up. I was broke, and the poor guy already had to deal with sans’ monumental tab without having to deal with a real freeloader.

 

That said, I was rather enjoying myself, taking in the sight of the Librarby’s sign when I felt an impact against my legs that nearly toppled me over.

 

“OH! Sorry! I tripped! You ok?” Monster Kid apologized as they pushed themselves off the ground.

 

“I’m good, shortstuff.” I took a moment to brush the snow of the Kid’s head. “You ok?”

 

“I’m awesome! You must be new in town, huh?” Monster Kid’s voice was right at the point in their life where is was damn near impossible to tell if they were a boy or a girl.  _ So much for figuring out who was right on that one. _

 

I shrugged. “Yeah, I dropped in recently, got in some running, saw a few sights.”

 

“Woooowww! You must be from the city!” The Kid seemed to radiate energy. “Did you come ‘cause of the rumors? There’s supposed to be a human in the woods! And the Dogs are going bananas trying to find ‘em!”

 

“Heh, you could say that. Human huh?”

 

They nodded up and down furiously, threatening to knock themselves over in the process. “Yeah! Boy, they should be glad about being hunted by the Dog Guard! If they were in Waterfall, they’d have to deal with,” they took a pause and inhaled dramatically, “ _ Undyne!” _

 

“You mean the awesome yet scary fishlady Guard Captain Elite?” 

 

They nodded furiously again. “Yeah! She’s the most awesome person ever! If I was a human, I’d be crying in my sleep every night if I thought she was coming after me!”

 

_ Kid, you have no idea how many people have cried for her. _ “I’ve heard of her. Not had the pleasure of meeting her in person, but hey, who knows…?”

 

The Kid gasped. “OHMIGOSH you want to meet her too? That’s awesome! Maybe when she comes to see the Dog Guard after they catch the human we can get autographs!”

 

“Ehh, sorry to disappoint kiddo, but I gotta head to the city. Might get lucky and see her in Waterfall.”  _ Yeah, like I won’t at this point. _

 

“Oh! Awesome! You might! You’d be so lucky!” They turned their head slightly, as though they  heard something I couldn’t. “Aw, I gotta get home for supper. Nice meeting you!”

 

“You too, kiddo.” I waved goodbye as the Kid ran off, who was stymied by another face-fault in the snow.  _ Cute Kid, but man, they have too much energy for me. _

 

With the Libabrby beside me, I knew that the only place left was the Skele-Bros’ homestead. I gave it a cursory glance, very sure that I might be seeing the insides plenty in short order, so I didn’t linger.

 

The way out of town was considerably further than what the game depicted. Rather than a simple straight line, it was a long, winding road up-hill. The fog was replaced by a great deal of snow-flurries, and considerable wind for the first time since my arrival. With my hoodie closed up as much as it could be, and my hands jammed in the pockets, I trudged onwards, pushing against the gales.

 

I finally made it to the point where things leveled out, and I could almost see the dark entrance of Waterfall. 

 

_ One, weird that it’s dark. Woulda thought that blue light from the mushrooms and stuff woulda been pouring out. _

 

_ Two...where’s Papyrus? He shoulda been here by now. Did I discourage him that badly? _

 

My answer was given to me in short order. Less than a few steps into the path, the snowstorm whizzed harder, swirling around the area. The entrance that I could barely see through the snow was ripped from my sight, and the path behind me became just as difficult to see.

 

“HALT HUMAN!”

 

_ So much for discouraged. _

 

“Hey Papyrus. Been doing ok?” I could just barely pick him out of the artificial blizzard. His bright red cape-thing fluttered furiously.

 

Paps was silent for longer than I thought possible for him. When he finally spoke, it was softer. Not quieter, but softer. 

 

“HUMAN! YOU MUST BE THINKING OF MANY THINGS! THE IDEA OF PUZZLES UNDONE, SPAGHETTI UNEATEN! OF HOW CIRCUMSTANCES COULD HAVE BEEN! I HAVE NOT GIVEN SUCH IDEAS A THOUGHT, BUT YOU MUST BE INUNDATED WITH THEM! AFTER ALL, YOU MISSED SEVERAL CHANCES TO MATCH WITS WITH THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

 

I kept quiet. I kinda agreed with him, but I knew what he was really going for.

 

“I HAVE SEEN AND HEARD WHAT YOU HAVE DONE DESPITE THESE GROSS VIOLATIONS OF THE NATURAL PUZZLE AND JAPERY ORDER, AND YET! YOU HAVE BEEN KIND TO OTHERS WHEN YOU COULD, POLITE TO ME THE FEW TIMES WE HAD A CHANCE TO SPEAK WHEN YOU WEREN’T PURSUED BY THE ROYAL GUARD, AND MANAGED TO LIGHT A FIRE UNDER MY BROTHER’S BUTT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES! HE ACTUALLY FED HIS PET ROCK LAST NIGHT!”

 

“SO! MAYBE! WE! WE COULD… WE COULD…!”

 

_ Come on Paps, so much as changed, maybe this could too… _

 

Papyrus shook his head aggressively. “NO! I CAN’T DO IT! YOU’RE A HUMAN! AN ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! THE LAST KEY TO ASGORE’S PLANS! IF I HAND YOU OVER, MY SPOT IN THE ROYAL GUARD IS GUARANTEED!”

 

My heart plummeted. I knew this was the normal way things had to go, but with everything else that had gone to pot….

 

“I MUST CAPTURE YOU! FOR THE FAME AND GLORY, FOR THE SAKE OF MY PEOPLE! FOR THE POSITION OF THE ROYAL GUARD THAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

 

I braced myself, getting into as best a fighting stance as I could muster. This was going to be interesting.

 

“AIDED BY MY BROTHER! SANS!”

 

**_“sup.”_ **

 

My eyes shot wide open at that one word.  _ WHAT??? _

 

“WILL DO WHAT THE DOG GUARD COULD NOT! POPULAR! STUPENDOUS! PRESTIGIOUS! SPECTACULAR!”

  
“that’s paps and sans for ya. **_game on.”_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi yet again!
> 
> You know the drill. Liatai, the awesome beta-reader.
> 
> This may be a short-ish chapter, but I want to give the upcoming scene its own full glory. See ya soon!


	8. Serious, That Kid Was Near Hyper Speed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context:  
> The first part of the fight is the first twenty five seconds of [Hunted's Bonetrousle + Megalovania](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y799Hbbc_o). The rest of the fight is all the rest of the song.
> 
> Many thanks to Hunted for having made this remix in the first place!

_ Crud-crud-crud-crud-CRUD! sans is joining in?! What the hell?! He’s doing this on purpose! _

 

sans’ blue hoodie was just barely visible in the snowstorm. His glowing eye, however, was as bright and clear as a spotlight.

 

_ Sweet freaking crud he’s serious about this. _

 

Papyrus raised his right hand, and sans did the same with his left. Much like with the drums before, I heard… music?  _ It sounds kinda like Nyeh-Heh-Heh, if it was played through an old gramophone.  _

 

I didn’t have much time to think about this, as a wave of bones of varying sizes surged forth. I stepped around them easily enough, with a few near-trips here and there. I then ducked under a single tiny bone that puttered along at a snail’s pace. That got a confused look from me thrown at sans.

 

Papyrus glared at his brother for a second too, but refocused back on me. “GOOD WORK, HUMAN! YOU DODGED THE FIRST SET OF OUR ATTACKS! BUT TRY THIS!”

 

Another wave of their hands, and a lot more bones came out. They were of different  _ shifting _ sizes this time around, but again, with a few jumps and step-arounds, I was in the clear. Well, save the  _ two _ tiny bones I barely had to duck under.

 

“SANS! THIS IS SERIOUS! WE HAVE TO CAPTURE THE HUMAN AND GET THEM TO UNDYNE! DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT BACKBONE? AND PUTTING MORE OF IT INTO WHAT YOU DO? YOU WERE DOING SO WELL EARLIER!”

 

sans glanced at me, then up to his brother. “ya know what? **you’re right.”**

 

Papyrus practically beamed. And shot forth a great ton of...light blue bones?

 

_ No no no no no he’s doing the special stuff early! Nooooooo! _

 

I knew what was coming, and stood stock still, waiting for the inevitable. Once the blue bones passed through without harm, nothing changed.

 

_ Huh. Ok, where’s the- _

 

My thoughts were interrupted yet again as my knees buckled from the extreme weight it felt like my body was suddenly producing.

 

_ OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS! _

 

“we kinda turned your SOUL blue now.”

 

“THAT’S RIGHT! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE HARSH MISTRESS THAT IS GRAVITY! NYEH HEH HEH!”

 

I pulled myself up, and looked to the bros. “This… this is some heavy-duty magic, you two.”

 

“don’t be so down. we haven’t started yet.”

 

“INDEED! OUR COMBINED SERIOUSNESS STARTS! NOW!”

 

With a great amount of effort I got back into my impromptu fighting stance, and waited for the Bros to make their move, and the omnipresent music turned on its key.

 

And as one, they waved their dominant hands, and sent out... ohhh sweet crud that was a move that SEATH THE SCALELESS would use! A veritable sea of bones streamed forth, with tiny spots to safely step around.

 

I bounded here and there, trying my damndest to keep away from the calcium-fortified bullets, but several of the white bones found their mark, and a few of the blue ones caught me unaware. Then, I had a crash course in limbo as another mid-air wave was spewed forth.

 

“SAY, SANS! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN WE GET REWARDED FOR OUR INEVITABLY SUCCESSFUL EFFORTS?” Papyrus asked as I danced around several massive bones lobbed in my general direction.

 

“eh, I dunno. see if the birds keep singin’, maybe find a spot where the sun shines in. you know, the usual.” sans waved as well, and I found myself lifted off the ground.

 

“Urk!” I kicked my feet as I dangled several feet above the snow.

 

“YES! GOOD IDEA! WE COULD SEE IF THERE ARE SPOTS IN THE UNDERGROUND THAT WE HAVE MISSED!” Papyrus beamed down to his brother once more, and a great ton more of his bullets menaced.

 

“UP! OVER! DOWN! AROUND! Hey, you’re keeping to the beat, nice ide-URK!” sans beaned me with another one of his tiny bones, and chuckled at the glare I shot him.

 

“hey, head outta the clouds, you gotta focus.”

 

“I’d be down with that, if I was able to keep myself on the ground!”

 

“suit yourself.” sans dropped his hand, and my body followed suit.

 

“OOMPH!” I struggled to get back to my feet, when Papyrus continued his own assault.

 

“YOU HAVE TO JUMP THESE ONES!” And naturally, he sent out the ones that shifted in size this time. Great.

 

“hey, they’re pretty light on their feet when they want to be,” sans mused as he watched me dance around in time to the bony bullets yet again. He even seemed to be conducting the music as it went.

 

“IT’S A SHAME THEY HAVE TO BE HANDED OVER. THEY SHOW SUCH PROMISE ABOUT--”

 

_ “Guys I am standing right here you can include me in the topic of my impending dem- capture!” _

 

Papyrus looked rather stymied about my outburst. “MY APOLOGIES, HUMAN! I DID NOT MEAN TO IGNORE YOU!”

 

He grinned, and started to wave again. sans, however, caught his arm. 

 

“hold up bro. let me give it a shot.”

 

“SANS! YOU’RE _VOLUNTEERING!_ HOW MIRACULOUS! TWICE IN THE SAME WEEK!” Papyrus looked just about ready to keel over from sheer joy.

 

“eh, what can I say? this human’s **special.”** He took a moment to glance up to his taller bro. “i might need some help here and there. you remember the old routine?”

 

“THE OLD ROUTINE?! OH, WE HAVEN’T DONE THAT IN YEARS! OF COURSE I WOULD BE HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU, BROTHER!”

 

My left eye was just about to close shut it was twitching so hard. 

 

sans grinned even wider at me. His left eye burned even brighter as he lifted his hand yet again. A massive line of bones shot out of the ground, and whizzed at me at a terrifying speed!

 

I ran through through them as best as I could. Left, right, up, down, jump! I got hit several times in the process, and I could feel my arms and legs starting to grow sore. The bruises must have been as blue as sans’ hoodie.

 

“Ow ow ow ow ow OW!”

 

“SAY, SANS. IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE THEY’RE QUITE ENJOYING THEMSELVES.”

 

“hm?”

 

“I MEAN, THIS IS SOME OF YOUR BEST WORK! AND I’VE BEEN PUTTING-- “

 

_ “Damnitall that stings!” _

 

“-- SOME OF MY BEST MAGIC FORWARD TOO…”

 

sans coughed a bit, just barely heard over the ever-churning winds and swelling music. “well, no, that’s not the point. we have to rustle them up to capture them, you know?”

 

At the very end of the osseous maze, I lept over a single, massive bone. However, thanks to the pain and soreness of the whole ordeal, I just couldn’t clear it. The head of the cartoony femur clipped my left foot, and I toppled forward, tumbling. I landed flat on my back, and had the wind knocked out of me as a result.

 

“THE HUMAN IS DOWN!”

 

“yup. they sure are.”

 

sans flicked a finger, and a single tiny bone bonked my forehead. 

 

“...Ow.”

 

I tried to get up, but it was too much. The magic that coursed through my body, coupled with the exhaustion, took its toll, and I visited the black land of my mind once more.

 

\---

 

When I awoke some time later, I was somewhere I hoped I wouldn’t be. A very obviously refashioned shed.

 

“Well. At least… ow… this is a thing that still happened.”

 

I winced mightily as I got out of the far-too-small dog bed.

 

“Hokay, if Paps remains fairly consistent, then he’d probably be back up at the trail, waiting for me --”

 

“OR HE COULD BE STANDING GUARD AT THE DOOR AT HIS BROTHER’S BEHEST!”

 

I fell over backwards yet again to one of the bone brothers’ sudden entrances. “How do you two keep doing that???”

 

“MY BROTHER TELLS ME I CAN BE VERY LIGHT ON MY FEET, WHEN I WANT TO BE. AND HE’S RIGHT! NYEH HEH HEH!”

 

I groaned, and it wasn’t because of the pain.  _ Just what the ever loving heck is sans playing at here? _

 

“Standing vigil, huh?”

 

He gave his most regal pose. “ABSOLUTELY! MY BROTHER ACTUALLY SAID HE’D BE THE ONE TO GO FETCH UNDYNE! OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT. HE REQUESTED THAT I STAND GUARD HERE WHILE HE GOT IN TOUCH WITH THE PROPER AUTHORITIES!”

 

My eyebrow went straight up. If this was anyone but sans, I would have been worried. Him, however, I felt had an ulterior motive.

 

“How long was I out this time?”

 

“NYEH? THIS TIME? YOU MEAN YOU’VE BEEN KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE?”

 

“This makes it the second time, I think. Third if you count me sleeping off the exhaustion in the Inn today. Or maybe yesterday?” I looked at my wrist. “I’d check, but my watch seems to be missing.”

 

“YES, I TOOK THAT OFF YOU WHILE YOU SLEPT! IT WAS LIKELY NOT SOMETHING  COMFORTABLE TO WEAR IN THE MIDST OF SLUMBER!”

 

“Yet you left my glasses.”

 

“OF COURSE! SO THAT YOU COULD SEE WHEN YOU WOKE UP!”

 

It took every ounce of regained strength not to facepalm. “So, can I have my watch back?”

 

“UNFORTUNATELY… NO. SANS TOOK IT WITH HIM WHEN HE LEFT. HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT PROOF OF PURCHASE OR SOME SUCH NONSENSE. BUT, FEAR NOT! I KNOW IT IS IN EXCELLENT HANDS!”

 

“But of course.” I sighed and tried to get comfy in that bed, but there was just no chance of it. I looked at the bars, and noticed…

 

“Say, some of these look new.”

 

“YES INDEED! YOU ARE QUITE OBSERVANT, HUMAN! YOU SEE, WHEN MY BROTHER SHOWED HIS OWN INITIATIVE LAST NIGHT, I DECIDED TO DO THE SAME! AND IN MY RUSH TO GET THINGS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL, I NOTICED THAT THE BARS WERE FAR TOO WIDE! SO, I FIXED THEM!”

 

“Ooooof course you did.” 

 

Papyrus’ smile slipped. “YOU SAID YOU HAD BEEN KNOCKED OUT ALREADY? HAS THE UNDERGROUND BEEN THAT UNKIND TO YOU?”

 

“Well, the first time was technically my fault, but it was the result of running so much after not doing much running, ever. Kinda like how your brother gets winded if he does too much. Just not used to it.”

 

The taller bony bro nodded sagely. “YES, I KEEP TELLING SANS HE NEEDS TO GET INTO BETTER SHAPE, AND STOP EATING SO MUCH AT GRILLBY’S. THAT MUCH GREASE IS NOT GOOD FOR ANYONE!

 

“BUT!” He shook his head. “WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC!”

 

“Not really. He’s a part of the whole thing. I kinda talked to the guy, and made it very clear how awesome I think you are. And how much other folks would like ya. You do know you don’t have to do all this for popularity, right?”

 

“WHAT!? ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM NOT ALREADY AT THE PEAK OF THE SOCIAL HIERARCHY!?”

 

“A little.”

 

“NYEH?!?!” 

 

“Dood, you are already kind and helpful. Being in the Guard isn’t gonna change that. And I’m already gonna do what I can to help get Monster Kind out of the darkness.”

 

“BUT! KING ASGORE! HIS PLAN!”

 

“Is one that will bring grief to him, you, and everyone else.”

 

Papyrus went silent, his beady black eyes narrowing in deep thought. Not wanting to ruin his train of thought, I kept silent for as long as he needed.

 

“WHAT ABOUT… UNDYNE? SHE’D BE DISAPPOINTED!”

 

“Believe it or not, I have a plan for you to ‘bring me to Undyne,’ and not get you in trouble at the same time.”

 

“REALLY??”

 

“And if we pull it off, you’d be in even better standing with her. If I don’t miss my guess, or my cue.”

 

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.” He rubbed his mandible with a gloved hand. “PERHAPS! HUMAN, SHARE WITH ME YOUR PLAN, SO THAT I MAY SEE IF IT IS UP TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS' HIGH PLAN STANDARDS!"

 

After getting up to the bars to do my best conspiratorial whisper, I told a leaning Papyrus my grand plan. It was majorly the same as his in the normal line of things, but given how chaotic this version of events had been so far, I was brooking no chances.

 

“HMMMM? HMMMMMMMM. HMMMMMM! HUMAN!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“THIS PLAN!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“IS DOOMED TO FAILURE!”

 

“Wh-what? Why?”

 

Papyrus stood up straight, and posed again. How did he get his cape to do that indoors?

 

“BECAUSE! YOU HAVE NO MEANS OF CONTACTING ME IN SUCH A MANNER!”

 

“What? Yes, I do, I… I….” I patted my pockets, and my expression blanked. “I forgot the cell phone.”

 

“INDEED! AND WITHOUT THAT CRUX OF YOUR PLAN, IT IS DOOMED TO UTTER FAILURE! HOWEVER, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE A MEANS OF FIXING THIS PROBLEM! WAIT HERE!”

 

He turned on his booted heels, and left in a moment. A few minutes later, he returned, holding something small and shiny. 

 

“HERE! THIS IS MY OLD CELL PHONE! IT IS OLD, BUT IT STILL WORKS WELL!” He stuck his hand through the bars, and dropped the cellular in mine. “NOW! YOUR PLAN WILL WORK, THANKS TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

 

“Dood, you have solidified yourself as the best cinnamon roll ever.”

 

“OF COURSE! IF ALL GOES WELL, I WILL HAVE AN ENTIRE LINE OF PASTRIES NAMED AND BAKED IN MY HONOR! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!”

 

“Heh. I will help with that, if I can. Now… in order for this to happen, you’re gonna need to let me out.”

 

“WHAT?! NEVER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW AS TO ACTIVELY AID, OR ABET, A HUMAN IN THEIR ESCAPE FROM CAPTURE!” Papyrus turned on his heel again, and stuck his non-existent nose up into the air as high as he could. “I HAVE MUCH BETTER STANDARDS AND MORALS THAN THAT! GOOD DAY TO YOU I SAID GOOD DAY!”

 

He stomped out of the shed-prison in the biggest huff I had ever seen. After a short time, it became quite clear he meant what he said. 

 

_ Well. Dang. I thought he was all for the plan. Guess I’ll have to-- _ the gate that I was leaning on creaked open -- _ leave in the manner that he left open either by foresight to this whole thing or just simple forgetfulness about the lock. _

 

I poked my head out of the shed. The area around was bereft of life, boney bros or otherwise. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I scarpered from the shed-prison as fast as my legs could wobble.

 

I was about halfway up the hill when I noticed how far along I was. “Huh. Making good time. Maybe-”

 

“sup.”   
  
“GHAAA!!”” For the third time today, a boney bro decided to cause me to have a near heart attack! And it had the added bonus of knocking me off the path in my panic, and down the slope to the previous bit I just tromped through!

 

“DAMNIT SANS!” I called up, waving a fist from the snow poff I landed on.

 

“what? what’d i do?” sans called down to me.

 

I just glared.

 

“anyways. paps and you are buddies now, right? good goin', knew you had it in you. now, i kinda gotta be at my posts from here on, meanin’ i can’t keep playin’ with ya like this. but i’ll see ya again on yer way around the underground.”

 

He dug through his hoodie pocket, and held up my watch. “nifty little trinket you got. kinda weird. but nifty. shoes weren’t nearly as interesting. but this? very nifty. Keep a GOOD hold on it, savvy?”

 

“I was planning to either way. I like that watch.” I un-buried myself, and trudged back up the path.

 

sans dangled the watch between two fingers, and held it up to me. After snatching it back, I clipped it back on, and gave him a small smile. 

 

“I know what ya did, and I appreciate it.”

 

“what, what’d i do? nothing’s what i did. absolutely nothing. how dare you insinuate that i have standards and morals! good day to you i said good day!” sans then proceeded to shuffle right past me, non-existent nose held up as high into the air as he could muster. When I blinked as he neared the snow poff I landed on, he was gone.

 

I shook my head at his shenanigans.  _ They are definitely brothers, down to the bone. _ With sans gone, I turned my head to the entrance of the next major area, and the massive hurdles it contained.

  
Waterfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. That was a bit of a thing.
> 
> Liatai helped major time this go-around. She has a much better hold of the Papyrus voice than I do, and helped fix up several of his lines.
> 
> Once more, I thank Hunted for their Bone Bros rendition, and I hope you all enjoy the rest of the music they have on their channel! Like, subscribe, all that jazz.


	9. Gonna need to see a Cardiologist after all this.

I double checked my Hammerspace again, and made sure it was functional.

 

Ok, fine, I was playing around with it.

 

Ok, I was really just dragging out the time it took to muster up the courage to step into the caves of Waterfall.

 

I may have survived the last few encounters, but they were perpetrated by folks who really didn’t mean grievous harm. Undyne, however, was very determined to bring an end to me.

 

_ Knowing my luck, she’d be extra pissed off over the fact that I managed to escape the Dog Guard. She’ll be lenient with Papyrus, but those Dogs are supposed to be her elite. _

 

Just as I was about to put my best foot forward, I heard a voice pipe up behind me.

 

“Hey! I know you! You’re that new person!”

 

I flinched at the sudden voice, and turned to Monster Kid. “Yep. That’s me.”

 

“Ohmigosh are you going to Waterfall too? That’s awesome! I’m going in there to see if I can meet Undyne! Hey! Is that what you’re going to do too?”

 

I couldn’t help but smile under my hoodie’s covering. “Well, it’s a very likely thing, but I’m more trying to get home.”   
  


“Aw, that’s too bad. But hey! You might get lucky anyways!”

 

With a wry chuckle, I looked down to the kiddo. “Yep. I’d have lots of luck if that happened.”  _ Bad, inevitable luck. _

 

“Yeah! I’m gonna go on up ahead, I wanna see if I can find her! Bye! Hope I see you later!” They skittered onwards to the cave, falling twice on their face in the process.

 

I walked into the caves myself fairly soon after. I was nearly knocked over by gale of wind shooting out of the mouth. Thoroughly winded by the experience, I took a breather at the entrance.

 

_ Come to think of it, the Monster Kid is pretty essential to the whole Waterfall thing. They save the Player Kid a few times, and the Player Kid ends up saving them. Wonder how that’s gonna end up playing out for me. _

 

Within the cave, I heard the sunglasses-wearing fish-guy arguing with himself via the Echo Flowers. I passed him and his obsession to get to sans’s stand. Yep, just like in the game, the snow covered the roof of the stand, and the smell of hot-dogs wafted through the air. Strangely, sans was absent at this time.

 

_ Likely won’t see him till either the telescope prank, or Hotlands. Either way, he’s not here now, and I have a cave to spelunk. _

 

Stepping past the now loudly echoing room, I made it to the edge of the boulder-river. “Definitely Undyne’s handiwork. I can see the spear-marks on each one.” Several boulders splashed by as I watched. “Huh. I wonder….”

 

I reached out to one of the rocks and made a rather interesting discovery. 

 

“Holy crud! They’re all pumice!” 

 

Sure enough, each rock that passed by was pumice! And magically enhanced to float way better than the normal stuff. I juggled the one I caught for a bit before throwing it back into the water and letting it rush off into the darkness with its buddies.

 

I took a few moments to remove my shoes and hike up my pants as high as they could go. As soon as I was done, I carefully crossed the creek, creeping along till I completed the… the… dangit, I couldn’t think of a way to complete the alliteration. 

 

Despite my remembrance of the ballet supplies, I decided early on I was going to forgo the equipment.  _ I’ll still keep the gloves and what I got so far. Come to think of it, why were sans and Toriel so keen on pointing out my watch? Or the shoes for that matter? Hrm. I wonder…. _

 

I took off my watch and looked it over as I walked. “Doesn’t look so special to me. Hm. Weird.” I shrugged, and put it back on. 

 

When I looked back up to where I was going, I nearly fainted.

 

_ Ohhh crud. Oh crud oh crud oh crud. It’s the tall grass. _

 

I took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself. Once I went through here, Undyne’s hunt would begin. And there’s no telling how different it would be this time around.

 

_ I’m way taller than the Player Kid. I’ll have to duck down, maybe crawl through. I’ll have to be careful not to crush the grass too bad. Otherwise she’ll notice me for sure. _

 

I got on my stomach and crawled through the vegetation like a soldier in a movie. Slinking slowly through the slaw, I made my way to the meeting spot.

 

As soon as I got to the cliff-face, I heard a voice call through the air.

 

“HELLO UNDYNE! I AM HERE FOR MY DAILY REPORT!”

 

_ Right on time, both for him and for me. _

 

“AS YOU LIKELY HAVE HEARD, THERE’S A HUMAN IN THE UNDERGROUND! THEY MANAGED TO SLIP… WHAT?”

 

I strained my ears, and heard a very low, muffled voice. It was too hard to discern the peculiarities right then, so another fan-interpretation had to wait for who was correct later.

 

“RIGHT! THEY MANAGED TO SLIP PAST THE DOG GUARD! I MANAGED TO CAPTURE THEM WITH SANS’ HELP, BUT THEY SOMEHOW ESCAPED MY RECENTLY IMPROVED PRISON CELL!”

 

More mumbled grumblings.

 

“NO, NOT MY TOOL SHED, THE PRISON AREA! ANYWAYS! I THINK THEY’RE ON THEIR WAY TO HERE, AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE ELSE THEY ARE GOING!”

 

Undyne was silent for a few seconds, before she grumbled some more.

 

“WHAT? OF COURSE! AS SOON AS I KNOW WHERE THEY HAVE GONE, I WILL LET YOU KNOW! IN FACT, I PROMISE THAT IF I HAVE THE CHANCE, I’LL BRING THEM RIGHT TO YOU!”

 

She gave an affirmative grunt, and a few mumbled orders.

 

“YES MA’AM! I WILL RETURN TO MY DUTIES! I LOOK FORWARD TO OUR LESSONS LATER!” With that, Papyrus turned back towards Snowdin and zipped off.

 

That may have been the end of Papyrus’ meeting with Undyne, but mine was just beginning. I barely breathed, I was so tense. 

 

Undyne didn’t move. 

 

I didn’t move.

 

Minutes passed. Maybe even hours. I didn’t dare check my watch just in case I accidentally rustled the grass, and Undyne’s wrath in the process.

 

The silence was unbearable. She just kept staring, straight into the grass, but not directly at me.

 

_ Either she’s guessing that I’m here or she’s putting that anime instinct of hers to good use. _

 

Our little staring contest was interrupted with an echoing SNAP. It was just a few feet to the left of me, and a little further north.

 

Undyne reacted quickly. A glowing spear was summoned into her hand, and readied to strike. 

 

I clamped my hands round my mouth, and tried to keep even more still than I had been already. 

 

The fish-warrior scanned left and right looking for anything out of the ordinary. After another chunk of tense silence, Undyne release the magic of her spear, and stepped into the shadows. A small noise echoed through the cavern, and Undyne literally vanished from sight.

 

Once I was sure that she was gone, I let out the breath I was holding. My lungs ached from the act, and I bet I was as blue as the as the mushrooms around me. I stood up, brushed myself off, and made it out of the gr-

 

“WOW! SHE IS SO COOL!”   
  
Knowing my luck, Alphys heard my scream of terror clean over in Hotland.

 

“Oh! I didn’t mean to spook you! But Undyne is so cool! Did you see her summon her spear? Her armor! OH MAN! SHE IS SO AWESOME!”

 

I patted my chest, trying to calm down my poor heart. “Kid. Timing. Please learn timing. Sheesh!”

 

“Hey, no worries, she’s only after humans, remember!” The small tyke just grinned up at me, totally enthralled with the near-meeting he had.

 

“Right. Right. I, uh, I kinda forgot.”

 

“Hah! That’s silly! But now I know that Undyne is doing her rounds! I’m gonna get way up ahead of her, see if I can beat her to finding that human! Bye!” They were off like a rocket, tripping a little here and there, but catching themselves just in time.

 

_ Am I going to jumpscared by everyone in the Underground? Why do I get the feeling of Asgore popping up behind me in the kitchen as I try to get the keys? Sheesh. _

 

I heard a fair bit of splashing ahead, and figured that either the Kid was foregoing the puzzle, or was actually doing it.

 

When I looked into the room, it was free of seeds.  _ Guess they just skipped it. Or Jumped it. Jooped it. Joopilied it. Oh lord now I’m doing it. _

 

I gathered up the seeds and sent them across the pond. Once they collided with one another, they blossomed up quickly.

 

“Wow. They look way more beautiful in person. Like lily pads with the colorations of a watermelon.” I stepped across carefully, and made it to the sand castle room. Sadly, as soon as I finished crossing the bridge, the plants wilted and turned to slime.

 

“Well. Dang.” I watched the slime wash away in the current of the waters, and continued shortly after.

 

I had just walked into the adjoining sand-castle room when a rather beefy fellow blocked my path.

 

“YEAH! LOOK AT THIS DEFINITION! ;)”

 

I had no idea how Aaron did it, but he actually spoke that emoticon out loud.

 

“MAN I DO SO MUCH LIFTING AND DEADWEIGHTS! I! AM! BUFFED! ;)”

 

Good lord, he sounded like the worst combination of Snowflake and Joe Swanson at his hammiest.

 

“YEAH! CHECK IT! ;)”

“No. Just. No.”   
  


“What? Why not? ;)”

 

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Cause. Of the CURSE!”

 

Aaron nearly fell out of the air. “Curse? What curse? ;)”

 

I waved a hand. “Oh, nah, don’t worry about it. It’s a curse about a ghost that goes after overly buff horse folks. Especially ones that brag about their muscles.”

 

“What!? No! There’s no such thing! ;)”

 

“It’s true. They make their presence known with spooky music of varying styles too.”

 

Aaron went silent for a few seconds. “But... but… I’VE heard that kinda music…! ;)”

 

I mocked putting a gloved hand to my still hidden face. “Oh dear. Doesn’t sound too good for you, huh?”

 

The horse-man-fish gasped, and floated away. “I’m too buff to be ghost chow! ;)”

 

I chuckled a bit as I watched him head for the underground hills.  _ Maybe that will stop him from bothering the Temmies. Or at least convince his identical cousins. _

 

Just as I was about to gather the second batch of bridge seeds, my phone rang.

 

“Hey Papyrus.”

 

“nope. wrong skeleton.”

 

“Oh, hey sans. Didn’t figure you to be the phone-type.”

 

“yeah, i hate dialing. fortunately, i still had paps’ old number on speed-dial.”

 

I plucked a seed as we talked. “Let me guess, too lazy to delete it in the first place?”

 

“hey, i happened to have liked my settings. hmph.”

 

“So what’s the haps?” A second seed plucked, and I made my way to the third.

 

“not much. paps asked me to call you about something, but i figured you know what was going on.”

 

“Normally, he’d be calling about what I’m wearing. For a slightly murderous friend of his.” The third seed was harvested.

 

“got it in one. he said he didn’t want to tell her what with your grand master plan, but he couldn’t not call. so, i did it. tada.”

 

“Such work, much wow, great job.” Ah, there was the fourth one.

 

“what?”

 

“Surface humor. You’ll love it. Puns are an art form up there, by the way.”

 

“you had my hopes up, but now you have my interest.”

 

“How the-”

 

“we get the occasional old laptop down here. a few kinda survive, and i found a few memes on them. and i learned way more about human anatomy than i ever wished.”

 

I paused heavily when he mentioned that. “Please tell me-”

 

“all of it was wiped before papyrus caught a glimpse. A l l   o f   i t.”

 

“Oh thank Glob.”

 

“anyways. my job is done. see ya later, human. way later.” A click, and he was done.

  
I gave a shrug to the latest change to events, and worked on getting that quiche.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings folks.
> 
> Liatai continues her run as an awesome beta-reader. Thankya.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and I look forward to typing up another section as soon as I am able. Till next chapter, folks.


	10. Keep that Cinnamon Bun Pure

After I set the seeds on their course, I crossed over to the Quiche Room. I was rather surprised when I touched the nearby Echo Flower. What came out of the Flower wasn’t sans’ voice, but some random female’s. 

 

I gave a shrug, collected the now-not-abandoned quiche, and headed back into the sandy room.

 

With the second bridge seed puzzle finished I made my way into the Wishing Room.

 

I… I was simply blown away. Far from simply being a sparkling room, it… it was like stepping into one of those astro-science observatories.  The rocks, no, crystals made me feel like I was surrounded by the cosmos, with massive swirls of blues and purples.

 

I sat between two of the Echo flowers in the room, and just...stared. “So beautiful… shoulda sent a poet.”

 

The next time I checked my watch, I found out I had spent about three hours simply staring. “Heh. The irony. There are people would pay thousands just to be here, and yet the folks here are forced to use it… as a means to... oh.”

 

Well, I felt like a heel. These folks had been stuck here for who knows how long, fanon or canon be damned, and here I am just… ugh.  _ Undyne’s up ahead, if I remember right. My first chase sequence that’s supposed to happen. _

 

I brushed myself off, and headed to the door hidden in the wall. A quick tap to the wall, and the illusion ceased. “Time to face Miss Fishlips.”

 

The wood that made up the docks creaked horribly. I gave the murals I passed a cursory glance, having since read their lore to pieces before.  _ If I can help it, these folks will get out. _

 

I stepped on the tiny plank of wood in the water, and found myself rooted to it. It glided smoothly enough, but I still fought to keep my balance. The Player Kid had a lower center of gravity, so maybe that’s why they had an easier time of it than I did.

 

When it made it to the other side, the magic that kept me in place broke, and I nearly toppled into the water. As I stepped off, I heard a rather disconcerting ‘bloop’ and found that the plank simply sank instead of going back to the opposite shore.

 

The path ahead was dark. As in, looking into sans’ eye-sockets dark. I cinched up my hoodie’s hood, and marched forward to what I thought might be my certain doom.

 

The docks continued to creak and groan as I passed through, not helping the already horrid atmosphere. I had made it rather far into the corridor, and was wondering to myself:  _ OK, is this gonna be another broken situation, another slightly changed situation, or another time where I get interrupted? _

 

I looked to my left, and didn’t see a thing. Not even a hint of silvery armor in the dim light of the area. 

 

My eyes narrowed, and I took a tentative step forward.

 

Nothing.

 

Another step. Nothing.

 

Several more steps, and the result was the same.  _ Either she’s not here or she’s toying with me. _

 

I kept walking, though I kept a watchful eye on the ridge. At the pace that I was going, the whole place seemed way longer than normal.

 

At long last, a massive glowing spear was lodged in my path. I stopped short, and turned to face the Royal Captain herself.

 

Undyne held up another spear. It was pointed right at me, and she looked ready to let it loose. The glow of her magic reflected off her stylized armor, making her look far more fearsome and demonic than she deserved to be. Or exactly as she deserved to be, in this moment.

 

“Well? Gonna throw, or just stare at me, ma’am?”

 

I admit, I sounded far cockier than I felt. But I also knew that she loved all things anime. And what was more anime than the underdog staring down the champion? Or, in her eyes, the villain issuing out a challenge to the mighty heroine. If I played this right, I might have had a chance to get out of there without too much damage.

 

Her fist tightened around the shaft of her spear. I didn’t dare move a muscle. Not yet.

 

The spear dipped, and Undyne… stood up straight? My eyebrow lifted underneath the cloth covering my face.

 

Undyne’s head lifted just slightly, and she spoke.  **“You’re the human, huh? Really? You’re the thing that managed to slip past the Dogs? Who escaped from Papyrus?”** Her husky yet feminine voice rang out under her helmet, amplifying her voice quite a bit.

 

Yeah, this wasn’t normal. But at least she wasn’t attacking. Yet.

 

I gave her a shrug, and tried to look as casual as I could. “Yeah. That’s me.”

 

She just stared me down. The tension in the air increased many fold as her judgement continued.

 

**“You must be joking.”** The Captain thrust her spear forward, and pointed it at me.  **“We waited all this time, and you’re the human we get? Really? Some doughy, panicky coward?”**

 

OK she hit a nerve there. “Coward? Cowardice is taking the easy way out. Cowardice is letting life do what it wants with you and not fighting it.” I pointed to the Underground I had passed.

 

“I have been run ragged, dodged killer Dogs, stared down Papyrus in combat, and been bruised, beaten, and even belittled at times. And yet, I haven’t raised a hand, and have even decided to make my way to the king to either give him a piece of my mind about how he’s let things go or figure out a way to end the suffering he brought on himself, and you call ME a coward?”

 

I made an over dramatic handwave to her weapon. “You call me doughy, and yet you’re the one being gung-ho about taking me down!”

 

She glanced down at her weapon, then tilted her head back up at me.

 

**“HA! Like you even make a blip on my radar!”**

 

“I must be, or you wouldn’t be talking to me like this. Face it, you want me to run, you want me to hide, you want me to make this… interesting.”

 

I could hear the cogs turning in her head. After another pregnant pause, she leaned forward just a little.

 

**“I know you’re playing me. But you know what?** **_You’re right._ ** ” With another thrust, the point of her spear was directed at me.  **“RUN HUMAN! I WANNA SEE YOU CRY! I WANT YOU TO PAY FOR THE SINS OF YOUR FOREFATHERS!** **_GET!!! MOVING!!!”_ **

 

She tossed her spear up into the air, and with a wave of her hand, it became a plethora of deadly instruments

 

_ Oh sweet crudding hell I think I overplayed my hand. _

 

Undyne brought her arm to bear, and the rain of spears commenced. I was off like a rocket, pumping my arms and legs as hard as I could to build up as much momentum as I could manage.

 

The spears landed all around me. The moment the pointed bits of blue-white energy collided with the pier, they exploded, sending chunks of wood everywhere.

 

Many times, I had to double back, careful not to let myself get cornered. And several times, the spears nearly found their mark, and threatened to knock me into the dark depths.

 

Despite all of this, I kept my focus, and stared straight to the exit.  _ If I can make it to the grass, I might be able to get away! Monster Kid should be right there oh who am I kidding, things have already taken way too many turns! _

 

Undyne kept slinging projectiles and death threats, and grew more frustrated with each volley. By the time we were halfway through the hall, she had slipped into using language that Toriel would have blasted her for. With her patience at its limit, she threw a particularly well targeted, massive spear, and blew an equally massive hole into the pier!

 

_ OH COME ON! _

 

I figured it was now or never. I put in as much energy as I could, and bolted forward. Just when I reached the crumbling edge of the hole, I lept forward, praying I would make it to the other side.

 

A flash of orange lit up the darkness, and I suddenly felt a force surge me well beyond the impromptu deathtrap, and into the recesses of the tall grass.

 

I couldn’t help but let out an “oomph!” upon colliding with the ground, but once I had my bearings, I crawled forward as much as I could before… before…

 

I heard her. I heard her footsteps. I heard my death coming closer and closer.

 

I ducked down, and prayed some more. She was close. She was close. She was-

 

I heard her lunge forward, armor clanking in the process.  **“HAH! YOU CALL THAT A CHASE!? THAT WAS… was... what are you doing here?”** I heard something be placed carefully back into the mud and muck, followed by her stepping towards the rest of the caverns.

 

I kept still for another long stretch of time, before I crawled out on my hands and knees. I was just about ready to collapse, but I knew who would be popping out of the grass at any moment.

 

Sure enough, there was Monster Kid. “Hey? You okay? Did Undyne scare you?”

 

I let out a wry chuckle. “Only a little bit, shortstuff. Ugh, my poor heart….”

 

“I promise not to spook you this time! Honest.” The little guy came up and sat down next to where I had let myself rest. “I know she can be cool, but I guess she was a bit too cool this time, huh?”

 

“She is a very very dedicated woman, and don’t you let anyone tell you different, kiddo.”

 

They nodded their head in a mixture of pride and energy. “Uh huh! That’s what makes her so cool! No human would ever be able to stand up to her!”

 

I smirked from under the hood yet again. “Yeah, no kidding. They’d be fools to do so.”

 

“Yeah! Absolutely!” The tyke beamed up at me. “You know, you may not be Undyne, but you seem pretty awesome too! You talk nice to folks, the bunnylady at the inn seems to like ya, and you’re really cool about talking with me and not sounding like you’re annoyed!”

 

“Heh sometimes personalities just don’t mix, kiddo. But you’re definitely a cool one too. Again, don’t let anyone else tell ya different.”

 

Monster Kid went positively starry-eyed. “You think I’m cool?”

 

“Absolutely rad. I mean, you took the time to make sure I was okay, even though your biggest star touched you in the face.”

 

“Hey… yeah. Yeah! I am pretty awesome!” They hopped up onto their feet, and smiled so brightly they could have put Papyrus to the test. “Thanks! I’m gonna keep going ahead, okay? See if I can catch up to Undyne! I hope you get to feeling better, and quick!” With a wave of their tail, MK sped off further into Waterfall.

 

With the Kid gone, and Undyne likely getting further ahead to her next confrontation area, I took this time to let my heart slow down. It was about then that I noticed a bit of orange steam coming from… somewhere. One quick lookover later, and I discovered that the vapor was leaking from my shoes. It had started to dissipate by now, but it left little doubt in my mind what had happened.

 

_ Well, that’s one function figured out. Speed boost, or maybe a mid-air dash or something. That’d make sense for both shoes and orange magic. Maybe. _

  
I double checked to make sure there wasn’t any structural damage, and with that bit of curiosity sated, I stood up, wiped some of the muck off my pants  _ (Hey, neat, the mud doesn’t stick, kinda like the snow. Mmmmmagic),  _ and hobbled into the next sector of waterfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a thing. Eh?
> 
> Continued Kudos for the lady Liatai. No Papyrus additions this time, but she did continue her work as beta and spell-checker.


	11. My Heart Hurts.

My heart had finally calmed down to a relatively normal level. Feeling far less exhausted, I looked about the Cheese Room.

 

“Yep. This is definitely a room. With Cheese.” I tapped the crystal-encrusted dairy product, smirking a little when the act caused it to resonate. “Neat.” 

 

I squatted down by the mousehole, and took a listen. There wasn’t a sound, but when I activated the Echo Flower….

 

“Neat.”

 

_ Whoops. Ah well, the mouse will overwrite the Echo Flower eventually. It fills me with Determination! _

 

I looked around expectantly. No star appeared.  _ Darn. _

 

With a shrug, I stepped into the next corridor. 

 

As I kept walking, something struck me as odd.  _ I don’t remember this path being this long. I should have made it to the telescope and stuff by now. _

 

My internal musings were cut short upon the sight of a grey door.

 

“Hooooooly nutballs. I guess I had this FUN value or something.” I grinned broadly. “This is my chance to see who’s right about the whole Gaster business!”

 

I turned the knob and crossed the threshold. 

 

“Hello? Anyone ho-OH LORD MY EYES!”

 

I stumbled backwards, and landed against the wall of the corridor.

 

It was... it was like staring into sheer nothingness. The only reason his room was grey in the game was because that was likely the most reasonable way to portray it! 

 

I tried again, and kept my eyes straight ahead. It was still painful, but if I just kept my eyes off the ground, I could make it to the figure in the room.

 

They looked very much like they did in the game, kinda like how everyone else had. Whoever they were, they didn’t move, they didn’t blink. They didn’t even react to me as I got closer. 

 

I waved a hand in front of their face. No reaction.

 

“Hello?”

 

Finally, they reacted. Their eyes went wide, their hands slackened… and they started to fade away.

 

“Aw, really? This is what gets to be played straight?”

 

I didn’t get much of a chance to grouse too much. The moment they fully disappeared from view, I was forcibly ejected, and collided with the opposite wall for a second time.

 

“Oww… These are easily some of the most painful days I’ve had, ever.” I rubbed the back of my head.

 

_ Well, dang. Guess that’ll be one mystery I don’t get to solve this time around. Or at all, if things go right. _

 

A quick look around, and I found that the corridor had shrunk down considerably. Heck, I could see the telescope from where I had crumpled. 

 

I peeked around the corner further, and found that, yet again, sans wasn’t where he was ‘scripted’ to be.  _ Heh, maybe this is his way of twisting up my pre-knowledge or something. And by not being anywhere, he’s doing it in the most cost-effective way. Yay for laziness. _

 

When I saw the second entrance, I laughed. “Finally! I get to try out some Nice cream!”

 

\---

 

“Sorry, friend, but I’m all out of Nice Cream.”

 

My left eye twitched again. “What? But-but-but-!”

 

The Nice Cream Salesman beamed. “I know! I was just as shocked! But I had a sudden rush of customers, mostly Temmies, and they all bought several bars each! It was amazing! But unfortunately, I am sold out, and I’m about to head home to get some more.”

 

I hung my head in disappointment.  _ Whyyyyy…? _

 

“Aw, do be so glum, chum. It won’t be too long before I get some more stock. Hey, if you keep going to Hotland, maybe we’ll run into each other on the way?” He gave me a pat to the shoulder, picked up his cart, and rolled out of the cave.

 

Once he was gone, I kicked rocks. Both literally and figuratively. Loren stared up at me as I cruised past in the next room. Or at the ceiling. I couldn’t tell, considering that they didn’t move or blink. I waved my gloved hand in front of them, but like the quasi-Gaster, they didn’t react.

 

“Hokay. You have fun there, buddy.” I slipped past, and into the room with THE BIRD!

 

THE BIRD sat there, looking out across the water.

 

“Hey! Any chance you could swoop over here and help me out?” I looked into the water, and I couldn’t see the bottom. And taking a swim would not be a good idea in my attire. No telling how long it’d take to get dry in this environment.

 

THE BIRD, meanwhile, just stared at me. 

 

“Please?”

 

THE BIRD continued to stare.

 

“Maybe?”   
  
THE BIRD stared more.

 

“That a no?”

 

THE BIRD did nothing.

 

“That’s a no.” I turned around and headed to the “correct” path. Loren continued their odd little vigil to the false stars in the ceiling.

 

Honestly, it felt a little weird. Aside from the extreme changes in the look of the cave, considering the swirls of crystals that continued to glow all over, everything was completely calm. The Flowers chattered amongst themselves, the waters sloshed smoothly beneath the bridges.

 

Heck, the only major difference in all this was the fact that Papyrus’ call didn’t happen. _ I mean, this makes sense. He didn’t call in the first place, and he’s working with me. Still… _

 

I opened up the phone, and looked through the contacts list. The only one on there was sans’ number. I tried calling, but he didn’t pick up.

 

_ He’s either busy, ooooooor he didn’t feel like answering. Rats. _ And without Papyrus calling, I didn’t have a chance to get his number.

 

_ Come to think of it, how are we gonna coordinate on all this if I don’t have his number? Hrm. Again, I think I overplayed my hand. Oops. _

 

I was so engrossed with my lack of foresight that I didn’t notice Onionsan until his tentacles splashed about.

 

I gave the guy a wave hi, and he waved back. In yet another change of events, though, he simply slipped back under the water, and left me be.

 

_ Ohhhh… kay. That was weird. Not even a vocal hello. _

 

In fact, when I got to the next several rooms, they were completely bereft of life. Not even Shyren was around.

 

_ This is very concerning. Where is everyone? I haven’t seen so much as a Moldysmol or a Woshua in a long time. _

 

I took a detour to the piano room, only to find… there wasn’t a piano! 

 

“Okay, what is going on here!?”

 

The markings on the wall were still present, the edge of the rock definitely showed off where it was supposed to open, but there wasn’t so much as a hint that there was ever a piano in the room.

 

“No skid marks, no weird looks to the wall, no discolorations. Nothing. What. The. Heck.”

 

This was disconcerting. Maybe my worries about how much things were going to change were on the mark. Just how much else is going to be completely off?

 

To my utter relief when I pressed onwards, the statue was right where it was supposed to be. I sped up past it, snagged a waiting umbrella, and came back to set it up. It took a bit of finagling, but once I got it upright, it was stuck. 

 

Within seconds, the music box within started to work properly. It’s melancholic chime filled the air, and I knelt down to examine what was left of the face. Save for the horns, there was little to identify who it was. The ears were wrong, and there wasn’t even any cracks to suggest that they broke off.

 

_ Even if it isn’t Asriel, I still feel better about giving it the protection it deserves. _

 

I stood there, listening to the music for a short while. Once I had had my fill, I slipped into the “rainy” section of Waterfall. I snapped up an umbrella, opened it up, and looked around.

 

“Now where are they?”

 

“Hey! Hi! You got an umbrella? Cool!”

 

_ Aha, there they are. _ “Hey there shortstuff. Need a bit of cover?”

 

They bounced on their heels. “Oh boy, do I! Not having arms can be a pain sometimes! Would… are you…?”

 

I held the umbrella out so that it could comfortably cover the both of us. “Come on, dood. Not getting unnecessarily wet today. Need to be relatively dry when you meet Undyne, right?”

 

They squee’d just a little, and zipped over to join me under the water-resistant material. “Thanks! Man, I love the view later on, but the drips can get annoying.”

 

I chuckled, and walked at apace they could keep up with. “Whatcha gonna do when you meet Undyne?”

 

“Ohmigosh I am gonna ask her so many questions! Maybe ask her for an autograph!” They bounced with each step, positively giddy at the hypothetical meeting. “OH! OH! I could ask her to come to the school to beat up the teachers so we wouldn’t have any more homework!”

 

I tilted my head down to them. “You really think she’d beat up teachers?”

 

The spring in their step became a bit more subdued. “Uhm. Well. No. I guess not. It’s just so boring! All we do is learn math or reading or why humans are the worst. Even when Asgore showed up it was boring!”

 

The Kid stopped for a few seconds to stare out at an Echo flower across the chasm. “When he came into the classroom, everyone was hoping for a battle story, or when he took down those other humans years and years ago! But… all he did was talk about gardening tips and how to make golden-flower tea. It was weird. And boring.”

 

“Well, from what I’ve heard, that’s what he really likes. Flowers and flower accessories. He was probably trying to tell you about something that he wanted to talk about.” I let the kiddo stare out as much as they wanted, and when they were ready, we continued to slosh through the puddles.

 

“How come? I mean, isn’t taking a human down the coolest?”

 

Hoo boy. “Kiddo, taking a life, human or monster, should never be treated lightly.” 

 

“But? It’s a human?”

 

I shook my head. “Not all humans are bad. Just like how not all monsters are good. You’ve had bullies, right?”

 

They glowered down at the ground. “Yeah. They make fun of the fact that I don’t have arms, and my blue magic skills are still being worked on.”

 

“But you’d be upset if someone just came up and dusted them, right?”   
  
They looked up at me, distraught.“That’d be horrible!”

 

“Exactly. I know that humans are needed to get out, but… Just because we need the SOULs doesn’t mean we should just consider them nothing more than things. They’re people. Just like you and me.”

 

Monster Kid puzzled out this idea, their pace slowing a bit. “Well. Yeah. I guess they are people. But the humans are the ones that locked us down here!”

 

“True, humans locked monster-kind down here. But the humans that live NOW are not the ones that did the deed. What if, back to the bullies, years and years down the line, your family decided to bully their family in revenge for what they did to you. Does that make it right?”

 

“I… I… I guess not….”

 

“And that’s why Asgore didn’t talk about his battles. He did what he felt was a necessary evil, not something that needed to be praised. He wants you kiddos to see him as yo- our King. As the person who goes around planting flowers and drinking tea.”

 

They mulled over this in their head as well, and spoke up a few minutes later. “Not as someone that took a life. Several lives….”

 

I nodded grimly. “Exactly.”

 

“Wow. Uhm. This is gonna sound weird but… thank you.” They beamed up at me, though it was a sad smile. “Most adults just kinda talk around it. Glad to know someone out there is willing to actually tell the truth. You really are pretty awesome!”

 

“Heh, if you say so short stuff.”

 

In our time talking, we had made it to the massive, muddy marsh. And there, way off in the distance…

 

“Asgore’s castle.”

 

The Kid nodded. “Yep! I come out here all the time, to look at that place. It’s so pretty looking!”

 

“Indeed it is, kiddo.” I smiled from under the fabric.

 

“Bet it looks different than what you’re used to, huh?”

 

_ Yet again, you have no idea, kiddo. _ “Very.”

 

They grinned toothily, and looked up from under the umbrella. “Hey, we cleared the drips! We’re getting close to the end of the path.”

 

And lo, there was the umbrella bin. I shook off the droplets, and the (magically) dry umbrella was folded up and replaced.

 

Before the two of us was a small cliff edge. It wasn’t too bad for me, but for a child about Kid’s height, it was pretty daunting.  _ Makes sense that the Player Kid would need help getting up there. _

 

“Hey kiddo.”    
  
“Yeah?”   
  
I pointed up at the ridge. “I need to get up that way, and I’m sorry to say, you shouldn’t follow me. It’s a treacherously high area, and your balance could end you. Okay?”

 

The Kid’s face sank. “Aw. Do you have to?”

 

I rueful smile crossed my face. “Yeah. I gotta. You could use this as a chance to look for Undyne some more. Try getting THE BIRD to get you across, huh?”

 

They brightened up immensely at the suggestion. “Yeah! Great idea!” They turned around and started to splash their way back to they came. “Maybe I could talk to her! And… Maybe… To think about this human hunting thing.”

 

“Might be worth a shot. Good luck, Kid.”   
  
They bounced up and down. “Thanks! See you later!” And with a skid to their step, off they went once more.

 

I rubbed my gloved hands together, and went about hefting myself up the small cliff. The mud made it hard to keep a solid grip, but thanks to a few rather sturdy vines and a bit of rock under the muck, I managed to crawl up. It was a little tiring, but considering what I had been through so far, it was manageable.

 

I took a small breather in the tiny hallway. Thanks to the acoustics, I could just barely hear the Statue’s music playing out, almost in tune to the artificial rain. It was peaceful.

 

_ Undyne is likely going to be up ahead again. I have to be ready. There’s no telling how she’s gonna do this… _

 

I stared into the depths, trying to get myself motivated to continue into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liatai continues to garner kudos for the Beta Reading.
> 
> See ya next chapter, folks.


	12. Morality Chains are Fun.

_ Okay. Time to get this over with. Even if things change up, if I end up in the Junkyard, it's gonna be painful no matter what. Hope those flowers are gonna be there. Ugh, this is… No! No, I have to be as anime as I can about this. Otherwise she’s gonna tear me into not-quite-smiling shreds. _

 

I steeled my nerves as much as I could, straightened my gloves, and plodded into the darkness.

 

The wood here was in even worse condition than the first docks. The darkness was incredibly deep, akin to a black hole. Save the ambient light that barely showed the path, nothing could be seen anywhere around me. Hell, the swirling, glowing crystals that I had been seeing everywhere up until now stopped suddenly at the entrance. The whole effect was disturbing to say the least.

 

I stepped carefully, not liking how much the wood creaked and sagged under my feet. A few steps in, and I was confident enough that the planks wouldn’t just give out from under me.

 

_ Come on, where are you? _

 

My steps echoed in the dark. Creak, moan, creak, moan. I hated the sound.

 

Before I could take what felt like my fiftieth step into the depths, a blue light appeared in front of me. It was followed by another, and another, then several more all around me. Spears shot out of each disk, each just as sharp and imposing as when I saw them earlier.

 

“Hm. Thanks for the warning.” 

 

There was a titanic slam behind me. The impact was strong enough to make the pathway wobble.

 

I turned, and yet again, there was Undyne. Her spear created that unnerving demonic glow yet again. Unlike last time, however, it wasn’t pointed at me. Rather, it was kept behind her, kinda like how people draw her in fanart.

 

**“About time you made it, human. You know how long I waited? Geeze, you’re slow.”**

 

I crossed my arms. “Made it here anyways. And managed to slip out of your grip before.”

 

That got a spear jabbed at me.  **“THAT WAS A FLUKE! You cheated with magic shoes!”**

 

“That was at the end. I was doing quite well before you tried to rage-quit.”

 

**“NGGAHHH!! You are NOT that capable!”**

 

She glowered at me. Up close, she was just slightly taller than I was, and I guessed that was because of the armor.

 

“Care to test that theory?”

 

I could see her bristle.  **“Do you think this is a game???”**

 

“No. I think this is a _ challenge. _ ”

 

Ohh, the sheer anger at that was palpable.

 

“Before we begin-”

 

**“WHAT?”**

 

“Did you clear everyone off the path? I didn’t see many souls, and the people I did meet were very… silent.”

 

Undyne was quiet for a few seconds. When she spoke up, it was tiny bit softer.  **“I didn’t want you to hurt anyone. So I told them to clear off.”**

 

“Well. Hm. That hurts a bit.” I turned my back to her, and started walking again. “I hadn’t hurt anyone yet, and I’d had a couple chances to.”

 

**“Yeah, just cause you’ve been nice so far doesn’t mean you won’t change at the last second,** **_human._ ** **”** I heard her jump back down to the lower levels. 

 

**“YOU WANT TO CHALLENGE ME!? FINE! YOU’RE GONNA REGRET IT! NNNNGGGGGGHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!”**

 

Undyne’s scream reverberated all over. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any more dangerous, dozens of disks started to spring up around me.

 

_ ME AND MY BIG FREAKING MOUTH!!! _

 

I bolted. Spears shot up all around me, several nearly splitting me in half. I jumped, I twirled, I ran. Oh freaking lord did I run.

 

As each summoned weapon materialized, the wood exploded. The path grew more and more wobbly in the process, and nearly caused me to trip many times over.

 

Several blasts in, and I could tell that the path wasn’t going to stay up for much longer. Undyne was bound and determined to utterly destroy me, and her efforts were going to obliterate the bridge in the process.

 

“This is gonna hurt!” I said more to myself, and with a barely-calculated jump, I leapt down to where Undyne was travelling. 

 

**“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???”**

 

**“** Getting away from that!” I pointed up to the pathway as a great deal of it shattered and rained down upon the two of us. I spared a glance to make sure none of it was going to hurt her too badly, the shot off like a fricken rocket again.

 

**“YOU CHEATER! NNNGGAAAAAHHHH!!!”**

 

Yet more disks bloomed around me. When these spears shot up, they didn’t destroy the path like the ones before had. However, since I had Undyne very much on my heels, I also had to duck down and around thrown spears in tandem.

 

_ Fortunately, it looks DUCK! like she can’t JUMP! do both at SLIDE! the same DUCK JUMP JUMP JUUUUUUMP! time! _

 

While her spears weren’t doing damage, the stomps of Undyne’s metallic boots were definitely shaking things up. Once she actually managed to make me trip and roll, but when I looked up, I found out that the the same move nearly made her fall over into the darkness.

 

Scratch that. She WAS falling into the darkness! Undyne shouted out an echoing stream of expletives that could peel paint off a wall.

 

“Undyne!”

 

I skidded up to my feet, and ran towards the tilting Captain. Just as she was about to plunge to what may have been her certain doom, I grabbed her by an ankle, and dug my heels in.

 

“Come on, come on, lean! LEAN FORWARD!”

 

She wheeled her arms around, and by sheer dumb luck, managed to lodge her spear into the bridge. With that leverage, and my pull, we managed to get her back onto the path, and away from the depths.

 

We collapsed next to one another; our breath came out hard and heavy.

 

“Are, ow, are you alright?”

 

Undyne’s breathing stopped. She laid there, still. Slowly, her helm pointed towards me.

 

**“Why?”**

 

“What?”

 

Undyne picked herself up, and got to her feet. I scrambled to do the same.

 

**“Why? Why did you do that?”**

 

“I, uh, I didn’t want you to, you know, fall?”

 

She just stared.

 

“We, uh, we may be enemies in the moment, but, uh, I don’t want to be forever?”

 

**“... You. You have got to be joking.”**

 

I chuckled humorlessly. “I really am not.”

 

Undyne’s glare nearly set my hoodie on fire. Seriously, I could smell the smoulder.

 

“Look. I don’t want to harm anyone. Honest. Heck, I went along with the whole thing so far cause I knew on some level you’d enjoy the hunt. But, uhm, look what that’s done?”  I waved up to the shambles that once was the upper level.

 

**“This place never gets used anyways.”** She tried to sound dismissive, but I could tell she didn’t really mean it.

 

I scratched my cheek. She wasn’t trying to kill me at the moment, so that was a small victory.

 

Undyne jabbed out her spear. It wasn’t aimed at me, but rather the pathway behind me. I still ducked in reflex though.

 

**“Keep going that way. You’ll find a path onwards. This is my repayment. BUT!”** She stomped forward, and got right into my hooded face.  **“I WILL end you,** **_human.”_ **

 

“Duly noted, Captain.”

 

Undyne backed off, and walked into the darkness. A few seconds later, she was gone.

 

_ This is different. _ Without the threat of the Captain, I strolled along, keeping an eye out for an abrupt end to the path.

 

None came. In fact, well into my stroll, the path seemed to dip down slightly, and led into a rather long flight of stairs.

 

I carefully climbed down, and found myself rather quickly at the edge of the Dump.   
  
“Huh! Neat! So this is how she got to that path! Makes… Makes sense! OH! That’s why she was down here in the first place! She was getting to her route, and found…! Wow.”

 

Amazing how BEING in the place you’ve played in actually gave insight as to how things worked.

 

I jumped down, and immediately regretted it.

 

“Oh by the pits, that is RANCID! UGH! How do Bratty and Catty stand it, bleeeggh!”

 

I cupped my hands around my mouth, and sloshed through the mush as fast as I could go. Thank Grod that I was only in ankle deep sludge, or else I’d be very very unhappy for the rest of my time here.

 

I completely skipped the container with the astronaut ice cream, very very certain there was no way they were not contaminated by this point. However, just as I passed…

 

“You.” 

 

I stared at the currently unmoving dummy.

 

“Yeah. You. I know you’re in there. I met your cousin in the Ruins. Nice chap. Had a good conversation. So… I guess you can’t be angry this time. Hmph!”

 

I marched forward, absolutely pleased with myself and my smartiness.

 

There was a loud BLOOSH behind me, and an even louder one in front of me when Mad Dummy emerged.

 

His stuffing flew everywhere as he danced about. “OH! Yeah Yeah YEAH! You! I know you alright! Ok, fine, whatever whatever WHATEVER! You talked to my cousin? But guess what? Guess! GUESS!”

 

I was thoroughly confused. “What what what?”

  
_ “YOU RAN RIGHT THROUGH POOR NAPSTABLOOK YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD!” _

 

What?

 

_ I did? I… Oh. OHH NO! I did! When Toriel was chasing me! _

 

“I, uh, oops?”   
  
“Oops? Oops?? OOPS?! They were inconsolable! I have been working my butt off for days to get them to calm down! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT! GUESS! GUESS!! GUESS!!!”

 

“What?”

 

“NOW YOU GET TO HELP  _ ME _ CALM DOWN!”

 

Oh poop.

 

He bounced up and down, splashing the trash-water around. From every junk pile around, his mini-dummies sprang up. And each one looked just as Mad as he did.

 

But! Just before he could do anything! I had a very… unlikely savior.

 

An orange… something collided with Mad Dummy, and started bouncing on his head.

 

“OW! OW!! OW!!! Why are you doing that??? How are you doing that??? I can’t be hurt by non-magic!!!”

 

It… it was another dummy? What?

 

The thing was chattering away at high speeds. You know those kids toys that make weird noises when you turn them upside down, usually a tube or something? It was like one of those being shaken up and down like it was in a paint-mixer.

 

“OW! OKAY! OKAY!! OKAY!! I GET IT! It wasn’t on purpose, it was an accident, now stop bouncing on me!!!”

 

Mollified, the Dummy floated over to me… and started chattering away at high speed again.

 

“Uh, what? I can’t under-”

 

“He says get up there and apologize to Napstablook yourself! And that your favor is paid! And that I need to get back to work!!!”

 

The Dummy nodded decisively, and floated off, obviously tired of our antics.

 

“Uh… yeah. Definitely. Oh man, I feel sorry for Napstablook.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah! YEAH! You should!” Mad Dummy collected his Minis, and floated off too.

 

I just stared after them. With a shake of my head, I stepped out of the muck, and into-

 

“WOSH YOU FACE!”

 

And into a massive, magical, slightly healing blast of water that knocked me off my feet and into a wall. 

 

Woshua kept up his stream of cleansing magic, until every bit of grime, mud, muck, trash, and sweat was wiped clean. With a satisfied nod, he waddled off. 

 

I was left somehow dry, completely clean, and in a fair bit of pain.

  
“...Ow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked this chapter. I mean, I like all my chapters, but I liked how this one came about.
> 
> There was another path I could have taken. End result would have been the narrator developing a dislocated shoulder. Not fun.
> 
> Liatai, thank you again for the continued Beta-Reader stuff.
> 
> Till the next.


	13. Saving Captains and Not Giving Out Names

With my body having been scrubbed clean by magic water, I picked myself off the wall that I landed on, and looked up north. Three paths laid before me. I remembered that the one to the far left led to Undyne’s home. Far right, snail farm exit. Considering the poor soul I made miserable, the path I needed to take was the middle one.

 

_ If any of the fans were to find out I made Napstablook cry, Mettaton would look like a tinker toy. _

 

I made my way up to the bended houses built for ghosts. The right one I knew I couldn’t open quite yet, seeing as I didn’t have the Mysterious Key.  _ And given my luck with GP so far, likely won’t be getting that Key anyways. _

 

The left house was my target house. The door was wide open, but rather than just barging in, I stayed on the front porch, and knocked on the doorway.

 

Napstablook was sitting in their corner, mixing yet more of their music. When I knocked, they jumped a little (floated slightly higher for a split second?), and slowly rotated to face me.

 

“ohh…...it’s you…..from the ruins…..ohhh ohh no, did you meet my cousin……..ohhh nooooo…..i’m sorry…….did he do anything hurtful…...ohh nooooo…..”

 

I raised up my hands. “No, no no no no, no harm, no foul, honest.” I lowered them slowly. “I came to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run through you, and there’s no excuse for having done so.”

 

Napstablook blinked slowly, and considered me for a few seconds.

 

“.....you came to say sorry….oh...oh wow…...not everyone likes….to say that….or wants to…...i know you didn’t mean to…...you were being chased…...that lady sure can be scary sometimes…….even if she was our best customer…….”

 

“Ehh, still, it was rude of me. Sorry, dood.” I offered out a hand to shake. Then awkwardly took it back when I remembered that they didn’t have hands.

 

“ohhhhhh……..thank you….i appreciate that………..say…..want to hang out a little bit……….you could check out my tunes……..try some food……..”

 

I grinned under my hood. “I’d like that. Thank you.” I wandered in, and spied upon the three samples of music. “Spookwave, eh? I think I’d like this one.”

 

“here…….i will turn it on for you……” Napstablook did just that, without even touching the device.    
“i hope you like it……….”

 

I was in my own bit of heaven, really. I loved this song, and the version I got to hear in real time was better than the original, better than any remix I had heard. 

 

Napstablook looked happier. Well, less transparent.”.....i’d offer some food…..but all i have is ghost fruit and ghost sandwiches….ohh nooooooo…..i’m so sorry…..”

 

“Nah, no worries.” I reached into my hammerspace, and pulled out one of my three Cinnamon Bunnies. “I’m covered.”

 

“oh….yay….thank goodness…..”

 

I nibbled on the ears of the pastry, and about halfway through, I was feeling much much better. It wasn’t quite the energy boost as what I felt from the butterscotch-cinnamon pie from a couple days ago, but it was certainly invigorating.

 

While I munched, Napstablook floated over to their fridge, and picked out a transparent-looking apple for themselves. They didn’t so much eat it as absorb it.

 

“i feel better…..mmmm….apples……”

 

“Same. That shopkeep bunnylady makes good cinna-bunnies.” I polished off the pastry, and let the healing energies do their… heh, magic.

 

“hey…...wanna join in on a family tradition……..we like to lay down on the floor and feel like garbage after a good meal……”

 

“Know what dood? After the day I’ve had, I’d like that a lot.”

 

Napstablook floated over to the center of the room, and laid out horizontally. I mimicked them, save the floating part, and laid down as well.

 

With my hands crossed on my stomach, nothing happened at first. It was nice. Calm. Peaceful. Kinda like the Wishing Room. I could see the sparkles now. 

 

Wait.

 

I could actually see the sparkles now. Oh... oh wow. The universe. I saw the universe. Swirling around me. The sound of Spookwave dissolved, replaced by the more calming music of… of… heh, I couldn’t remember the name right then.

 

My face shifted to a rather dopey grin as the events of the day finally caught up to me. My eyelids grew heavy, and soon, I was one with universe.

 

\---

 

I woke up to a small friend on my face. A tiny snail. 

 

“And just,” I yawned widely, “where did you you come from?”

 

“Ohhhh noooo…..they escaped…..ohhhh i slept too long….ohhhh….that must be disturbing….ohhhh….”

 

I plucked the tiny mollusk off my face, and set it gently on the floor. “Nah, disturbing is finding a clown picture in front of your face when you wake up. This was just slightly weird.”

 

Napstablook just blinked slowly, then started to float out the wall.

 

“i need to get to the farm……..very busy day today…….it’s morning now, by the way……..you need to get moving…..she’s not happy……”

 

And with that bit of warning given, I was left alone in Napstablook’s house. I tapped the Spookwave music maker before I left, and enjoyed the ambient tunes as I walked.

 

Just as I got to the crossroads of the caves, I spied an Aaron and a Woshua talking to one another.

 

“It’s true! It’s a ghost that hunts down braggart buff horse-fish people! They make them eat nothing but creampuffs till they lose all definition! ;)”

 

“Wosh you mouth!”

 

“And if you hear the music it.... it…. do… do you hear that? ;)”

 

The two perked their head up, and Aaron’s face paled. 

 

“OH NO! IT’S THE MUSIC! ;)”

 

“Not clean! Not clean!”

 

“RUN LITTLE DUDE! OR THEY’LL CREAMPUFF YOU! ;)”

 

Aaron ran away screaming, while the little Woshua waddled as fast as he could after him.

 

Meanwhile, I was trying my best not to bust out in solid laughter. “Ohhhhh kay, okay, that worked WAY better than I thought it would. Hooooo….”

 

Chuckling under my breath, I made my way into the next section, and was happy to see a certain old shopkeep.

 

“Whoa there! Welcome to Gerson’s Emporium! I got some neat junk for sale, so why not take a gander, eh? Wa ha ha!”   
  
I heaved a sigh. “I really wish I could, oldtimer, but I am strapped for GP. I’d window shop, but I don’t want to offend.”

 

“Bah! Wouldn’t be an offense to visit an old fart like me! Get in here, wa ha ha!”

 

Well, with an invitation like that, how could I resist? I swung into the shop area, and checked out the wares. There were dozens of the crab apples (complete with tiny claws), lots of bottles of sea tea (I could smell the salt from across the shop), and, on a small pillow, a pair of glasses laid on a tattered journal.

 

“Nice looking junk eh? Wa ha ha! Everything’s for sale, if you had the money anyways. Even these.” He gave a gentle pat to the pillow. “Might find them interesting, since, eh…” Gerson gave me a rather knowing look with his good eye. “They’re trinkets I found from the last human that stopped by.”

 

“Ah.”

  
“Yeah, ah. I know what you are. And hey, I know you ain’t, but don’t be worried. This old turtle’s gonna keep his beak shut. Wa ha ha!”

 

“Much appreciated. I’d rather not have folks around here in a panic.” I leaned in a bit. “I’m rather worried about crossing Temmie territory as-is.”

 

His eye widened. “Oh yes, you’d be in a HEAP of trouble then! Wa ha ha! Never get to leave their village if they got their paws on you!” Gerson slapped his knee and kept wheezing out that signature laugh of his.

 

“Ahhh, but you! Be careful now. Undyne told me about the fact that you saved her. But she’s right angry with you and herself. Don’t tell her I said that. Wa ha ha! She’ll be very serious today. Get me?”

 

“I get you sir. Thanks for the warning.”   
  
“Bahhh, you’re doing a good thing so far. Even with Aaron. That clan needed a good scaring, considering how much they tormented the Temmies with their pecs. Keep it up I say! Who knows, maybe you’ll win a more peaceable audience with King Fluffybuns! Wa ha ha!”

 

I smiled at his words. “Thank you again. Who knows? Maybe.”

 

He gave me a gap-toothed grin, and pointed. “Get goin’, you. I took up enough of your time. You have a fish-woman to contend with. And don’t you stray none. Keep away from them Temmies. For now anyways.”

 

I gave him a sharp nod, and with a quick about-face, I stepped out of the room. 

 

I didn’t focus too much on the mazes ahead. I kinda let myself go on autopilot with the mushrooms and the crystals. Didn’t even take in the differences, or anything. Not this time.

 

All too soon, I was in the room with the lone Echo Flower. Slowly, I walked towards it. Once I got close enough, I gave it a small tap.

 

**“Behind. You.”**

 

“Yet again, you know how to set up the atmosphere, Undyne.” I turned, and for the third time, the Captain of the Royal Guard made her appearance. Yet again, her armor was highlighted by the magic of her spear.

 

**“You took your sweet time getting here.”**

 

“I was saying hi to a new friend. And making an apology. Not pure energy like you, so I kinda zonked out.”

 

Her gloves creaked as she clenched them tight.  **“Six SOULs. That’s what we have. The Seventh SOUL. That’s what you have. If you really think you’re friends with anyone, you’ll accept your fate, and give it to us.”**

 

I crossed my arms at her again. “I do consider them my friend. Several beings down here I have met, and also desire their freedom. But this isn’t the way to do it.”

 

**“Then what would you have us do? Just wait for you to expire? We can’t do that!”** Undyne brought her weapon to bear, and stalked towards me.  **“This is the way it has to be!”**

 

The Captain rushed forward, and thrust her spear. I tried to duck, but I was too slow-

 

“UNDYNE! WAIT!”

 

At the very last second, the distraction was just enough for Undyne to miss her mark. The spear sliced a massive gash in the right side of the hoodie, but didn’t hit me.

 

We both stared at the small witness of the event. Monster Kid had popped out of the grass, and was looking pleadingly up at their idol.

 

“Why… why are you attacking them? They… are they…?”   
  
Undyne turned her helmet to me for the briefest of moments. She un-summoned her spear, stomped over to the small child, and grabbed them by one of their head-spikes.

 

“Wait! No! Don’t tell my parents!” They pleaded as Undyne dragged them out of the cave.

 

_ Sorry you had to see that kid. _ I hung my head for a second, then quickly ran out of the room and into the final stretch of Waterfall.

 

My footsteps echoed as I approached the final wooden bridge. Any second now, the kiddo would be making their appearance, I was sure of it.

 

And on cue, just as I got about halfway across, I heard them.

 

“Wait! Hey, wait up!”

 

I turned to greet them, but my words were stopped short by the hurt look on their face. Tears were already streaming down their eyes, and they looked on the verge of shedding more.

 

“Is-is-is it true? Are? Are you a…?”

 

I sighed, and ushered the kiddo away from the bridge. Once we were on solid ground, I lowered my hood, and let them see my face fully for the first time.

 

They gasped and took a step back. After a few seconds, though, they moved towards me, and looked up with a confused face. “But. You don’t have fangs. Or an evil look in your eyes.”  

 

With a bemused chuckle, and sat down on the edge of the cliff, facing from where Kid came from. Not needing an invitation, the kiddo did the same.

 

We sat there in silence for a short while. They finally broke it with a question.

 

“Does this mean we have to be enemies now?”

 

I turned my head to the child, and they looked up at me yet again.

 

“I don’t know. Does this mean we have to be enemies?” I asked them back.

 

Their brow furrowed in thought, just like they had in the Rainy Portion.

 

“Everyone kept telling me humans were bad, and they were going to hurt everyone if they got the chance. But you’ve had lots of chances, like with me, but you’ve been nice. And talking to folks.” Realization crept on their face. “What if they’re wrong?”

 

“Make no mistake, there are humans that could hurt. But there are also humans that can help.”

 

“Well I think you’re one of the helping ones!” They beamed just like they had before, the tears starting to dry up. “You’ve been awesome! And you’ve been avoiding Undyne, not trying to fight her! So! Yeah! You’re a good one! I know you are!”

 

That got a more honest chuckle out of me. “Thanks, shortstuff.”

 

“Yeah.” They looked up and away from me. When I followed their gaze, I saw what they were focusing on.

 

“Yeah! You hear that! They’re a good human! So you shouldn’t be trying to chase them around and hurt them! You! You… BULLY!”

 

Undyne took a full step backwards, and I could tell even with the armor on, that had cut her deep. She stared at the kid for a few seconds, then slunk off into the darkness.

 

“Hey… I just called Undyne a bully….” Monster Kid’s eyes grew huge.

 

“That you did kiddo. Might have been a bit much, but I think you got your point across.” I helped them stand up without worry of falling into the deep. “Just remember, she’s doing what she thought was right too. Just like with Asgore.”

 

I could see the thought clicking into their head. “.....Ohhhhh. Oops.”

 

I patted them on the head. “You can apologize to her later. For now, you need to get home.”

 

“But! But Undyne-!”

 

“Is waiting for me up ahead, and we both plan on ending this little hunt. One way or another.” I knelt down, and looked the kiddo in the eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’m awesome, remember?”

 

They grinned widely. “Yeah! You’re the coolest!”

 

“Darn tootin’. Not get home before I help Undyne escort you.”   
  


“Nooooooo!” They called out as they ran back to Snowdin as fast as they could.

 

I laughed a bit at the sight, which trailed off when I focused on the road ahead. With bridges crossed and Hotland in sight, I stared up at my latest challenge in the Underground.

  
**_UNDYNE._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite major BLEH, Liatai was kind enough to keep her beta-reading streak relatively intact. Thank you Doodette!
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy, and onward to the next!


	14. Things are Getting Hairy

Undyne kept her back to me as she stood on her peak. She was hunched over, and I could hear her breathing coming out short and ragged.

 

**“Seven. That’s how many SOULs we need to break the Barrier.”**

 

I kept silent and just stared up at her.

 

**“Six. That’s how many we already have.”**

 

She turned around, and knocked a few loose pebbles down the slope. They tumbled down and landed at my feet before she spoke again.

 

**“You have… you humiliated the Dog Guard. You made Papyrus look incompetent.”**

 

Undyne reached up, and took off her helmet.

 

The first thought I had was  _ Holy carp, I see why Alphys fell so hard for her. _

 

She was… beautiful. In an Amazonian, fishy way. Her fins were the best parts of most of the fandom’s idea of design as well as the ‘canon’ one. Her hair waved in the breeze, her lips were perfectly defined, and her eye was an amazing glowing yellow.

 

All of this was offset, however, by the fact that she looked to be choking back sobs. Her eyelids were puffy, and her lip quivered.

 

“And… and you made me look like a fool! You go around, talking to folks, effectively making me look like a panicky idiot! THEN you have the nerve to turn that kid against me! What! THE! HELL?!”

 

_ Hoo crap I think I hit a major nerve. _

 

Undyne tossed her helmet angrily away, letting it clatter and bang into the abyss around us.

 

“WHAT! THE! HELL!  Humans are supposed to be violent, destructive, here to destroy all we know and love! And instead, I get some doughy, pacifistic jackass who turns...who turns… my biggest fan against me.”

 

Her lip quivered for just a moment, then summoned her spear, and thrust it towards me. “What. Did. You. Do? Did you use some mind trick? Brainwash them? You… you’ve… you…”

 

Before I could say a thing (not for lack of trying), Undyne screamed at the top of her lungs. Several boulders were vibrated off their resting places and landed all around.

 

“NNNNNGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! SCREW IT! I DON’T CARE! YOU’VE CAUSED MORE THAN ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS! I KNOW YOUR GOODY-GOODY ACT IS JUST THAT! AN ACT! THE MOMENT YOU SUCKER ME, YOU’RE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!”

 

She summoned a second spear, and held it aloft. “I DON’T CARE THAT YOU SAVED ME! IT’S ALL A PART OF YOUR PLAN AND I KNOW IT! FOR THE SAKE OF THE UNDERGROUND! FOR KING ASGORE! FOR MY FUCKING DIGNITY!!!”

 

Undyne launched off the peak, and landed mere yards away from where I stood. I was almost knocked off my feet from the impact. She leveled out her two spears right at me; her eye narrowed in sheer anger.

 

**_“I WILL END YOU RIGHT NOW!!!”_ **

 

_ HOLY SHARK!!! _

 

It was sheer luck that allowed me to duck at the right second. The spears clipped over my head, the wind blowing my hair about a little in the process.

 

I skidded under her reach, and made a beeline for the Hotlands entrance. I barely took a few steps forward before my ankles locked together.  I flew forward, and somehow landed on my feet despite my heavy tumblings.

 

“Ohhh no you don’t! I am not letting you just run away this time!” Her spear glowed green for a few moments, then split into two. The copied spear popped into my hands.

 

“TAKE! THIS!”  She thrusted out a series of jabs, all aimed for my heart.

 

_ CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!!! _

 

I did my best to try and deflect the blows. I didn’t memorize her attacks, but how things were going, I doubted it would have helped.

 

Twice the spears almost found their mark, my fore arms taking the hit instead. The harmful magic coursed through my veins just like with Snowdrake’s attacks. I was feeling more and more drained.

 

“WHAT’S THE MATTER? CAN’T TAKE A FEW HITS??? WHERE’S THAT WIT OF YOURS NOW???” Undyne sneered at me, and reared back to deliver what she was likely thinking was going to be the killing blow.

 

It would have been too. But… I found I could move my feet. Her spear turned red, my spear disappeared, and mere seconds of my life were left….

 

I took a chance, and knocked my ankles twice. My shoes glowed bright orange, and with a bit of angling, I rocketed backwards.

 

When I got far enough away from Undyne, the effect cut short, and I went tumbling against the ground.

 

“YOU! GODDAMN! FUCKING! CHEATER! GET BACK HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH WITH DIGNITY!”

 

_ Not on your life.  _ I scrambled to my feet, and ran as fast as I could. Even with her armor, I could hear her closing the gap easily. This time, however, I had a plan.

 

Every time I heard her get within spearing range, I clicked my heels quickly and blasted forward. I may have had to roll about with the rough landing, but it was better than being stuck every few seconds.

 

“STOP DOING THAT!”

 

“NOT LIKELY!”

 

“NNNNGGGAAAAAAHHH!!”

 

Spears exploded from the angry Captain. Rocks flew everywhere as her unthinking assault blew out the walls, the welcome sign, and just about everything that wasn’t me.

 

I could feel the heat of Hotlands wash over me in my latest boost. My shoes were spewing out dangerous amounts of orange vapor, so I took that as a sign to not use them for a while.

 

_ I got this, I got this, I got this! Almost there! ALMOST! THERE! _

 

Undyne howled in rage behind me, but it wasn’t directed at me. A quick look back, and I saw a rather spooked sans trying to talk his way out of trouble.

 

_ Okay, at least he was there. _ A sharp peal of metal told me that Undyne was back on the chase.

 

The rockway was way, way longer than how it was in the game, but I wasn’t really so surprised this time around. Her spear hurling slowed, her footfalls grew heavier. By the time I saw the water cooler, I heard Undyne gasping.

 

“No… I can’t… I can’t… fail… the Underground.”

 

There was a grand clatter behind me. I skidded to a stop, and turned to see Undyne collapsed on the ground. Far from the cartoony display of the game, she was face first in the super-heated dirt, and her fins looked to be crackling from just the few seconds she was down.

 

_ CRAP! Gotta move! _

 

I decided to forgo the cup, and simply wrenched off the whole tank of water from the dispenser. 

 

“NNNNGGGAAAAAHHH!!!!!” I found myself screaming as the tub came off with a loud POP! Adrenaline is powerful stuff.

 

I ran with the water, and when I got to Undyne’s prone and slightly smoking form, I dumped the lot of it on her.

 

The effect… was far from instantaneous. She moaned lightly, and her fins looked far healthier, but it was obvious that she was burnt out in more ways than one.

 

_ She overdid it because of me. Damnit. _

 

I knew this could end horribly. I knew this was likely a bad idea. But despite my negative side telling me not to do it, I reached under her, hefted an arm around my neck, and slowly dragged her out of Hotland.

 

It was excruciating. Between the heat of the area, my torn hoodie adding to the temperature, and Undyne’s armored body, it was an absolutely painful endeavor.

 

sans’ point was empty, so there was no help there. Not that I was sure he would or could do much, blue magic or no. I simply readjusted the unconscious Undyne’s weight, and plodded onwards.

 

My breath was coming out very raggedly by the time I got to the exit. Entrance? Whatever. I was nearly at the bridges again. That was when Undyne stirred.

 

“What... where…?”

 

I gulped. “We’re heading back to your house. Nearly dusted yourself back there.”

 

She turned her head ever so slowly. Undyne didn’t even have the energy to glare at me.

 

“Why…?”

 

“Like I said. We aren’t enemies, or at least I’d like not to be. Besides, the great Captain of the Royal Guard falling to some heat, rather than to the hands of some horrible, evil, terrible human? Not a very dignified way to go.”

 

“Oh… figures… there’s… there’s that wit.”

 

I chuckled lightly, and thanks to her gaining some strength back, she limped along with my attempts to carry her.

 

We walked in silence the whole way back. She even showed me a few shortcuts (ones that somehow could only work one way. Weird.) to get back to her homestead.

 

By the time we got there, Undyne was nearly able to walk on her own.  _ Yeah, she definitely overdid it this go-around. _

 

She shoved me roughly away when we got to her porch. “Just… just go. Get going.” She slumped into her house, and slammed the door behind her.

 

Slightly off-put by her attitude, I turned around and started my way towards where Gerson kept up shop.

 

“OK. I need something to lighten the mood. Something that will make me very very very happy.” I peered past the shop and into the crystal caverns.

 

Hmmm…

 

\---

 

“I REGRET NOTHING!!!” I screamed out, as a massive pile of fluff enveloped my body.

 

“HOOOOMAN!” the Temmies cried out as one.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another chapter that rolled around in my head for a good chunk of the day. It was another interesting one to write out to boot.
> 
> Thankya Liatai for yet another Beta-Read!
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoyed!


	15. hOI!!!

My hand popped out of the Temmie-pile. “Breathe! I need to breathe!”

 

“hOI! I’m Temmie!”

 

I gasped when my head popped out alongside my arm. “I! Yes! Air!”

 

“hOI! I’m Temmiy!”

 

“Yes, yes you are.” The Temmie to my left got a scritch, then the right, then the middle. All three looked ready to explode in pure happiness.

 

“YaYa!” “HOOMAN SO CUTE!!!!” “ME ME ME ME!”

 

I petted and patted all the Temmies I could, the pile shifting and vibrating me back to the entrance of Temmie Village.

 

I peeked around, and found a lone Temmie away from the crowd.

 

“Hello. I am Bob.”   
  
I waved. “Nice to meet you Bob. Care for a scritch?”   
  


“No, but I thank you for the offer, human.”

 

I chuckled a little, then let out a bout of giggles. A Temmie had started licking my arm. And… my other arm?    
  
“Hey hey hey those are a little OW! Sensitive.”

 

“OH NOES!” “BOOBOO!” “we HEALS!”

 

“Ow, ow, thank you, I know ow! Okay, the licking isn’t helping, Temmies. Sorry to say.”

 

“AWWUUU!!” “NO NO has a FAILED!” “Sorry sorrryyy!”   
  
I patted the few that tried to help out. “It’s okay, really! Here, I can ooof! Temmie, back off there dear? Oof umph AHA!” I pulled out the No-Longer-Abandoned Quiche! “I can heal!”

 

There was a simultaneous collective gasp at the sight of the pastry.

 

“MUCH HEAL!” “LOOKS GOOD YUMMY!” “IT’s is a CYUUTE!!!”

 

I laughed at their antics, and found myself let down gently. “Thanks, all of you. I’ll pet you in turn as soon as I can, okay?”

 

There was a chorus of cheers as the fuzzy monsters vibrated off and away. I giggled again, and started to break chunks of the quiche off.

 

Midway through my eating, I got to thinking.  _ I really haven’t felt all that hungry down here. And I’ve been burning through crud tons of calories. _ I took another bite, and got a good blast of cheese and spinach that time. _ Ooh, nice. Anyways, maybe it’s cause of the magic? Or something? Eh, whatever, something to figure out. _

 

I was halfway through my impromptu lunch when my borrowed phone rang!

 

_ Oh, eight-bit Bonetrousled! Good taste, Papyrus. _

 

With a beep, the caller was answered. “Hello, Joe’s Bar and Grill. Temmies eat free.”

 

“OH! HELLO, JOE! I LIKE YOUR POLICY REGARDING TEMMIES. SAY, COULD YOU PLEASE PUT MY HUMAN FRIEND ON THE LINE? I HAVE URGENT NEWS OF AN IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT THAT HAS CROPPED UP!”

 

I set the remains of my quiche down, and cleared my throat. “It’s me. What’s the haps, Paps?”

 

“OH HELLO, HUMAN! THAT JOE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU BACK MY PHONE! WELL, YOUR PHONE NOW, NYEH HEH HEH...! ANYWAY! I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT UNDYNE GAVE ME A CALL A FEW MOMENTS AGO, AND IS WANTING TO HAVE A SPECIAL LESSON TODAY! AND IT’S NOT EVEN THE USUAL DAY FOR US TO DO THEM!”

 

“Is she? That’s good to hear.”  _ She must have recuperated pretty quick. I only left,  _ I checked my watch _ , five hours ago? Damn, Temmies are a time sink. _

 

“IT IS VERY GOOD TO HEAR! ESPECIALLY SINCE THAT MEANS OUR PLAN IS ABLE TO BE PUT TO USE!”

 

“Ooh, good idea! We’ll use the special lesson as a backdrop-”

 

“AND INTRODUCE YOU PROPERLY WITHOUT ANY SPEARS OR EXPLOSIONS OR UNWANTED OWIES INVOLVED!”

 

“You are talking about Undyne. All of those WILL be involved!”

 

“YOU HAVE A POINT. BUT THIS TIME, YOU WILL BE PROPERLY PREPARED! ALSO, I SPOKE WITH MY BROTHER NOT TOO LONG AGO. HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOTLANDS?”

 

“Your bro helped buy me a bit of time, though at the cost of him being chewed out by Undyne. If you can, before you head your way to Waterfall, maybe give him an extra hug? She was… she was in a right tizzy when she saw him sleeping on the job.”

 

I heard a great gasp from Papyrus’ end. “HE DID THAT FOR YOU?! HE NEVER LETS UNDYNE CATCH HIM SLEEPING ON THE JOB! THAT’S AMAZING! YES, I WILL DEFINITELY HUG HIM TWICE AS MUCH FOR HIS VALIANT, ALBEIT SOMNOLENT, ACTIONS!”

 

I chuckled a bit. “While you’re doing that, I’ll finish up what I’m doing in the Temmie Village. So many ears to scritch, so little time.”

 

“NYEH HEH! THEY DO HAVE A GREAT ABUNDANCE OF EARS! I WISH YOU LUCK, BUT PLEASE, DON’T BE LATE. BECAUSE I NEVER AM, AND I DON’T WANT TO DISAPPOINT HER!”

 

“No worries, I’ll be there. How long till then?”

 

“HALF AN HOUR!”

 

“Gotcha. See you in a half-hour, Paps.”

 

“AND YOU AS WELL!” A click, and Papyrus was off the line.

 

I reached over to nab my quiche remains, only to find it had been absconded with by a Temmie Kit. Pup? 

 

“hoi! i’m a temi! i likes you!!!!”

 

Temi it is then.

 

“Okay, fine, you can have it, you little whippersnapper.”

 

“i has a noms! yayay!” the tiny thing dragged off the pastry portion that was nearly as big as it was to parts unknown in the Temmie Village.

 

Now that my arrival had become old news, the Temmies went back to their day-to-day life. That is, declaring to one-another that they are, in fact, Temmie (or Bob), that what they see is ‘cyoot,’ and a special group of Temmies that were singing out the… Temmie Village song. 

 

_ Huh. They even have a special Temmie just for the chirping part. Neat. _

 

I passed and petted a few Temmies as I checked out the village, and made a stop by the Temmie Item Shop.

 

“Hoi! I’m Temmie! Come buy stuff!”

 

I looked around, and the ‘shop’ was utterly stuffed with used bandages, sticks, shiny rocks, mountains of Temmie Flakes, and one Temmie. Not the Temmie Shopkeep, but a single Temmie complete with price tag.

 

_ Moral implications aside, if I had the dosh… _

 

“Sorry to say, I has no GP. No buying for me today.”

 

The Shopkeep’s face fell. Quite literally. It was pretty damn unnerving to see in real life.

 

“AWU! NO moneies? But how I get to the coolege???”

 

“Welllll, you can. Now, actually.”

 

Her eyes boggled. “What!??! How how!?”

 

“You have the monies. Look.” I pointed out her ‘till’, which was a pile of GP as tall as two Temmies stacked atop each other.

 

“GASP!!!!1! i HAS TEH MONIES!!!!! I CAN GOOOOOooooo!”

 

The Shopkeep Temmie did a little dance, then sliiiiiid out of the shop. Naturally, her face was left behind. I turned my head, ducked around, and tried my best to change perspective. But no matter what I did, her face just kept pointed in my direction. Not like it was actively tracking me, but kinda like how sprites faced the same way in old Playstation games in their 3D ones.

 

“That’s just freaky. You seeing this?”

 

“hOI! I’m a Four Hundrededed Monies Temmie!”

 

“....I should have expected that.”

 

Ten minutes passed, and it became clear that the Shopkeep was going to be a while. I gave a pat to the Temmie-For-Sale, and wandered out of the village. 

 

I actually made it back to Undyne’s ahead of time. The path was clear, Gerson was taking a nap, and Napstablook floated away from his farm long enough to give me a small nod.

 

Mad Dummy was waiting in his usual spot, spitting out tufts of fluff. 

 

“Dude.”

  
“What? What!? WHAT!? Oh! No, I’m fine, just getting rid of soiled fluff. Hey! Thanks for being nice to my cousin! YEAH!”

 

I smiled to the calmed-down Mad Dummy. “Even if I hadn’t done what I did, I was planning on meeting the dood. Best music remixer in the Underground.”

 

Mad Dummy just spat out flurries of fluff. I wasn’t sure if it was because he liked what I said, or because he really wanted to focus on getting clean.

 

I kept my distance from the fish-shaped house while I waited for Papyrus. As I did, a few minutes later, I heard Undyne playing her piano. Unsurprisingly, it was very beautiful. Sure, a few notes were sour here and there, but the passion and intensity of the craft was very apparent.

 

Just as I let myself get lost to the music, I felt a slightly sharp-yet-fluffy poke to my shoulder.

 

“HELLO HUMAN! I AM GLAD YOU ARE ON TIME! HERE, FOLLOW ME! NO, WAIT, DON’T FOLLOW ME, STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE -- YOU ARE AT THE PERFECT PERSPECTIVE DISTANCE!”

 

Papyrus’ voice was doing that attempted-whisper thing from before in the Forest, but the volume change was apparently enough to not disturb Undyne from her playing.

 

The Skeleton Guard-to-Be sauntered up to the door, and knocked three times. “UNDYNE!”

 

The piano music ceased, and Undyne called out, “Right on time as always! Gimme a minute, gotta untangle myself from the bench!”

 

There was a great deal of clattering, a loud WHUMPH and some muffled cursing (of very PG level wording), then the teeth-doors of the house slide open.

 

Minus her armor, Undyne was way more impressive. The tank she wore allowed her to show of not only her muscular arms, but also hinted at her abs, thanks to her needing to let her gills breathe. Just like in the game, she was fairly thin, but that was completely offset by just how toned she was. 

 

_ Damnit Alphys! Kiss that fish already! _

 

“Hey there! Ready for some special, important, one-on-one training?”

 

“YOU BET I AM, UNDYNE! AND SO ARE THEY!”

 

“... So are who?”

 

Papyrus stepped aside, and grandly displayed… me.

 

I did my tadah pose with jazz hands.

 

Undyne did her eye-twitch.

 

“I TOLD YOU THAT IF I HAD THE CHANCE TO BRING THE HUMAN RIGHT TO YOU, I WOULD. AND I HAVE! THEY WANTED TO JOIN US IN THE SPECIAL TRAINING! SO WHAT BETTER WAY TO BRING THEM TO YOU THAN TO ONE OF YOUR LESSONS!”

 

I gave a thumbs up.

 

Undyne looked ready to suplex a boulder.  “How. Delightful. Please? Why don’t you two. Come. In?”

 

“WHY THANK YOU, UNDYNE!” Once she stepped back into her house, Papyrus took a few seconds to wipe off the SOLEs of his boots, and followed suit. I decided to do the same with my shoes (which were still smoking, just a little), and joined the pair.

 

The place was pretty cozy. A massive table to the right, an equally massive grand piano to the left, lots of swords and armor hung and strewn about. Papyrus was doing his regal pose for some odd reason, while Undyne was trying her best to play good hostess.

 

The way her remaining eye twitched showed just how close she was to failing.

 

“SO! Two of you. For the special training today, huh?”

 

“ABSOLUTELY, UNDYNE! OH! BEFORE I FORGET!” Papyrus dug around in his armor-suit, and pulled out a cartoony femur. “FOR YOU!”

 

“Oh. Uh. Thanks, Papyrus. I’ll… just put it away, okay?”

 

She grinned toothily (very sharp-toothily at that. Hoo dang), snagged the bone, and tossed it in the drawer with the multitudes of others she had collected.

 

I was struck by inspiration, and dug about in my hammerspace. “Here. Want a Cinnamon Bunny? You may already know, but they’re pretty dang tasty.”

 

She regarded me for a second, then glared at the bunny like it was going to explode. Or maybe trying to will it to explode. One glance at Papyrus, however, and Undyne relented. She stomped over, snapped up the bunny, and gave a very forced grin.

 

“Why. Thank you. You shouldn’t have.” Undye then stomped over to her hot-fridge, and tossed the bunny inside. A split second before the door closed, I could smell the treat starting to crisp.

 

“WOWIE! HOW NICE OF YOU!”

 

We stood in silence for a few seconds. Even Papyrus was starting to look nervous.

 

Undye finally broke the tense stand-off. “Well. Shall we start-”

 

“OH NO I JUST REMEMBERED I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM BYE!”

 

And, with practiced ease, Papyrus ran for the window, sprang forward, landed on his hands, and crashed through the glass with a perfect handspring. Shards flew in and out of the house, coating dirt and carpet alike.

 

I just stared out the destroyed pane. “Well. That was a thing.”

 

“No kidding. Usually he sticks the landing.”

 

I turned back to Undyne. The tension started to grow heavy yet again.

 

I coughed, trying to clear my throat. “Feeling bet-?”

 

“What the fuck is going on right now?”

 

Well that threw me off. “Uh, pardon?”   
  
“How the hell did you manage to sucker Papyrus into doing this? I mean, he’s not an easy soul to fool, and yet you have him wrapped around your finger!”

 

“Cause I didn’t fool him? I did, and do, want to join in on the lesson.”

 

Undyne glared so hard, I thought my head would burst into flame. Which was likely what she was trying to do.

 

“No. I can’t go along with this. This is just a part of your plan to sucker everyone in the underground into being your OH SO SPECIAL FRIEND!”

 

She stalked forward, her hands itching to summon her spear. “I’d strike you down right now, but the rules of house guests apply. So. I think I’ll just throw you out of my house and do it there!”

 

Before she got into grappling distance, a voice carried through the permanently-open window.

 

“GEE! THAT’S TOO BAD! THEY HAVE PROVEN SO CAPABLE SO FAR! OH WELL! I GUESS UNDYNE IS JUST NOT UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF TRYING TO BEFRIEND THE PERSON THAT HAS SAVED HER NOT JUST ONCE, BUT TWICE, AND SUCCESSFULLY CHALLENGED HER TO BEGIN WITH! OH THE SHAME!”

 

Undyne’s eye twitched. “Not. Up to. The Challenge???”

 

“It’s what the defenestrated skele-person said. Matter of fact, I agree with them.” I walked up to Undyne, and poked her in the shoulder. “You. Can’t. Do it.”

 

She stood stock still for a few moments. Then her mouth curled up into the widest grin she could manage. One that showed off every yellow, shark-like tooth she had.

 

“You’re on. By the time I’m through with you, you’ll only remember my name! We will be…

 

**_“BESTIES.”_ **

 

She clapped her hands, and snapped into super-hostess-with-the-mostess mode. “SO! Please! Have a seat! After all! You’re my guest!”

 

I grinned back at her, and plopped semi-politely into the offered wooden chair at the table.

 

“Excellent! Oh! You must be thirsty from all that running around in Hotland and most of the Underground! How about a drink?”

 

I nodded. “Absolutely! Whatchoo got?”

 

She stomped once, and an assortment of drinks fell from her ceiling cabinets. No, serious, she had cabinets with spring-loaded hinges for just such actions.

 

“I have hot chocolate, tea, water, and, ugh, soda. Which would you like?”   
  


I peered at each one in turn.

 

“Well.  Not the soda.”

 

“Thank god! That stuff is nasty!”

 

“I have a feeling the hot chocolate is actually out.”

 

“What, how???”   
  


“It landed with a hollow clunk.”

 

“Hey, good ear!”

 

“Water is just too plain for such an occassion.”

 

“Damn straight!”

 

“Swords are off the menu?”   
  
“If you weren’t my BELOVED houseguest, I’d fill you with more sword than you could handle! So yeah, it’s off the menu.”

 

“Looks like tea it is.”

 

“Good choice!” With each response, Undyne’s voice had grown more and more saccharine, it hurt.   
  


She set about, doing a rather flashy show of filling up the teapot, setting up the leaves, and gathering up the cups.

 

I tried to keep up the conversation in the meantime. “Cool Buster sword. How’d you manage to snag one of those?”   
  
“Oh that? One of my… best friends! She is a wiz at metalworking and human stuff, so she helped me make a sword that I could lift that best matches your history!”

 

I gave a nod of approval. “I’ll be honest, if anyone could handle that baby, it’d be you. Most humas nowadays have shied away from swords of that magnitude.”

 

“What have they replaced them with then?” She poured the hot water onto the leaf-set-ups, readying them to steep for a short while.

 

“Massive guns with chambers the size of your house on boats that could span the length of the Underground.”

 

Her head snapped towards me. “No fooling???”

 

“Not at all.”

 

“Holy crap that’s awesome!  I mean, for humans anyways.”

 

“Though I will say, you carry that thing around, and you might bring swords back into vogue.”

 

“HELL YEAH!”

 

She snapped up the two cups, and slammed them onto the table. Unlike before, this was her getting pumped instead of angry. Though when she realized how she was acting, Undyne forced herself to go back into saccharine-sweet mode.

 

“So! Enjoy the tea!”

 

I waited a few seconds to let it coo-

 

“IT ISN’T THAT HOT!!!”

 

I smirked, snagged the teacup, and swallowed it in one swig. I didn’t even flinch.

 

“What the-”

 

“Ma’am, I am a practiced tea drinker.” I gave her a wink.   
  


She paused, and narrowed her eye. “Okay. I have to admit. That. Was pretty awesome.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Undyne pulled out her chair, and sat with me at the table, albeit on the opposite side.

 

“You know. It’s kinda funny. You’re a practiced tea drinker huh?” She rubbed her thumb on the edge of her cup. “The only reason why I even have this stuff in the house is cause of Asgore.”

 

She leaned back in her seat. “I hate to admit it, but you and him? I can see a lot of similarities. Caring. Protective. Kind. A little doughy.” She sent that last descriptor with a teasing grin.

 

“Oh ha ha.”

 

“No, it’s true, he’s kinda pudgy. Doesn’t stop him from being the toughest thing in the Underground.” She paused her rubbing. “He’d have to be, considering….”

 

I nodded at her unfinished sentence. “He has a heavy burden on his shoulders.”  _ Even if it is one he kinda brought on himself. _

 

Unyne nodded back at me. “Yeah. He’s the one who helped me get into the Guard. I was kind of a brat when I was younger. Followed Gerson around, beat up the mailman a few times. Bigtime troublemaker. Wasn’t anyone I wouldn’t challenge to a fight. Then I met Asgore.”

 

“And you challenged him.”

 

“Damn straight I did! I ran right at the King, and threw the best right hook I could! Aaaaand he deflected me like I was nothing, and gave the gentlest counter-throw I’ve even been a part of.”

 

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the image.

 

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. He then knelt down and asked me, ‘Do you want to learn how to defeat me?’ I was FLOORED. Here was the King himself, asking me if I wanted to learn how to best him! Know what I said?”   
  
“Heck yes?”

 

“Damn straight! Cause I was a kid, and my cursing wasn’t as strong as it is now.” Undyne knocked back her own cup of tea, and set it on the table. “And so I trained with him. Every. Single. Day. Until finally, FINALLY! I knocked him on his ass!”

 

Her face grew a bit somber. “And he just… congratulated me. For beating him. The strangest thing? It didn’t feel like a victory. We still trained for a while after that, but he eventually pointed me over towards the Guard, and in a year I was made Captain.”

 

“As your latest target, I can attest that it was well earned.”

 

“Hmph. Flattery won’t save you.” She just gave a friendly-rival grin, which was a great step up from the constant death glares.

 

“Eh, not aiming for flattery, I mean it.”

 

“Whatever.” She waved me off, and stared at her broken window. I looked back to follow her gaze.

 

“He may be slightly nutty, but he’s a good soul.”

 

Undyne sighed. “Yeah he is. Problem is, he’s too good for his own good.”

 

“I disagree.”

 

“...What?”

 

I twisted back over to Undyne, and found her wearing that amusing “WTF look” on her face.

 

“I said, I disagree.”

 

“I heard you. What I mean is… what the hell do you mean?” Undyne leaned forward, and levied her head against steepled fingers.

 

I thumbed back at the window. “Papyrus is a very good soul. He’s kind, friendly, clever as hell” (“Damn straight he is.”) “But it’s because of all that that he makes perfect Guard material.”

 

Her eye narrowed just a little more.

 

“I get it. You’re worried about the folks that would take advantage of him, right?” Undyne nodded. “Well… don’t. I can tell you from personal experience that he is nearly impossible to trick. Heck, you said so yourself, he's not an easy person to fool.”

 

“I’m not worried about him being tricked,” Undyne responded with a small voice. “I’m worried about him being torn to smiling shreds cause of his good nature.”

 

“You shouldn’t. That nature of his is likely one of the most powerful tools in the Underground. You get someone honestly friendly enough, even if they’re just a liiiiiiiittle full of themselves,” (Undyne smirked at that) “And you can disarm just about anyone. Having a guy like him would likely be the biggest boon the Guard could have.”

 

I breathed in heavily. “You’re right in a sense. There’s always that one person that is gonna go straight for the hardcore death scenario. But… he still deserves a chance. If he recognizes the situation, he’ll put up one hell of a fight. And even then, if such a being is running around, he’d be cut down anyways, same as everyone else. Dark, I know, but it’s the truth. Intent is everything down here, right?”

 

Undyne didn’t say or do a thing, but she didn’t need to.

 

“If there was someone like that running around in the Underground, no one would be safe. Not you, not me, not Papyrus. But that’s the absolute worst case scenario.”

 

Undyne rolled this around in her head. Her eye leaned down to the right, then the left, and then back to the right as she mulled the concept over.

 

“Fine. Let’s say I do induct him in the guard. He does well. Then something happens. What then, smartass?”   
  
I leaned right at Undyne, mimicking her pose. “Then you do what you always do. Mourn the loss, then kick the ass that caused his death or harm. Just like you would with any member of the Guard. Or friend. Or family. He just so happens to tick off all three, so you get to be three times the fury.”

 

“Family? Serious? Do I  _ look  _ like a skeleton to you?” Undyne flexed both her arms, just because she could.

 

_ Homina… _ “No, but I can tell that you love him like a brother. And family is more than just relations.”

 

She deflated a bit, and crossed her arms on the table. “Yeah. You’re right. Heh.” She lapsed into a few dry chuckles. “I guess that’s why I came up with the whole special lesson thing. Let him do what he wants while not… really…”

 

Something clicked in Undyne’s mind. She bolted up from her chair, sending it flying backwards and bouncing off the cabinets behind her in the process.

 

“WAIT A MINUTE! THE LESSON! PAPYRUS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING THAT RIGHT NOW!!!”

 

_ Oh boy. _

 

“AND IF HE’S NOT HERE TO TAKE IT…!”

 

_ Oh boy! _

 

“YOU’LL HAVE TO TAKE IT FOR HIM!!! FUFUFUFUFU!”

 

_ OH BOY!!! _

 

I jumped out of my chair, and let it fall backwards behind me. It didn’t fly like Undyne’s did, but it worked.   
  
“YEAH! LET’S DO THIS!”

 

Undyne flashed a pair of thumbs up! “DAMN STRAIGHT! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!””

 

“YES CAPTAIN!” I used a small boost from my shoes to bounce over the table! The smoke increased slightly, but nothing too much to worry about!

 

“NOW!” Undyne stomped again, and medley of fruits and veggies dropped down from above! “SMASH THOSE VEGETABLES! GRIND THEM INTO PASTE! PUT YOUR FURY INTO THE SAUCE!”

 

I intertwined my fingers together, brought the double-fist above my head, and SLAMMED it onto the veggies! I did so several times over till there was nothing but a thin red paste all over!

 

“YEAH!”

 

“GOOD! WE’LL SCRAPE IT UP LATER! NOW! ONTO THE NOODLES!”

 

Two more stomps, and a pot followed by a package of noodles fell to the counter!

 

“GET THOSE NOODLES INTO THE POT! NOW!”

 

“YES MA’AM!”

 

I grabbed the box, one hand on each end, and RIPPED the thing in half! Noodles went flying into the pot and onto the counter!

 

“DAMN FUCKING STRAIGHT! GOOD WORK!”

 

“YEAH!”

 

“NNNGGAAAHH!!! I AM GETTING SO PUMPED! NOW STIR THOSE NOODLES!”

 

I grabbed a nearby wooden spoon, and started stirring those noodles! WITHOUT WATER!

 

“HARDER!”

 

My hand went even faster!

 

“STRONGER!”

 

The noodles were snapped into little pieces!

 

“FASTER!!!”

 

My arm was a blur by the time the noodles were nothing more than powder!

 

“YYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!”

 

“YOU’RE ON FIRE! NOW DO THE SAME TO THE POT!  **_CRANK! IT! UP!!!!”_ **

 

_ “DAMN RIGHT I WILL!” _ And with no prompting whatsoever, I yanked the knob all the way to the right in a split second.

 

Undyne’s eye widened in realization. “WAIT NO TOO-”

 

FWOOM!!!!

 

The explosion knocked us both back and over the table.  Well, it knocked  _ me  _ over the table. Undyne was blown _ into _ the table, and splintered it into bits in the process.

 

We picked ourselves up from where we landed. “Ow… Maybe I overdid it?”

 

Undyne shook her head. “Nah, we were both too into it. And at least now I know why Papyrus’ cooking sucks…”

 

We just watched the flames start to engulf her kitchen-area, before Undyne turned on her heels to me. “SO! What next? Parcheesi? Maybe some… some…”

 

The Captain deflated, arms going limp. “Oh who am I kidding. This whole thing is ruined. Now.. now you won’t be my friend, much less my bestie.”

 

I reached over and put a hand on Undyne’s shoulder. “Don’t sweat it. We’re definitely besties now. We shared thoughts, we discussed mutual friends and their impacts, and we just collaborated on wanton destruction. I can’t think of better bonding material.”

 

We stared at one another for a few moment. Then her lips cracked upwards, showing a much friendlier side to her sharp teeth. 

 

“You know what? You’re damn right. Now let’s the get the fuck out of my burning house before we end up joining it.” 

  
She reached over, nabbed me under an arm, and hauled the both of us out of her flaming abode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a massive chapter! I have no idea if I can pull this off again, but as it is? Enjoy!
> 
> Huge Kudo to Liatai for helping me with this chapter! She did some editing on the Papyrus side, per the usual.
> 
> Hoodoggies!


	16. Great Houses of Fire

Undyne blasted out her house, and set me on my feet. We both turned to watch the flames claim her abode.

 

“Don’t think that will be a squatter you’ll be able to evict any time soon.”

 

Undyne cackled. “Eh, let it have it! I can get it back eventually!”

 

I leaned to the side and peeked through the window. Impressively, the piano had yet to be touched. “Guess the fire isn’t much of a music fan.”

 

“Bah, it has no sense of taste then.”

 

“Speaking of… I heard your piece when I was waiting for Papyrus.”   
  
Undyne stilled, and slowly turned to glare at me. “And?”   
  
“I think you are a wonderful player, and that there a LOT of piano pieces that you would love.”

 

“Really?”

 

I nodded. “Absolutely. The first one that comes to mind is ‘Flight of the Bumblebee.’”

 

“‘Flight of the-’ You have got to be joking, bumblebee???”

 

“Undyne, imagine if you will, a piano piece that acts as fast and furious as you on a daily basis while also perfectly imitating the, well, flight patterns of a bumblebee.”

 

The Captain’s eye went wide. “Okay, nevermind, that sounds fucking awesome!”

 

“I thought you would agree.” I went back to watching Undyne’s house react to its new occupant. Mad Dummy, in the meantime, edged away from the domicile.

 

“Say, hey! Hey!! HEYY!!!”   
  


“WHAT???” Undyne snapped.  


 

“Does this mean I have time off?” The dummy leaned forward expectantly.

 

Undyne mulled it over, then waved him off. “Eh, get out of here, take a vacay or something.”

 

“YES! YES!! YEEEEESSSSS!!!” And that dummy was gone so fast he could have used one of sans' shortcuts.  


 

We shared a chuckle. Which led to full on laughs. Which led to guffaws and uproars that left both of us rolling on the ground. Undyne cracked some of the rock in the process.

 

“Ohhh ohhh man… I needed that.”

  
Undyne gasped, and pulled herself together. “Yeah. Yeah me too.” She sighed and laid on her back for a few moments before she spoke up again. “Hey, uh, I know this sounds kinda cheesy, but… sorry for trying to kill you.”

 

I pushed myself off the ground, and walked over to where Undyne laid. I held out a hand for her. “You did what you thought was the right thing, albeit with a great deal more fervor than was healthy for me.” 

 

She laughed again, and took my hand. With a bit of effort, I helped heft her to her feet. “So, yeah, we’re cool. Not gonna try to kill me any more, are you?”

 

“Ehhh, maybe if you tempt me. But for now? Nah.”

 

I grinned. “Good. So, where are you going to go?”

 

“Papyrus’! He’s let me crash at his place before, I am certain he’ll do it again. Especially since he KINDA HELPED LEAD TO IT!!!”

 

“Pfft, don’t blame him for having a grand master-plan. That worked.” I pondered a second, and decided to risk it. “Mind if I join you to his house for a bit? Be nice to see they guy again.”

 

“Hell yes you can!” She reached over, and gave me a noogie. “We’ll take the River Person! They should be at their usual spot by now.”

 

_ Ooh, River Person! _ “I like that plan. TO THE BOAT!”

 

“TO THE BOAT!!!”

 

We both ran screaming at the top of our lungs, only taking a moment to simultaneously say hi to Gerson (“Wa ha ha!”) then continued our rampage up to the River Person’s boat.

 

“TWO FOR- ahem, Two for Snowdin?”

 

The Person regarded us in turn, then waved lightly to the back of their boat.

 

There was just enough room for the three of us, and once we were in place, I found my legs locked in place like how the plank way back when had done. 

 

_ Hey, maybe a specific kind of magic for wood? Explains why I feel more at balance here, it’s stronger. _

 

The boat lifted slightly off the water, then boosted across the river.

 

About halfway through our journey, the River Person spoke up.

 

“~Tra la la~ The changes are changing, but not all will. And not all should. ~Tra la la~”

 

I balked internally at that bit of cryptic mutterings.  _ Hoo, that’s unnerving. _

 

Undyne must have seen my face, cause she clapped me on the shoulder with a laugh. “Hey, don’t worry about it. They say something strange or cryptic on every boat-ride. It’s kind of a running thing they do.”

 

I smiled back, and tried to look more calm.  _ Yeah, but they also say stuff that tends to be on the money in some interpretations. _

 

We made it back to Snow din without any more odd statements. Undyne and I stepped off the boat, and I gave the River Person a wave. They didn’t seem to react, and simply let the current take them off to parts unknown.

 

Undyne obviously grew tired of waiting for me, cause she tossed a snowball at my head with enough force to nearly knock me off my feet. “COME ON I AM FREEZING!”

 

“The Shopkeep sells these hoodies, you know. Ten GP each.”

 

“OH! GOOD IDEA! NOW MOVE!”

 

I laughed, and trotted after the Captain. “How’s Papyrus tend to react to the impromptu sleepovers?”

 

“He loves them! He goes all out with the snacks and hosting stuff. He even runs back and forth if you keep entering and exiting the kitchen. It’s AWESOME!”

 

I was about to respond to that when something collided with my legs. This  _ did  _ knock me over.

 

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t….” My micro-assailant gave a massive, happy gasp. “It’s YOU! You’re alive!” Monster Kid bounced up and tackled me again in their rendition of a hug. “Ohmigosh I was so worried and my parents said that I didn’t have to be and that Undyne was doing something okay but I knew it wasn’t and I was worried I’d have to hate Undyne forever and OHMIGOSH!”

 

I patted the kiddo on the head. “Hey, hey, I told you I’d be fine, right? We ended it.” I gave the child a nudge, and gave a nod in the Captain’s direction.

 

The kiddo followed my gaze, and jaw-dropped when they saw Undyne. To her credit, Undyne was looking pretty apologetic.

 

“Hey kid.”

 

“H-h-hi Undyne…”

 

The silence between them grew longer and longer, before the tyke spoke up.

 

“Uhm, Undyne? I’m… I…”

 

Undyne held up a hand. “Don’t sweat it. You were right, I was being a bully. Not the Captain. Not your hero. Do  _ you _ forgive  _ me _ ?”

 

Monster Kid looked absolutely flabbergasted. For all of a second. They ran up to Undyne and gave her their hug-tackle.

 

“Yeeee-he-he-heessss….” The mini-monster sobbed, burying their head in her chest. Undyne hugged the kid lightly, and then pulled them into a noogie.

 

“Okay, that’s enough sappiness for us! Come on, you’re the cool one! Buck up! Go tackle some evil do-ers!”

 

“Yes ma’am!” They beamed brightly, and turned to me. “I am gonna go see if I can be as heroic as the both of you! Bye!” They skidded off, whooping the whole way.

 

I grinned widely at their antics, and then at Undyne.

 

“Don’t you say a word.”

 

I held up my hands. “What? It was a good thing, for both of you.”

 

“Shut. Up.”

 

I saluted. “Yes Captain.”

 

She gave me a swat to the shoulder, and thumbed over to the bone brothers’ house.

 

Undyne was looking slightly more blue by the time we made it to the house. She... politely refused my offer of using my hoodie for a short while.

 

She knocked on the door just one, and Papyrus swung it wide open.

 

“UNDYNE! AND THE HUMAN! TOGETHER! AND NOT FIGHTING! OH HOW JOYOUS!”

 

I laughed. “Yep, we bonded quick. Nothing makes faster friends than fire.”

 

“WOWIE! WAIT, FIRE?”

 

Undyne gave an embarrassed chuckle. “Yyyyeeaaah, see, I kinda let the fire take over.”

 

“AGAIN?! UNDYNE, DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM THE POPSICLE INCIDENT???”

 

“Ehhh, maybe a little. Soooo Papyrus, buddy, pal-”

 

“SAY NO MORE! YOUR COUCH AWAITS! ALSO, HUMAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY A WHILE? WE CAN HANG OUT!”

 

“I’d like that. Shall we?”

 

Undyne whooped! “Yes we will!” She bolted inside, and heaved a sigh of relief to the warmth.

 

I stepped inside as well, and gave Papyrus a pat to the shoulder. I whispered, “Your plan worked like a charm. Good job.”

 

The skeleton radiated with joy, but didn’t say a thing. He gave a wink, then set about helping Undyne get settled.

 

I took the chance to look around the house. It was just as awesomely tacky yet lovable as the game depicted. The bone painting hung in the right spot, the sink was as impressively tall as could be expected, and yes. The couch did in fact jingle with the sound of so much lost GP.

 

The one thing I didn’t see was…

 

“Hey. Paps. You have a line of stickynotes here, but…?”

 

“OH! THAT! IT WAS AMAZING! AFTER ALL THIS TIME OF ME ASKING AND HIM USING MY OWN PHRASES AGAINST ME, MY DEAR BROTHER SANS FINALLY PICKED UP HIS SOCK!”

 

Undyne nearly tripped as she was heading up the stairs. “He WHAT???”

 

“I KNOW! HE’S BEEN DOING SO MUCH LATELY! MAYBE THAT’S WHY HE WAS SLEEPING WHEN YOU WERE CHASING OUR FRIEND HERE!”

 

“yeah. been doing a skele-ton of work lately.”

 

I snapped my focus to sans’ room so fast that my neck popped quite loudly.

 

“HUMAN! ARE YOU OKAY???”

 

“I’m okay, just ow, surprised.” I rubbed my neck, and stared up at the smaller skeleton.

 

“eh, don’t look so surprised. lot of time to be spent at home, thanks to undyne saying i was fired?” He gave her a crafty look.

 

Undyne responded with a narrowed eye. “Okay, okay, you can have your post back. Sheesh. Just… don’t sleep on the job when there’s a potential threat running around again.”

 

“aye aye captain.” He gave a lazy salute (a lot like the one I teased her with earlier), and sauntered back into his room.

 

“THIS! IS! THE! BEST! DAY!  _ EVER!!!” _

 

“It sure is, Paps.” I plopped myself onto the couch, and was nearly thrown off it when Undyne decided to do the same.

 

“UGH! What a day! I get tricked by my Guard-to-Be! A human gets invited into my house! Then they help set my house on FIRE!” She got me in another headlock and noogied the hell out of my skull. “But! It was worth it. Maybe... heh, maybe things can go right now? Still have to worry about Asgore, later, but hey! That’s later!”

 

I smirked. “Won’t you get in trouble for harboring a human?”

 

“Hey hey hey, my orders are to keep the people safe. And frankly? I think they are gonna be juuuuuuust fine.” She grinned sharp-toothily once more.

 

“HOORAY! IT’S ALL COMING TOGETHER! OH! YOU TWO! WAIT HERE! THIS CALLS FOR SOMETHING SPECIAL!”

 

Papyrus ran out of the room and into the kitchen. A great deal of clattering and banging ensued.

 

“Spaghetti?”

  
“Hm. No. Not enough flames. Also, he only does that to folks he’s trying to befriend.”

 

“Could be anything then.”

 

“True.”

 

The clattering came to an abrupt halt a few minutes later. Papyrus waltzed out, holding a tray with a massive silver dome on it.

 

“I FIGURED! THAT A DAY OF THIS MONUMENTAL IMPORTANCE! REQUIRED SOMETHING EXTRA SPECIAL!”

 

He lowered the tray down, and when Undyne and I leaned forward to see what was inside, he lifted off the dome.

 

“OATMEAL! WITH DINOSAUR EGGS!”

 

I laughed a bit, in good nature. “Heh! Wow! That is good stuff! Nice choice!”

 

Undyne however looked far more reserved. “Are you sure?”

 

“UNDYNE! YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! YOU KNOW FULL WELL THAT I HAVE BEEN SAVING THESE, MY LAST PACKETS OF OATMEAL AND EGGS, FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION! AND WHAT BETTER OCCASION THAN THE DAY THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ALONGSIDE HIS BROTHER AND THE CAPTAIN OF ROYAL GUARD, AND A HUMAN CAN GET TOGETHER AND EAT A CELEBRATORY MEAL AS FRIENDS, AND NOT AS ENEMIES?”

 

I was knocked into silence at that. That really was one hell of a special treat, if this was the last he had. 

 

“my bro knows how to pick good moments,” sans piped up from my left. “so let’s chow down, and make his prophecy come true, eh?”

 

There was a round of agreement, and with each person present getting a bowl apiece, we dined.

 

_ It kinda makes sense. How often are they gonna find stuff like this in good condition? Or edible condition for that matter. Hrm. Yep, I have got to get these folks out. No matter what. _

 

While we munched, sans took a moment lean over. In a hushed voice that could barely be heard over Papyrus and Undyne playfully heckling one another, he whispered, “i got you another night at the inn. house is big, but not enough rooms, ya know? besides, the bunnyfolk would be happy to see you. they were right terrified when they heard you went into undyne’s territory.”

 

I nodded and whispered back, “Thanks sans. That means a lot.”

 

“hey, you’re the one that was risking your life to help us. least i could do. oh, and before you continue your journey, stop by grillby’s tomorrow. the dogs want to say a few things themselves.”

 

I nodded again, and when it became apparent that that was all he wanted to say, dug back into my oatmeal.

 

After the meal, and Papyrus declaring that the day was well spent, we collectively decided that we needed to get to sleep. Well, three of us did. sans just snoozed on his feet.

 

Paps was taking sans up to his room when I left the house. Undyne called out for me to have a good night and to watch my back, to which I just waved over my shoulder.

 

The inn’s lights were on by the time I made it to the place. I stepped inside, and found…

 

“Oh my goodness! You  _ are  _ okay! Thank goodness!” The innkeep called out from her post. In front of and slightly to the right of the innkeep's desk was the shopkeep bunnylady.

 

“Hey there. Ooh, that hoodie has seen better days. Undyne’s handiwork?”

 

“Yes ma’am. She nearly got me. Several times.” I grinned in spite of the mortal danger I once was in.

 

“Heh, good to see you in one piece.” The shopkeep tapped the desk. “I’ll talk to ya tomorrow, sis.” As she passed, the shopkeep patted me on the shoulder. “Come get a fresh one in the morning. My treat.” And off she went into the night.

 

“And as for me, I bet you know already, right?”

 

“sans paid a night, yes?”

 

“Yes he did! Here, your key.” She held out the room key, to which I walked over and took politely. “There’s bound to be an abundance of snoring, but like you said, doesn’t bother you, right?”

 

“Heh, no. No it does not.” I smiled warmly. “Thanks. I appreciate this.”

 

“Hun, sans paid for the room. I’m just doing my duty as innkeeper. Now hurry along to bed, so I can too!”

 

I chuckled, and shook her hand-paw. With a wave, I headed up to the room, and got ready for sleep.

  
I was smiling this time when I drifted off yet again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feels are strong in this one.
> 
> At least, I hope they are, and it's not just random schmaltz.
> 
> Anywho! Liatai continues to gain beta-kudos!
> 
> Later folks!


	17. Sentimental Over Oatmeal

The next wake-up time was glorious. I was feeling refreshed, energized, PUMPED! The residual effects of the Special Lesson were still resonating within me. A quick glance at my watch told me that I was still in the early hours. Maybe. No sun to say, and my tiny clock didn’t have an am/pm function.

 

I got up, stretched, put my hoodie on for what might be the last time, snagged my glasses, fretted over the fact that my shoes were STILL leaking a tiny amount of orange vapor, then headed downstairs.

 

“Good morning!” The innkeep called out to me. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Very well! Thank you for asking.” I grinned mightily absolutely ecstatic for the day ahead.

 

“Good! My sister just opened up her shop, so you should be able to claim your new hoodie. Here.” She reached around her counter, and pulled out… a Cinnamon Bunny!

 

“Fresh from her ovens this morning, so I thought you might like a little breakfast.”

 

“Ma’am, you and your sister are awesome. Thank you so much.” I headed over to the counter to claim my pastry.

 

“If you can get us out of the Underground, I will personally see to it that my next business venture, you sleep free.”

 

“Wow.”

 

She leaned against her counter, and pushed the treat forward. “I mean it. If it means my children and family can see the sun? To not have to guess about the time of day? It would be worth every GP.”

 

I smiled lightly. “Believe me, I am gonna do what I can to break that Barrier.”  _ One way or another at this point. _

 

She pulled me into a small hug, and kissed me lightly on the cheek. “Thank you! Now get to my sister’s! She is not a patient bunny on the best of days.”

 

“Huh. Her attitude-”

 

“Is one that masks that little fault of hers. Now skedaddle! If the rumors are true, you have a long journey ahead. And that’s before you get to Asgore’s.”

 

“Yes ma’am.” I gave a quick wave goodbye, took my Bunny with me, and headed next door.

 

A chime greeted me this time around.

 

“That works! Good! Hey there, human. Got the hoodie for ya right here.” The shopkeep held the article up for me to see.

 

“Thanks. I really appreciate this.”

 

She shrugged, but her smile belied her warm intentions. “Hey, you’ve had a rough time. Need a little payback for it all.”

 

“Hey now, all I have done is get chased all over the place while trying to seeing the King.” I was starting to get a little worried about all this. “I’m not some grand hero, just a person who got, you know, kinda wrapped up in all this.”

 

“We know that. And yet, you’ve done the right things, made friends with the notoriously obstinate Captain of the Royal guard, and treated just about everyone you’ve met with kindness and respect. If you are a testament to the ways of humans now, as opposed to the past? We will thank you far more than you will ever like. Cause you’ve brought back a lot of hope for our future.”

 

Hoo, that one bit hit me right in the gut. I gave her a watery smile, and reached out for the new purple hoodie.

 

“I added a bit of magic to this one. It’s not much, but you can wear it regardless of weather, to a certain degree. Heck, with this on, you’d be a bit cooler in Hotlands than you’d be without it.”

 

I held out the hoodie and looked it over. Aside from the fact that it was new and unshredded, it looked just like the one that I was wearing. “Wow. Thanks.”

 

“No sweat, sugar. At least, hopefully less sweat. You do what you can to get us out of here, and I’ll call it very even. Okay?”

 

“It’s a deal.” I grinned as I took off the old, and started to put on the new.

 

“Say, human, mind if I keep the old one?”

 

That got a confused look out of me to her after my head popped into place. “Mind if I ask why?”

 

“If you get us out of here, I want to display the hoodie that helped you get through Snowdin and Waterfall.”   
  


“Ohhh, a selling point.”

 

“Darn tootin’, sugar.”

 

I nodded in agreement to her proposal, and with her holding onto the old hoodie, I waved good bye in my new one and out into the Town proper.

 

The kids of the area were running around like normal the two bears were back in their little talk (“Politics!” “Stop saying that!”), and Undyne (clad in a green hoodie) was standing atop the Bone Bro’s roof with a spear at her side. She gave me a cheery wave before she went back to her stony stare out at the entrance to Waterfall.

 

_ Must be a Guard thing. Heh. _

 

I strolled through the village, happy that I could keep my hood down this time, and pleasantly surprised that I actually felt warmer in this one than the original one. 

 

_ Okay, that shopkeep has awesome magic. Maybe Toriel can do stuff like this too? Probably, the mother hen… mother goat-dragon that she is. _

 

When I made my way to the entrance of Grillby’s, I stopped and inhaled.

 

_ Oh mother of restaurateurs, that smells so good. _

 

I pushed open the door… and found out it had to be  _ pulled _ open, and walked inside.

 

The place looked AWESOME! Far from a simple restaurant style the game displayed, Grillby’s looked like a full-on, orange-colored, Fifty’s Style diner! Aside from the man himself, there were a few other different-colored flame people walking around and serving folks. The Head-Bunny chattered away with the Venus-Flytrap person over a plate of golden fries. In the corner, guarded by the Horse-Man, was the jukebox in all it’s rainbow-tastic glory. Serious, it looked like the personification of the perfect jukebox.

 

_ Holy jeezum crow, no wonder sans never likes to be away from this place for long!!! Papyrus, this is one minor point away from your tastes, dood. Whoo! _

 

Over on the far left side of the restaurant was the Dog Guard. The Lesser Dog had decided to join in the game this time around, and seemed to be winning quite handily. Greater Dog looked slightly miffed, while the Dog Couple appeared to be far more interested in brushing up on their nose-nuzzles.

 

Doggo piped up, “Hey! I heard a new person! And smell someone familiar!”

 

The Pack turned as one towards where I stood.

 

“BARK!”

 

“It’s the human!”

 

“(Indeed! It is the human!)”

 

I waved a little. Doggo exclaimed, “I see them! Hi human!”

 

I chuckled a bit, and made my way around the small crowd towards the Dogs.

 

“Hi folks. How’s the game?”

 

Greater Dog gave a small growl to Lesser Dog. Lesser Dog just continued to look a little dopey.

 

“The game goes ok!”

  
“(Lesser Dog continues to be a shark!)”

 

I reached over and gave Doggo a scratch to the ear. The effect was instantaneous, with him going slightly bonkers.

 

“PIT PAT POT PET YES THANK YOU!”

 

The other dogs whined a little, and I chuckled at the sight. Naturally, each one got a pet and ear-rub in turn.

 

When I got the Lesser Dog, however, three or four pettings in, I heard a small slam from the main bar. Grillby was staring straight at me, and gave me a ‘stop that’ signal with his hand doing that slicing thing to the throat.

 

“Ohh right, the neck. Sorry boy.”

 

Lesser Dog didn’t seem to mind. He set down his cards, and showed off a four-of-a-kind. Greater Dog gave out a small whine of misery, and pushed away nearly all of his doggy-treats.

 

“Aw, no worries, big guy! You’ll get him!” I headed around, and gave Greater Dog an extra rough ruffle to the neck. The big guy responded by turning around and licking me straight on the cheek.

 

“Hahaha!” I pushed him off lightly, and grinned at the pack.

 

Dogamy seemed to wilt a little, doing that upwards-doggy stare that canines do when they were in trouble. “We’re sorry.”

 

“(We chased you around and found out later that you were so panicked!)”

 

“Hey hey hey, don’t worry about it.” I smiled and wondered when all the apologies would stop. “You were doing the right thing, from your standpoint. Humans can be dangerous, and we all know this.”

 

“Yeah,” Doggo chimed in, “But we can’t assume ALL of them will be!”

 

There was a chorus of agreements and woofs to Doggo’s statement.

 

“Still, you guys? Don’t worry about it. No harm, no foul, just a LOT of running and quite a bit of exercise for me and my heart in a short period of time.”

 

That got a bit of laughter and woofs.

 

“Still. We decided to do something for you.”

 

“(It is a custom of Monsterkind to do something nice in response to good actions.)”

 

Doggo joined in. “So, in thanks for your now-known efforts to try and get the King happy and us out of here…”

 

Greater Dog gave a massive “WOOF!” and slammed a bag of clinking something onto the table.

 

Lesser Dog held up a small sign that read, ‘1400 GP!’

 

“Holy cow. That…”

 

“Is less than a week’s pay for any one of us. But more than enough for you to get some provisions when you get to Hotlands and beyond. You’re gonna need it.” Doggo grinned.

 

“Still…”

 

A blue-flamed waitress stopped next to me, and silently handed me a burger. It looked perfect. The bun was toasted, the patty was thick and juicy, the lettuce was crisp and green.

 

“And we decided!”

 

“(Lunch!)”

 

I. Was. Floored. “Thanks you guys. Really.”

 

Doggo reached around blindly, until I moved so he could see me. He then clapped me on the shoulder. “You’re welcome. Now, as much as we’d like to see you chow down, you better pocket that burger and get going.”   
  
“WOOF!”

 

“BARK!”

 

“Yes, you need to go!”

 

“(Time wasted is time that the King could decide to do something drastic!)”

 

I nodded to the group. “Good point. Thank you all, again.” I slipped my burger into the hammerspace, snagged the bag of gold, and headed up to the bar.

 

“Grillby, brief as it was, it was nice to meet you.” I held out my hand. “You bar is awesome, and way worth the wait to be able to come in here.”

 

He regarded my hand for a second, before he reached out with his own. Far from burning me, his magical flames were like a soothing summer breeze. In the middle of a heatwave.

 

Very low, almost to the point of inaudible, I heard him speak. “Good luck, human.”

 

I cracked a grin, and when I got my hand back, I waved to everyone, and walked back into Snowdin Town.

 

The crowd around the tree had dispersed a little, save the bears (“Not everything is about politics!” “.....Politics.” “AARGH!”) and the bunny family on their stroll. I smiled at the townsfolk, and headed up north to where the River Person did their stop.

 

I didn’t wait too long till they made their appearance. They drifted idly along with the current, but came to a complete stop in front of where I waited.

  
“One for Hotlands, if you could.”

 

They looked me over like they did yesterday, then waved a hand to the boat.

 

I stepped onboard, and in a moment, was locked in like before as well.

 

The rocks shifted colors as we passed through the various realms. Lighter blues gave way to purples, then many shades of red. 

Halfway through, the River Person spoke up again.

 

“~Tra la la~ Only three left. Be wise. ~Tra la la~”

 

“Three left of what?”

 

They kept silent, and refused to speak the rest of the journey.

 

By the time we made it to Hotlands, the river started to steam up, just a little. I hopped off the boat, and gave a friendly wave goodbye.

 

The River Person failed to respond once more, and simply drifted off with the current.

 

_ Weird. Three left of what, though? _

 

I gave a shrug, and figured I’d figure it out later. For now, I had my next set of trials ahead.

 

Alphys and Metatton, the Collaborators of Hotland.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit of a change-up folks.
> 
> Not only is it released a lot sooner than normal, but there was no beta-reader! I know, a shocker! Liatai was busy this time around!
> 
> At any rate, I hope you all enjoy!


	18. Darn Cryptic People

The path up to Hotlands was, well, a path UP to Hotlands. Much like the winding hill-way of Snowdin to Waterfall, I had to climb up a few flights of stairs, all of them hewn straight out of the rock.

 

_ Once more, I feel like a Dark Souls character. At least there’s a banister to prevent my falling over._ I tapped the waist-high protective device. _To a degree._

 

Just as I was about to make it to the top of the stairs, I heard a furious clanking. Familiar furious clanking, at that.

 

_ Armor? Wait, isn’t there supposed to be a pair of Guards near the Lab? _

 

I peeked over the last bit of steps, and sure enough, the Dragon Guard RG-02 and Rabbit Guard RG-01 were on their… uhm. Patrol. If going around in a tireless circle in the middle of the plateau counts as a ‘patrol’.

 

I slunk back down the stairs till I felt comfortable enough to try using my phone.

 

_ Lessee… contacts… recents… aha, Papyrus. _

 

With the number picked, the phone rang exactly twice before the Skeleton answered. Fortunately, I had the forethought to lower the voice on the phone before he answered.

 

“HELLO HUMAN! I HOPE YOUR MORNING IS GOING WELL! HOW IS THE HORRIBLE PLACE KNOWN AS HOTLANDS?”

 

And yet, his voice still rang loudly in my ear.

 

I spoke in a hushed voice. “It’s… hot. Very hot. And I haven’t made it past the stairs yet. Could you see if Undyne is done with her watch? And-and do it silent. I’m in a potential pickle, and noises could-!”

 

“SAY NO MORE. I WILL GET HER FOR YOU.”

 

Yet more surprises for me today. That was actually a passable whisper by the Great Papyrus.

 

There was a fair bit of rumbling over the speaker, followed by a small creak of wood, and a bit of snow-stomps. A smattering of muffled talk later, and I heard Undyne next.

 

“Hey. Trouble already, eh?”

 

Now Undyne was doing the quieter talking. Neat.

 

“Yeah, could say that. First off, any chance you could tell your Guard to let me pass?”

 

I heard light scratching from Undyne’s side. “Ehhhhhh… no. I kinda told them that if I ever let a human… okay, specifically, you? To let you pass? Then it was because I was captured and put through the whole ‘special friends for everyone’ brainwashing bit that I thought you were doing.” There was a small pause. “Still not convinced that that’s not a thing.”

 

I ran a hand down my face. “Funderful. And, by any chance, did you tell them what I looked like?”

 

“To a t.”

 

That had me rubbing the bridge of my nose again, with my glasses pushed up to my forehead.

 

Undyne spoke up again. “What I  _ can _ do is tell them to patrol a different part of Hotlands. They shouldn’t be suspicious of that. Though that just means you’ll run into them later, and I can’t keep changing them around. They’ll just ignore me by that point.”

 

“Let me guess. You told them that if you kept making random changes…”

 

“That I was brainwashed.” Another pause. “Still convinced you can do that.”

  
  


I blew a muted raspberry at her. “Thanks. Just having them move will help. I’m about to head into the Lab. Maybe the R- the scientists in there could help.”

 

There was a clatter followed by some choice (PG level) expletives. Another bit of ruffling around, and I heard Undyne again.

 

“You’re about to go into the Lab????” Even in a whisper, I could hear the combination trepidation-excitement in her voice.

 

“Yep. Something I should know?”

The Fearless Captain of the Guard fumbled her words for a few moments (I think I caught the words ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ at least twice) until she finally spoke coherently.

 

“That, uh, that’s where my best friend is. One of my best friends. Really really really good friend. Did the metal stuff for me. Really good at science! Loves humans! Loves human history! Really attr- REALLY GOOD AT SCIENCE!”

 

I had to yank the phone away from my head at the last sentence.

 

“Soooo, someone I could trust then.”

“Definitely. Just, look, hang up, so I can contact h- the Guards! So I can contact the Guards… yeah!”

 

_ Undyne, if you were more transparent, you’d be invisible. _

 

I bid my goodbyes, to Undyne and to Papyrus, and flipped the phone closed. With the device pocketed in my jeans, I sneaked my way back up the stairs and waited.

 

Surprisingly enough, it was RG-02’s phone that rang. It was a simple ringtone, just a few beeps. They reached under one of the pauldrons ( _ That’s an odd place for a phone) _ and answered.

 

“...Yes Captain?”

 

Even from where I waited, I could hear Undyne doing her  _ CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD  _ routine. I couldn’t understand her for crud, but I could definitely hear her.

 

A few seconds passed, and RG-02 spoke up again.

 

“...Yes Captain.”

 

He hung up his phone, stuck it back under his pauldron ( _ Serious. Weird place. _ ) and waved to RG-01. 

“The Boss wanted us to move?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

“Back to the Resort Entrance?”

 

“...Middle.”

 

“That makes sense! Let’s move!”

 

“...Yes.”

 

The pair stomped their way north and towards the Elevators. If they could be classified as Elevators.

 

_ More like Wonka-vators, really. _ I shook my head, and once the coast was cleared, I strolled up to the Lab.

 

I reached up, and was about to knock on the door… but I stopped.

 

_ Right. This is where Alphys works with Mettaton to try and convince me to stay in the Underground, at least at first. Then Mettaton goes rogue, ironically, and tries to kill me, then Alphys feels worse ‘cause she tricked me, and ugh. _

 

I stepped away from the Lab, ran my fingers through my hair, and sat myself up against one of the many boulders of the area. I hadn’t really reached the hottest parts of this place yet, but in spite of my hoodie’s magic, Hotlands was starting to live up to its name.

 

_ How should I go about this? Do I tell her right from the off that I can tell she’s trying to help, albeit in a very dishonest way? Do I play along? Hm. _

I sat there in contemplation for a while, watching my shoes continue to emit tiny amounts of orange vapor. Hey, at least that was slowing down.

_ Maybe… what if I told her I knew why she was doing it? Not the ‘convince you to stay’ thing, but the confidence thing? _

 

I nodded heavily to my own thoughts.

 

_ If I do that, maybe then she’ll stick to the script better. Maybe even ham it up! Give Mettaton less of a reason to be annoyed by the end of all of this! Okay! Plan made! I will play along, and let her know that I am playing along, but for her sake. Yes! That should work! _

 

Plan in mind, and soon to be in motion, I got up off my butt, brushed it off, and walked confidently to the Lab’s doors.

 

My hand went up, and knocked three times. The clang on the metal echoed within for a few moments, but there wasn’t any other sounds.

 

_ Hm. She still getting ready? Or just in the True Lab? _

 

I knocked again. This time, after the echo died down, I shrugged, and tried to open the door.

 

The moment my fingertips touched the edge, the door VWOOSHed open.

 

“Automatic. Neat.” I stepped inside, and after a few paces, it VWOOSHed back closed with a small slam.

 

Just as I expected, the place was barely lit by the light of the massive TV monitor. Computer monitor? Viewing Screen, whatever. Unlike in the game, however, there were multiple screens around the single big one, each of them focused on different areas.

 

“Lessee… Near the Ruins. Ball game? Forgot about that one. Papyrus’ unused watch area. Waterfall entrance. Waterfall’s… waterfall. Undyne’s house. Undyne’s window? Naughty Alphys. And Undyne herself, who is  _ still _ standing atop the house. Guess that hoodie’s giving her plenty of protection from the cold.”

 

_ The UST from these two is far more palpable up close. How the Barrier hasn’t been broken from that alone is beyond me. _

 

The big screen was showing off the area that I had just come from, and was focused just a little before the doorway. Nothing else seemed to be of interest, so I simply moved along.

 

_ Mounds of dirty bowls, computers on lock, Kissy Cutie figures… Hm. You know, they don’t look half-bad. If those are originals, then I’d be shocked that they weren’t good sellers for that alone. _

 

I had just gotten to where the half-full bag of dog food was when the lights switched back on.

 

While I rubbed my eyes from the sudden change, I heard a small voice carry from further on ahead.

 

“St-still a bit nervous. Ohhh I wish they would let me help them, I’m just trying to-”

 

Even with the materials between us, I couldn’t help but grin at the sound of her voice.  _ Another half-point to the fans. Perfectly nerdy yet girly, but she does not sound cartoonishly nerdy. Just slightly high pitched is all. _

 

There was another VWOOSH, and I heard tiny clickings as the being got closer.

 

“No! I-I-I have to focus! The human could be here any min-”

 

The voice stopped. I turned slowly, blinking away the last of the dots in my eyes.

 

There stood Alphys. Her hunched frame belied her ‘hollywood pudgy’ figure. Clad in a slightly stained lab coat, a teal cardigan, black sweatpants, and no shoes (or socks. That’d be scandalous. And a bit hard on her taloned feet) and an adorable pair of glasses, the Royal Scientist looked ready to either scream at the top of her lungs or melt into the floor. Or both, if she could manage.

 

“Uhm. Hi?” I ventured.

 

“Ohhh nooo. Oh no no no no no no!” Alphys snagged her tail, and started fidgeting and pacing around in circles. “Y-y-you’re early! And I haven’t showered or changed my Labcoat and I look a mess and my Lab’s a mess and I’m n-n-n-not ready and-and-and-and-!”

 

“Hey, woah! Ma’am! Please!” I rushed over, and put a had on her shoulder. Alphys gave an adorable squeak and froze in her footsteps.

 

“The place looks fine, you look good, and there’s no reason to panic! I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.”  _ Might as well keep up the kayfabe for a while. _

 

Alphys paused with her tail-fidgeting and looked up to me.

 

_ Holy crud, if anyone could weaponize puppy-dog-eyes, it’d be her. _

 

“I-I-I-I know you won’t. I’ve b-b-been watching your progress. It has been f-f-f-fascinating!”  She ducked down under my arm and scampered over to the big monitor. “Y-you’ve passed by nearly everyone, and-and-and even though you’ve taken a few hits, you haven’t lashed ou-ou-out!” She refocused on me, and waved the hand not clutching her tail at the screen.

 

“Despite everyone everyone expecting me to, it seems?” I noted.

 

Alphys winced, and I thought for a second that I said a bit much.

 

“H-h-humans don’t ha-ha-have a good reputation down here…”

 

I nodded grimly, and walked over to join her at the monitor. She squeaked again, and turned hastily to focus on the device.

 

“A-A-ANYWAYS! I saw that you were a good person, and decided, ‘H-h-hey! Alphys! You do good, they can do good, try doing good together!’ So...uhm...that’s why I decide to help you with the whole puzzle stuff and… uhm…”

 

_ Hoo boy, here it comes. _

 

Alphys fidgeted again, and turned back to me, the eyes at nearly full power. “I-I-I’m sorry!”

 

I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow. “For… what?”

 

“I-I-I was working on a robot guardian and when I sa-sa-saw you at the Ruins, and went straight for my camera, I panicked! I a-a-a-activated them early, and th-they’re running around Hotlands, looking for you!”

 

“Robot… Guardian?”

 

She nodded up and down rapidly. “Y-yes! They have anti-human features built in! And-and-and… some entertainer stuff too. They were going to just be an entertainment robot for the people, but then… Asgore…”

 

“Decided the tech would be best used as a defense, and not just amusement.” I finished for her.

 

She bobbed her head again. “Ye-ye-yes….”

 

“Hoo boy. Okay! I’ve made it past Undyne!” (Alphys gave another squeak, this time with a blush. Likely a result of her remembering the encounters.) “I can make it past a robot! So!” I gave my best dramatic fingerpoint to the Scientist. She jumped back in surprise. “How much time do we have to prepare?”

 

“Uhm, if, uhm, if I am thinking right we have-”

 

BANG!

 

“...We ha-”

 

_ BANG! _

 

_ “Oh no…” _

 

**_KABLAM!_ **

 

**_“OHHHH YESSSS!!!”_ **

 

The room was filled with white smoke as wall particles were strewn about.

 

**“Coming to you live from within the confines of the Royal Lab!”**

 

The boxy body wasn’t much to talk about. Just that, a basic boxy robot body, with noodly hose-arms capped with white-gloved hands, a single wheel that turned and rotated to keep him in balance, and a bunch of lights on his front that blinked in time and rhythm of his speech.

 

**“Mettaton!”**

 

Speaking of speech...

 

He sounded PERFECT. Diva with showmaster with just a hint of Tim Curry mixed with Keith David! It was… it was…  _ it was… _

 

**“Today, we have a special guest folks!”** Mettaton clapped his hands. Party lights were emitted from his body, and dazzled the walls, the floor, the ceiling, everywhere. 

 

**“That’s right! It’s….”** There was a drumroll from his speakers, until he showed me off with a flair and a spontaneous spotlight.  **“The HUMAN!”**

 

I gasped, and put my hands to my face and basically played the part of every overexcited Price-is-Right player EVER. Alphys gave a tiny giggle at my antics, while Mettaton…

 

**“Ohhh my goodness folks, we have a live one! Such passion! Such energy! Such hope! But, hope can be lost folks! And much more!”**

 

He whirled about on his wheel, twirling on it as he made his way over to the multi-screen station. Mettaton plugged a cord in, and the screens were replaced with a black one. Alphys gave a quick annoyed look to Mettaton, but wiped it off her face when she looked back to me.

 

**“The game? TRIVIA OF DOOM!”**

 

“Oooh! I like trivia!”

 

**“Oh do you, dear? Well!  Then you might like the rewards~”**

 

He swirled his hands around, and the lights went nuts. Knowing his fanbase, they likely did too.

 

**“IF! The human can answer enough questions? They get to leave and continue through the Valley of Hotlands!”** Canned (maybe?) cheers rang through out the Lab.

 

“Not bad, not bad at all.”

 

**“But~! If they fail~?”**

 

Mettaton’s screen went shock-red and he did his best evil villain pose.

 

**“THEY DIE!”**

 

“Eep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another chapter without a beta-reader, if only cause I was struck by inspiration early in the morning and well before Liatai would be awake.
> 
> Hope it reads well nonetheless, and look forward to the next chapter folks!
> 
> The show goes on!


	19. That Voice Could Rule the World

Lasers swirled, Mettaton danced to the beat (an extremely rocking version of Metal Crusher. Nice), and the Trivia Show began!

**“Tell you what, human. Because you are** **_so_ ** **energetic, I’ll start you off with an easy one!”**

Mettaton waved his hand grandly, and the first trivia question popped up on the main screen. There was also a thirty-second timer that sprung up on the lesser screens.

1_What is your reward for answering correctly?

A) Hotlands  
B) Living  
C) A Kiss  
D) More Questions

I glanced over at Alphy briefly, and shouted out, “D! More Questions!”

Mettaton clapped while random bits of confetti fell from the ceiling. Both Alphys and myself looked up in confusion, wondering just where the heck it came from.

**“OH! Well, if you say so darling! I was going to let you pass with a kiss, but if it’s more questions you want, it’s more questions you’ll get!”**

Another swirl of his hand, and the next question appeared.

2_What is the King’s Full Nickname?

A) His Majesty Asgore  
B) His Royal Highness Asgore  
C) King Fluffybuns  
D) King Under the Mountain

_ Okay, that’s a changeup. _

I didn’t even look at Alphys this time, and cried out, “C! King Fluffybuns!”

More clapping, and more confetti. **“You are on a roll, darling! Can you keep it up? You had better!”**

The ghost in a shell bobbed around, quite obviously enjoying the scene. He twirled his microphone around ( _ Where did he get that? _ ) and pointed up at the screen.

3_What are boy robots made up of?

A) Hopes, Dreams, and Magical Things  
B) Snips, Magic, and Metal  
C) Glitter, Magic, and Metal  
D) Mercy

OK, that one had me stumped for a second. I looked at Alphys, and she discreetly made a ‘C’ shape with her hand.

“C again! Glitter, Magic, and Metal!”

Mettaton waved a finger at me.  **“Drat, I hoped to get you on that one. How about a math problem?”**

With a thumbs up from our host, the next question displayed thusly:

4_Two trains, Train A, and Train B, simultaneously depart Station A and Station B. Station A, and Station B are 252.5 miles apart from each other. Train A is moving at 124.7mph towards Station B, and Train B is moving at 253.5mph towards Station A. If both trains departed at 10:00 AM and it is now 10:08, how much longer until both trains pass each other?

A) 31.054 minutes  
B) 16.232 minutes  
C) 32.049 minutes  
D) 32.058 minutes

Yeah, I was okay at math, but not that good. Another glance to the Royal Scientist gave me the way out.

“Uhm, D! Thirty two point something or other….”

**“Oooh, you are lucky I accept the letters, or that would count as a fail, human!”** Mettaton did another little dance.  **“Surely Alphys isn’t helping you or anything, right?”**

“Nope!”

“N-n-n-no I’m not!”

**“Good! On to the next!”** This time, the words were accompanied by an image of a jar with a bunch of flies zipping around.

5_How many flies are in this jar?

A) 54  
B) 53  
C) 55  
D) 52

I grinned, I had memorized this and one other question. “A!”

**_ZAP!!!_ **

I was knocked off my feet by a powerful electrical surge, and landed on my back. The impact knocked the wind out of me yet again.

When I struggled to get back up to my feet, Mettaton was waggling a finger and wobbling back and forth. Alphys looked positively mortified.

**“Ohhhh so sorry, darling! The correct answer was D! At least we definitely know Alphys is not helping you; she could have gotten that one in an instant!”**

I smiled weakly to Alphys, but gave that sexy-voiced bastard a small glare.

**“Oh yes! Channel that anger! Into this question!**

Another picture came up, with half of what looked like a Whimsun on the screen.

6_Who is this?

A) Froggit  
B) Whimsun  
C) Moldysmol  
D) Mettaton

I didn’t chance it this time. I gave Alphys a quick look once more, and got my answer.

“D! You!”

**“Now darling, is it D or is it U?”**

“....It’s D.”

**“Good! I was worried that the shock scrambled your brain! It definitely didn’t harm your memory!”** The picture pulled back to reveal, yes, Mettaton in a Whimsun shirt.

**“I am so glad you remembered! Here’s another easy one for you!”**

7_Would you smooch a ghost?

A) Heck Yes!  
B) Heck Yes!  
C) Heck Yes!  
D) Heck Yes!  


Just like in the game, the timer went UP instead of down. Alphys gave a less hidden look of annoyance to Mettaton, who ignored her in favor of me.

I gathered myself up, and grinned very cheekily at the host of our game. He backed up a smidge.

A pair of finger guns were whipped out, and pointed at Mettaton. “Depends on who’s asking.” Complete with wink and tongue clicks.

The canned (again, maybe?) cheers went WILD. Alphys blushed an amazing red that was matched by that of Mettaton’s screen.

**“OHHHHH MYYY! Ohhh that may not be an answer, but I shall accept it! OHHH!”**

He fanned his face-plate with his hand as the next question typed out on the screen.

8_How many let-

**“OH no no no, we’ll give you that one for the amazing cheek of that answer! OHH!”**

Eight was skipped, and Nine replaced it.

9_In the dating simulation video game "Mew Mew Kissy Cutie" what is Mew Mew's favorite food?

Before any of the answers could spring up, Alphys gave a squeak!

“OH! OH! I KNOW THIS ONE!!! IT'S SNAIL ICE CREAM!!!!!!!! IN THE FOURTH CHAPTER EVERYONE GOES TO THE BEACH!!! AND SHE BUYS ICE CREAM FOR ALL OF HER FRIENDS!!!! BUT IT'S SNAIL FLAVOR AND SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS IT!!!!!! IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE GAME BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY A VERY POWERFUL message about friendship and…”

Mettaton was staring at her.  _ I  _ was staring at her. Granted, I knew it was coming, but the sheer ferocity and nimbleness of her answer stunned me.

_ Girl didn’t even breathe, daymn. _

Mettaton wasn’t nearly as amused as I was.

**“Ohhh Alphys, darling,** **_have_ ** **you been helping them all this time?”**

“What?! N-no I-I-I-I-” Alphys shook her head furiously, and became even redder when she realized she was the focus of the cameras now. Wherever they were.

**“Darling darling darling! All you had to do was say you wanted to join in! Here! Have a special made question! Just for** **_you_ ** **!”**

Alphys buried her face in her hands(claws?) once we read the latest question:

10_Who does Dr. Alphys have a crush on?

A) King Asgore  
B) Undyne  
C) The Human  
D) Unknown  


The clock remained frozen, and Mettaton wheeled over, to put the microphone in my face.

I kept silent, and my face stony.

**“Well, darling? The audience is waiting, and Alphys obviously isn’t going to be answering any time soon.”**

I glanced at the poor girl, and saw that she was curling into a tighter and tighter ball as the seconds passed.

_ Yep. I am definitely going to tell her, lest this jerk continue to make a fool of her. _

I snapped the microphone out of Mettaton’s hand, and tossed it over my shoulder.

Everything went still, with the lights cutting out and the music shutting down in a split second.

**“What-”**

“Show’s over, you lump of iron. I answered your questions with a passing rate, and I’m not answering that one. Now bug off.”

Alphys peeked out between her fingers, and between Mettaton and myself.

The robot was quiet for a few moments, then snapped his fingers. The lights and gameshow music started up again.

**“How bold! How daring! How heroic! Taking a chance for the Royal Scientist! Oh! I love it! Good play, darling! Now, I bid you adieu, till next we meet! Ta-ta~”**

The wheel turned, followed swiftly and smoothly by the rest of Mettaton’s rectangular body. He wheeled out of there with a squeal and out into the blaze of Hotlands.

I shook my head at his passing, and stepped over to Alphys. “You ok?”

“I-I-I-I’m… I….” The poor girl stuttered and stumbled, and was starting to fidget with her tail again.

“Hey hey hey. Don’t worry about that jerk. He shouldn’t have done that to you, and on live television no less.”

“Phh, it’s not live, he records most of it for later.” Alphys spat under her breath.

_ I knew it! _

“Well, regardless. That was a dick move. Big time.” I helped her back to her chair at her computer, and got her to sit down.

“Th-th-thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” There was an awkward pause between us, in which I stood there rubbing the back of my neck, and Alphys turned back and forth on her chair.

_ Well. Now or never. _

“Hey, Alphys?”

“Y-y-yes?”

“I, uh, I have a confession to make.”

Alphys’ mind must have gone straight to the gutter, cause she squeaked and fell off her chair.

“You okay?!”

“I-I-I-I’m fine!” She got up and brushed herself off. She was even standing a little taller. “What were you going to say?”

I breathed deep, and let it out slowly. “I kinda… already know that… this is a bit of a farce.”

The Royal Scientist wilted. Her voice was tiny when she finally answered. “Y-y-y-you do?”

“It was kinda obvious. With the answers and all. But…” I knelt down to get eyelevel with her. “I was just going to play along help you. I know why you’re doing this.”

Her eyes widened. “Y-y-y-y-y-you do???”

I nodded. “You need the confidence boost, and this will help you. But I suspect a certain metallic lump,” I thumbed at the door, “Is going to cause no end of trouble.”

“....Yeah. I-I-I can s-s-see that.”

“So! Know what we are going to do?”

Alphys gave me a wary look. “What?”

“Let’s go over the script, help you memorize or reword certain things, and then...change it on him.”

“....What?”

“Give the guy a taste of his own medicine. Keep things interesting. You’ll get to play a hero while actually being a hero, cause frankly? I can tell that you are the smartest being down here, and you can help me through every puzzle I might come across. And we aren’t about to let some showboating killer robot keep you down. You with me?”

“...Y-y-yeah…”

“Come on, stronger.”

“...Yeah.”

“Feeling! Gusto!”

“Yeah!”

“Undyne-level ferocity!”

“YEAH!” Alphys squeaked as loudly as she could, going slightly red in the process, but keeping her cool nonetheless.

“And the best part?”   
  
“Wh-what?”   
  
“We pull this off, and you’ll have everyone liking you about as much as they do Mettaton.”

The Royal Scientist’s eyes went huge, and she started to fidget again. “Uhm…”

I grinned and waved a hand. “Or at least it will get you in your groove again.”

I held out a hand. “Shall we?”

She looked at the hand, then back at my face, then back at the hand. She finally let loose a real smile and grasped it.

“Lets!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Two chapters! One day! Fire!
> 
> Liatai may not have been awake for Eighteen, but she was very awake and thrilled with Nineteen! I think that of the characters, Alphys is one that is close up to the top of her "I Like" list.
> 
> Let's see how things work out for them, eh?


	20. Screw that Voice, Actually.

“...And when he does that…”  
  
“I-I-I jump in and declare his plan thwarted!”

 

“Yeah! Alrighty! Got a plan goin’ together, this is awesome.”

 

Alphys and I had spent the last few hours going over the script, and cherry-picking the places to change, and which ones to embellish. It was going rather smoothly actually. And most of the ideas? They were hers.

 

“A-a-and you’re sure this will work?”

 

“Very. There’s always a chance of failure, but if we do what we can? Decreases. You know that, you’re a scientist.”

 

She nodded nervously. “Yeah. Yeah! That-that-that’s a thing.”

 

I smiled to the lizard… dinosaur lady. Even in person and up close it was hard to tell which was the thing. Eh, reptilian in some manner. Good enough.

 

“Wh-wh-what if… I screw up?”

 

I patted her on the shoulder. She didn’t flinch near as much this time, so she was definitely getting better with contact.

 

“Big thing to remember, and this is likely something that dingbat didn’t tell you.”

 

Alphys gave a nervous chuckle to the minor slight.

 

“If you can’t remember the line exactly, go for the spirit of the line. Come up with the words that say the same thing. ‘Halt villain’ can become ‘stop fiend’, ‘I will save you’ can become-”

 

“I am here to rescue you!”

 

“There you go! Just… breathe. Think positive, think confidence. Project. Make it sound like you know what you are talking about, and the confidence will come along.”

 

She nodded again, then gave me a weird look. “H-h-how do you know this stuff?”

 

I rubbed my neck for the umpteenth time that afternoon.

 

“I… used to be in sales. Was pretty good at it too, after some time. Promoted for it. And I got to teach other sales folk. Had to teach them what worked for me, cause they were in the same spot I once was.”

 

Alphys tilted her head slightly, her expression changing to that of curiosity.

 

I sighed. “You’re good… I used to be very very pessimistic. Still kinda am. But… I’ve been working on that. Pessimism has its uses, but if you let it rule every decision? It kills ya.”

 

The lizard-dino-lady gave a small nod, and focused back to the multitudes of blueprints we had drawn up in our planning.

 

“Uh… yeah. Anyways!” I poked at one drawing in particular. “This looks to be the first one. I say we kinda stick to the script, but if he decides to be a jerk?”

 

“Plan Buh-buh-B!”

 

“Yep. ‘Til then I think we should get goin’. Or I should, anyways. You need to stick to the command center after all.” I pulled out my cellphone. “Let me get your dig-”

 

“Wait. Wait.” She ripped my phone from my hand, and looked it over. “Is… this what you’ve been using? It’s… it’s so OLD. I mean, it can text okay, but… eesh.”

 

“It’s a bit prehistoric, but it’s what Papyrus gave me. Was kinda short a phone in my journey till he handed it over.”

 

“Still… hey, mind if I…?”

 

I gave a polite wave to the phone and to her. “Knock yourself out, ma’am.”

 

Alphys grinned in a wide, mischievous manner, and scampered off to a corner of her Lab. A great deal of banging and whirring ensued, and despite my pre-knowledge, I was a little worried for my poor device.

 

She came back soon enough, and presented to me one largely unchanged phone. On the outside, anyways.

 

“I-I-I added a couple features, namely the ability to tap into the UnderNet, and even signed you up to our social media sphere!”

 

“Ooh, neat. Fun fact? Back on the surface? Never liked social media. Too many jerks. But here? Must be nice.”

 

“O-o-oh, it can be. Just be c-c-careful who you friend. sans is an utter troll.”

 

I just smirked at the lady scientist. “You don’t say?”

 

She giggled. “A-a-anyways! There are a few other functions, but you can activate th-th-them later. Don’t w-w-want it to run out of juice.”

 

I pocketed the phone once more, and smiled warmly to Alphys. “Thanks.”

 

“N-n-no pr-pr-problem. I, uh, I….”

 

I patted her on the shoulder again, and she smiled back.

 

“I can do this!”

 

“Yes. Yes you can.” I turned to the exit, and gave it a wary look. “Now. For Hotland.”

 

“Y-y-you’ll be ok. The heat isn’t s-s-so bad…”

 

“Not the heat I’m too totally worried about. But I thank you for the concern too.”

 

I stepped out of the lab with a wave to Alphys (who gave an adorable, excited wave back), and once outside, the door VWOOSHED closed behind me.

 

Before I did anything else, though, I plucked my phone from my pocket, and decided to check out the UnderNet. Sure enough, the social thing was the front page, and my username was…

 

“RandomHumanTheFirst. Okay then. Subtle.”

 

I scrolled through the list of people, and grinned when I found that Alphys had already friended me. Next up?

 

“Cool...Skeleton...9….5… there we go.” I sent out a friend request.

 

Not a split second had passed before the invite was accepted, and I heard a shout of joy echo from way beyond the Labs.

 

“That was… pretty well expected, really. Heh. Made his day at least.”

 

I set about, friending folks as I could find them, and moved along the path of Hotland as I did so.

 

Just as I had sent an invite out to Napstablook, I stumbled into someone, and nearly got a faceful of magic lava.

 

“Happy! Happy! Healing Hugs!!!”

 

The tiny Vulkin jumped for joy, and started to spew bits or red lava all over.

 

“Healing Lava! Healing Hugs!”

 

I backed off, and put my hands up. “No no no no, that is very painful stuff for folks like me.”

 

“Healing! Happy!”

 

 _Oh jeeze, there’s only going to be one solution, isn’t there?_ I winced at the thought, and opened up my arms.

 

The Vulkin gasped happily, and slammed into my chest, bubbling even more lava about. “Happy! Happy!”

 

 _Pain.. pain!_ I was cringing something fierce as the orange magic did it’s duty, and I set the small monster down after a few excruciating seconds. Parts of my hoodie were starting to smoke.

 

“Yay! Happy! I did good! Yay!”

 

“That, uh, that you did. Now, uh, be a dear, and let the others know I am all healed up? Too much good could be bad, you know?”

 

She gave a gasp! “No! No bad! Must warn! Bye bye!” The Vulkin toddled off, tiny amounts of red goo splashing here and there after her.

 

As soon as the monster was out of sight, I immediately started patting myself down and tried to put out the fledgling inferno.

 

“Ow ow ow ow ow!”

 

Once I was sure I wasn’t going to burst into flames, I checked my phone to see if the invite went through.

 

“Aaaaaaand… they rejected themselves? Wait what? That can’t happ… Oh, poor ghost.  Eesh. I’ll see if I can get them to accept it in person. They seemed to enjoy contact stuff.”

 

I fiddled with the phone some more, and chuckled when I found two spots that were locked with a Mew Mew Kissie Cutie splash page. _Yep. Definitely Alphys’ handiwork._

 

It wasn’t long before I got my first taste of the conveyor belts. They were pretty freaking zippy. The first round of them, I nearly fell on my butt.

 

When it came to the ones that twisted around? I fell, rolled, and was pretty much ejected off them when I was carted to the end.

 

“Oof ugh ow elbow kneecap!” When I came to a complete stop, I moaned in pain.

 

“Ow.” _This place is going to be painful. Ugh._

 

I picked myself up and brushed myself off. That bit of conveyor belt nonsense done with, I decided to take a short detour south when I had the chance.

 

I saw the Burnt Pan just lying in the dirt, on a small rock-island in the middle of lava. Magma? Whatever.

 

The steam vent device switched back and forth between the way to the Pan, and the waste of time direction. It was a little off-putting, but I had an idea...

 

“Hey, Alphys.”

 

“Hi! Are you in trouble already?”

 

“Eh, not so much in trouble as cautious. By any chance do you have any control over the change-speed of these vents?”

 

“The vents? OHH! Th-th-the vents! I m-m-might be able to slow them down! But, uh, b-b-but it might be kinda boring if that d-d-do that.”

 

“I am, heh, cool with that. I like puzzles, but not when it means I could accidentally be spewed into lava.”

 

“You d-d-don’t have to worry about th-th-that! The Puzzles of Monsterkind are geared to never cause permanent h-h-harm!”

 

“Less guesswork then?”

 

I heard Alphys giggle over the phone’s speaker. “Hehehe, okay, I can do it to a _few_ of them, but not all of them! Theses are cu-cu-culturally significant! And n-n-no telling if Mettaton has his cameras going.”

 

“Okay, okay, you’re the boss, miss Royal Scientist.”

 

“D-d-darn tootin’ I am! Now! B-b-behold my hackery skills!”

 

I heard a grand total of one click. The steam pad before me started to slow down its swapping, till it took several seconds to switch directions.

 

“H-h-how’s that?”

 

“Much better. Less fear-inducing.”

 

More giggles. “I changed up a few others, but only a few. I have a r-r-reputation to uphold!”

 

“Is cool, doodette. Call ya if there’s more problems, or if something happens, kay?”

 

“O-o-okay! A-A-Alphys out!”

 

I clicked my phone closed, waited for the arrow to point back to the Burnt Pan. I stepped on the device lightly, but the moment the tip of my black shoe touched it…

 

“WHAOOO!!!”

 

I was sent off like an overcharged bottlerocket!

 

“OOF!” I landed on the ground with about as much grace as a dizzy Temmie. Luckily for me, I didn’t land on the Pan, or knock it off the edge in the process. When I picked up the potential weapon, I looked it over.

 

“Cast iron, burnt but not by lava.” I took a sniff. “Holy crud this thing’s been well seasoned! Minus the dirt, I bet there are tons of chefs that would love to get their hands on this! No wonder it boosts food-magic.”

 

I gave it a flip, tested it weight. All in all? Pretty sturdy, if heavy, pan.

 

“Could be useful as a shield if need be.” With a grin on my face, I took the conveyor belt back to the main path. And had to pick myself off the ground again at the end of it.

 

RandomHumanTheFirst: _You are absolutely right, these conveyor belts are the pits._

 

CoolSkeleton95: _FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN!_

 

StrongFish91: _You’re both a couple of wusses. Wait till you hear my puzzle plans!_

 

I noped out of that conversation by closing up my phone. Pan in hand, I decided to stroll about. Not like I was in much of a rush or anything.

 

Granted, when I touched the pads, I was rushed around quite a bit. I did not get a good handle on those things, I tell you what. I was like an eagle!

 

Piloting a blimp.

 

Blind.

 

In a hurricane.

 

“Ugghhh stupid… vents.” I simply laid on the ground after my latest landing, and was not too keen to get up any time soon.

 

_*RING RING RING! RING RING RING! PHONE CALL! PHONE CALL!*_

 

_If that isn’t Alphys, I’ll eat my gloves._

 

“Hello?”  
  
“H-h-hey! If I remember right, with where your ph-ph-phone is saying you are, you should be close to the l-l-lasers!”

 

I pulled my head up. Lo and Behold. Lasers.

  
“Yep. Orange and blue.”

 

“Uh huh! Y-y-you kinda know about blue magic, well light b-b-blue magic, but orange m-m-magic is different.”

 

“Hm… if I can guess?”

 

“Huh? Yeah!”

 

“Lessee… orange. Opposite spectrum. Blue means stop down here. So…”

 

I paused for the effect to let Alphys think I was pondering out the answer.

 

“Orange must mean it is go-time.”

 

“Y-y-yeah! Got it in one! Wow! O-o-okay! Just… take this c-c-carefully, and you will be fine! This is an easy one.”

 

“Gotcha. Thanks for the heads up, Home Command.”

 

“Y-y-you betcha!” A small squeal of delight came over the phone a split second before she shut it off on her end.

 

Considering the bruises, and the fact that I spied a camera nearby, I decided to have a bit of fun with this one.

 

I got up on my tip-toes and snuck over towards the orange lasers.

 

“Sneaky sneaky sneaky STOP!” I did indeed stop, and did the most ridiculous pose I could think of. The blue one passed me by, and I continued.

 

“Sneaky sneaky sneaky STOP!” The next one did too.

 

“Sneaky. Sneaky. Sneaky… sneaky… sneaky… SNEAKYSNEAKYSNEAKY STOP And.. JUMP!” I leapt over the last set of orange lasers, landed with as much flair as I could muster.

  
“TADAH!”

 

Confetti exploded out of the pipes over my head.

 

“Thank you, thank you, today’s bit of hilarity was brought to you by HEAT! IT’S EVERYWHERE IN HOTLAND! Get used to it!™” Completed with cheesy salesperson grin.

 

I swear I heard quite a bit of metallic laughter ringing out from the chamber in the distance. And from the labs behind me.

 

A grin plastered on my face, I strutted forth, not the least bothered by my random aches and pains anymore. It wasn’t long at all before I got to the massive three-way chamber.

 

_*RING RING RING! RI-*_

 

“Hey Alphys.”

 

“Hehehehehehehehehe!”

 

“Saw that did you?”

  
“HEHEHEHEHE*SNORT!*HEHEHEHE!”

 

“Oh dear, I broke the Royal Scientist.”

 

Alphys laughed (and snorted) harder, and I let her giggle herself to submission.

 

“You-hehehe! You sh-sh-should be at the Locked Door Chamber, Number One.”

 

“Multiple?”

 

“A-a-at least two.”

 

“Well dang.”

 

“I-i-it’s not so bad! There are a couple of p-p-puzzles to the left and right of the doors, and if you complete them, you unlock it! Easy!”

 

“Huh. Fair enough.”

 

“I, uh, I guess I should let you get to it then?”

 

“I suppose.” I started making my way over to the left puzzle. “Unless you want to chat some more?”

 

“I-I-I-I-I-I can do that!” I heard some rustling about, mostly paper. While she got herself prepared, I marveled at the machine in front of me.

 

_It’s the most gorgeous retro-grand-sized arcade game machine I have ever seen. Shoulda… sent… a poet…._

 

“Okay!” I heard her rustle some more while I got the blocks into place.

 

_Wow. Simple as this is, there are the most fluid and solid controls I have ever touched. Eat your heart out, triple-A-games!_

 

“What-is-your-favorite-anime?”

 

I couldn’t help but wince at that, which made me miss my shot in the process. “Alphys, are you using a magazine to help you?”

  
“I, um, y-y-yes?”

 

“Come on doodette. Like we talked about.” Shot MADE! The game beeped out its quick congratulations. “Ad lib.”

 

“I… I… Okay! So, uh, really, what is your favorite?”

 

“Hmm. Toughie.” My hand fiddled with the Pan while I contemplated and mosied on over to the rightmost puzzle.

 

“If a single movie could count, then I would say ‘Little Nemo.’ Mostly for nostalgic purposes, but it holds a place in my heart. And it does have a few good well-animated parts.”

 

“I-I-I haven’t heard of that one. Then again, Underground, lots I haven’t heard of.”

 

“Little boy has really intense dreams and nightmares. Eventually, he gets sucked into his own fantastical world, and to the King of Dreams himself. However, after some advice ignored and a trickster friend later, the Nightmare is released, and spreads its gooey darkness on the land. It’s equal parts saccharine sweet and unholy terror.”

 

“That d-d-d-does sound pretty interesting!”

 

“Yours?”

 

“MEW MEW- I-I-I mean, Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. The animation is a little… weird, but I find myself connecting with the main heroine a lot.”

 

“Cause you want to kiss people?”

 

There was a flustered squeak (and I think I heard a muttering of “one fish in particular”) and quite a bit of stumbling before she could answer again. I took this time to complete the second puzzle with ease.

 

“I-i-i-it’s cause she helps people… even if she can be a bit… manipulative.”

 

“Ah. Gotcha. See? You wanted to be the hero, and now? You got the chance. Doing great, by the way.”

 

Alphys went silent for a rather worrying amount of time.

 

_Right. True Lab. Might have overdone that one too. Sorry, cutie._

 

“Hey, uhm, I gotta go. Need to get ready for the next part. Okay?”

 

“Sure thing, Alphys. Hear from ya soon.”

 

A quick affirmation later, there was a click, and I was left to stare at the door. I tapped it once, and the massive rocky things slid open with a great deal of grinding.

 

_I’d suggest oil, but not only would that not work, it’d like burst into flames around here._

 

I was not at all pleased to see the four vents leading up to what was Mettaton’s second show-piece.

 

I carefully stepped on the first panel…

 

...And landed on linoleum when all was said and done. I skidded with a screech for at least five feet in the process.

 

“I.” A smacked the floor with a fist.

 

“Hate.” Once more.

 

“Those.” Yet again.

 

“Vents!” Open palmed smack that time, and it echoed a little too.

 

“...Ow.”

 

_*RING RING R-*_

 

“Hello gorgeous.”

 

That got a very embarrassed eep.

 

“What’s up with the lack of lights? And is this… linoleum?”

 

“Wait? D-did you say… oh no!”

  
**“OHHH YESSS!”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun with this one. Liatai did too, and she liked how things went in the beginning there.
> 
> Much musing has been had, and as an interesting note, the thoughts of endgame have become quite clear to me...
> 
> Later folks!


	21. I! HATE! VENTS!

Spotlights suddenly flooded the area, revealing…!

 

A great deal of pain as I clutched my head.

 

“My eyes! My poor useless eyes!”

 

While I kept bemoaning my fate, Mettaton had carried on without pause.

 

**“...With a Killer Robot! Tonight! We have a Special Guest! And a Special Recipe!”**

 

Canned (definitely canned now, I could tell) applause filled the air. Mettaton took a grandiose bow and snagged me under the armpit in the process. I took this chance to look around a bit blearily, and noticed that between the dots, the kitchen we were in was the perfect mesh of Fifties’ era cookery and as-seen-on-television setup. So, pretty gaudy yet completely with Mettaton’s style.

 

**“Who is tonight’s Special Guest?”** He wrenched me up off the floor and onto my feet, and slapped me in the small of my aching back. 

 

“Oof!”

 

**“The Human! You may remember this cheeky being that not only put the moves on your lovely host, but also took a stand for the lovely Royal Scientist!”**

 

I switched gears, and in spite of the spots I was still saw, did my best diva wave and mugged the cameras for all they were worth.

 

**“Oh ho ho darling! The show’s just begun! Please, contain yourself!”** The boxy robot pulled me into a side-long hug, and spun me away a second later.

 

**“And what is tonight’s Special Recipe you may ask?”** A drumroll filled the air. Unlike the skele-bros’ ability to simply surround the area with music, this was obviously pumped in from a few speakers.

 

Mettaton posed with style, and the laser-show from before emitted from his body.  **“A cake! A scrumptious chocolate cake!”**

 

More canned applause, to which I joined in. I made myself look as pumped as possible. Which, admittedly was quite a bit. Jerk he may be, but this was METTATON. Voice alone was enough to make me-

 

**“Now! My dear human! As per regulations, I am forbidden from grabbing the ingredients! So!”** He waved around, and a small pile of stuff was put under the spotlight.

 

**“Please! Grab them all! But do it quickly AND only one type of ingredient at a time!”**

 

I noticed a massive electronic clock that buzzed into life over the fake window. It displayed a rather intimidating three-minute countdown.

 

**“Aaaaaaaand… BEGIN!”**

 

I zipped to the pile, and snagged the flour first. I ran back to the initial counter and set it down, then sped back. Milk was next, followed shortly by the eggs, baking powder, cream, butter, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, chocolate powder, chocolate bunnies, chocolate pieces in the shape of Mettaton’s face, and finally! A cake pan.

 

When I slammed down the rectangle of metal (not enough to dent it, but enough to make it ring), Mettaton was clapping loudly, the canned crowd had reached it’s peak in excitement, and the clock read a scant twelve seconds.

 

**“Bravo! Bravo, human! You collected everything just in time!”** He made a show of checking over the ingredients, and looked more and more delighted as the time passed.

 

At the end of it, however, Mettaton gasped loudly!

 

**“Oh my! Oh darling, you forgot the most key ingredient to this cake!”**

 

“”What, the sugar?”

 

**“No.”**

 

“We have the milk. And cream, kinda redundant but-”

 

**“Oh no no no, something far more special!”**

 

“We have, like, eighty different styles of chocolate, so…?”

 

Mettaton waggled a finger at me.  **“Ohhhhh darling, this is something very important!”**

 

The robot ducked under the counter, and pulled out a massive chainsaw!

 

“Oh nertz.”

 

**“ONE! FRESH! HUMAN! SOUL!”**

 

Mettaton revved up the machine, it and the fake audience screaming loudly.

 

I backed up with my hands up, but right when I hit my second step, I activated Alphys’ plan.

  
“Hey. Waitaminnit.”

 

**“Hm? What is it darling?”** Mettaton stopped on the spot, but kept the murderous device pointed straight at me.

 

“How… how is this an imitable recipe? I mean, I’m maybe the seventh soul to fall down here. How would the folks at home even have a chance to  _ make _ this?”

 

Mettaton just froze.  **“Well! That’s what makes the cake so special!”**

 

My phone rang, right on cue.

 

“Mind if I…?”

 

**“By all means, darling! This can be a call-in show after all.”**

 

I flipped the device open, and mocked listening for a few seconds.

 

“Oh? Okay then.” I pushed a button, and the phone went on speaker.

 

“H-h-hey! Mettaton!”

 

**“It’s the Royal Scientist! I knew I smelled a special something between you two! And I could have sworn you were with someone else!”** The created crowd wolf-whistled.

 

Alphys was silent for a few seconds.

 

_ Come on, you can do it. Don’t let him throw you off your game. _

 

The Royal Scientist piped up, “Yeah! We’re good friends now! And besides, human soul is far too rare to use like this!”

 

Mettaton looked a little shocked at the response, but only for a split second.

 

**“Ohhhh, is it? I suppose you two may be right, but whatever could I replace it with?”**

 

“W-w-why not use that imitation soul stuff you have? I-i-it’s easier to find, and nicer to vegan folks!”

 

I nodded. “She’s got a point! And if that was the case, why are we using eggs?”

 

“O-o-or milk?”

 

Mettaton’s arms went limp, but he made an astounding effort to look untroubled after a second or two.

 

**“Good questions! And to that, I say! This is the normal recipe! And that any substitutions you decide to put in are up to your discrecion!”**

 

Mettaton tossed the now-silent chainsaw over his shoulder, which became lodged in the refrigerator’s door. I was guessing he was a little annoyed by this point.

 

**“Well! If this is the case, then the rules still apply! Human! See that can over there?”**

 

He pointed yonder, and indeed, there was a lone can sitting on a rather out-of-place bedroom mini-dresser.

 

**“You have to nab it for me! Be a dear?”**

 

“Hey, no probs, beautiful.”

 

I gave another set of finger guns. The crowd went wild, Mettaton put on his best blushing screen, and Alphys’ laughter rang out from the phone.

 

With a bit of a strut to my stroll, I semi-danced my way over to the can. Just as I was about to grab the substitute, the dresser shrank for a second, then EXPLODED upwards. Now it towered above me, and still growing!

 

“Well. This is a bit of pickle.”

 

**“No pickles today, darling!”** Mettaton floated into view, with his wheel replaced by a rather plain looking jet system.  **“You are still on a timer, but because it’s only the one item, I suppose I can give you, ohh….”**

 

**“ONE MINUTE!”**

 

“Crudballs.”

 

**“And if you fail to make it to the top?”**

 

“I die?”

 

**“Well, I was going to say you have to pay for our date, but if you want that instead, so be it!”** With a cackle, he zipped up and away.

 

“Alphys?”

 

“I-I-I heard! Cheap bas- I mean! Th-th-the first function is unlocked! Push the button and go go g-g-go!”

 

The Mew Mew picture faded away, and I pushed the button on the screen.

 

_ Wait, this isn’t touch- _

 

My internal complaint was interrupted when the phone started to shift and morph! It floated out of my hand, growing considerably bigger and bigger, until…!

 

“Hooooollly nutballs! A freaking jetpack!”

 

“H-h-heck yeah it’s freakin a jetpack!” Alphys’ voice came through a small speaker that survived the process. “Now g-g-g-get going!”

 

I grinned eagerly as I strapped myself in. With a push of another button, WHOOSH! I took to the air and after the can!

"WHOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!" 

 

I heard the timer down below beeping away, and saw Mettaton waiting for me.

 

**“Tonights special event! Chocolate Rain!”**

 

Instead of the usual puffs of flour, spilled milk, and dropped eggs, Mettaton did in fact start showering me with bits of the chocolate I ran back and forth to collect for the guy.

 

I ducked and weaved as best as I could, and nearly lost control twice. The sweet obstacles pelted me all over, and threatened to gunk up my engines in the process.

 

But! In spite of my lack of jet-pack knowledge and chocolatey doom! I made it to the Can of Fake Soul with three seconds to spare!

 

**“OH! Drat! Double Drat! Thanks to the mighty efforts of the Royal Scientist, you have thwarted me! And in the nick of time too!”**  Mettaton shooed me back down to the ground. He, the dresser, and I all lowered fairly quickly.

 

**“For that, folks, is the end of our time! Please! Stay tuned! The human has many more trials ahead! Alphys can’t keep them safe forever, darlings!”**

 

“Y-Yes she can!”

 

**“U-until then darlings! Tata~!”**

 

Mettaton shifted his faceplate to me for all of a second, before he blasted off further into the Hotlands.

  
“Aaaaand scene. Apparently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but again, I felt like this sort of scene deserved its own slot.
> 
> Liatai giggled a few times, especially at the cut-short-curse. I did too, but for a different reason than hers.
> 
> Hope ya'll had a couple chuckles, and see ya in the next!


	22. So. Much. Chocolate

My phone-turned-jetpack started to beep wildly. I slipped it off, and started looking it over.

 

“Alphys?”

 

“U-u-u-uh, that’s normal! It’s j-j-just low on energy. Push the b-b-blue button next to the s-s-speaker!”

 

Once the button was found, it was pressed. Slowly but surely, the awesome jetpack became a somewhat equally-awesome phone once more.

 

“Neat. Any chance it could-”

 

“N-n-no. Sorry. It uses too much energy all at once, and I’d need to charge it up again. And you’re on a one-way path at the m-m-moment.”

 

“Ah nertz. Fair enough. Onwards?”

 

“O-o-onwards!”

 

I kept the phone close. If I remembered right, there was something around the corner that was going to have me calling back anyways.

 

My pace slowed to a crawl, then a complete stop at the sight.

 

The CORE was… magnificent. Gargantuan pipes towered out of the lava, their great height noticeable even at this distance. Steam whistled out of the machinery, more than loud enough to be heard from this rocky shore against the lava. It’s metal gleamed in the orange-red glow, and the sheer amount of power it encapsulated and produced was simply palpable. Gears being ground, magic being produced… I could hear and feel it all.

“Holy… just… wow.”

 

It was a while before Alphys said anything.

 

“That’s the CORE. The main power-source of all of Monsterkind. We trap the geothermal energies of the lava in this chamber to produce magic.”

 

“How?”

 

“I… I… I don’t know. The machine was around before me, but no one knows who the creator was. It’s like whoever did it just… got erased. I know how to maintain it, how to keep it going, but how it does what it does? It’s a mystery.”

 

I stared at the device. _Maybe the last great gift of the Doctor before his horrific accident._

 

“But even if we don’t know how it works, every Monster aware of it its existence is grateful. Without it, life would be… even harder than it already is.”

 

I gave a grim nod, then remembered that Alphys couldn’t see me. “I can understand that. Just… Wow. It’s gorgeous.”

 

“Y-y-yeah. It is. The few times I like to leave the Lab, I head out there, and just… stare.”

 

My focus was kept on the device for a few more moments. “Well. I’d like to just watch it work, but, we have a diva waiting for us.”

 

“And p-p-puzzles! Don’t forget the puzzles!”

 

“Heh, don’t worry, I didn’t forget. Thanks Alphys.”

 

“Y-y-you’re welcome!” There was a click, and the Royal Scientist was gone. For now.

 

I tore my eyes away from the entrancing machinery, and moseyed on further into Hotlands.

 

The elevator-wonkavator ride wasn’t too bad. Fairly short. Thanks to the magic of the machine, however, I couldn’t tell if it was going up, down, left, or right. Just that it had moved.

 

_Yet another mystery-undoing foiled!_

 

When I stepped out, there was the tiny flame-man waiting.

 

“Hey there.”

 

“HEY!  My name is HEATS FLAMESMAN! Remember it!”

 

“....Okay.”

 

“Good!” And with that, he jumped off the path and into the lava. Well, onto it. He waltzed along the molten rock like it was just a regular pathway.

 

_Might as well be for a flame-being like him._

 

I shook my head, and continued onwards. Upon making it to the plataeu, I finally found another familiar face!

 

“sup.”

 

“Hey there sans! How ya doing?”

 

“eh i’m good. and doing good on my promise to papyrus.”

 

“Which one?”

 

sans made a wave to his stand, and it was then that I notice that not only was it clean, but the snow was gone, AND that there wasn’t the smell of hot dogs in the air. In fact, the two monsters that are normally here… weren’t.

 

“What’s… going on?”

 

“i promised paps that, for the first day, i wouldn’t do something to tick off undyne. just the first. so here i am. at my post. wide awake. watching for trouble. clean as a whistle. And not. Cooking. Hot dogs.”

 

I took a step back. “You… you can’t be sans. You just can’t!”

“i am him, and he is me, and we are the type of person that does promises right. besides, just the one day. not like it’s all that important for you right?”

 

“....You planned this.”

 

“who? me? nah. too lazy. remember?”

 

I just… glared.

 

“oh, woe is me, i trolled the human, and now they are annoyed. whatever shall i do?” sans joked, giving me a wink with his left eye while going into Mettaton-level theatrics.

 

“Ha ha. Ha. Funny.” I smirked despite myself. “No hot dogs, it’s cool. Just remember that you owe me.”

 

“pft, whatev’s.” sans grinned wider. “might wanna get movin’. the other guards are still around, and mettaton’s both loving and hating the new stuff you are pulling.”

 

A nod and a wave, I walked away from sans’ now actually used post.

 

I made a quick shortcut south to snag the Stained Apron. I admired the quality of the cloth before stuffing it into my hammerspace. _This will come in handy, but later._

 

A short walk later, I finally made it to my first puzzle on this level. And what pray tell did the puzzle use?

 

Conveyor belts.

 

“Okay, this is just, uuuugh.”

 

I looked at my cell, and noticed that Alphys had sent me a text.

 

Alphys: Nu uh uh! Not helping you slow down these ones! You got this, I know you do! :D

 

“At least _your_ confidence is building, hah.” I peered at the death-laser barrier, then at the three buttons waiting for me.

 

“Alright, let’s get this over with.”

 

With a tentative foot forward, I planted myself on the rapidly-moving belt, and immediately regretted it!

 

“NO! NOT AGAIN!”

 

My hands flailed wildly, and by sheer dumb luck, I managed to grab the first panel.

 

“Button! Pressed!” I slammed my palm against it and released. As the conveyor moved me forward, I reached out for the next one, and smacked it too!

 

“Hey! I might just get this one!”

 

I raised my hand, and tried to time it for when the machines got there!

 

_I got this I got this I GOT TH-!_

 

And then the belt stopped suddenly, which flung me sideways and onto the dirt pathways.

 

“....Owww….”

 

It took quite a bit more willpower than I am willing to admit to pick myself off the ground that time around. When I got a good look, I noticed that it wasn’t just the belts that had ceased functioning, but the death beam too.

 

In fact, after just a short walk, I saw that the steam vents, and the arrows showing off how they would push me forward, were all down as well.

 

“What in the world?”

 

Then my cellphone went off, echoing in the rather odd silence. Save for the ringing, the only sound around was the bubbling of the magma, and the eternal engine that was the CORE.

 

“Hello?”

 

“H-h-hi! I! UH! I have NO idea what just happened!”

 

“Come again?”

 

“The w-w-whole power grid for your area has just went POOF! I am t-t-t-trying to get things going, but as it stands everything but cell-service is down.”

 

“Holy crud. Wait, even Mettaton’s cameras?”

 

There was a pause, followed by a rapid amount of clicking and typing.

 

“O-o-oh god…”

 

“What?”

 

“Even the cameras.”

 

“Holy crap.”

 

“Y-y-yeah. If this is him, he’s really cheesed off. If it’s not, then he’s _going_ to be cheesed off. Be careful.”

 

“Noted. At least the belts will be stopped. Vents on the other hand…”

 

“Th-th-they have a failsafe embedded. However, they just punt you straight over to the next l-l-l-landing area. Cause, you know…”

 

“The Puzzles of Monsterkind are built to prevent permanent harm. Yep, I remember.” I peered down at the vent at my feet. “I’ll call you if something develops.”

 

“H-h-hey! That’s my l-l-line!”

 

“Heh. Later Alphys.”

 

“Bye! Stay s-s-s-safe!”

 

I flipped the phone closed, and stepped onto the pad. Interestingly enough? Despite the fact that I was being sent much further away than normal, the ride was a lot smoother. I actually felt like I was floating through the air.

 

“Well, dang, whatever cut off the power did me a service.”  I landed pretty gracefully, and double-checked myself.

 

_Yep, still in one piece, and still in a dark cave with turned off machinery._

 

I crept forward, keeping my eyes peeled for anything bad.  Fortunately, nothing too horrible was around.

 

That is, until I heard the distinct sound of metal hitting rock.

 

_Crudballs!_

 

I put my hoodie up, and kept walking calmly.  I didn’t get too far when a massive armored hand grasped my shoulder.

 

“...Hold.”

 

“Hey! There’s a power outage! We’re getting everyone out of the area before something terrible happens!”

 

Right on schedule, there was RG-01 and RG-02. Wonders!

 

“...Let’s go.”

 

I gave a nod, ducked down my head, and followed after them.

 

“It’s a good thing we found you! You were getting close to a really dangerous area ahead!”

 

“....Deadly.”

 

“And how did you get here anyways? Especially in… that… getup…?”

 

“...Purple.”

 

My chest started to tense up.

 

“Yeah… that is purple.”

 

“....Blue jeans.”

 

“That too.”

 

“....”

 

“....”

 

“....Human.”

 

I stepped back. The two looked at one another, then back towards me.

 

“Oh. I… I guess it is.”

 

“...It is.”

 

“Huh. Oh. Uhm. Sorry….” As one, the duo unsheathed their swords and stalked towards me. Their armor reflected the orange glow.

 

“We have to kill you now.”

 

_Oh crudballs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is it with this person and death thr- oh. Right. Human in the Underground.
> 
> Liatai helped me with a few lines and suggestions, and as always, helped with spelling and such here and there.
> 
> See ya soon!


	23. I Can't Get a Break!!!

As the Guards menaced towards me with swords drawn, I reached into my hammerspace to wield the Burnt Pan.

 

_ Don’t harm, don’t harm, don’t harm, just defend. Just. Defend. _

 

The pair walked in unison, feet ringing out in the silent darkness. When they made it to me, RG-01 raised his weapon.

 

“Sorry for this….”

 

He swung down, and I brought the Pan up to deflect. Sparks flew as metal scraped against metal. With great effort, I twisted my hands to push his blade away.

 

RG-02 joined in soon after.

 

“....Sorry.”

 

The dragon-man stabbed forward. I parried as best as I could, swatting the sword off its path.

 

The preliminaries out of the way, the two Guards began their synchronized attacks. One would swing, one would send out bursts of magic.

 

I ducked, I dodged, I weaved. I swung the Pan time and again, the ringing of metal echoing around and around, lingering in my ears. Many times the swords nearly found their mark, my pants getting more torn in the process. The bullets struck me over and over, draining my endurance as time went on.

 

A miraculous downward strike on my part managed to hit RG-02 right on his wrist. He dropped his sword and gripped the point of impact with his free hand.

 

“RG-02!” The bunny guard cried out. With a yell, he slashed out at me blindly, aiming for my head. Thanks to how sloppy he was, I was able to duck down just in time.

 

_ Here’s my chance! _

 

I burst towards RG-02, and polished the front of his armor.

 

“Got a little dirt there, I can get that for you!”

 

He tried to push me off, but it was too late. I wiped that chest-piece clean!

 

“...No! ….Hot!”

 

RG-02 gripped me by the collar and threw me backwards, onto the rock, thankfully. Just as I was getting back up, I heard the tell-tale sound of metal being shredded.

 

I got up on my elbows and oh. My. God.

 

That chest was MAGNIFICENT. 

 

The pecs were perfectly formed, the abs were such that you could grind meat on them, it was… it was…

 

GLORIOUS.

 

“...Much better.”

 

I gaped for far longer than I’d like to admit. A glance to my left told me that I wasn’t the only one.

 

RG-01 was quaking in his armored boots.

 

The dragon-man was still for a small while, looking right at RG-01. He then remembered that I was there. RG-02 scooped up his weapon with his uninjured hand, and with a motion, the two started their attack once again.

 

This time, however, their attacks were far less ferocious. RG-01 kept stumbling his attacks, while RG-02 was clearly not left-handed.

 

I swung around RG-01 after a particularly bad attack on their part, and climbed up his form. With my arms around his neck, I went into a half-hearted choke-hold.

 

“Tell him!” I whispered.

 

RG-01 stopped mid-twist in his attempt to throw me off his back.

 

“Wh-wh-what???”

 

“You two are about as obvious as Undyne and Alphys! Now! Tell him!”

 

“Why are you-”

 

“Cause if you are gonna try to kill me, then you can at least grant me a last request!!!”

 

RG-01 paused in his efforts to wrench me off his back. He turned to RG-02, who also ceased moving towards us.

 

“I… uhh…”

 

Everyone went still.

 

The quiet between the three of us was interrupted, however, when RG-01 snagged me by a leg, and tossed me aside!

 

“Oof!”

 

“Th-They’re trying to use that brainwashing thing on us!”

 

RG-02 nodded grimly, and advanced once more. 

 

I collected myself quickly, and parried another blow from the bunnyman.

 

“No I’m not!”

 

He swung again. “Yes you are!”

 

I ducked, and batted away a shot of lighting from the dragon-man.

 

“You’ve been staring at him ever since that beautiful, glowing, muscled chest was exposed!”

 

“Yeah! And so have you!” Another swing, with another parry. The lighting flew wide this time though.

 

“That’s creepy!”

 

“So? It’s ME! If I do it, that’s just creepy!” I ducked down again, and nearly fell backwards from the awkward positioning.

 

“Yeah! YEAH IT IS!”

 

“But when YOU did it, he paused long enough to let you get a look!”

 

RG-01 stumbled mightily with his latest attack, and nearly fell flat on his face with me in the middle.

 

“Wh-wh-what??”

 

RG-02’s well-chiseled features started to sweat. And it wasn’t from the heat.

 

“Seriously. Just take a moment, and talk to one another. If you still feel like killing me, I’ll be right here. Where else am I gonna go?”

 

The pair looked at one another, then back at me.

 

“... Dont. Move.”

 

“Not gonna. Promise.”

 

I guess they were satisfied, because they regarded one another again. RG-01 started to shake again, and RG-02’s particularly perplexing perspiration problems persisted.

 

“Did… did you really pause… for me?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

“Oh. Oh wow. Uhm. You look great, man.”

 

“...Thank you.”

 

The two stared at one another, their body languages having gone very coy in their own ways.

 

“You uh, you really inspire me, you know? You help me stay fit, you help me stay in sync with our routines, we move and attack as one…”

 

RG-02 kept quiet.

 

“And, uh, for the longest time, I uh, I have been, uh, you know, uuuummm…”

 

“...Hey.”

 

“Y-yeah?”

 

“....Nicecream. After rounds.”

 

“Yeah? Yeah! That’d be awesome!”

 

“...Yes.”

 

The air moved closer, and looked ready to rip off each other’s helmets. The moment was interrupted, however, when they remembered that I was there.

 

I had since put away the Pan, and pulled out a Cinna-Bunny. With the munchings near finished, I felt way more energized, but frankly? More attention was paid to proceedings than escape. I was getting very teary-eyed at the love confessions.

 

“...Safe.”

 

“Yeah, uh, I agree. You’re… you’re ok. You didn’t attack us or… or try any sort of brainwashing stuff.”

 

“...Go.”

 

“What he said. We’ll go evacuate the rest of the citizens, but don’t you dare try anything funny. Or we’ll be back!”

 

“...With a vengeance.”

 

As one, the two walked off and away into the path I had come from. And when they thought I couldn’t see, they joined hands.

 

_ Awwwww. _

 

Feeling good about my work at getting them to admit the obvious, I spun on my feet and headed back down the path, still wary over the lack of lights.

 

It wasn’t until I had found the safe with the cheese inside that I realized that the guards had actually attacked a little early. But not too badly so.

 

Also, the cheese? Long gone. With the lasers surrounding it shut down, the cheese was easy pickings before it melted too badly. I saw little flecks of the stuff leading up to the mouse hole, and heard tiny nibblings coming from it as well.

 

_ Yay, happy ending for that mouse. Hm. Still not supposed to have happened though. _

 

I put the thought away, and kept going. Fortunately for me, I had a nice, clear path all the way. No other monsters, no weird puzzles, just a simple, winding, slightly-uphill swathe of rock.

 

That said, things got progressively darker and darker the more I went up. It was basically pitch black by the time Alphys called.

 

“Yo, Alphys, what you got for me?”

 

She was still typing away furiously. “Nothing. Absolutely n-n-nothing. And that’s the weird part. It’s not that the power grid is down, it’s like it’s GONE.”

 

“That can’t be right.”

 

“I-i-it’s not.”

 

“Hrm. At least you have lights though. I can’t see a damn thing where I am.”

 

“Wait, you can’t? But the lava…?”

 

“Is behind me and now I can’t see THAT either.”

 

“You-you can’t? W…. oh no….”

 

**“OHHH YESSS!”**

 

This time around, I couldn’t even see Mettaton. As in, no blinking lights, no laser-shows, nothing. I heard his voice, but it was over a speaker, and so was the METTATON NIGHTLY NEWS theme song he had going.

 

**“This is the LOVELY Mettaton, coming to you all live from my little office in Hotlands! A strange, freakish, unexplainable power outage has besieged a section of the volcanic land! In fact, the very same section where our guest reporter has happened upon!”**

 

Something hit me on the head right then, and made me see stars. “OW!”

 

**“That’s right! It’s the human! Oh human! Be a dear, darling, and pick up that microphone? The audiences at home are waiting!”**

 

The microphone in question started to glow, just a little. I scooped it up, and looked it over. 

 

**“And so the report! Begins!”**

 

I smiled.  _ Oh, you want a report, eh? _

 

“Well, Mettaton, there is indeed a lot of darkness. It’s dark, darker, yet still darker. And there are some reports of negative photons. How that works, beyond me.”

 

I walked about, waving an unseen hand around. “And as you can see, or rather not see, the darkness is all encompassing. Why has this happened? Who is the culprit? To that, I turn to my on-the-spot scientist, Alphys. Alphys?”

 

“OH! UHM! Apparently… Apparently some no-good, down and dirty rotten scoundrel decided to make things even harder for the hero of this story, the human! And because of that, now they don’t have a chance of seeing Asgore unless they can see the path!”

 

**“Oh no! How terrible! Well, I suppose all stories come to an en-”**

 

“BUT! I have just figured out how to help them!”

 

Mettaton was quiet, just for a couple seconds.

 

**“Really. You are going to. Help.”**

 

“Yeah! BEHOLD MY HACKING AND COMPUTER KNOWLEDGE!”

 

With a final click, the light FLOODED the area. I had enough foresight to close my eyes so I didn’t lose my real sight.

 

“T-tadah!”

 

I looked around, and put my hand against my cheek in fake astonishment. “Mettaton! It’s a miracle! The brilliant Doctor Alphys not only fixed the power, but according to a previous report! She ALSO brought them back from what was digital erasure!”

 

**“You. Don’t. Say.”**

 

“I do say. And today is a gloriously wonderful day here in Hotland! ‘Where the heat is EVERYWHERE! Get used to it™’. With the power restored everyone can go back to their normal lives, with no consequences at all for the loss of lights for a short time.  Mettaton?”

 

I swear I heard wood being splintered.

 

**“Why yes darling! Everyone seems to be fine, and everything seems to be… oh! Oh look at that!”**

 

“Look at what?”

 

**“Behind you darling!”**

 

I did and lo, there was a single, cartoonish-looking round black bomb.

 

“There appears to be a bomb, Mettaton.”

 

**“THERE IS???”**

 

“Yes, yes there is. In fact, there seems to be… six bombs. In a pile. With... oh! Hello Mettaton!”

 

And yes, there was the robot himself, sitting atop a massive, pink bomb.

 

**“Ohhhh darling, today is your chance to make an explosive debut on the airwaves!”**

 

“Subtle.”

 

**“Why thank you darling!”** He snapped his fingers, and the small pile of bombs flew all over the place.  **“If you can’t defuse these bombs in four minutes…”**

 

“I get blown up by the big one?”

 

**“Why do you keep twisting your chances to go out with me into death threats? But very well! Blown up you will be!”**

 

I grinned at the entertainer, and ran to the nearest bomb.

 

“Alphys, you with me?”

 

“R-r-roger!”

 

“Bomb function, and… aha!”

 

“D-d-deactivate!”

 

...It did not.

 

“What?”

 

“W-w-what???”

 

**“Today’s episode is brought to by Mettaton Brand Hack-Proof Bombs! For when you need a bomb that can’t be gotten rid of!™”**

 

_ Son of a b- _

 

“Oh n-n-no!”

 

I sat down, and stared at the bomb. Its tiny fuse slowly burnt down, and Alphys started to panic.

 

_ Hm. Can’t hack. What if…. _

 

“Alphys. I have an idea.”

 

“What i-i-idea???”

 

“Watch the cameras.”

 

The Pan was pulled out again, and I stood back up on my feet.

 

_ Here goes nothing. _

 

I picked up the bomb with the front of my shoe, and kicked it up into the air. It started to glow red from the contact, but I had a good hunch.

 

With timing that I just recently picked up from the Guard battle, I swung at the bomb at the right moment and sent it flying!

 

It whizzed off, screeching out a horrendous buzzing noise, until?

 

**_KABLAM!!!_ **

 

“WOW!”

 

“I know right!”

 

**“What.”**

 

I smiled widely, and went to each bomb in turn. Mettaton was close to having a hissy fit, and made the bombs float faster and faster with each one, but to no avail.

 

Finally, I got to the final, major, pink bomb. This one, however, was firmly rooted to the ground.

 

And I had less than ten seconds.

 

**“Oh! Too bad! Can’t hit this one away! And now? Tootles!”**  Mettaton whizzed away, but not completely out of the area, and mimicked putting his hands to his ears.

 

**“.........................It has been long enough, what…?”**

 

I waved cheerily from in front of the bomb, which now displayed a single second on the front.

 

**“HOW DID YOU-”**

 

“I told you! BEHOLD MY HACKERY AND CIRCUITRY KNOWLEDGE!”

 

The microphone was brought up to my face again.

 

“You saw it here folks! The notorious Mettaton foiled again, by not just the human, but the lovely, brilliant, amazing hacker that is Monster Kind’s Royal Scientist! Will Mettaton prevail?Will Alphys continue to shine? Will the human ever get a chance to rest without worry of being killed tomorrow?  All signs point to no, yes, and who knows! Tune in next time, one and all!”

 

The cameras that were watching went dead as one. I turned to Mettaton, held out the mic, and let it drop.

 

He just floated there. Silent.

 

After a few moments, his arms still limp, Mettaton jetted away, and out of sight.

  
“And that is most definitely scene.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm. Somethings starting to smell fishy...
> 
> Liatai, thank you so much for your continued beta-reading. It's a joy to have someone to talk to about how the story is coming along, even if I don't reveal everything to ya.
> 
> Till the next scene folks!


	24. DEM. ABS.

“Th-th-that was great!”

 

“Not as great as you taking out that bomb at the last second!”

 

“N-n-nothing compared to you belting out that reporter v-v-voice like you did!”

 

“Hackery!”

 

“Acting!”

 

“You’re awesome!”

 

“No y-y-you’re awesome!”

 

“You!”

 

“No, you!”

 

“YOU!”   
  
“YOU!”   
  
“YEAH!”   
  
“YEAH!”

 

We kept this up till we were breathless. Which, uh, considering my recent activities and Alphy’s kinda-outta-shape-ness? Wasn’t all that long.

 

“Ughhh, my lungs….”

 

“Owww…”

 

“I, uh, I think I should get moving.”

 

“Y-y-yeah. Good idea.”

 

I was about to snap the phone closed, when I had yet another idea.

 

“Alphys?”

 

“W-what’s up?”

 

“....Call Mettaton.”

 

Alphys kept quiet for a few moments.

 

“Wh-why?”

 

With a glance in the direction the actor flew off to, I heaved a small sigh.

 

“We’ve shown him up plenty. See if you can get him to work with us instead of against us. “

 

There was a bit of idle clicking on the other end, and it wasn’t on a keyboard.

 

“D-do you think he will?”

 

A few thoughts passed my mind. How pissed off he might be, how upset, saddened. All sorts of things.

 

“Yes. At least, I hope he does. If he doesn’t, well, we’ll cross that bridge. If he makes it an honest attempt on my life….”

 

“I-I-I won’t let that happen!”

 

A small smile slid across my lips.  _ There’s the confidence. The real type. _

 

“A-a-anyways! Uh! I’ll, uh, I’ll try to call Mettaton. See what happens. Um… I will likely be off the air for a while.”

 

“I had a feeling. Do what you need to, doodette. Speak to ya when I speak to ya.”

 

“Well, duh.” She joked back, before clicking the phone off.

 

I slipped the small device into my pocket, and continued onward, ever onward.

 

One could imagine my delighted surprise at the sight of Muffet’s Spider Bakery. Much like how the game displayed, her whole business was held aloft by a myriad of massive, gleaming spiderwebs. The orange glow of the lava (magma?) mixed wonderfully with the silver strings.

 

The matron of spiders herself sat grandly on a particularly well-built set of webs. It looked more like a throne than anything else. Interestingly enough? Despite her spindly arms (so many arms!), legs, neck, multiple glittering black eyes and small fangs that looked more venomous than ‘cute’? Muffet was quite adorable nonetheless.

 

“Welcome! Please, buy a donut! Or perhaps some lovely spider cider? A hu hu hu hu~”

 

A quick glance told me that my fourteen hundred gold wasn’t nearly enough.

 

“My dear, these look lovely, but at this price point? They’re far out of my, and most folks’, reach.”

 

“But these are so lovingly crafted! And delicious! They’re worth every GP! A hu hu hu hu hu~”

 

“Not really. Not at THAT price. I know what this is going towards.” I held up a hand to stem the tide of her complaints. “But you’re under a fallacy. Selling one product to fund everything just can’t happen. You need to sell more at a lower price to really get any money. Say, two hundred GP?”

 

Muffet gasped, and put three of her hands (two left, one right) on her chest. “How dare you! My goods are worth far more than that!”

 

“Even if they are, you can’t get any business. You can get much more invigorating items for far, far less.”

 

“WELL! Just be on your way then, if you think my product so low! Hmph!” Muffet sniffed and put her non-existent nose up as she was slowly raised up by hitherto hidden wires under her bum.

 

“Huh. Oops.” I pondered the ramifications of this change-up. In the middle of my thoughts, I felt a hand smack me on my shoulder.

 

“I was forced into buying one of those donuts, and now I’m in a heap of dosh-loss! You said exactly what I wanted to say! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

 

The suckered customer walked away, giddy and with a spring in his step.

 

“Hm. One good thing, I guess?” I said to myself.

 

I shook my head, and tried to focus back on the task at hand. I could see a myriad of now-reactivated vent-systems, as well as two paths up north and down south. Directly in front of me laid another one of the massive rocky locked doors.

 

“Hm. North then south. Might as well.” With great distaste, I planted my foot on the first vent…

 

And found myself rocketed clear to the south entrance. I tumbled on my landing, and ended up on my back. 

 

“Ugh… I really hate those things.”

 

I brushed myself off as I got back up, though my blue-jeans were practically orange jeans at this point. Interestingly enough, my hoodie seemed fine, aside from the rips, tears, and burns it had accumulated at this point.

 

_ Huh. Must be more of the integrated magic stuff. That’s handy. Wonder why the dust is sticking to my pants, though. _

 

While I pondered the mini-mystery, I kept going till the conveyor belts. Which were, to my shock…

 

“They ain’t moving? Da heck?”

 

I gave one of the belts a tap with my foot, and nothing happened.

 

“Hm. Maybe an after-effect of the power loss? Safety feature? Alphys taking pity on me?”

 

Not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth, I gladly strolled my way over to the first puzzle.

 

A few minutes and moves later, I walked right back out, happy with my success at the Galaga-styled block puzzle. In my haste to get the northbound puzzle done and over with, I nearly ran over the Diamond Brothers. Not that they noticed.

 

“Mettaton is so awesome!”

 

“Yeah! I love it when he poses!”

 

“Or claims to be untouchable!”

 

“Or when he eats one of those glittery burgers on live TV!”

 

“Wish he’d promote local stuff though.”

 

“Yeah! Like Hotland!”

 

As one, the two sang out: “Hotland! Where the heat is EVERYWHERE! Get used to it!™”

 

The two laughed and continued their fanboyishness, while I found myself rapidly propelled right to the entrance of the second door puzzle.

 

With minor grumbling, I finished it off, not too thrilled at the idea of having to deal with the vents yet again. But, my thoughts were left behind. Nearly left my lunch behind too, what with the sudden forward momentum.

 

Luckily, the door opened up well before I got to it, seeing as I was still flying in the air when I approached. I landed with a great deal of pain and muttered cursing, and skidded to a complete stop.

 

_ *RING RING RING! RING RING RING! PHONE CALL PHONE CALL!* _

 

“Hi Alphys.” There was only a little pain in my voice, honest.

 

“U-u-uh, h-h-hi.”

 

“How, oof, how goes things?” I asked as I picked myself off the ground. There were purple walls around me, and quite a few posters adorning them. 

 

“N-n-n-not good. I t-t-t-tried to call Mettaton, and, uhm….”

 

“He didn’t answer.”

 

I got a disappointed sigh over the phone as my initial answer.

 

“No. H-h-he didn’t. I tried a-a-all of his numbers. All t-t-t-twenty of them, and his th-th-three private lines! N-n-n-nothing. R-r-r-rang t-t-twice, then h-h-h-hung up on me. I think h-h-h-h-he has me on au-au-autoblock.” Alphys sounded to be on the verge of tears.

 

“Ow. Hm. Okay, change of plan. Moment we get to, let’s talk to the guy.”

 

“I-I-I don’t think that’s possible. If you j-j-j-just went p-p-past the second l-l-l-locked door, you should be r-r-r-right at his opera a-a-a-area.”

 

“Hrm. Meaning he’ll be waiting for me to appear, and try to do his… yeah.”

 

“I’ll, uh, I’ll get ready to defeat the firewalls. I am g-g-g-g-gonna try to make sure he doesn’t try the hack-proof stuff again. Maybe add a bit of flair, but for him. That okay?”

 

“Absolutely. You holding up alright?”

 

“I’m good!” Alphys tried to sound as positive as she could muster, bless her heart. “Way… way better than I have been in a long time! ...Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome. Hey, Alphys?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I promise, end of all this? We’ll all be okay. You, Mettaton, and me.”

 

There was a heavy sniff.  _ Wow, Alphys is really concerned for him. That’s good, very reassuring. _

 

“Th-th-thanks. I, um, I have to get ready.”

 

“Agreed. And I have a musical number ahead of me.”

 

A quick click, and I was alone again. At least, for the moment.

 

When I turned the corner, I found myself on a very well-made stage. There wasn’t anything in the way of props, aside from the main masterpiece that was the expertly crafted balcony set. Heck, there was a flight of stairs with… hinges? On each step? Odd. 

 

Moment I got to the middle of the stage, however, two death-beams sparked into life, blocking off the two exits. With the “audience area” nothing more than a boxed off, lowered floor space with unseated chairs and a crud-ton of cameras, my exits were cut off.

 

**“Oh! Is that my love? The human?”**

 

Mettaton’s voice rang out behind me. I turned.

 

Somehow? He pulled off that dress. It was sparkly with a great deal of glitter and rhinestones, tastefully blue-teal, and complemented his shiny silver body extremely well.

 

The stairs flattened downward to become a ramp. Mettaton rolled down, holding the hem of his dress away from his wheel.

 

We regarded one another for a few moments. With a small wave, he put a hand to a ‘cheek’, waving me off coquettishly. 

 

Music played through some more speakers, and Mettaton’s show began.

 

**_“Oh my Love!_ **

**_Please run away!”_ **

 

_ “But Mettaton, _

_ I want to stay!” _

 

Mettaton didn’t even balk this time around. Instead, he rolled with it, and pulled me into his dance. He led, but made it look like I was leading.  _ Finally! _

 

**_“Humans must!_ **

**_Live far apart!”_ **

 

_ “Oh Mettaton _

_ You break my heart…” _

 

**_“We could have made…_ **

**_Some wondrous plays.”_ **

 

_ “I could stay _

_ If you just say.” _

 

I dipped him down, which was helped by his wheel-leg bending in motion to keep his weight up. Mettaton blushed a bright red yet again.

 

**_“The Monster King_ **

**_Wants your kind dead.”_ **

 

_ “How about?” _

_ I talk instead?” _

 

**_“There is no chance._ **

**_He will not speak”_ **

 

_ “That excuse? _

_ It’s pretty weak.” _

 

Mettaton took charge, and gave me a quick twirl, leading to me being the one dipped this time.

 

**_“If you move on._ **

**_You’ll surely die.”_ **

 

_ “I have no chance _

_ If I don’t try.” _

 

_ “Come on now. _

_ Let’s end all this.” _

 

**_“You are right._ **

**_Now to the pits.”_ **

 

“Wait, wha-”

 

I was let go by Mettaton, and fell through a trapdoor that opened just under where I was.

 

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-OOF!”

 

I landed chest-first in a pile of red dust. The particles flew everywhere, fogging up my vision.

 

“Owwww….”

 

**“Oh my dear, dear human. We made such** **_beautiful_ ** **music together. But ah, well. Normally, I’d have my prisoners put through a puzzle of such unimaginable genius that none have ever passed through it before.”**

 

Mettaton swooped down from above, and floated in front of me. His jets cut off, and he stood upon the one wheel once more. Strangely enough, he wasn’t wearing the dress any more.

 

**“But you see, darling, the unfortunate business with the power has set alllllll the Puzzles of Hotland back into safety mode. And turned my gorgeous obstacle course completely off! Oh! Oh the shame!”**

 

“That, ow, that is a pity.” I brushed myself off yet again, and wondered just what was he up to this time.

 

**“The cameras are off, darling.”**

 

“Come again?”

 

**“I said, the cameras are off. We need to talk, you and I.”**

  
“...What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liatai was furious with me at that last bit. :D
> 
> Wonder what he is up to....
> 
> Speaking of Liatai, she has started up an Ask-Tumblr for her a Gaster OC character by the name of Locigenius. Given their wealth of knowledge and surplus of sarcasm, it should prove to be interesting. Already added a bit of cross-continuity into the whole thing, so that's fun :D
> 
> Link is here: [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)


	25. Wait What

Mettaton rolled around me with his one wheel. Hands behind his back, and his face-plate-screen thing was completely yellow.

 

I kept quiet, though I used this time to try and wipe the great deal of dust off my glasses, to I could at least see a little better.

 

By the time dust in the air settled, Mettaton spoke up.

 

**“You. Have been working with Alphys. Haven’t you, darling?”**

 

“Who, what, me, no no-”

 

He waved a flippant hand, and wagged a finger.

 

**“Oh ho ho ho, don’t play coy with me darling. It’s obvious. Very very obvious. A** **_grand_ ** **and, admittedly, well-done actor you may be, but you have the worst poker face.”**

 

“Wellll… okay. You got me.” I rubbed my wrist as he spoke, and continued to roll around me.

 

Time seemed to go at a crawl, until at last I spoke up.

 

“Sooo… what are you going to do then?”

 

Mettaton froze, and turned to me.

 

**“Darling! Please! Lose that worry in your voice! I have no intentions of sending you to your doom!”**

 

_ ….Okay, wait, WHAT. _

 

He rolled up to me and took my hand in his.

 

**“I will admit, I was rather disappointed… Okay, I was** **_furious._ ** **Not only did dear Alphys join up with the human, a bit more believably than when we had planned it out, but now? They were showing me up!”**

 

Mettaton waved a hand around, and dragged me with him in his rotations.

 

**“This human could act! Flirt! Take a hit, spout out catchphrases, slogans, even pull off an amazing reporter’s voice! And now! Now they can sing too! Oh darling, I was so so close to simply dropping you down here and leaving the death field on till you died!”**

 

“....Crud.”

 

**“BUT! I changed my mind.”**

 

“I can tell, and I am grateful. But, why?” 

 

Mettaton whirled around again, and once more I was whooshed with him in his grandstanding.

 

**“Darling! You said it yourself! If you just stayed, then I, with your help, could make such wondrous plays! Forget the Surface, Darling, we would take the Underworld by storm!”**

 

He let me go, and twirled on the spot.

 

**“My talent and style, your impeccable timing and general knowledge! We could convince the King to let you live, and make this place absolutely beautiful!”**

 

“That could help the hopes of the people down here. But….”

 

**“But nothing!”** He danced, seemingly giddy at the idea of our potential future.  **“You’d get to live, I’d get to live forever! In the minds of everyone down here! Our fame would absolutely skyrocket!”**

 

He held out his hand to me. A dealmaker’s pose.

 

“Very true, the folks down here seem to love you to pieces.”

 

**“As they should, darling.”**

 

“But.”

 

**“There is that horrid word again. But what?”** He took his hand back, put the both of them on his ‘hips’, and seemed to  _ glare. _ Which was impressive, seeing as he didn’t seem to have eyes.

 

“What about Alphys?”

 

Mettaton went still. 

 

“And freedom shouldn’t be so callously thrown away. Even at the reward of fame and fortune.”

 

**“Well. You see… I….”**

 

“Sorry Metts. I’d love to, really. You’re awesome, the whole setup is awesome, but…” I reached over, and put a hand on his shoulder. Well, where his arm met his body anyways.

 

“The people deserve to be on the Surface. And I am certain I can get the King to rethink his horribly planned-out promise. At least, pretty sure. Maybe. Might take a bit of convincing.” 

 

Mettaton’s arms drooped. And I was struck by yet another bout of inspiration.

 

“Why don’t you join me.”

 

**“What?”**

 

“I said, why don’t you join me. Your connections and sway with the people, my timing and general knowledge, we could rock the King’s world, and hopefully make him see the light. Forget taking the Underground by storm, you could be the biggest thing on the Surface. With every adoring fan joining you. What do you say?”

 

I held a hand out to him this time. He leaned over just a hair, to mimic the idea of him looking down at it.

 

“Well?”

 

Mettaton started to reach up to accept. I was certain. But at the last second he pushed my hand away.

 

**“I. Need to. Think. Darling. Ta-ta.”**

 

His wheel retracted, and Mettaton, star of the underground, zoomed away from the cavern. I was left alone, covered in dust and amidst the sounds of bubbling magma.

 

_ Well. Hrm. Hopefully this helps prevent… yeah, right. _

 

With a heavy sigh, I limped my way out of the former deathtrap, and towards the final sections of Hotland.

 

_ Lessee… three Mettaton shows completed, out of three I believe. Royal Guards, together. Muffet? Met and… and… Wait a second. _

 

I looked around, and discovered that not only had I made it to Mettaton’s play, I had made it  _ extremely _ early.

 

“What. The. Heck?”

 

I looked around, and craned my head as far over the rocky outcrops as I could. And behold, the lot of steam vents that I should have completed normally were down stairs. And yet, I was...Upstairs. What???

 

I whipped out my phone, and called Alphys.

 

“H-h-hi! Are you okay?? You disappeared from the-”

 

“Alphys can Mettaton move his rooms around?”

 

That made her go silent. “W-w-what?”

 

“Can. Mettaton. Move his rooms around?”

 

“N-no, he can’t. The only place that can move around like that is the internals of the CORE. But…”

 

“Then how the heck did I go from flying straight, to the locked door, to being two stories or more above it?”

 

“You, wait what?”

 

“I said-”

 

“sup.”

 

“GAHH!!”

 

I keeled over to my left, and fell on the dirt for the billionth time.

 

“H-h-hey! I recognize that voice!” Alphys cried out over the phone. “Is that sans?”

 

“yep. it sure is.”

 

“Wow! How have you been?”

 

“been alright. catch up with ya later, though, i need to calm down a human.”

 

“Okay! Bye!” One click, and she was gone. I, however, was still there, and looking up at sans from my tush on the ground.

 

“What-this-I-how-WHAT?”

 

“hey hey, cool down, you’ll overheat. come on. i have a place set up for you to get a break. i’d offer a shortcut, but, uh, you look like you could use some time to think. come on, pal.”

 

sans leaned down (barely) and offered me a skeletal hand up.

 

“You, uh…”

 

“shh. no talkin’ till we get there. you need to calm down. serious. i can hear your heart going a billion miles an hour. and i doubt that’s good for humans.”

 

With his (slight) help, I got back to my feet, and followed after the short skeleton. My shoes and his… shoes? Really? Our shoes tapped lightly on the rock. A quick look over, and I noticed that not only did he replace his footwear, but his hoodie and shorts were completely clean.

 

The Nice-Cream Guy waved at us as we passed, and gave an apologetic smile.

 

“I am so, so sorry! I had some Nice Cream saved for you! Honest! But, well…” He made a wave to the latest couple, who were completely surrounded by Nice Cream wrappers. And they still had their helmets on.

 

“They bought every single one!”

 

I gave a half-honest, half-forced laugh. “It’s ok. It went to a good cause. You two having fun?”

 

The Royal Guards gave a shy wave, each holding a Nice Cream stick in place of swords.

 

The Nice Cream Guy laughed. “If I can make more, I promise! First scoop of the first batch goes to you! Afterall, a Nice Cream Treat is the best thing for Hotlands! Where the heat is everywhere! Get used to it!™”

 

Okay, that got a real chuckle out of me, and out of sans.

 

“heh. making a mark, alright. come on, hop to, don’t want to miss our reservation.”

 

“Okay, okay.”

 

“hm. at my pace, may not make it. is it alright if i…?”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

He chuckled again, snagged me by a sleeve, and waited till I blinked. I did, and found myself inside a rather ritzy looking eating area. Tables were well adorned, silverware gleamed, and aside from the few waiters milling about helping customers? Very quiet.

 

“there’s our seats.” sans pointed out a table a ways away from the other folks, with a small handwritten sign that said: “sans and human”.

 

“Subtle.”

 

“i thought so.” he walked over to his seat, and plopped himself into a chair. I followed after, and sat down. Once the comfort of the material hit me, I all but melted.

 

“yeah, i figured you’d be like that by now. is why i figured, _‘hey. human is basically one of us now. and as a re-hired meme-ber of the guard, i ought to do something.’_ and that something was keeping out of harm’s way via a very ticked off spider-girl.”

 

sans gave me a wink at the end of that.

 

“Wait. You teleported me from-”

 

“your confrontation with muffet. yep. mettaton was likely putting you through the wringer by then, so i decided to throw you a bone.”

 

I saw a monster walk over to a grand piano. After a bit of finger-stretches, they tapped the ivories lightly, and began playing a very familiar tune.

 

“neat, they played it like i asked. always liked this song.”

 

“Not in the mood to play it yourself?”

 

“you noticed that huh? nah, the music thing is a special trick we have in battle. it’s kinda like psychological warfare. though in paps’ case, he does it to get his opponents pumped up. lost art at this point. only paps, the royalty, and i still have the know-how. mettaton fakes it, but it still kinda works.”

 

I nodded, and pulled over a menu. No prices? Weird. “Makes sense, and it works, honestly.”

 

“i noticed. got really into it, you did.”

 

“Hey, it helped. Especially since you two put your bullets to the music.”

 

sans shrugged, and pulled over his own menu.

 

“don’t worry about footin’ the bill. i got this.”

 

Okay, that made me put my menu down.

 

“What you up to?”

 

sans leaned around his menu, with a raised eyebrow. Somehow.

 

“what you mean?”

 

We had a small staring contest till I finally relented.

 

“sans, I am going to be straight honest with you. In the timeframes I got to interact with you, through the avatar kid, you did… well, nothing. You talked, sure. You sold hotdogs. But you never did…. this much.”

 

sans slowly put the menu down as well, and stared right back at me. 

 

“maybe it’s another one of those butterfly effects.”

 

“No no no, this goes beyond that. You did  _ nothing _ . Your will was gone. Heck, even in the worst of the worsts that I mentioned, you still didn’t lift a finger till the end. The very  _ very  _ end.”

 

I tapped the table, and stared him down.

 

sans’ eyelights burrowed into my own eyes, until he looked away. They seemed to fade a little.

 

“yeah. i know. for the longest time, i’ve just felt… hollow inside. that’s not a skele-pun, i mean it. just. empty. when you wake up and realize you spent the same day over and over and _over_ again, you kinda, just… give up.”

 

He tapped the table lightly. “paps did his best. he really did. but eventually i just couldn’t keep doing that to him anymore.  just smiled and faked my way through it. sometimes it’d be whole weeks before the day came back, but always, always it came back. i could just tell. little hints here, little hints there. but… it all kept going away. no matter what.”

 

sans sighed, and picked up a fork. “it’s an excuse, and i know it. heck, i understand why i didn’t do anything in those timelines. even when paps did, and met his end for it, right?”

 

I gave a nod, and he just deflated a little.

 

“cause i bet, even that sans knew that, unless something really horrible was around the way, it was just going to be the same thing. over and over and over again.” sans played with the tines of the fork, making them ring with each pluck.

 

I noticed by now that the waiters were giving us a wide berth. They weren’t even within listening distance. _ Way more polite that human waiters, I tell you what. _

 

“and then? you fell down.”

 

That got my attention.

 

“here you were, some weird human with weird metaknowledge, saying weird things about how we were seen as weird characters in a weird game. and i thought to myself, _‘well, there it is, you really mean nothing.’_ and then… you reveal that not only did someone else cause all these problems, but you were preventing them. and not able to use them.

 

“when i realized that i fought my gut instinct about the lamp and hid you behind the counter, even though it was before our little chat, i had to test something out. you said you were new, and that some things were off? or at least hinted at it? i got good at reading tells, you know. so… i tried something. just a few small things. i pointed out the tree, not the rock. i told my brother to toss the orb, not walk through the maze. i…. helped my brother instead of letting him do everything. and it changed. and it _stuck_ .

 

“i… i was filled with hope for the first time in what felt like forever. i did a little more. i changed my socks. picked them up. helped my brother take you down. fed my rock… it all _stayed._

 

“no deja vu, no hints of what should have been outside of the stuff i lived with every. single. day.

 

“it made me think. that promise i made. i needed to keep it. so i did little things here and there. stuff you might not have noticed, but i did. i nudged paps to watch you and talk to you like a person. i didn’t make light of your journey. i made sure you kept your gp for what you needed up ahead, according to what my gut told me. i let undyne actually catch me sleeping, even when i knew that you had pissed her off way beyond what should have been. and it… it all worked. my brother… my dear brother. he’s been overjoyed, over the moon… offered up his prized oatmeal.”

 

sans gave a massive shuddering sigh. He couldn’t cry, but I could tell that if he could, he’d be making a river. Hell, I was fairly close to doing that myself.

 

“you have to make it out of here. you have to do what you say you can do. too many pe- no. _I_ am counting on it. _My brother_ is counting on it. We have to escape this. Please. It’s… it’s why I decided to help you break the way things are, just to speed it up. Just a little.”

 

sans gave a small hiccup-chuckle. “i… paid my tab earlier too. grillby all but blew the roof off his establishment, he was so shocked. wasn’t much, just a few hundred gp, but…”

 

“But you surprised him with actually doing something.”

 

“yeah. i did. i’m starting to realize now just how down i really was. how much that flower kept me down. but. i can’t do that any more. too many folks… my brother needs me to be at my best.

 

“so. even if all this ends up restarting, i made myself a vow. something i swear i am going to keep, even if i can’t remember it. i am going to fight this. i am going to be the brother paps needs. and… who knows? maybe that will stick too.”

 

I couldn’t help but grin. “sans, if anyone could have a promise stick through a changing timeline it’d be you. After all. When it comes to promises….”

 

“...i keep them. no matter what.”

 

sans finally looked back up at me, and his eye-lights were back and brighter than ever.

 

“thanks. i… i needed that.”

 

“N-*sniff*-no problem.” I cleared my throat. “How about that dinner, eh?”

 

“absolutely.” sans waved a hand, and a waitress busied herself over. 

 

“Have you made your choices?” She asked. To her credit, she gave me a double-glance only once when she realized I was, in fact, a human.

 

“yep. i want the mettaton’s special chili dogs, hold the glitter.”

 

“Uh, Face-Steak. Well done.”

 

“The Face-Steak is always well done, just like Mettaton. I’ll be back with your orders.”

 

“thanks.” sans waved after her, then focused back on me.

 

“nearly there. all that’s left is mettaton.”

 

“Well, a bit more than that. A lot more than that. But yeah, getting close.”

 

sans raised a brow, then shrugged. “eh, not my place to ask.”

 

“Kinda is, really. You are one of two people… two people and a weed that know what I know, you know?”

 

“you know that i know that you know. alright. what’s left besides mettaton?”

 

“Hooking up Alphys and Undyne.”

 

The eye-lights disappeared. “what.”

 

“No, I’m serious, getting those two in-denial-birds together is key. Cause while Alphys is distracted…” I paused, and played with my own fork this time. “I get to infiltrate the True Lab.”

 

“ohhhh.”

 

“Yeah, ohhhh. I go down there, appease the… people down there. And then off to Asgore’s.”

 

_ Okay, so I might be skipping a step or two, but sans just proved that skipping stuff can be ok. _

 

“huh. so the fate of the underground rests on the idea that undyne actually kisses alphys, and alphys actually admits it. well.”

 

He shuffled in his seat, and looked me dead in the eye.

 

“we’re doomed.”

 

I laughed. He laughed. We both just started shaking with laughter, with sans bent over double and smacking the table. 

 

“ohhhhh okay, i needed that even more.”

 

“Heheh, yeah, I can agree to that.”

 

We tried to wind down a bit, but then the puns started. We kept laughing at the top of our lungs until the waitress stopped by.

 

“You two having fun over here?”

 

“very -hic- much.”

 

“Good. One chili-dog special,” the plate was set down before sans. No glitter, though the thing looked less like a couple of chili dogs than a pair of hot dogs, with buns, under a chili avalanche.

 

“And one Face-Steak.” This at least looked normal. As normal as a steak shaped like Mettaton’s face could be anyways.

 

“You two enjoy. Since you’ve already paid the bill upfront, just leave your tip on the table, and have a good evening when you are finished.” She gave a small bow, and walked away.

 

I cut out a bit of my steak, while sans dug around for his hotdog. We got a bit each, and held out our forks. 

 

“To eventual freedom?”

 

“to hope coming back.”

 

We clanged our utensils, and dug in.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely an interesting one to write up. And the neat thing is? While the overall conversation was planned in advance, the kick-off wasn't.
> 
> Liatai helped once more with the spell-checking and suggestions here and there. I hope this was worth the tiny wait and cliffhanger.
> 
> A reminder, Liatai has also started her own Gaster-OC Ask-me Tumbler. Link is here: [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tootles!


	26. Muffet Must be Pissed

“Heh. Most folks balk at a well-done steak, but that was pretty good.”

 

“when they make only one style of steak, it becomes easier to do that.”

 

“You’d think so, but then….”

 

sans put his fork down. Nothing was left on his plate, save for a few chili-stains.

 

“I can get the tip.”

 

“you sure?”

 

“Yep. Least I could do.”

 

“heh. alright. thanks. it’s a flat rate of two hundred. everything has flat rates here, it’s nice and easy.”

 

“Albeit expensive.”

 

sans chuckled. “not on a guard’s salary. it’s very cozy.”

 

“So I’ve heard.” I stretched in my seat, and reveled at the feeling of my back popping. “Ow.”

 

“that sounded like a good one. sadly we skeletons lack the biology necessary to do that popping stuff.”

 

I twisted in my seat, and finished off my stretches. “Eh, not all of them feel good. Can lead to pulled muscles. Not fun.”

 

sans chuckled some more. “the terrible horror of having a more physical body. heh.”

 

He tapped the table, and thumbed to the door behind him. “take a nap in the hotel rooms. it’s, like, nine pm. bet you haven’t even checked your watch today, huh?”

 

I did just that, and indeed, it was a little past nine. PM apparently.

 

“I hadn’t. It was a very long, very crazy day.” That got me to thinking. “Hey, what’d you see in this watch anyways?”

 

“That it was a very nice watch that you ought to keep a hold of.” sans winked his right eye that time.

 

“Won’t say then?”

 

sans sighed, and slipped off his chair. “more like can’t say. all i saw was a bit of magic in an item you brought with you. from a weird, otherworldly place. so, yeah. be a good idea to hold onto it. savvy?”

 

“Fair enough. Headin’ home?” I asked as I got out of my own seat.

 

“i am. and you know what?” sans looked to the exit doors. “i fancy a walk. good night, human.”

 

“Night sans.”

 

He gave a small wave, a finger gun to the waitress (who gave one right back. Nice), and walked right out of the restaurant.

 

I took a few moments to leave the GP on the table, waved goodnight to the waitress as well (she gave a friendly enough wave back, though she still seemed a bit off about me being human. Ah well), and entered the main area of the Hotel.

 

Hoooollllly wow. This place was… GLITTERY.

 

Every. Single. Surface. Sparkled. Every one of them.

 

Rhinestones were on the plants. The walls. The seats. The fake-leather on the couches had glitter embedded on them. The _service_ was wearing glittery makeup. Just…. wow. WOW.

 

_He should have gone whole hog, and installed disco balls everywhere._

 

Instead, the famous Mettaton Statue was the centerpiece of the whole room. Just like in the game, it was spitting out water onto the floor. Just, straight up on the floor. It didn’t seem to really flow anywhere, so I wondered if there was a drain under the carpet or something.

 

I… decided to put that out of my mind, as the massive bit of meat that I ate seemed to be bring me to a more sleepy state. Or maybe it was the adrenaline, seeing as the meat acted like every other bit of magical food I had eaten. If it was meat. I dunno, I was tired, okay?

 

The hand-person didn’t look too creepy in real-life, but the sight was still a little off-putting. They extended their index head-finger forward, and their voice came from the tip.

 

“Good evening! Just in time for our last check-in time. Mettaton told me you might be showing up at some point, human. Standard rate, but he made sure you had a room. I hope you will be staying with us tonight. Two hundred GP.”

 

“Uhm, alright. I can do that.” I dug through my bag again, and forked over another two hundred GP.

 

They scooped up the lot right off the counter. I heard the coins clattering on the floor. The handy-person tapped a button on their counter and shooed me away.

 

“Go on now. Second door on the left, one night. Don’t leave till you are finished with it, cause it’sa one-time use. Especially during the day, when the elevator there,” they pointed towards said elevator, “Has a rush. Go go go.”

 

“Gotcha. Thank you.”

 

“And thank you for staying at MTT Resort! The Best Snooze You’ll Ever Have!™”

 

A small wave was shared between us, and I passed the long-closed fast-food joint and to my room. The Goopy janitor was doing his due diligence in cleaning up the mess he was leaving behind. A wave to him was ignored, but who could blame him? Poor guy.

 

The door I needed was slightly cracked open. I pushed it the rest of the way open, and collapsed on the bed.

 

The mattress was so squishy, I dipped in a few inches just from the impact. I was about to get comfy, just as I was, when…

 

_*RING RING RING! RING RING RING! PHONE CALL PHONE-!*_

 

“Hi Alphys.”

 

“H-h-hi! I heard! That you are at the Resort!”

 

I yawned, and took a moment to take off my shoes with one hand. The vapor trails had lessened further, but were still there.

 

“Yep. There now. Was about to get some sleep too.”

 

“Th-that sounds like a good idea. I think I should do that too, but… uhm.  Things to get done. You know.”

 

“A-aaaaaaaaaaa-nime?”

 

Alphys giggled lightly. “Y-yeah. That too. Uhm. sans stopped by. It was... unusual. He chatted a little, then told me he was heading home. And he was… happy? I don’t think he’s been that happy in a long time. Did… you say something?”

 

I gave a tired chuckle. “Uh, yeah, you could say that.”

 

Alphys gave a small squee! “Heee, you’re making friends all over! Maybe… maybe this could… I dunno.. uhm… Nothing. I-I-I’ll help you out tomorrow. The CORE can be a little tricky, but I should be, you know, able to get you through.”

 

“Thanks Alphys. I a-aaaaaaaaa-ppreciate that.”

 

“Stop tha-aaaaaaaa-t! You’re making me yawn!”

 

“Need to sleep then, silly.”

 

“Oh h-h-hush. Get some rest.  You’ve, uhm you’ve earned it. G’night!”

 

“Good night Alphys.” Once she was off, I set my glasses, watch, and phone on the dresser next to me.

 

It wasn’t long at all till I reached my rhinestone-covered, glitter-infused dreams.

 

\---

 

When I woke up the next morning, about nine or so yet again, I decided to do a few stretched. That was quickly decided against, when I popped my left foot in the process.

 

_I have been doing ok so far, what’s the worst that could I am not finishing that cliche, no way._

 

I gathered up my stuff, put everything on (and had to switch my shoes when I realized I put them on the wrong feet), and exited my room. True to her word, the moment I left, I heard a very loud ‘CLICK’ behind me.

 

_Good thing I remembered to pick all my stuff up._

 

I noticed that the Burger Emporium was open, but I felt that heading outside would be a better move this time.

 

The outside was just as glitzy and Vegas-esque as the inside. The lights on the building were nearly as bright as the magma-glow that poured in from Hotland.

 

With a quick detour to my left, I found myself at…

 

“Like, omigosh, welcome to the alley shop!”

 

“Yeah, like, totally!”

 

I chuckled. “Hey you two. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Ohmigosh, you’re the human!

 

“Like, wow! The human!”

 

More chuckles from from me. “Yep. That’s me.”

 

The pair gave a simultaneous gasp, and squeed like only a pair of Valley-Alley girls could.

 

“OHMIGOSH! THIS IS AWESOME!”

 

“Say your slogan!”

 

“In the reporter voice!”

 

“No, sing it!”

 

_This was a mistake._

 

“Sign my butt!”

 

“No, Catty, you can’t ask them to do that!”

 

“You’re right, that’s for Mettaton!”

 

“Yeah, so sign MY butt!”

 

“No, hey!”

 

I raised a finger, “Uhhh…”

 

The two then proceeded to fight over a permanent marker, which was soon lost in the midst of their struggles. I took this chance to slowly, slowly back out of the alley, and rethink my choices in the future.

 

_Yeah, that was… that was a bad move. OK. Burgerpants and his unnecessarily nihilistic view it is._

 

I made sure I wasn’t being followed by my two new rabid fangirls, and slipped into the Burger Emporium.

 

“Welcome to the MTT-Brand Burger Emporium. Home of the Glamburger.” A markedly forced-cheery voice rang out across the empty restaurant. “Sparkle Up Your Day™.”

 

The place looked EXACTLY like what someone would expect a generic, cheap, yellow-painted, red-accented fast-food diner to look like. The chairs were bland but serviceable, the food pictures on the wall looked slightly off-color, the booths were… pretty clean, actually. But yeah. Every cliche in the book was thrown at THIS place.

 

“Good morning. Doing well?”

 

“I-am-sorry-sir-or-madam-I-am-not-allowed-to-chat-with-non-paying-customers.” BP recited by memory, and a fair bit of robotic voice to it. He must have had to say that line a lot.

 

“In that case, I’d like a Glamburger and a Face-Steak. Then you can tell me how you are doing today.”

 

Burgerpants seemed to be caught off-guard with that. It took him a second to process the order, and shuffled off to get the food bits.

 

“You’re in luck. Had one Face-Steak at the ready. Just the one though, it’s hard to get on this side of the Resort.”

 

I nodded, and looked it over. Clearly, this one was flash-made, but it would suffice for the upcoming Mettaton encounter. The Glamburger, however, was just as bizarre and purple as every single bit of art made it out to be. Blech. I handed my GP to Burgerpants, and he just tossed it over his shoulder.

 

“So, uh, you wanna know how my morning is?”

 

“Sure. Why I asked, after all.”

 

That caught him off guard too. “Well. Huh. Rules say it’s okay to chat if someone paid, but only if no one else is around.” We both looked, and lo, no one was around.

 

“Seems clear to me.”

 

BP kept silent.

 

“You okay?”

 

“This. Has been. The WEIRDEST. Morning ever.” This was said with far more enthusiasm, and his face just morphed to match. Far from the simple switch between expressions, his structure was as fluid as Clayface!

 

“First, Mettaton calls me in to work on time. Then he tells me to get to work without any songs or insults involved. No costume choices, nothing. Just… him acting like a normal manager. He seemed like it was bad morning or something for him, but he didn’t take it out on ME.”

 

Burgerpants then waved at my general area. “Then I get a customer who _actually follows the rules_ and BUYS something before talking to me like I’m not in a soul-crushing job! This! Has been! UNUSUAL!”

 

“Yep. On my travels, been a lot of changes lately.” I smiled a bit. He responded with a smile as well, and lit up a cigarette.

 

“Were they all good changes?”

 

“Eh, a few.”

 

“Huh. Well. Hope you get more of them. Cause, dang, this has been a nice, smooth morning. And I am willing to risk it ending, if it means me getting to admit it for once. Damn!”

 

Burgerpants took a long draw. “I seen ya, you know. Not live, I don’t get that luxury. But when I manage to stumble home, I catch the repeats of MTT Broadcast. You got a good career ahead of you, if you decide to. Just be careful. I ended up in this crapshack of a place cause I thought I could be with Mettaton… ’s entourage.”

 

I nodded my head to the side. “Duly noted.”

 

“Hey. You be safe out there. Mettaton’s been acting weird. And when he acts weird, stuff happens. Comprende?”

 

“I do indeed. Thanks for the grub, and the warning.”

 

“Any time, sir-or-ma’am,” he said with a wink. “Any time.”

 

I left BP to his horrible, horrible fate, and through the doors north.

 

The CORE was way more impressive up close. Strangely enough, it was quieter too. The hisses and whistles were muted, almost comically so. The once-red piping now appeared to be bluish-purplish instead, and the temperature was actually akin to that of the air-conditioned resort.

 

I took a tentative step inside, and looked all around. Aside from the buzzing of the neon, it was….

 

Silent. Dead silent.

 

_Yeah, this can’t be right._

 

I got my phone out, at the ready, and made sure my gloves were on tight. I wasn’t planning on punching Mettaton, but if it came down to it…

 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing was in the area. Even with the glow of the CORE’s ozone below me, I could see well into the distance, and there wasn’t a soul around.

 

_Yeah, nertz to this._

 

*RING RING! RING R-!*

 

“He-he-hello?”

 

“Alphys. Something is wrong.”

 

“What?”

 

I made an unnecessary hand wave to the area around me.

 

“Something. Is. Wrong. No one is here. We both agreed that by this point Mettaton would be furious, and likely have everything on lockdown.”

 

Alphys was quiet. Then I heard a great deal of fabric being shuffled around, a bit of collapsing machinery, and a few talon’d footfalls.

 

“G-g-g-give me a moment. Let me check the CORE.”

 

I waited semi-patiently while Alphys typed and clicked furiously.

 

“N-n-nothing. The floorplans are JUST like I l-l-left them yesterday.”

 

“Yeah, okay, that isn’t right.”

 

“N-n-no, it isn’t, seeing as it makes it so you can’t go anywhere but the elevator.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“S-s-s-straight path. Elevator. I do that for Mettaton so he doesn’t have to worry about the fiddly electric stuff. I… oh wow.”

 

I paced in a small circle.

 

_Things had been changing a lot, but this? Okay, this was a chain in a long line of BIG changes._

 

“Alphys. Get decent, and meet me here at the CORE. I am going to try and talk to him. Something is fishy but I am hoping he just wants to talk.”

 

“H-h-h-how did you-”

 

“Nerdy person, alone, just out of bed, and needed to get to the computer quickly.”

 

“..........R-r-r-right. Okay! Be there a-a-a-as soon as I c-c-c-can! Please! Be careful! With him and you!”

 

“Promise.” I clicked the phone shut, and walked towards the waiting transportation.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again folks! Last minute, but technically another double-chapter day. Rolls are to be had.
> 
> Liatai was far less upset with this cliffhanger, but in this case, I gave her a heads up of what may be. Not saying what, cause that'd spoil the rest of you, ;P
> 
> Also! I will make a point to point out her Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Give it a look, she's had a few answers already, and the Goop-Squad is currently in charge as of the time of this note.
> 
> They are adorable.
> 
> Seeya next chapter folks!


	27. This is Getting Worrisome

The ride up wasn’t too nerve-wracking. It gave me a bit of time to figure out what to do with my inventory, at least.

 

_ Let’s see. Keeping the Face-Steak. And the Glamburger. Grod, that thing looks horrid. Apron for in-battle changing. Cinnabunny for back up energy, Grillby Burg for backup-backup energy. Not… not going to box the Snowman Piece. Just have to make sure not to accidentally do something with it. _

 

I fiddled with Box A on my phone, found out that the Burnt Pan somehow got put in there.

 

_ Huh. Must have been an auto-placement or something when I got the food. Neat. Feature the game could have used. Now… hm. I think…  think I will take it, just in case, as a bat again. But not on me. Yet. So… _

 

With a hand behind me, I had the pie materialize. 

 

“Looks like you’re going in storage.”

 

The pie was replaced, and with a bit of rejiggering on the phone, the B-C Pie was placed in the box, with the Pan taking its spot.

 

“There we go.” Just as I finished, the elevator came to a stop with a ding. 

 

“And here we go as well.”

 

I stepped out, and looked down the pathway. Just as Alphys said, right after the very clearly marked entrance to Mettaton’s personal studio, the metal walkway just ended. No rails at the end, just the sides.

 

_ OSHA would have a field day with that. Could see how someone would fall in, if that’s how the ways end. Eesh. _

 

With a turn, I faced the doorway to the robotic diva.

 

_ Okay. Maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, this can end with a talk for once. Enough has changed as is. Papyrus didn’t date, sans has been active, Undyne talked during the chases more and acted slightly more guardy. MK did their little talk-back thing, Alphys has been working with me. And… Mettaton offered to stay Underground. That’s, uh, that’s a heck of a change. _

 

A breath was taken in, and I stepped forth into the waiting arena.

 

I heard the whirring of cameras as I walked. Which, considering that they were plastered just about EVERYWHERE, that kinda made sense. The place wasn’t too well lit, but if I knew Mettaton, it was because he was the type to dramatize anything.

 

Speaking of.

 

**“Hello. Darling.”**

 

My first glimpse of the guy came right when I walked up the stairs to the main platform. Screens were all around us, with cameras taking the spaces in between. Each one was blank, and buzzed ever so lightly.

 

He himself was sitting, kind of, on one of the dozen speakers ringing the area. His leg was bent slightly, and waved back and forth just a tiny bit. Heck, he had his hand on the knee model-style.

 

_ Huh. Wonder if he has found old classic movies or something. That looks like what a pinup actress in the fifties would… okay, near everything he has done has been fifties-flavored, why am I shocked? _

 

“Hey, Metts. Doing alright?” I tried to sound casual, with my hands in my pockets. I leaned against a speaker as well, keeping my toes off the ground in the process.

 

**“I have been doing a great deal of thinking, darling.”** Mettaton removed his hand from his knee, and pulled out a nail file.

 

“About our little chat and subsequent proposals?”

 

He started to file the rubber gloves on his hands. Not hard enough to actually scrape anything off, but definitely using the motion for… something.

 

_ Odd. You’d think he was trying to act as casual as I am trying to be. _

 

**“Yes. Yes, indeed.”**

 

I shifted on my feet a little, and nodded. Time passed slowly as Mettaton continued his busy-work.

 

“Okay, good. What have you come up with?”

 

Mettaton stopped his motions. Nothing moved for several seconds, until the metal actor flicked the file away into the recesses of the stage.

 

**“I think, darling, that you are making a foolish decision.”**

 

“And what makes you say that?”

 

Mettaton hopped off his speaker, and did his little rolling-pacing thing again.

 

**“The King has been planning the demise of humanity for quite some time. I may not look it, but I have been around quite a while, darling. I saw his impassioned speech that he gave so long ago.”**

 

“Huh. You look good.”

 

**“Why thank you darling. Alphys did her best with the materials given. Speaking of.”**

 

Mettaton snapped his fingers, and the door that I just walked through slammed shut. Not a second after it did, we both heard banging, and a muffled voice.

 

“H-h-hey! Mettaton! Wait! I want to help!”

 

**“I am sure you do, Alphy dearie, but this is between us. You understand.”**

 

Mettaton rotated enough to face me. 

 

“Not too ticked off at her, I hope.”

 

**“Ohh, I am past that. As in, I have forgiven her. I realize now that if I had continued like I did, I would have shown the dearie poor thanks for what she has done for me. Another gift from our little chat, you see. Wasn’t part of the subject, but it did come up.”**

 

I gave a small nod to that.

 

**“Now. Darling. I ask again. Why don’t you stay here? If the King wanted you dead so badly, he would have come for you by now. We can keep you safe, and convince the King to simply look the other way till another human arrives or-”**

 

“Hey, no no no no no. Not trading my life for someone else’s.”

 

**“Well, I suppose not, but-”**

 

“There’s that horrid word again.”

 

Mettaton’s face went red. Not the blushing kind, but the furious kind.

 

**“Don’t. Use my words. Against me.”**

 

“Then don’t suggest things that are beneath you.”

 

Mettaton sprang back.

 

**“Beneath me? BENEATH ME??? Darling, I am trying to save your life! And not let you throw it away! I can see wonderful sparks in others, and you have a wondrous, other-worldly spark! It’s beautiful! Amazing!”**

 

“And something you want to add to your collection, hm?”

 

The chrome diva sputtered.

 

“Sorry Metts. Like I said before, I like ya. Really. But I can’t just stay down here. Too many people are counting on me.”

 

Mettaton’s hands balled up into fists.

 

**“Of all the ignorant!”** He started to roll back and forth in front of me.  **“Blind!”** He hopped on his wheel.  **“Utterly doomed fools I have met, you are the worst!”**

 

“Aw, I thought you liked me.”

 

**“I do!”**

 

He stopped in all his dramatic posturing, and turned to face me. One of his hands reached behind himself, and he seemed to be fiddling with something.

 

**“...I do. Whether it’s you, your spark, or what could happen if you continue on…”**

 

Mettaton brought his hand out and snapped a finger. A microphone dropped from the ceiling, and he caught it with gusto.

 

**“I must do this for your own good! And for the good of humanity!”**

 

The robot snapped his fingers again, and the whole stage flew into life. Lights, cameras, the screens, everything went to action.

 

“Wh-wh-what’s going on in there?? Why d-d-d-do I hear Mettaton’s battle set-.... Oh. Oh no!”

 

**“OHHH YESSS!”** Mettaton whirled about, soaking in the camera's’ attention, likely knowing that anyone who was at home would be watching, just by virtue of him being on the screen.

 

**“GOOOOOOOOOD morning Underground! Today! I have a special treat for everyone here!”**

Mettaton waved to his adoring fans, blew them kisses as he could, and otherwise hammed it up.

 

**“We have all watched the human’s passage through the Underground. The sights, the sounds! AH! And then I! The lovely Mettaton! Made my appearance!**

 

**“They have wowed, they have sparkled, and oh! How they have SHONE.”**

 

He whirled about, and pointed an accusing finger at me.

 

**“But now this foolish human wants to continue their quest to see the King! The very same King that has claimed that ALL humans must die! No matter their spark! No matter their beauty!”**

 

Mettaton posed yet again, balancing back and forth on his wheel while wagging his finger to the nearest camera.

 

**“I simply cannot allow this! SO! For everyone watching at home! I welcome you!**

 

**“TO MY FINAL EPISODE!”**

 

“Ok, wait, WHAT?”

 

**“You and everyone at home heard me, darling.”**

 

It was then that the speakers came to life. And yes, it was definitely “Death by Glamour”. And it was the most amazing version I had ever heard.

 

**“I will fight to make sure you don’t throw your and the rest of humanity’s lives away. I will make myself the most beautiful thing in the Underground to do it.”**

 

He reached behind himself once more, and I heard a faint click.

 

**“For if you want to see the King? You will have to take. Me. Down.”**

 

The music swelled.

 

**“Ohhhh…”**

 

Mettaton shifted. His plates slide away, folding into his own hammerspace. Gorgeous legs came out first, followed shortly by torso, and those long arms of his. When he was finished, Mettaton posed like a model, with one hand on the hip, the other slightly behind him. One heeled foot in front, the other behind.

 

He opened his eye, and the whole stage flashed purple.

 

**“YES!”**

 

_ Ohhhh homina. _

 

I nearly paid for my moment of distraction with a heel to my forehead. Fortunately, I ducked out of the way at the last second, but wasn’t lucky enough to dodge the subsequent titanium-bitch-slap I ran straight into.

 

My body flew across the stage, and landed roughly.

 

**“Come now, darling, I have quite the display ready for you. Don’t get distracted with the pre-show!”**

 

With a hand on his hip, Mettaton snapped his fingers once more. Several disco-balls popped out of the ceiling, and started shooting out semi-random lasers in time to the music.

 

“Crud!” I danced around to the beat, doing little poses here and there. After a few moments, I got really into the whole set up.  Thirty seconds in, and I was performing my best Saturday Night Fever impersonation.

 

**“Ohhh, lovely, darling!”**  Mettaton joined in, but added a bit of flavor by throwing out punches, kicks, and the occasional slap my way.

 

“I! Am! Not! Going! To! DUCK! Hit! Back!”

 

**“Not a wise strategy darling.”**

 

Mettaton flipped backwards, and landed with grace that only cats should have. I, meanwhile, belly flopped out of the way of a particularly large white laser.

 

I was about to pick myself up when my phone started to ring.

 

_ *RING RING RING! RIN-!* _

 

“ALPHYS I LOVE YOU TO PIECES BUT NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME!”

 

“I-I-I-I know! But! I ha-ha-had to tell you-!”

 

The other half of whatever it was she was saying was missed when I had to whip out my Pan to start swatting away Mini-Mecha-Mettas.

 

**“Nice form, darling!”** Mettaton cat-called from one of the rafters.

 

The phone was brought back up to my ear again. “What’d you say???”

 

“YELLOW! PUSH! YELLOW! BUTTON! HELPS!”

 

I ducked under yet another bomb, and flipped through my phone options. And there, under the now-dissolved Mew Mew picture, was the fabled yellow button.

 

“Are you sure this won’t… dust him?”

 

Alphys took a deep breath. I had to limbo under a few more lasers in the meantime, and nearly lost my balance in the process.

 

“Intent. Intent is everything. This will give you a taste of monster magic. Just a little though. Energy won’t last forever. Just intend to stun. It… it will work.”  In a tiny voice that I could barely hear over all the warfare, Alphys continued. “It has to work.”

 

With that vote of confidence, I posed as dramatically as I could. Half the cameras in the room focused on me. As did….

 

“Mettaton!”

 

**“Ohhh, yes darling?”**

 

“You still want to dance with me?”

 

Mettaton’s lips curled upward slightly.

 

**“Why yes darling!”**

 

I pushed the button. From where my thumb made contact with the screen, I felt a massive surge of energy course through my body. It felt… it felt like a bit of static shock, and invoked the feeling of… JUSTICE.

 

I felt it all coalesce into my hands, and pulse into my index and middle fingers on both sides.

 

A pair of finger guns were aimed right at the diva.

 

“Then let’s dance!”

 

I extended out my left hand, and mimicked shooting a shot. This time however, a bolt of yellow energy burst out, and towards Metts.

 

**“OH MY!”** He ducked down with a great deal more fluidity than thought possible for a metal body.

 

**“How BRILLIANT! Folks, the work of the Royal Scientist!”** Mettaton cried out, before sending out massive waves of Minis.  **“Magic for humans! OH!”**

 

I ducked and bobbed around the Minis and their Heart-Attacks (I JUST NOW GOT THAT PUN), and blasted the few that got in my way.

 

That said, I could feel what Alphys meant by energy use. Just those few bolts in, and I was already starting to feel a little winded.

 

_ Hoo! I did NOT! Need this to be cast from…. heeeyyy I wonder! _

 

I reached into my hammerspace, and pulled out…

 

“Oh. Joy. The Glamburger.”

 

EVERY camera in the area focused in on that.

 

**“Even in their time of peril, the human sponsors their favorite brands! Just look at that delightful, delicious Glamburger!”**

 

I shrugged, and took his distraction to eat the damn thing. It tasted… extremely purple. 

 

But it did its job, flavor aside. I felt energized, and ready to rumble!

 

“Second wind everyone!” I rushed forward, and challenged Mettaton directly.

 

**“Second wind, hm?”** He lashed out with a kick, that I interrupted with a bolt. A second shot was fired, only to have Metts swat it away.

 

“Yep! In fact!” I backed off with a skid, and posed heroically! “YOU. CAN’T. TOUCH. ME!”

 

**“A challenge everyone!”** From the tone of his voice, even Mettaton was starting to get into all this.  **“Let’s take you for a spin then, Darling!”**

 

He raised his hands, and summoned forth a great deal of boxes and bombs. Mettaton gave me a dangerous wink, and sent them all off, hands conducting to the stage’s music.

 

I made a show of ‘holstering’ my fingerguns, and danced with the tune. It was… glorious. I ducked. Dodged. Weaved. Bounced. I may have been out of shape, but with the whole setup: the music, Mettaton, the Yellow Energy… I was PUMPED!

 

Mettaton pulled a Flowey at the end of his little barrage, and sent in a ring of indestructible boxes. I waited until the absolute last second, to tap my heels together. With a burst of orange magic from my shoes, I rocketed upwards, did a kinda-flopped backflip, and ended with a decent three-point landing. 

 

My knee may have hit the ground, but it was more than enough to make Mettaton’s jaw do the same. I took advantage of this, brought up both of my fingerguns again, and fired them.

 

The bolts flew fast, and struck the metal diva on his shoulders at the same time. A fair bit of sparking ensued, and BOTH his arms blew off!

 

“OH! CRAP! Mettaton, I-!”

 

**“Ohhh, watch your language darling! This is a family show, and we’re live!”**  Mettaton stumbled but refused to fall.  **“Besides? Who needs arms when you have legs like** **_these_ ** **?”**

 

He posed with a stretch to his left leg, and I was the one jaw-dropped that time.

 

A box smacked me upside my head, and I kinda deserved it.

 

**“Yes! Marvel at the beauty! At the brilliance!”**

 

“Ow, okay, you got me there.”

 

Another wink, and Mettaton started up his attacks again.

 

With my shoes now expelling a very worrisome amount of vapor, I decided to simply hoof it through the maze of lasers. Another couple shots at Mettaton, and I felt the drain once more.

 

I made a random reach into my hammerspacce, and whipped out…

 

**“Darling? What on earth is that?”**

 

I looked.

 

“That, Mettaton, is a Grillby Burger. Look at those juices. The tomatoes. The sheer greasy wonder that is. This. Burger.”

 

I took a bite, and OHHHHH MY LORD we have a contender for best food in the Underground!

 

I started to  _ devour _ the magic meal in my hand. Mettaton, meanwhile, cried out in shock.

 

**“** **_Ohhh_ ** **the horror! Oh, the grease! Parents at home, cover your children’s eyes at such a display,** **_ohhhhh!”_ **

 

When I polished off the last bite, I felt AMAZING. It wasn’t quite up to the level of the Pie Slice, but it was right there with it.

 

With a roar that could have put Undyne to… okay, not shame, no one is that good, but it was a hell of a try, I dashed forth, and closed the distance on Mettaton!

 

**“And here we go folks! The human is finally playing for keeps!”**

 

Mettaton glared with a smile on his face, and ran to meet me. His legs swished and flashed. My bullets flew everywhere, striking cameras, screens and speakers alike. Two of the disco-balls exploded.

 

After one particularly wild swing on Mettaton’s part, I saw my chance. I took aim…

 

_ Leg Goddesses, forgive me! _

 

A bullet flew from my fingertip, and blasted right at his joint. Sparks coursed across his hip, and POW! The leg blew right off.

 

Mettaton tried to keep his balance, but there must have been a bit of residual energy. POW! The other leg popped loose, and Mettaton went tumbling.

 

I jumped forward and caught the torso known as Mettaton before he could hit the floor.

 

“OOF! Ow, my fingers…”

 

Mettaton looked around in a small panic, but only for a second.

 

**“You… You win darling….”**

 

“Yeah, well, it’s not much of a win, if it came to this.”

 

**“No, I suppose not…”**

 

There was a bit of ringing from somewhere. After I looked around in confusion, Mettaton rolled his eyes, and said,  **“That’s me, darling. I have a call.”**

 

“Oh. Huh. How do you…”

 

**“Press the button on my chest. It’ll patch through to the speakers.”**

 

Yeaaaaah, that was… that was very uncomfortable. I gave him a glance to the button, and back to his eye. Mettaton just gave a slow, teasing nod. With a blink to match.

 

“Okay, okay.” I tapped the thing lightly, and there was a crackle as the music was replaced with silence.

 

**“Ohhh, dear caller, first one of my last episode! Please! Speak your mind!”**

 

No one said anything for a while. Mettaton’s face grew more and more concerned by the second.

 

**“Hello? Dar-”**

 

“....................................oh……….hello mettaton………..”

 

The robot in my arms froze like he was in the tundra.

 

“..........i didn’t realize……..that….this….would be the last one……...and in such a way…….you would do that…..for them…...they are nice…..and they are a little…..foolish…...but…….i wish it wasn’t like this………..i liked watching you………...it was like living beautifully………..vicariously…….i…….i’m sorry…………...i took up too much time…..ohhh…..sorry………..”

 

**“Wait, Bl-”** Mettaton failed to reach out to his cousin in even this timeline.  **“Oh… oh my…”**

 

The ringing persisted, even after Napstablook hung up.

 

“Hey. Might want to let me get that for you.”

 

Mettaton just kept silent, and nodded.

 

Tap.

 

“OH MY GOSH METTATON! NO! WE LOVE YOU!”

 

“LIKE TOTALLY!”

 

Tap.

 

“We can work this out! Don’t do this!”

 

Tap.

 

“The surface can wait! Human! Wait a little longer!”

 

Tap.

 

“The Star of the Underground! He shines so brightly!”

 

Tap.

 

“You two work so well together! Losing either of you would be like -- like -- Hotland without heat! GET USED TO IT!™"

 

Tap.

 

“METTATON! IF YOU ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT WHAT ASGORE WILL DO -- NEVER FEAR! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL ACCOMPANY BOTH YOU AND THE HUMAN TO HIS CASTLE AS MORAL SUPPORT! I KNOW THAT WITH THE HUMAN'S SPLENDOR, YOUR CHARM, AND MY GREATNESS, WE CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING, EVEN CHANGING THE KING'S MIND! UNDYNE! UNDYNE, YOU TOO! WE'LL MAKE IT A PARADE!"

 

I was about to reach up for another tap, but Mettaton shook his head.

 

**“No. No more darling. You… you win. For real.”**

 

“I supposed as much. But you want to know something?”

 

**“What’s that?”**

 

“We could have avoided this. I wasn’t planning on going to the King quite yet.”

 

**“Wh-what?”**

 

“I was coming here to talk to _you_.”

 

Mettaton… BLUSHED. As in straight out, blushed. It was purplish-pink to boot. Cooling fans kicked into higher gear, from the sound of it.

 

**“O-oh.”**

 

“Yeah. Oh.” I repeated back at him with a bit of humor.

 

**“I feel so foolish.”**

 

I just chuckled at that. The blush on his face started to fade. So did the lights… and the fans.

 

**“Oh dear. The battery efficiency of this form isn’t quite up to snuff.”**

 

“Hold on there, bud, we have-”

 

**“Shh. It’s alright. I did what I could. Now. It’s up to you. Please. Tell…. Alphys…. Thank…. You….”**

 

Mettaton’s eye closed, as the rest of his body shut down.

 

As one, the lights, the music, the screens, the cameras. They all went dead. 

 

WIth the power being cut off as it did, the door VWHOOSED open, and Alphys skittered inside at her top speed.

 

“OH! OH MY GOODNESS! IS! IS HE!?”

 

“He’s fine.” I called with a bit of strain. Mettaton was really heavy as dead weight. I shuffled my seating arrangement so my legs would stop going to sleep.

 

“His battery died, the big diva.”

 

Alphys squeaked, and checked out Mettaton’s prone torso for herself.

 

“S-s-s-so he is.”

 

“Besides, just means your grander master-plan worked.”

 

“Wh-”

 

I nudged Mettaton. “I’ll help you get him home, and back to his glorious self. Means I’m sticking around a while longer, eh?” I gave the shivering Royal Scientist a wink.

  
Alphys squeaked in relieved joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, Liatai also helped out with a couple lines in the caller portion. I bet ya'll can figure out at least one of them ;P
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this one out. Especially since the whole premise had been rolling around in my head for a couple days now.
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoyed it too, and onwards to the next!
> 
> Also! I will continue to make a point to point out Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> PS: Yes, I know a few strategies were left behind there. ;)


	28. The Leg Goddesses Will Smite Me.

“Are we going to use a dolly, or something with wheels? Cause Metts is pretty dang heavy right now.”

 

Alphys was wandering around the arena, picking up the pieces of the metal diva that had blown off in our little spat. She stopped after she picked up the second arm, and looked over at me.

 

“Uhm, well, I, uh, I d-d-d-don’t have m-m-much…”

 

“Hm. Besides, I am sure the public are going to be in a bit of a panic, the way he played things up.”

 

The Royal Scientist balked. “ _I-I-I’m_ in a bit of a panic!”

 

I couldn’t help but grin. She was adorable when she was in a tizzy.

 

Alphys paced around, ostensibly to pick up more random microchips and stuff but I could tell she was in her hyper-thought-process mode.

 

With Mettaton’s in-stasis chassis set off to the side, I helped her cleanup around the arena. The more pieces we were able to collect the more likely it’d be that Alphys could put him back together faster.

 

The yellow dino-lizard-lady was looking over a heel, when she stood as straight up as she could, and squeaked with giddiness.

 

“EEE! I have an i-i-i-idea!”

 

I set the latest pile of parts I had found on the stack we had been building the last few minutes, and regarded the excitable scientist.

 

“How so?”

 

Alphys pointed at him, then the doorway we had entered from, then back to Mettaton.

 

“T-t-t-trust me! It’s a good one!”

 

\---

 

“OUT OF OUR WAY PEOPLE! MOVE!”

 

“P-P-PATIENT COMING THROUGH!”

 

I was walking as fast as I could, while looking over a clipboard, wearing a big white lab overcoat, and a medical mask. Alphys swapped out her normal coat with a green nurse’s outfit. She pushed a massive gurney with Mettaton’s torso, disembodied limbs, and various chips and pieces sitting atop it behind me as we rushed through the doors. Mettaton himself had a rather unnecessary oxygen mask on his face, with a beeping EKG that really wasn’t connected to anything.

 

“Move move move!”

 

Gaggles of monsters moved out of our way as we tried to half-rush, half-linger through the main room of the hotel.

 

“Oh no Mettaton!”

“Our star!”

“He was so brave!”

“Will he make it?”

“Is he ok???”

“What’s to happen to our Mettaton?!”

 

I put myself into the most heroic-soap-opera doctor pose I possible could. “He was, he will, he is kind of in pieces and the Royal Scientist will get him back together!”

 

“D-D-D-Doctor Human! He’s fading fast!” Alphys stammered in a breathy voice, complete with a slight blush.

 

“NOT ON MY WATCH! Now MOVE!” I bellowed out to the shifting crowd.

 

Almost as one, the crowd parted. Several monsters pulled out their phones to snap pictures of our passage out, with Mettaton as the main focus.

 

We zipped out of that room, and as soon as we were out of sight… Alphys and I starting laughing our heads off.

 

“Okay! You, going back and grabbing this stuff? For that? Brilliant!”

 

“I-I-I can’t believe you can pull off such a cheesy soap-opera doctor voice.”

 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice your nurse-voice.” I winked. Alphys blushed again.

 

“I-i-i-it wasn’t all that special.”

  
“Alphys, I am willing to bet you will be getting hit on very soon.”

 

She squeaked and turned even more red.

 

We pushed Mettaton along the path to the elevator, and took the shortest route to the Lab that we could. The walks and rides went pretty quietly. It wasn’t until we neared the Lab that I spoke again.

 

“You sure you don’t want my help?”

 

Alphys shook her head when we reached her doorstep.

 

“Th-th-thanks, but no. I know his body better than anyone. And you may be nice enough to help, but you’d just be in the way. N-n-no offense.”

 

I held my hands up. “Hey, no offense taken. You do you, and do him by extension.”

 

She gave a little nod.

 

“Anywhogen, I best be off. I think I’ll stay in Snowdin again. Lovely place.”

 

Alphys nodded again and played with her claws.

 

“U-u-uhm, before you go?”

 

“Hm?”

 

The nervous lady stepped towards me, slowly. And before I could wonder what she was up to, she pulled me down for a hug.

 

“Th-th-thank you for all your help. A-a-a-and for not being mad at me…”

 

“Alphys, we’re cool.”

 

“I…. thank you for not taking him completely apart. I-I-I-I don’t know what I’d do…”

 

“That was never the plan, even before I met you in person.” I gave a smile to her confused expression. “Go go, you have a bot buddy to build.”

 

Alphys nodded, then… gave me a quick peck to the cheek.

 

When she realized what she had done, Alphys looked more like a tomato than a lizard lady.

 

“UH! UHM! BYE!”

 

And now she looked like nothing, cause she was within her sanctuary faster than most beams of light.

 

_Welp. That is most certainly different._

 

I smirked to myself and decided to take the River Person to Snowdin again.

 

“Hey.”

 

They said nothing, but simply looked me over as they had done the last couple times. I boarded when they gave a wave, and we were off.

 

“So. What weird nugget of advice are you going to give today, hm?”

 

The River Person said nothing.

 

I watched. And waited. But nothing came up this time.

 

_Guess I got all the cryptic warnings I am going to get. Hm._

 

We made it to Snowdin without incident. I stepped off the boat, and started to make my way into the town proper.

 

“Tra la la~ Beware the cousins of potatoes, for they share an attribute. Tra la la~”

 

Just when I turned to ask what the hell _that_ meant, I heard the boat push off and away from shore to be carried by the current once more.

 

_Okay, I am starting to not like their shortcuts._

 

I shook my head to clear that odd sentence out of it, but found myself only partially successful.

 

I breathed deep and enjoyed the cold, still air. It was a  little past one pm, and the streets were empty.

 

_Folks must be doing lunch or something._

 

My shoes crunched in the magical snow as I made my way to the Skele-Bro’s house. Was nearly there too.

 

Then a massive snowball knocked me backwards.

 

“HAH! GOTCHA!”

 

I popped a fist out of the gigantic snow-poff that I was thrown into.

 

“CURSE YOU UNDYNE!!!”

 

She just bellowed with laughter, stomping her foot on the roof of the Skele-bro’s house.

 

“UNDYNE! PLEASE! THINK OF THE SHINGLES!”

 

“Sorry Paps! That was too good!”

 

My flailing hand was grasped by thinner one and I was pulled out of the chilly white powder.

 

“ice to see you. looks like undyne had snow problem in making you her latest victim.”

 

I brushed myself off, and looked the fish-warrior in the eye.  


“I can tell, she’s having a ball.”

 

Groans from her and Papyrus, a shared high-five between me and sans.

 

“What you folks been up to?”

 

Undyne leaned on her spear (that she summoned for just such an act), and tried to look as casual as she could.

  
“Oh, you know. The usual. Buying groceries. Looking out for trouble. Saving Monster Kid from falling in the river for the second time today on their way to school. WATCHING A HUMAN TAKE ON METTATON ON LIVE TELEVISION!”

 

“Right. Paps called in for that last bit.”

 

“THAT’S RIGHT! I KNEW THAT IF THE GREAT PAPYRUS COULD GIVE HIS OWN THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER, THEN THE SITUATION WOULD BE RESOLVED! AND IT WORKED! KIND OF! NOW METTATON NEEDS TO SIMPLY RECHARGE AND HE’LL BE BACK TO HIS SHINING GLORY!”

 

“it was impressive really.” sans grinned to me, and waved me over towards his house. “how’d it feel?”

 

“Taking on Mettaton?”

 

“No!” Undyne called down. Well, briefly, before she dropped to the ground and landed with a WHUMPH! “Magic!”

 

“Oh! Uhm, it was pretty freaking cool.”

 

“YOU MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE ENERGIZED! BUT I DID NOTICE THAT THERE WERE A FEW TIMES WHEN YOU LOOKED LESS ENERGIZED?”

 

I coughed. “Yeah, that stuff took a bit out of me. Fortunately, I had a few things on hand to help with that.”

 

“it’s a pity, you know.”

 

I turned to sans at that. “What is?”

 

“used to be, humans and monsters could communicate with bullets.”

 

Undyne nodded. “I remember that much from school. Then the humans went bats- batty, and decided that monsters were too freaky to live.”

 

“IT WAS A SAD TIME FOR OUR KIND! SO MANY GREETING CARDS’ POTENTIALS! WASTED!”

 

“still, it was nice to see alphys’ work come in handy. wasn’t it, undyne?”sans asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

 

“HECK YEAH IT WAS! IT WAS….uhm…”

 

“Amazing?”

 

“inspiring?”

 

“THE AMAZING INSPIRATION YOU NEEDED TO FINALLY _PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER???”_

 

sans and I just gaped at the unusually serious face on Papyrus. Undyne had gone uncharacteristically meek and silent to boot.

 

“uh. wow.”

 

“No kiddin.”

 

Paps just gave a smug grin to Undyne’s expression, and sauntered off into the house.

 

“Done been called out, girl.”

 

“yep. you gonna just take that?”

 

Undyne snapped out of shock and gave a ferocious grin to the both of us.

 

“HECK! NO! I’ll show him! I’LL SHOW ALL OF YOU!”

 

And with that, she bolted into the house and slammed the door so hard, she caused a mini-avalanche off the roof.

 

Papyrus was soon tossed out a few moments later.

 

“UNDYNE WAIT I HAVE THE PHHHOOOOONNNNNEEE!!!!” WHUMPH! He landed in his own snow-poff.

 

sans and I bustled over to help Paps out of his landing area.

 

“Worked a bit too well, I think.”

 

“NOT AT ALL! IT WORKED EXACTLY LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD!”

 

“heh. that’s paps. always thinking two steps ahead.”

 

“NATURALLY!” He said with a beaming smile.

 

“Gonna give that phone to her?”

 

“NO. SHE HAS HER OWN WAYS OF CONNECTING WITH ALPHYS! THE PHONE PART WAS TO GET HER OFF HER PISCINE POSTERIOR AND ACTUALLY DO IT THIS TIME!”

 

“Huh. Well, with the three of us thrown out of your house-”

 

“hey, no we’re not.”

 

I just gave sans a flat look. “Do YOU want to stay in there while Undyne is apparently collecting all her innermost, extremely private thoughts about the Royal Scientist?”

 

sans’ eyelights went completely dark. “no no and no.”

 

“Thought so. Anyways. Three of us. Free day. What do?”

 

“I AM GOING TO GO ON MY PATROLS!”

 

“but, you have the mo-”

 

“NOPE! PATROLS! A LESS ENJOYABLE HUMAN, OR A DIFFERENT HUMAN ALTOGETHER, MAY GRACE US WITH THEIR PRESENCE! AND I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, MUST BE THERE TO GREET THEM! TA TA!”

 

Papyrus patted us both on the head, sans then me, and rushed off to join the departing Dog Pack.

 

“Huh. Guess it’s the two of-”

 

“nope.”

 

“Can I finish a sen-”

 

“nope.”

 

Another flat look was given to sans. “Very funny.”

 

“i thought so. but nah, he has a point.” sans jabbed a thumb at his house. “she may be busy with life stuff, but i need to catch up on much missed work. as in stuff done, not time paid. you enjoy some time off. you’re in the final stretch and you could use the rest, i bet.”

 

“Well, dang.”

 

“sorry. but… heh. it feels nice. paps has been so proud of me and i don’t want to let him down. anyways. have a good day, human.” He gave a wink, and off he shuffled.

 

I waved, then had yet another thought.

 

“sans.”

 

He stopped, and looked at me over his shoulder.

 

“If, by some odd reason, you don’t see me for a long while but you see a lot of people you haven’t in some time? Get to the Ruins. _She_ is going to need your help getting to _him._ Got me?”

 

From the looks of things, it took sans a second or two to parse what I said. But when it clicked in his head, the skeleton turned fully to face me.

 

** “U n d e r s t o o d.” **

 

 

He gave a wink with the right eye this time and continued his shuffling to the forest.

 

I waved goodbye then took a look around.

 

For the first time in a long while I was alone. No one chasing after me. No one watching. No one prepping.

 

It felt… weird.

 

“I think I’d rather be chased by Undyne again.” I said to no one in particular.

 

_Hrm. This has been awesome. But I can’t help but wonder, what will happen in the end? Am I stuck? Will I be rocketed home? Will the end even happen like it did in the game?_

 

I slowly strolled away from the house, and kicked up a few flurries of snow in my wake.

 

_It’s been a few days. My family must be freaking out. Cat… hope the cat’s been fed. Friends wondering where I am…_

 

My feet were on autopilot and I was taken to the edge of town, only to turn around and go back.

 

_What if I am stuck here? How will I prove I am really a human? I mean, physiology aside, I have no legal record of ever even existing here. Cause, well, I didn’t. At all._

 

_The monsters might be willing to help me. But… that doesn’t change the fact that… that…_

 

I looked up and to the white mists that had gathered on the ceiling of Snowdin’s cave.

 

“I want to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep.
> 
> I had help not just from Liatai but another good friend of mine by the name of Michelle. You've likely seen her comments a few times by this point. She gave me a lot of writing tips, especially in the idea of the comma's overuse.
> 
> I will very much continue to point out Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)


	29. Kinda Late to be Homesick

I am not sure how long I spent in my funk. All I know is that by the end of it I was sitting up against the Skele-Bro’s household.

 

_ Can’t believe it took me this long to get… ugh, I’m an idiot. _

 

I was rubbing my temples when a hand touched my shoulder.

 

“Hey there, punk.”

 

I looked up, and there was Undyne.

 

“Hey there, fishlips.”

 

“Watch it.” She said to me with a small glare. Which was undermined by her smile.

 

I brushed myself off as I stood up. “What’s up?”

 

“Ehh, I finished my, uh, project.”

 

I raised an innocent eyebrow at that. “Project?”

 

“Yeah. You know. The thing that Papyrus JUST GOT ME TO DO.”

 

I mocked an expression of realization. “Ohhhhh that project.”

 

Undyne hooked me under an armpit and noogied the life out of my skull.

 

“YES THAT PROJECT PUNK!”

 

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!”

 

“Suck it up, wimp!” She growled at me. A few rubs later she let me go. While I stumbled around, Undyne had a good laugh.

 

“What’d- ow, what’d you come to me for?”

 

“Weeellll…” Undyne looked especially bashful. One foot dug into the snow, and both her hands went behind her back. Put her in a pink dress and pigtails, and she would have looked like a rather…

 

OK she’d still be a badass but she’d be cuter. Maybe. OPINIONS.

 

“Look I need your help with something.”

 

I leaned against the house on my right shoulder. A small wave was given to have her continue.

 

“GAH! Gonna make me spell it out?!”

 

“Yep.”   
  
“Ugh, no wonder you get along with sans.” Undyne rolled her eye and pulled an envelope out of her pocket.

 

“I know full well that you and Alphys are buddies now. SO. YEAH! GIVE THIS TO HER!”

 

She held it out. Just when I was about to grasp the love letter, Undyne pulled it back.

 

“And don’t you dare open it!”

 

I help up a hand. “Scout’s honor.”

 

She narrowed an eye before she gave a shrug. “Huh. Scout. Kinda doughy, but the flight reflexes make sense now.”

 

_ Ow. _

 

Undyne held the letter out again. And once more yanked it back when I nearly took it.

 

“AND DON’T THROW IT AWAY!”

 

“I won’t!”

 

She looked between me and the letter, then back to me. A letter suddenly hit my face soon after.

 

“You know,” I started, “This would be more effective if you took this to her yourself.”

 

Undyne just glared spears at me.

 

“Or I could do it.”

 

“Yay! Bestie!”

 

I gave a nervous grin. “N-no sweat.”

 

Undyne cackled a fair bit at that. “Hey, thanks. Really.” Her face grew a bit more somber. “You looked like you were going through a bit of heavy thinking yourself.”

 

“Ah. Yeah. I was… thinking of home.”

 

She nodded at that. “Must be tough.”

 

“A… lot. Now that I’ve had time to process the whole of my journey so far. I’ve had punning snow-birds trying to ice me, dogs chasing me, skeletons whacking me around, a fish that just wouldn’t quit, environmental hazards, and just recently a killer robot that decided he needed to smack me around for my own good or die trying on his part.”

 

The Royal Captain gave a toothy grin. “Had a long few days huh?”

 

I nodded to her. “Yep. Can’t imagine what my family must be going through right now.”

 

Undyne froze and it had nothing to do with the cold.

 

“Shit. I forgot that you had… damn. Sorry.”

 

We stood there in awkward silence for a little while. Snowdin’s daily allotment of snow started to accumulate on our shoulders and heads.

 

The fish-lady gave me a small punch to the shoulder. “Tell ya what. Hold off on the letter thing. Breather and whatever.”

 

“Nah, I ca-”

 

“No. You. Won’t. As Captain of the Royal Guard, I am putting you under temporary Papyrus’ House arrest. Are you going to come quietly, or am I going to have to bring you in by force?” 

 

Undyne threatened with outstretched webbed hands. She looked very eager to start another chase.

 

“I dunno. I came off better the last time you tried to take me in by force.”

 

“That. A challenge. Punk?”

 

My life flashed before my eyes. 

 

“Nope.”

 

I found myself being hauled in a second.

 

“GOOD! Cause you don’t have a choice anyways!”

 

She dragged my limp carcass into the house where I was tossed semi-carelessly onto the couch. Surprisingly enough, it didn’t jingle.

 

“sans cleaned that this morning. Found like a hundred gold pieces just rattling around in there.”

 

“I’ve heard of instances where snow-poffs have some dosh too.”

 

Undyne’s eye boggled. “No shit???”

 

“I have also noticed that your cursing takes a nosedive around Papyrus.”

 

That eye went back to being narrowed in my direction. “No swearing around Papyrus. It’s not because he’s innocent. He definitely isn’t. Well not completely. Papyrus just doesn’t like it and I respect him for that opinion.”

 

“Makes sense.”

 

The blue-scaled woman plopped herself on the couch next to me. 

 

“So. Wanna talk about it?”

 

I sighed and leaned back.

 

“Not much to talk about. I’m worried about my folks. They’re probably worried about me. Cat’s probably being taken care of, very likely. Friends likely freaking out. Work’s gonna mark me absent too many times in a row, so I might be fired from that.”

 

“Damn. If you get us out of here, you’d have a hell of an excuse.”

 

A slightly dark chuckled escaped from my lips. “Eh, it likely wouldn’t matter. But that’s neither here nor there.”

 

I got a swat on my shoulder for that statement

 

“Uh uh, no saying stuff like that buster.”

 

“Okay, okay.” I gave her a nudge in revenge.

 

“Look, when we get out of here, we’ll have your back. And if we don’t? Well. At least you’ll be amongst friends. Good?”

 

I smiled warmly at the invitation. “Sounds good. Thanks.”

 

“Ehhh, don’t mention it. Seriously. Don’t. Cause I don’t want to sound too mushy.”

 

_ TOO LATE EVERYONE KNOWS THE TRUTH! _

 

“No problemo.”

 

I could tell that she didn’t believe me. But she let it slide with a shrug.

 

\---

 

“....And that’s how I lost my tooth.”

 

“Dayumn.”

 

“It was a hell of a day for the dentist too.”

 

“It explains a lot.”

 

“Oh shut up.” Undyne swatted me on the shoulder for what felt like the fiftieth time that day.

 

I was about to retaliate when my phone gave a beep.

 

“One moment.”   
  
Undyne just waved me off. “Take yer time.”

 

I took my phone out of my pocket and flipped the device open. “Text from Alphys.”

 

I showed it to Undyne. 

 

Alphys: Mettaton charging up! Everything’s fine! Just need a few hours, and golden! =^_^=

 

She beamed widely.

 

“GOOD! I was worried that Alphys would die of shock or something.”

 

“No kidding. But hey, she’s Alphys. Royal Scientist. Robot maker.  _ Badass. _ ”

 

“HELL YEAH SHE IS!”

 

I rubbed my chin as I pondered the message.

 

“I’m gonna go deliver that letter now.”

 

“What, why?”

 

I held up my hand and ticked off the reasons. “One, I am feeling better. Thank you for that. Two, she’s alone with a deactivated Mettaton. That can’t be good for her. Three, I want to see my OTP be canon.”

 

There went my fifty-first swat.

 

“Not hearing a no, sooooo….”

 

I bolted!

 

“YEAH YOU BETTER RUN!” Undyne shouted after me.

 

My trip to the River Person’s stop was a quick one. They were already there, as per the usual.

 

“Do you have a sixth sense when it comes to potential riders or something?"

 

They remained as talkative as ever, too.

 

“Wonders. So, Hotland? All right?”

 

The River Person gave me their customary look-over and wave. I hopped on their boat yet again.

 

I waited for it. I just knew it was going to happen.

 

_ Come on come on come on GET IT OVER WITH! _

 

Silence. Utter silence.

 

“You gonna fake me out again?”

 

They said nothing.

 

“Well?”

 

Nothing.

 

I narrowed my eyes and watched them for the rest of the trip.

 

“Tra la la~”

 

“I KNEW IT!”

 

“Not all events have to have a meaning. Or a purpose. But some purposeless events have a meaning. Tra la la~”

 

“....You’ve lost your marbles.”

 

I was shaking my head as I hopped off the boat. Before I got too far, however, I decided to say one last thing.

 

“You may be a bit bananas with the weird sentences, but I thank you plenty for the boat rides so far.”

 

The River Person didn’t move. But right when I was about to walk off, they nodded very slowly.

 

“Thank you.” 

 

And with that, they let themselves be carried off by the current once more.

 

“.....Doesn’t make them any less weird.”

 

I shook my head and stepped up the stairs to Hotland. Even with the tears all over, my hoodie continued to keep me relatively protected from the prodigious heat of the place. Sweat was still pouring down my back by the time I got to the Lab, though. 

 

_ Darn this heat and those stairs! _

 

I pulled out Undyne’s letter from a pocket. My hand was raised up, and I knocked against the metal doors.

 

The Lab entrance VWOOSHED open after just a second.

 

And I got an eyeful of Alphys in just sweatpants and a tank top.

 

“OH! OH G-G-GOD!! I WASN’T EXPECTING! EEP!”

 

The door slammed shut. Nearly took my toes off in the process.

 

_ If Undyne had been here, I don’t think Hotlands would have survived the explosion. Wait, hold on, just who the darn heck was she expecting then??? _

 

The doors VWHOOSHED back open, and Alphys was back in her sweater and lab coat.

 

“Wh-wh-what are you doing here?”

 

I smiled to the yellow scientist. “Hey, you were alone with a KO’d Mettaton. Figured you could use some company. That cool?”

 

Alphys started to panic again. “B-but I’m a mess, and there’s p-parts everywhere and-!”

“Anime.”

 

_ That  _ got her to freeze.

 

“And chat with a friend. Sound good?”

 

She twiddled her claws a bit. “No telling anyone about-”

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

“O-okay then! Come on in!” She waved me inside. I took her invitation and strolled after her.

 

“Hey, uhm, could you turn your shoes off?”

 

“What?” I looked down, and they were  _ still _ issuing out some orange vapor.

 

“Oh. That. Uh, I don’t think I can. Matter of fact, not sure how they got magic anyways.”

 

“I-I-I have a theory for that!”

 

I gave her a raised eyebrow. “Do tell, yon scientist.”

 

Alphys waved me over to her computer. When she plopped herself down in her chair, I simply stood over her shoulder and watched.

 

“E-every human that fell down here so far had two items that meant a lot to them, or meant something about them. The fighting human had a bandana and gloves that helped their fighting. The kind one had a pan that could energize food more and an apron that could just sort of pulse healing energy. So forth. And only ever two.”

 

“Weird.”

 

“N-not really. They also had one item to fight with, and one item to protect with.” She typed and clicked around on her computer. The screen soon displayed a couple kinda-humans with expies of their equipment.

 

“So, my theory is that the Barrier, due to being human magic, imbued their stuff with… well, magic. Practical magic. Kind of a fail safe for if humans, you know, passed through. For whatever reason. Or maybe it’s just some weird after-effect.”

 

“That makes sense. In a way.”

 

Alphys nodded rapidly. “O-otherwise, it’s just some weird thing that happened for no explainable reason. You humans haven’t had access to proper magic in ages.”

 

“Hey, I’m cool with that explanation. Not really gonna be able to be sure if it’s right or wrong though.”

 

I sat myself on the floor and popped off a shoe. “Wanna check it out?”

 

My shoe was gone faster than a Bicicle in Hotland. Alphys plopped the shoe on her desk and pulled out a crudton of odd looking instruments.

 

“Lots of Orange magic. Emphasis on speed. Hmmm… Yep! This is definitely magic!”

 

“I kinda figured that.”

 

Alphys stuck her tongue out at me.

 

_ Daymn. Undyne would explode from that sight, too. _

 

“I know you know. But what I’m trying to say is that this isn’t natural magic. Or natural by Monster means. Orange magic for us means TO move. Orange magic to humans seems to mean MAKE YOU MOVE. So, yep. Seems like Barrier magic to me.”

 

“Huh.” I undid my watch clip and handed it the Royal Scientist. “How about this?”

 

She carefully took my timepiece, and stared at it. “What in the world?”

 

The watch was set on the desk. Alphys took out even MORE instruments, and started giving the thing a near strip-down.

 

I watched as Alphys went into her zone. She took notes at rapid speed. Muttered to herself under her breath. Heck, several times she ran into me and didn’t even seem to notice. Magic object after object was used just once and then haphazardly tossed into a pile next to her ramen bowls.

 

Finally, after a good chunk of time, Alphys collapsed into her chair. She handed my watch back with a look of defeat.

 

“I don’t know what the hell you have. I mean, I have seen dual-color items before, but not like this. It seems to shift between Blue and Purple magic. Or, rather, it  _ seems  _ to shift between those two spectrums. I just.. wow. You got me. I’m stumped.”

 

I took my watch back. “Hrm. No idea?”

 

“None. It’s not responding like a Blue, it’s too fast to be a Purple, and I don’t see a trace of Red to cause  _ that  _ kind of shift.”

 

I tapped the letter in my hand while I contemplated what they heck my watch was.

 

“H-hey? What’s that?”

 

“Hm? Oh, right for you.” I handed the envelope over without thinking. 

 

The sound of paper tearing barely registered.

 

_ Toriel mentions lots of power. sans takes it to his basement, I think, and comes up with the same. It’s been acting just like a normal watch without any sort of activation or trigger or something. And now Alphys- _

 

“Oh-oh-oh-oh my god…”

 

“Wha-”

 

I was suddenly knocked over by a rushing Alphys. She skittered her way to the ‘bathroom’ and locked herself in it.

 

“Wha the… Oh! She got the letter. Right. Okay then.”

 

I picked myself off the ground and headed over to wait by the door. Muffled squees, slight tearing of the paper, and a great deal of hyperventilating was heard through the door.

 

_ Wow, she’s having a _ way _ better reaction to the note this go around! _

 

“Alphys? You doing alright in there?”

 

All the noises ceased.

 

“Al-”

 

The door VWHOOSED open, and I was knocked onto my keister with a flying tackle-hug by the Royal Scientist!

 

“OOF!”

 

“I-I-I-I had no i-i-idea you felt like this! I mean, we just met, but.. you really? You mean it?”

 

“......Uhhhhhhhh…..”

 

“Shhh! Don’t s-s-speak! Your letter said it all! W-w-w-wait here!”

 

The now Mad Scientist skittered off me and to her room at a pace I thought only Papyrus was capable of.

 

_ Ohhhhhhhh crap. _

 

I scrambled to my feet and ran to the foot of her escalator. “Alphys?”

 

“Just a minute~!”

 

“....Hoo dear.”

 

_ OKAY! Alphys has taken the letter in a way that she most definitely should not have! Just how freaking general was Undyne anyways??? _

 

I heard claw-taps from the other side of the room and walked over to meet her.

 

“Alphys, I-”

 

“Tadah!”

 

She spread her arms wide, and showed off her polka-dotted dress.

 

_ ….Yeah, okay, that is way cuter on her in real-life. _

 

“You like it?”

 

I sputtered. “Alphys you-you look great, b-”

 

Alphys squeed yet again. “Oh! I-I-I-I was so worried! U- A good friend helped me pick it out! It’s…k-k-kinda my only dress, but, well…”

 

_ Oh lordy, she’s not gonna let me get a word in edgewise. _

 

“Wh-wh-what should we do now? I mean, I’ve never b-b-b-been asked out like this before!”

 

“I think we-”

 

“OH! I KNOW!”

 

Apparently the confidence building worked way too well. She nabbed me by the wrist and practically dragged me out of the Lab before I knew what was going on.

 

She used a few shortcuts that I still can’t believe I missed. And in no time at all we were at the Dump.

 

“Here! The best place for us to-”

 

“Alphys, hold on!”

 

“Wh-what? Is something wrong?” She wilted a fair bit.

 

“I like you, really-”

 

“And I l-l-like you too!” She shuffled up closer. “You’re confident!”

 

“Like Undyne?”

 

“And you’re courageous in the face of danger!”

 

“Kinda like how Undyne is?”

 

“And you never give up!”

 

“Nor does Undyne.”

 

“A-a-a-and I heard you do that roar thing when you were fighting Mettaton!”

 

“You mean like how Undyne does it, but better?”

 

“Y-y-yeah!”

 

A few moments passed. Then realization struck Alphys harder than if Mt. Ebbot had collapsed on her.

 

“Oh. OHHHHH. Oh. Oh no….”

 

“Ohhh yesss. Someone else wrote that letter, Alphys.”

 

“I-I-I-I-I-I oh my gosh I am so embarrassed.”

 

I rubbed the back of my head. “Ehhhhhh I didn’t help matters.”

 

“I… I’m so sorry! But you have so many traits like her!” Alphys peered up at me. Her brows furrowed in thought. “But you don’t have her strength. Or her smile. Or her scales. Or the way she glistens after a swim. Or… or her personality.”

 

Alphys sighed.

 

“She’s so confident. She listens to me. She’s the light of the Underground, an inspiration to so so many. She… she… she’s amazing. She’s everything I’m not, and I li-....I love her for it.”

 

I gave a grin. Which quickly slipped into a look of ‘horror’.

 

“What? Did I s-”

 

A blue hand was put on Alphys’ shoulder. The poor scientist gave a shriek and whirled around.

 

“U-U-Undyne???” Alphys gaped.

 

Undyne had swapped out her hoodie for a very styling leather jacket. She kept the jeans part, but they were clean and pressed. The Captain kept a neutral face on as she looked the two of us.

 

“Heh. Yep. Me. I was worried when I didn’t hear back from our bestie here.” She made a motion to me. I waved back mutely. “Didn’t expect to find you two on a date.”

 

Alphys paled so hard I could see the color drain from her head-spikes.

 

“U-U-U-Undyne, I can explain!”

 

Undyne’s face went completely serious.

  
“No need. I;ve heard and seen enough.” 

 

Alphys looked like she was about to become a black hole she was squeezing in on herself so much.

 

“So. Now that I know the truth about how you feel…”

 

Undyne stared down at the diminishing scientist so hard I thought Alphys would have been the latest victim of the Captain’s immolating ability.

 

A surprised squeak filled the stinky air when Undyne suddenly lunged forward and pulled Alphys into a crushing hug.

 

“I… I think you’re awesome. When you get into something, you REALLY get into something. Your speech becomes clearer, your posture straightens. You glow. Even if I don’t understand half of what you say sometimes, I love it when you go all nerdy on me. And you know what?”

 

“W-w-what?” Alphys barely managed to utter.

 

Undyne gave her classic grin, and kissed that lizard. On the cheek, but she did so anyways. “I love you too.”

 

Alphys pretty much melted.

 

“SO! Wanna dig through some junk with me?”

 

“Y-Y-Y-HELL YEAH!”

 

Undyne bellowed her signature laugh, and carried her new girlfriend off.  I was basically forgotten by this point, but I was cool with that.

 

I watched the two of them disappear into the darkness. Once they were out of sight, I turned around, and made my way back to the Lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, and I hope it works for ya, folks.
> 
> Not sure what else to say at the moment :P
> 
> Yep, here is Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)


	30. Who Dates at a Dump? Seriously

I slipped into the Lab. It felt pretty weird sneaking in here as opposed to being invited. But I knew that it was for a good cause.

 

_ I help the folks down below, help Alphys with her issues down below, then move on to the last leg. _

 

There was a pitstop to be made first though. I Took the escalator upstairs and paid a visit to a friend.

 

“Hey Mettaton.”

 

The robot star of the Underground looked pretty decent, considering the battle-damage he went through. His arms and legs had been replaced and buffed up. His scuffs were less noticeable. Even his hair was put back into place. His visible eye was closed, and there was the light hum of electricity emanating from his body.

 

“Glad to see you’re doing better, dood. Well, that you’re fixed and charging up.” A sigh slipped between my lips. “Look, I know it’s wrong to do, but I gotta get down into the True Lab. Those folks need a bit of help, and I know how to do it. Maybe this can help with Alphys’ issues too, ya know.”

 

Yeah, I know, I was trying to convince myself, but this was how things were done in the game. So, comes to reason that this is the way to go.

 

_ Some things may have changed a little but most of it has been the same in theory so far. _

 

I reached over and patted the offline Mettaton on the shoulder. “Keep mum for me, darling?”

 

No response.

 

“You’re a peach. I’ll give you a proper date when you’re online again.” A finger-gun with a click of the tongue, and off I went to the True Lab.

 

The bathroom entrance was, rather surprisingly, unlocked. A simple VWOOSH and I was in. Same could be said for the elevator as well.

 

The ride down was… pretty peaceful. No alarms, no power cuts. Heck, it reached the end of the line with no problems at all.

 

_ I should be getting used to all the changes, but here I am surprised. _

 

I poked my head out and looked around.

 

Just like in the game, the place was pretty spooky. Spiderwebs filled the corners of the hallway. Scraps of paper littered the floor. The lights were dim, with several threatening to blink out entirely. Simply put the whole place just reeked of ‘abandoned.’ Which, I suppose, made sense.

 

I stepped out into the corridor and towards the first entry.

 

_ Alright. Time to get to read these babies. _

 

I stood before the monitor and waited.

 

And waited.

 

Aaaaaand waited.

 

“Aren’t these things supposed to activated by proximity or something?”

 

I tapped on the glass and wonder just the heck was wrong. In my prodding, I noticed something fairly important.

 

“What the… there’s no sensor on this thing?” 

 

Indeed. Even when I got in close to examine the screen more closely, not a single sensor could be found. Or even a button.

 

“Magic? Maybe? Hrm. Guess I won’t be checking out the reports after all. Dang.”

 

I gave the glass a couple more fruitless taps. Once it became clear that nothing was going to happen, I shrugged in disappointment and kept going.

 

The remaining monitors stayed dead as well. As I walked, I came to the realization that  _ nothing _ was really on save for the lights.

 

“This isn’t boding too well.”

 

Well, I had come this far. I had to keep going.

 

The power room was next. To my lack of surprise, the doors were wide open, and the Popato Chisps vending machine was dark. A quick tap to the buttons, as well as a failed GP entry, and it became all too clear that it was offline too.

 

“What in the heck?”

 

My footsteps echoed as I made my way into the operating room. The room was just as decrepit as the rest of the place. Just as quiet too.

 

The sinks in the corner were a little chipped, but nothing looked too out of the ordinary for them. I skipped the first two sinks for the third one. I turned the knobs on the faucet…

 

Nothing.

 

“Okay, whaaat?” 

 

I turned them on and off again repeatedly. Not even water came out. I tried the second and first ones just in case and got the same result.

 

Nothing.

 

_ Oh crap, did I break the sequences too much?! _

 

I ran out of the room and all around the True Lab.

  
The bathtub? Nothing.

 

The Flower Hall? Nothing.

 

The Bed room? The Power room? The Freezer? The Ventilation room?

 

Nothing. Nothing at all.

 

There wasn’t even any of the fog issues as there were supposed to be. The fans worked fine, the freezers hummed lightly. Absolutely nothing was out of place, outside of the fact there was  _ nothing in the right place! _

 

“Hello? Anyone? I don’t mean any harm! Honest! I just… want to meet you.”

 

_ Talk to you, help you… anything at this point. _

 

But nobody came.

 

I reached up and rubbed my temples.

 

“Ohhhkay. This is not going like I thought it would. Again, should be surprised, and I kinda am while kinda not. It’s a weird sensation.” I paused. “And I am talking to myself.”

 

There was one place I hadn’t checked. And it was somewhere I wasn’t too thrilled to go into either.

 

My footsteps were heavy as I walked into the Video Room.

 

Nobody was in here either, but I wasn’t shocked. There wasn’t anyone here in the game either.

 

At least the tapes were there. I made my way to the selection of videos, and looked through them.

 

“No labels. Nooooot surprised.” I picked one at random, and popped it into the VHS.

 

_ Come on. Come on. _

 

A few moments later…

 

The tape was spat back out.

 

“OH COME ON!!!”

 

I snapped up a second one. A third. Fourth fifth sixth seventh.

 

“Aaaaghhh, this is supposed to be the big connection!” I poked the play button rapidly.

 

“Where you learn that the kids planned a stupid move! Whatever the reason for it, they did something that snowballed into a disaster that threatens the world overall!”

 

I almost threw the tape in my hand aside in frustration. I caught myself in the last second, and set it down gently onto of the rest.

 

“I know that Flowey is Asriel! That he’s a kid that got into a bad spot! That… that…”

 

My thoughts sombered.

 

“That for all the problems that happened, he shouldn’t be like he is.”

 

There was that heel feeling again.

 

“Aw geeze.” I plopped myself on the ground and sat against the wall.

 

“Here I am, getting all excited about learning his story first hand when I  _ know  _ what happened.”

 

I poked my still-leaking shoes.  _ Yeah. Okay. Flowey’s done some really stupid and cruel things. But… he’s still a kid underneath. WAY underneath, but still there. _

 

_ I may not have any connections with the Fallen Kid or something, but… I do know Flowey. Asriel. The child prince of thorns. _

 

My watch was fiddled with.  _ Well. Hrm. Nothing to be gained here, I guess. Outside of some more heel realizations. Better make my way to the main elevator. _

 

I picked myself up, and took the winding hallways towards the final elevator.

 

Per the usual with the place? Nothing. Not so much as a creak from the tiles.

 

I reached out to touch the button and head upstairs when suddenly?

 

The lights turned off.

 

“What the-”

 

“COMEONANDJOINTHEFUN!”

 

I was blasted backwards by a wave of mushy white goop! Before I could get up to my feet, a muscular arm grabbed me by my own, and threw me across the room into a wall!

 

“OOOF!”

 

“ ** _STAYHEREWITHME_** _stayherewithme_ **STAYHEREWITHME** _STAYHEREWITHME_ ** _STAYHEREWITHME_** _stayherewithme_ **STAYHEREWITHME** _STAYHEREWITHME_ ** _STAYHEREWITHME_** _stayherewithme_ **STAYHEREWITHME** _STAYHEREWITHME!”_

 

“Oww…”I tried to get up, but a disembodied head slammed into my own.

 

“Sn...ow...y….”

 

I heard the shuffling a feet. So many many feet. The amalgamates started to close in, save for Mrs. Snowdrake…

 

“HEY! NO! DON’T!”

 

The shambling group halted, and turned as one towards the entrance. A small pause was shared between them before they slunk off into the shadows.

 

I shakily pushed myself off the ground. “Th-tha-”

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???”   
  


Wow. Alphys looked a lot like Undyne when suitably ticked off. Even in that polka-dotted dress of hers.

 

“You sh-sh-sh-sh--!” Alphys stomped her foot, and paced back and forth in sheer anger. “Oooooh! HOW! How did you know a-a-a-about this place?!”

 

She picked me up, grabbed me by the wrist, and really dragged me around this time.

 

The apoplectic Royal Scientist didn’t let me go until we got back to the Bed Room. I tried to say something, but she interrupted me with a push. I went sprawling and landed heavily on one of the many beds.

 

“Oof!”

 

“St-st-start talking!” She tapped her foot rapidly. Alphys even completed the look with crossed arms and a very impressive glare.

 

“I, uh…” 

 

“Well?”

 

“I-”

 

“WELL???”

 

“I… knew about this place beforehand.” 

 

Alphys froze at my confession.

 

“I knew it.”

 

_ That  _ startled me. “Come again?”

 

“I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it! This is just like in the third season finale of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie when that jerk from another dimension popped in from out of nowhere yet knew everything that had happened so far!” 

 

She undid one hand from her crossing, only to point it at me accusingly.

 

“You knew about my camera! You anticipated sans! And Papyrus! I couldn’t hear you, but you definitely acted like you knew what you were talking about the whole time! The shortcuts! The Undyne encounters, the…. ALL OF IT!”

 

Alphys turned around away from me. “And…. you knew about what I had planned. I just kinda figured it was… that it was...because you were so smooth and-and-and clever and all that. But nooooo…. you’re just some manipulative know-all jerk!”

 

Alphy’s hands had dropped down to her sides. “And you… and you…”

 

Her hands clenched into tight fists. Aaaaand there was a lot of electricity building up in them.

 

“You used m-m-m-me! You acted like my friend, but all you w-w-w-were doing was playing me!”

 

Just as the sparks grew at their apex, they just fizzled out. 

 

“Alphys, I swear I-”

 

“I was a-a-a-a-already feeling h-h-h-h-horrible about the crap I did down here! I f-f-f-f-failed everyone! I hurt so many people! I-I-I-I just wanted to feel good a-a-a-about myself! And you… and you knew this too!”

 

Alphys started to sob violently. “Y-y-y-you got me and U-U-Undyne all worked up, but i-i-i-i-it was j-j-just to get me out of w-w-w-w-w-way! And M-M-Mett…”

 

The poor girl’s spirit just broke then and there. Before I could even get up and off the bed, the lizard curled up into the tightest ball I’d ever seen and kept crying.

 

“Alphys I swear I-”

 

**_GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!_ **

 

I slooooowly turned around. 

 

Endogeny was looming over me. Their happiness froth had been replaced with Grade Nine Anger Bile.

 

“Oh geeze. Alphys, I... I didn’t do this to hurt you!”

 

The mass of dogs crept closer. They effectively oozed around the bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the rest of the Amalgamates slowly stalk their way over.

 

_ Ah freaking geeze! _

 

“Yeah, I knew about what you were gonna do. But I also know why you did it! I know how you feel! I know it all!”

 

Alphys’ sobs continued, but they lessened just a little. Maybe she was actually listening to me?

 

Endogeny certainly was. They stopped their stalking, but they definitely didn’t let up. A drip of their bile fell at my feet and ate a hole in the floor.

 

“.....I told you before. I know how hard it is to be positive. Granted, I don’t have these folks to worry about, but I have…” I stopped myself. “Your description. Alphys, it’s right on the nose.”

 

There was a heavy sniff from the Royal Scientist. I noticed that the other monster-fusions had continued to get closer, but with a lot less menace in their motions.

 

“I don’t belong here. In a lot of ways, I don’t belong here. And you’re right, I have info about a lot of things that someone here shouldn’t or wouldn’t have normally. I just… I just…”

 

I sighed, and plopped down next to her. “I just… I am one of many people who know. And, frankly? I always wanted to try my hand in this place.

 

“I… I’m sorry. I ended up manipulating you. I really didn’t mean to, but in the end? I just kinda did. I really did mean to help you get your groove back. And get with Undyne. Mettaton getting scrapped momentarily was something I wanted to prevent, but the diva that he is…”

 

That got a watery chuckle from Alphys. “H-h-he does have that habit.”

 

“Hey, got a chuckle!”

 

“P-p-pity chuckle.”

 

“I deserved that.”

 

Alphys replied with a sniffle.

 

“Look. I made a mistake. Nothing down here was as it should have been.” I looked over and gave a chuckle. “Though maybe for the best.”

 

I gave the scientist a nudge. When she peeked up at me, I pointed over to the crowd of folks.

 

The Amalgamates were waiting, preparing to jump at me. I could tell. Except Mrs. Snowdrake and the MemoryHeads, anyways.

 

Alphys looked at them each in turn. “Wh-wha…?”

 

“They’re at the ready to attack the person that’s made you cry.” This was made very evident by another drop of bile at my feet. It didn’t eat the floor, but it definitely hissed and bubbled.

 

“You may have caused their state, but you’re also the person that has kept them well. I dare say that they kinda forgive you by now, huh?” I asked more to the looming dog-mass than Alphys.

 

**_“WOOF.”_ **

 

Alphys gave another watery chuckle. “I-I guess so…”

 

I stood up and offered a hand to her to help her up as well. She took it and shakily got to her feet.

 

The Royal Scientist smiled weakly for a moment. But that moment was ruined when she put her hands on her hips and glared at me.

 

“D-d-does not change the fact that you barged in down here!”

 

I held up my hands, just in case I was about to taste her magical bullets. “I know. And I agree. It was wrong.” I lowered one down to her again. “Can we call it good? You’re very scary when angered.”

 

I could tell that she tried to keep her anger on her face. Really, it was the twitching that made it apparent. But Alphys gave in in the end, and took my hand.

 

“F-f-f-fine. But you owe me!”

 

“Deal.”

 

The assorted mashed-monsters gave their own howls or growls or whatever it is they did. 

 

“I think they need to be sent home.”

 

Alphys nodded. “I will. But after I give them all one final check-up. I don’t want them going home, and then… melting.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

Alphys put her hands on my hips and pushed. “Now get! Get with you!”

 

I laughed. “Alright, alright, I’m going!”

 

She pushed me rather forcefully out of the room, down the hallway, and into the elevator.

 

We had just started to make our way up when I asked Alphys one important question.

 

“How’d you know I was down here?”

 

The yellow dino-lizard lady slooooowly turned her head to look up at me. And she put on her best eyebrow waggle.

 

“He says he wants the date next week. And get the best outfit you can find.”

 

_ Crudballs. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was another interesting one to write out.
> 
> Not sure how much longer folks. All depends on how things go from here...
> 
> Either way, Liatai has been and likely will continue to be my go-to beta-reader. 
> 
> Speaking of, Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core. ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> I will continue to speak for the tumblr.


	31. Ticking Off a Scientist is a Bad Move

“...And the mechanics of the, well, game? Don’t seem to quite match up. I don’t feel any stronger or more defensive with the gloves, or anything.”

 

Alphys nodded, and continued to scribble down in the notebook she pulled out ages ago.

 

“Of course this means nothing ‘cause we aren’t  _ in _ a game. No HP or all that jazz.”

 

“This. Is. Incredible. Cross-Dimensional touching. W-w-wow!” She scribbled and jotted even harder.

 

“Yeah, it freaked sans out for a little bit.  But I think that thanks to my preventing… things, it’s what helped him with his own issues.”

 

“Issues?” Alphys looked up at me with intense curiosity.

 

“Not. Saying. Not my place. Bad enough I said what I said, so….”   
  


She did the zip-the-lips motion.

 

“Thankya.”

 

The door of the elevator VWHOOSHED open. We stepped out into the ‘bathroom’ and back into the Lab.

 

“Mettaton was awake, eh?”

 

VWHOOSH!

 

**“Why yes, darling. I was.”**

 

A heel clicked down on the tiles, and Mettaton grinned at me like a cat would to a cornered mouse.

 

“All of it?”

 

**“It will be a very fancy date.”**

 

A hand ran down my face. “Noted.”

 

**“Now, we have two things to discuss.”** Mettaton put his hands on his hips and leeeeeeaned in close. 

 

“Which are?” I asked as Alphys slipped around us. She was engrossed in her little notepad of scribbles and didn’t seem to be paying attention to either of us.

 

Mettaton wrapped an arm around my shoulders. Quite literally, he extended an arm and completely wrapped it around my shoulders.

 

**“This-a-way darling.”** He frog-marched me over to the opposite exit. When we got there he unwrapped me so fast that I twirled. Just when I lost my balance, Mettaton caught me and put me into a dip.

 

**“Ohoho, falling hard for me are we, darling?”**

 

I just gave him a mildly annoyed look.

 

**“My little chat is this: First off, you owe Alphys an apology.”**

 

“I alread-”

 

He waggled a finger in my face.  **“No no nonononono. Not about breaking into that odd second Lab that Alphys has. Need to ask her about that.”**

 

Mettaton lifted me up and set me on my feet.  **“You. Interrupted. Her date.”**

 

“I, wait, what?”

 

**“I may like you darling, but the moment you mentioned that you were going to go someplace you shouldn’t, I knew I had to contact her. And you had** **_just_ ** **set her up on her dream date.”**

 

That cat-to-mouse grin of his grew wider.

 

“.....Ohhhh crudballs.”

 

**“Ohhh yesss.”**

 

“Ohhhh Undyne is going to kill me.”

 

**“Very likely.”**

 

I slumped hard against the wall. Visions of angry fish-women speared me in my head. And in my arm, and in my legs, and several times to the gut.

 

“Alright, that covers part one. What’s part two?”

 

The diva dropped his smile for a more somber look. He double-checked on Alphys.

 

We heard her muttering from across the Lab. She was likely going to be busy for a while with this new conundrum.

 

Mettaton focused back on me and whispered,  **“The King.”**

 

My arms went crossed at that.

 

**“You’re going to have to see him darling. I’ve run it through my head over and over again while I was ‘offline’, but the simple fact is… this play is nearing its finale. And it is going to take place in the one area that has felled more humans than the whole of the War.”**

 

“King’s throne room.”

 

He nodded once.  **“And darling? I think you have to go it alone.”**

 

“Despite your --”

 

**“I know full well what I offered. I know full well what that Papyrus fellow offered. But he will. Not. Listen. He’s had so much time to listen, to reconsider. He hasn’t. He won’t. Not from us.”**

 

Mettaton twirled and ended with a dramatic pose. One foot popped up, an arm on his head.

 

**“If a monster tries to say that humans are fine, he will take it as his subjects finally starting to lose hope. But if a human proves it-”**

 

“He might lose the will to fight. And a monster taking a human, even if it’s as company-”

 

**“Will lose all dramatic effect, darling.”**

 

I nodded to Mettaton. I had long since come to the conclusion that my confrontation was likely going to be a solitary one.

 

I had just hoped things had changed enough to not have it happen.

 

“What about Alphys?”

 

Mettaton looked over his shoulder to his friend.  **“I will… keep her occupied. Ask her questions, about her new little theories --”**

 

“-- MULTIVERSAL THEORY!” a distant squeak interrupted, though a quick glance back toward the Royal Scientist showed that she had been squeaking at a book. 

 

**“And about that secret lab of hers.”**

 

“Be nice to her about the second one. She’s sore about it, and not just ‘cause of me.”

 

Mettaton smiled. 

 

**“Darling, I know I may not have shown much of it, but I am more than capable of tact.”** He gave another look over his shoulder.

 

**“Go, darling. It’ll be a little longer out this door, but it will buy some time.”**

 

“Right. See ya later, Metts.”

 

He gave me an affectionate push out the door. With a VWHOOSH, I was out in the Hotlands once more. I turned at the last second. Mettaton gave me a quick wink before the door VWOOSHED closed.

 

I didn’t hesitate. The moment metal touched metal I made a break for it.

 

_ No telling how long Alphys will be distracted. Hopefully Metts will come up with a good cover story or something. _

 

My journey through the Hotlands was a swift one this time. No vents. No moving conveyor belts. No monsters. The Royal Guards most definitely did their job to perfection.

 

The moment I stepped into the wacky elevator I jabbed the final button. The device must have sensed my rush. It zipped over to the destination in mere seconds.

 

“Hey Heats Flamesman.”   
  
“HOW! YOU HAVE DEFEATED MEEEEEEE!!!”

 

I left the stunned flame-man behind, and traveled to-

 

“Oh! Oh hi! Friend! Stop a moment!”

 

Right to the Nice Cream Vendor.

 

“Hi! I have been waiting for you! I have something for you too!”

 

_ Oh boy! _

 

“I have for you…”

 

_ Oh boy!! _

 

“One Nice Cream!”

 

_ OH BOY!!! _

 

He reached into his cart and drew out..

 

THE LEGENDARY NICE CREAM!

 

I swear I saw a halo and heard an angel’s choir.

 

“I had this one saved, just for you! I felt awful that you didn’t even get to try my wares. I’d love to know what a human would think of them!”

 

I took the treat and gazed at it longingly.

 

“But, I fear I will have to wait a little longer.”

 

That snapped me out of my reverie. “Eh wha?”

 

“I have to head home! Thanks to the new Royal Guard couple, and that wonderful catchphrase you came up with, I can’t make enough Nice Cream to satisfy everyone!” He lifted up his cart, and wheeled it towards the wacky-vator.

 

“But-but-but-but-!”   
  
“Please! Enjoy! But I have to get home before the next rush! Ta-ta!”

 

He rolled off. Just before he was out of earshot, I heard him sing a little jingle:

 

“Nice Cream! The Treat to Beat the Heat! You Can Get Used to it!™”

 

I let out a soft chuckle at that. I looked down at the Nice Cream. As much as I wanted to scarf it down right now…

 

I slipped it into my hammerspace instead.

 

_ Gotta save it. No telling how much energy the King’s attacks will drain from me. _

 

With the Nice Cream in my inventory, I ran through the next cave and into the Resort. The area was pretty much empty, save for the Hotel Clerk. I gave her a wave as I sped through. She responded in kind.

 

The innards of the CORE were as active as the last time I saw them. I didn’t stall to enjoy the sensation of crackling electricity in the air, and made a bee-line to the elevator.

 

Once I got to the top, I turned quickly towards the arena. The shards of destroyed discoballs had long since been cleaned up.

 

The corridor to the penultimate elevator was simultaneously longer and shorter than I remember. Without Alphys here to express her apologies the whole place was… fairly boring.

 

I pushed the button, and waited. 

 

_ This is it. _

 

The door dinged, and slid open.

 

_ Final levels. _

 

I stepped in. The doors slid shut.

 

_ King and all his promises. _

 

I pushed the up button. The elevator hummed into life and began its ascent.

 

_ And who knows what else at this point. _

 

I leaned up against the wall.

 

_ Wonder how this will- _

 

My thoughts were interrupted when the elevator jostled violently

 

“What the-?!”

 

The mechanism suddenly shot up. The force was more than enough to pin me to the ground. 

 

“NNNGGGHHH!” I tried to pick myself up, but it was useless.

 

My would-be metal coffin came to a sudden halt. I flew up into the air for a good few feet, then landed on my back. For the umpteenth time, the air in my lungs was forcibly expelled.

 

“Ow….”

 

The doors opened, but the action was not as smooth as the last time they did so. Once they jerked out of the way I rolled onto my stomach and crawled out of there.

 

The moment my foot got out of the way, I heard a hideous shriek of metal.

 

“Ah crud.”

 

I crawled away faster. I turned just in time to see the elevator fall back down the shaft. A few seconds later a titanic crash echoed up from the darkness.

 

“That… does not… bode well.”

 

With a groan I stood back up on my feet.

 

“Welp. No going back anytime soon.” I looked down to where the path turned grey.

 

_ To the King’s Throne. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one? A shorter one.
> 
> Things are building up though.
> 
> And! Readers! Here is Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Go ask them things! This is her chance to get all artsy with a plan behind it!


	32. New Home Awaits

My footsteps echoed across the grey material. The initial corridor was simply long with the floor beneath me that changed gradually from a darker shade to a lighter one.

 

Time hadn’t passed too much before the walls around me gave way to an empty expanse. I looked around and below.  Here was New Home.

 

Much like in the game, the buildings were drab. Colorless.

 

Unlike the game, however, I saw the citizens bustling about in their makeshift metropolis. Dozens of different forms ran about. Vendor carts, shop signs, even the occasional bike. It was a full fledged city. And from the looks of things, a very packed one.

 

_Glad that’s different at least. Better scope of the problem._

 

I pulled my head away from the edge. After I steeled my nerves, I made my way forward.

 

I followed the winding passage. I didn’t think much; just kept my focus and my gaze on the road before me.

 

All too soon, I was in front of a very very familiar sight.

 

The spitting image of Toriel’s home in the ruins. Colored grey, and lifeless.

 

I gave myself a grim nod, and marched forward, into the homestead.

 

When I poked my head inside, I took a moment to look around. As I suspected there were many monsters inside. They all appeared to be simply staring off into space.

 

_Asgore must have let them stay. Maybe they’re the type that are close to ‘falling down’._

 

I knew my first key was going to be on my right. With my hood put back over my head and cinched tight once more, I turned in that direction.

 

Everything was grey. Well, almost everything. The monsters had their usual colors, but they were covered in so much dust (regular dust, not monster Dust) that they looked washed out. The only stand-out in the grim decor were the multitudes of Golden Flowers. Just like the ones that saved me.

 

Just like the ones that ended Asriel and the Fallen Kid.

 

The pictures were all covered in just as much dust as the Monsters. Same could be said with the doorknobs. I knew that the first one was the room of the former princes, but I dared not trespass into Asgore’s makeshift memorial.

 

No. My destination was with the mirror. Even when I had run around in the True Lab, I had not gotten a chance to look at myself since my journey began.

 

My face was covered in light bruises. Small splotches of blue and purple here and there. My gifted hoodie was covered in burns and rips with the left-hand pocket nearly torn completely off. My jeans were also covered with small holes, and a fair bit of soot. My shoes still leaked out vapor. The tops of my hands were nearly the same color of my hoodie they were so banged up. If I had dared to lift up my shirts, I was willing to bet that the rest of my torso was going to look much the same.

 

Even my glasses had a small crack in the left lense. Wasn’t enough to impair my vision; I hadn’t even noticed it till now. But there it was.

 

In fact, the only thing on my person that wasn’t beaten up in some manner was my enigmatic watch.

 

I winced internally at my visage. And yet, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

 

_Despite everything… I am willing to bet I am still me. Just a little more experienced._

 

I gave my reflection a wave goodbye, and went back to grab the first key.

 

Right as I reached out to grab the key, the Froggits astride the drawer it rested upon sprang into life. Their eyes slowly opened, and the pair stared up at me.

 

_Here we go._

 

The Froggit on the right started. “A long time -ribbit- ago, a young human -ribbit- fell into the Ruins.”

 

The left continued. “Injured by its fall -croak-, the human called out for help -meow-.”

 

The pair spoke as one. _“And somebody came”_

 

The two closed their eyes as I picked up the key. I gave them each a pat to the head, and continued down the hallway.

 

My trek was interrupted by another pair of monsters. Two tiny Whimsuns, sharing the same torch-holder on the wall.

 

“Asriel, the King and Queen’s Son, heard the young human’s call.”

 

“He brought the human back to the castle.”

 

_“Even with the human’s distrust, a bond was formed.”_

 

They went back into their slumber. I continued on.

 

I stepped around a Moldysmol, but the three of them began to bubble when I was in their center.

 

“Over time, Asriel and the human became like siblings.”

 

“The King and Queen treated the human like their own child.”

 

“The Underground was full of hope.”

 

_“We were finally happy after so long.”_

 

I stepped over the other two when they became inert.

 

The kitchen was covered in teacups, unlike the depiction in the game. Pie tins were strewn about. White fuzz enveloped the kitchen sink. The trash was full of ripped-up white notecards.

 

I tried to ignore all of it in favor of the second key. With it claimed as well, I backed out of the kitchen and back to the living room.

 

No other monsters in the house awoke while I made it to the chains blocking my way. I knew I could have simply walked over or under it, but…

 

_This is one sequence I refuse to break._

 

I walked down the familiar flight of stairs. Another pair of monsters greeted me. This time it was Migosps.

 

“Then... one day…”

 

“The human became very ill.”

 

_“The whole of the Kingdom was beside itself with worry.”_

 

They stepped out of my way and resumed their slumber.

 

I barely made it halfway to the corner when the trio of Vegetoids said their piece.

 

“The sick human had only one request.”

 

“To see the golden flowers of their village.”

 

“But there was nothing we could do.”

 

_“The whole of the Kingdom was distraught.”_

 

A few steps later, a pair of Loox.

 

_“The next day….”_

 

“...”

 

“The human died.”

 

_“The whole of the Kingdom was devastated.”_

 

I moved past the two, trying to keep my head held high. Chilldrakes.

 

“Asriel, wracked with grief, Absorbed the human’s soul.”

 

“He transformed into a being with incredible power.”

 

_“The fate of the world was changed in that one moment.”_

 

I nearly turned the corner. Icecaps.

 

“With the human’s SOUL, Asriel crossed through the Barrier.”

 

“He carried the human’s body into the sunset.”

 

“Back to the village of the humans.”

 

_“To the spot where everything was ruined.”_

 

Another turn. Woshuas.

 

“Asriel reached the center of the village.”

  
“There, he found a bed of the human’s favorite golden flowers.”

 

“He carried the human towards it.”

 

_“To the spot where our hope ended.”_

 

I saw the end of the hallway, and more dust-grey buildings. Shyrens.

 

“Suddenly, screams rang out.”

 

“The villagers saw Asriel holding the human’s body.”

 

“They thought that he had killed their child.”

 

_“Their misjudgement had doomed our happiness.”_

 

I could hardly see from the tears. In the game, we’d hear the music and that’d be enough. Here? I was hearing their desperation. Devastation.

 

….Hopelessness.

 

Next were the Dummies.

 

“The humans attacked our beloved prince with everything he had.”

 

“He was struck with blow after hate-filled blow.”

 

“Asriel had the power to destroy them all.”

 

_“And none would have blamed him.”_

 

I stumbled past them, and into a waiting Knight Knight accompanied by a Madjick.

 

“But…”

 

“The Prince did not FIGHT back.”

 

“Clutching the human…”

 

“The Prince smiled, and walked away.”

 

_“The best of Monsters was shown that day.”_

 

I did not get far before I was greeted with a trio of Final Froggits.

 

“Wounded, Asriel stumbled home.”

 

“He entered the castle and collapsed.”

 

“His dust spread across the garden.”

 

_“The hopes of the Kingdom were shattered.”_

 

A trio of Whimsalots picked it up from there.

 

“The Kingdom fell into despair.”

 

“The King and Queen’s two rays of light were snuffed in one night.”

 

“The humans had once again taken everything.”

 

_“The humans are to blame for everything.”_

 

The two groups let me pass. I made another short way down the path before another group barred me. Astigmatisms.

 

“The King decided it was time to end our suffering.”

 

“All humans who fall down here must die.”

 

“With enough SOULS, the King could shatter the Barrier forever.”

 

_“He will make the humans pay for their sins.”_

 

They glared into the distance while I slipped past. I nearly made it to the end, when a mixed trio of a Loox, a Migosp and a Moldysmol breathed into life.

 

“It’s not long now.”

 

_“King Asgore will-”_

 

“-save us all.”

 

“-give us hope.”

 

“-let us go.”

 

_“And end the terror of humanity.”_

 

A Pyrope and two Vulkins joined in.

 

“You should be smiling, too.”

 

“Aren’t you excited?”

 

“Aren’t you happy?”

 

_“Our liberation is close!”_

 

I made my way around them, and turned the corner.

 

A tiny Froggit, no bigger than my foot, stood in my way. It stared up at me, and into the hole of my hoodie. I saw a flash of recognition in its eyes. All four of them.

 

And yet, it smiled.

 

“We’re going to be free. _Even you.”_

 

I knelt down, and gave the tiny monster a pat to the head. It leaned into my touch for a moment before it shied away and hopped down the corridor that I had come from.

 

Tears were falling freely from my eyes. The emotion of it all… it was raw. Painful.

  
And it was something these beings had held onto for who knows how long.

 

_No wonder the King is determined to keep his promise. If he is made to hear that every day…_

 

I rubbed my face as I stepped downwards. When I finally opened my eyes, yellow light filled the room.

 

I had made it.

  
The Final Corridor.

 

My footsteps echoed in the massive golden chamber. The columns looked like they were hewn right from the mountain itself. They blended into the ceiling and floor with no cracks in between. Small motes of dust drifted lazily in the air.

 

The perfect scene for Judgement.

 

I kept walking forward. Even with all the changes I had done, I had a feeling that there was one last trial in store for me.

 

“...sup.”

 

I couldn’t help but chuckle. He had done his entrance behind me.

 

“Hello sans.”

 

“hello human.”

 

I turned around. We simply stared at one another.

 

sans gave a small shrug.

 

“so. here we are. close to the end of your journey.”

 

“So I am.”

 

“you’ve done good. you’ve fought when you needed, but never to harm. you ran, but not out of cowardice. you’ve saved folks. you’ve gained followers. fans.

 

“...friends.

 

“you’ve given hope to those who would pay attention. you’ve shown that humans can change. have changed. even with the king and his old promise, we can see a bright future.”

 

My smile had turned decidedly watery.

 

“normally, i’d chalk this up to pragmatism. or in your case, because you’ve done this before. because it was the ‘right thing to do’. but you know what?”

 

sans stood up straighter. His relaxed demeanor didn’t go away entirely, but he definitely became more serious overall.

 

“I don’t think that’s the case. You wanted to do all that. You wanted to change things, to try and make things better than how they were in your ‘instances’. You could have just gone with the flow. But you didn’t. You wanted to do more than save us. I can tell. You wanted to end it.”

 

He waved a hand to the corridor and beyond.

 

“No more Resets, as you called them. No more cycles. No more deja vu. However you came here, I thank the forces that made it possible. Whatever the reason that you were the one chosen instead of all the others, I bet few could have done it better.

 

“And you’ve done amazing. Thank you.”

 

sans’s grin turned as bright as though he was looking upon his brother.

 

“No LOVE. No EXP. But lots of love and experience.” sans winked his left eye. “And that makes all the difference.”

 

He pointed to the path behind me. “He’s waiting. I don’t know how, but he kind of has an idea that you are on your way. Do what you can. Do what you do. As soon as I can, I will come with her. She’s the lynch-pin of it all, right?”

 

“A-a-and a few others.”

 

sans nodded once. “Good thing you’ve set up your dominoes, huh?”

 

He turned on his heel and walked the way I had come. Right when he made it to the exit, he turned and smiled at me one last time.

 

“be safe. and call when you need us.

 

“someone will come.”

 

He didn’t wait for me to respond before he walked out into the corridors of New Home.

 

I sniffled some more, wiped more tears from my eyes. With my hoodie up and my inventory managed, I stepped towards the King’s Chamber.

 

My phone buzzed. I pulled it out to see that there was a message from Alphys. And Undyne. And Papyrus.

 

I flipped past them with a heavy heart, not wanting to see their worry. When I did so, I noticed that the Yellow Button was still active.

 

My brow furrowed in thought.

 

_If the worst comes… I am ready._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll liked this one.
> 
>  
> 
> Here is Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Go ask them things! This is her chance to get all artsy with a plan behind it!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~~if anyone wants to try and recommend this on the undertale fanfic tvtropes thing i'd be a happy camper~~


	33. The King

After I had left the Final Corridor the grey path split into two. A way to my left. A way to my right. I knew that the King waited for me to my left.

 

I turned right.

 

The coffins were arranged neatly. As opposed to simply being the same shape and size, all seven of them were different. I didn’t get too close, but I could still see the heart-shape on each one. Every heart was a different color.

 

I hung my head, and gave a minute of silence to the fallen.

 

_Whatever your stories were, whatever happened to you, may you rest in peace._

 

With my small prayer completed I turned back around walked straight into the King’s Garden.

 

Sunlight streamed in from a few holes in the ceiling. Golden Flowers bloomed absolutely everywhere. Just like in the Final Corridor, the columns of the room melded seamlessly into the floor and ceiling.

 

It was peaceful.

 

And standing in the center of it all, with his back to me, was the final Boss Monster of the Underground.

  
“Excuse me. King Asgore?”

 

The King started for a moment. I heard the water sloshing in the watering can.

 

“Oh! A visitor! Please, excuse me a moment while I finish watering these flowers.”

 

As he hummed to himself I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread from just the sound of his voice. He wasn’t frightening. It was worse than that.

  
Fans? You were right. He was perfectly deep and rumbly. But it went further than that. He had the voice of every perfect father ever. No. Wait. Deeper than that. It was akin to the most jolly, most amicable, most trustworthy grandfather you could ever imagine.

 

And it was honest.

 

I kept my face cast downward while I waited. My hands were covered in the gloves again, but I didn’t want to risk it. Into the pockets of my hoodie they went.

 

“Dum de dum dum. There we go!” I heard the rustling of flowers. I couldn’t see him but I could tell that he was doing his best to turn to me without harming his horticulture.

 

“So! How can I help? Is there a… problem?”

 

His footsteps grew close.

 

“Dear me, are you alright? You look like you have been put through quite a calamity. Please? Tell me. What can I do?”

 

I gave a mirthless chuckle. “Your Majesty, I don’t think this is a problem you can help with. But I do need to talk to you. As much as you’ll listen anyways.”

 

I heard a rumble of concern from the King.

 

“Oh dear! But of course! Speak, and I will listen!”

 

There was a pause between us.

 

“Do you promise?”

 

“Young being, I promise.” I heard every ounce of his royalty in that one statement.

 

“Good.”

 

In one motion I looked up at the King and lowered my hood.

 

His eyes shone with the radiance of a king, the patience of a father, and the sadness of one who had lived through the worst of both. Asgore’s beard ringed around his neck like a lion’s mane, and was colored essentially the same. His horns made Toriel’s look like tiny nubs in comparison.

 

“Because we have much to discuss.”

 

For a split second, I had gotten to see the genuine fatherly side of the King of Monsters. But only for that split second. The moment he looked upon my face, Asgore’s own twisted into utter horror. Sadness.

 

Regret.

 

“I… I can see that we do.” His voice wavered ever so slightly.

 

Even with nearly his whole body shrouded by the magnificent cape he wore, I could tell that the King wanted nothing more than to bolt from the room. But he stood his ground.

 

As did I.

 

“You… have a lovely garden. Very clear that you take care of it.”

 

We looked around.

 

“Yes. I do. Every day.”

 

“Your subjects feel the same way. Very taken care of. They believe in their king.”

 

His head drooped.

 

“Yes. I know. Every day.”

 

“Even if it’s a path that will end in calamity.”

 

The King turned away. Even in his state he still made sure not to hurt the flowers around him.

 

“Yes. I remember. Every day.”

 

I breathed heavily through my nose.

 

“Even at this stage, you can stop. If it means waiting my life out down here, not seeing home again? If it means you stop your plans… it would be worth it.”

 

The King’s shoulders slumped.

 

“You have no idea how much I wish I could grant that request. To simply say hi. To invite you for a cup of tea. To let you live… to let you all live.”

 

“Then do it. Who’s stopping you?”

 

“Not who.” The King straightened up. “What.

 

“The people need their Hope. Without it, they will die. I was there. The two times our kind lost their Hope. The end of the War.

 

“The end of my children's’ lives.”

 

I stepped over the flowers and onto the small spots of open dirt. When I made it to the massive King, I put a hand on his… upper back. I was decently tall, but that shoulder was way out of comfortable stretching range.

 

He flinched from the contact.

 

“Going against your nature, killing every human up there? It’s not the right kind of Hope that they need.”

 

Asgore was still. I had hoped for a moment that this had reached him.

 

“But what would you have me do? I have already done so much. Come so far. The last step… you are the last one.”

 

I admit, I wasn’t sure. I knew what _was_ going to happen, but how to explain it to him? I knew that he at least _considered_ just letting me live out his days, but his will was already pretty much shattered. Especially since he put himself through his own form of punishment every single day, going home and back to his throne.

 

“I… I don’t know.”

 

He gave his own mirthless chuckle. “Neither do I, human. Neither do I….”

 

We kept silent again. We heard the birds of the outside world twitter and chirp through the holes of the Mountain.

 

“Mayhaps you could still offer me that cup of tea. Even if it’s as a last meal kind of thing.”

 

The King shuddered under my touch. As close as I was, I could hear him holding back sobs.

 

“I… I am sorry. But… I cannot.”

 

Asgore took a step away from me and stood to his full prodigious height.

 

“Please. Follow me. I… I do not wish to harm the flowers.”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

He kept quiet again.

 

“Well?”

 

“.....Then I will do something I may regret. But I will do it all the same. For the sake of my people.”

 

I scowled at his now-retreating back. “There’s a weak excuse if I ever heard one.”

 

He stumbled at the door. For a moment, I thought he turned his head to glare at me. But it happened so fast that I wasn’t sure.

 

I followed after him, but at a distance. Asgore kept quiet the whole time. No offers to think about dentists. No offers to stay a moment to think. No talking whatsoever.

 

Asgore’s march stopped at the final doorway.

 

“....Prepare yourself. I will not hold back. Not for a being that may well have lived their life.”

 

“Yeah, problem with that? I’m still living. Which means I still have a life to go through.”

 

“...”

 

He stomped through the entrance.

 

I took this last chance to get properly equipped. The Pan stayed in my hammerspace, to be wielded later. The Apron was tied onto me in such a way that it covered my back. I thought about turning it into an impromptu cape but I remembered the infamous no-capes montage. Gloves were readjusted. The healing foods were rearranged so that I didn’t accidentally grab the wrong thing.

 

And my phone was kept in my hoodie pocket for easy access.

 

_I sure hope Toriel gets her spirit back. Soon._

 

I stepped into the room. Despite the fact that I would be facing the King shortly, I couldn’t help but gape at the sight.

 

Unlike the game where it looked like a simple pulsing flash of light, the Barrier was a kaleidoscope of color and shapes. Triangles, Squares, Circles. I could see hints of numbers, letters, equations, ones, zeroes. It was like the combination of science and magic in one encapsulating, dispiriting wall.

 

Asgore followed my gaze.

 

“Entrancing, isn’t it?” He said with a grim nod. “How fitting for humans to use such beauty for such terrible purposes.”

 

He whipped out his trident, and slammed it onto the invisible floor beneath us. Seven pods popped up.

 

The SOULs.

 

Very unlike the game, the SOULS were not simple hearts floating listlessly in their containers. They were like balls of light flashing between multiple colors at once. Every so often the show would stop and rest on their ‘dominant’ trait. Then they would continue to flash between the colors once more.

 

“You who are the Seventh SOUL. You who are a member of the species that has torn my kind apart again and again. You who dare to call my dedication to my people a poor excuse…”

 

Asgore, King Under the Mountain, ripped away his cloak. He was already in his armor, just like in the game. Unlike the final confrontation there, though, Asgore glared down at me.

 

“Your SOUL is the final key to our salvation. And your body will be parted from it on this day.”

 

He slammed his trident down once more. A flash of light enveloped us both, and the tune of ASGORE began.

 

Asgore didn’t waste any time. He built up a massive fireball in his right hand, and shot it at me.

 

The heat from the flames was intense from where he stood, and only grew hotter as it grew closer. At the last moment I pulled out the Burnt Pan and did my best to try and knock it out of the air.

 

I only succeeded in knocking it back at him. A snap of his fingers and the ball dissolved.

 

“Good. Your reflexes are sound. This will make this more epic for our people.” Asgore leaped up into the air, and dove down with his trident’s points forward.

 

I leapt out of the way. The ground shook from his landing, and nearly threw me off my feet. It was sheer luck that I managed to duck under his swipe. He didn’t give me much time to recollect myself when he sent out a salvo of mini-fireballs.

 

My Pan clanged again and again as I swatted the projectiles out of the air.

 

“Your!” FWOOM! “People!” CRACK! “Don’t!” BLAM! “Want!” CLANG! “THIS!”

 

“What do you know of my people?!” He slammed his trident again. The shockwave _did_ knock me off my feet that time. I rolled out of the way before I became skewered.

 

“My people have been kept underground by humans for so long! How could you _possibly_ know what they want!?” He snapped his fingers again, and another massive fireball was tossed at me.

 

I didn’t bother trying to hit this one out of the air. I merely jumped out of the way and let the thing explode where I once was.

 

“I’ve been among them! I haven’t been just hiding down here, sneaking my way to you! I’ve-”

 

“I know full well that you have been speaking to my subjects! Acting with them! _Collaborating_. You have been among our kind for but a few days! You are seeing but the end of their ropes, as they fall and turn to dust!”

 

I wasn’t so lucky that time. Asgore swung at me and caught me in the chest with the flat of his trident. I went flying.

 

My body skidded and flipped along the magical floor. My arms were shaking as I tried to lift myself up.

 

“You. Know. NOTHING. Of our kind! Your ancestors saw to it that you wouldn’t! My subjects show kindness and friendship to your kind because _that is all they can do!_ ” Another salvo of fireballs were shot at me. I rolled out of the way again, and kept swinging my Pan all the while.

 

“NO! You’re wrong! I know about your children!” I ducked under another bolt. “I know that your son had the power to destroy his attackers, and he _chose not to!_ ” Another bolt ducked. “Your people don’t do what they do cause they have no choice! They do it _because they choose to do it.”_

 

Asgore roared. I had to clamp my hands over my ears from the sheer power of his bellow.

 

“And what would a _human_ know of choosing to be kind? Even if your species can display the aspect of that notion, when have humans _ever_ shown us such decency?!”

 

The enraged King reared back and tossed his spear right at me.

 

I reached into my pocket and tapped the screen. The power coursed through me and to my fingertips.

  
At the last second, I whipped my finger-gun out once more and shot a bolt at his flying weapon. The two projectiles exploded on contact.

  
“Through… through that. I was told that humans and monsters were once close. So close that magic could be… could be shared. That we could communicate on that level.”

 

The King’s face turned apoplectic. “HOW-”

 

“History… ngh. History repeats. A monster helped... a human touch magic again.”

 

I looked down at the Pan in my hand….

 

And let it drop.

 

“Intention… is… everything down here.”

 

Asgore reached into the air and summoned the trident into his hand.

 

I wobbled into a straight standing pose. My hands curled into the gun form once more.

 

“If… If I have to talk to you with my bolts. To make you feel my intent… to make you understand that I want you to end your sadness…”

 

He readied himself. I readied myself.

 

“Then… I can do that.”

 

Asgore roared again and charged forward. I ran to meet him.

 

When he stabbed his trident forth, I went into a baseball player’s slide and between his legs. I skidded to a stop, took careful aim, and shot a bolt at his shoulder.

 

The King stumbled, but only a little. He whirled around and aimed another fireball at my face.

 

He fired. I fired. The projectiles collided and exploded again. I went flying and he was sent stumbling backwards.

 

Fortunately for me there didn’t seem to be any walls in the endless expanse of the Barrier. Unfortunately for me the King was already recovered.

 

I rolled across the floor once more, and he stabbed wildly at me all the while.

 

“ _HUMAN! You have no right to touch our magic!”_

 

A boot met my face, and I was hurled through the air again. When I landed, I simply got to a knee and took aim at the charging King.

 

“And you have no right to decide that humans have to die!” BLAM! BLAM!...BLAM!

 

Two more shoulder shots and a gut shot. The third one had a bit more oomph into it, and for the first time? I sent _him_ flying.

 

“We… ungh, we are NOT the same humans that locked you down here! Or the same… ow same ones that took your children away! We…”

 

I pulled out the Cinnabunny and ate it as quickly as I could. It didn’t help with the pain, but it did help me get some strength back.

 

“We… we are not the same assholes you dealt with. We’ve changed. We have _been_ changing.”

 

Asgore got back to his feet. He shook his head the whole time.

 

“Lies…. Lies! When the humans fell down among us, they killed many of my subjects!”

 

“Oh yeah? How were they greeted? With open arms like you would to a person that _just fell into a world they have never known?_ Or were they treated like _criminals without having known the crime?”_

 

The King’s stance faltered.

 

“Times have changed! Your _people_ have changed! I know for a fact that they are _happy_ to learn that humanity has grown beyond their aggressive natures!” I ducked under another fireball, and sent a shot of my own. He ducked that one.

 

“And what if this is nothing more than a ruse? That you are simply lulling us to our dooms?”

 

Another massive salvo. And I started to regret dropping the Pan earlier.

 

I put my laser-dodging skills to good use. I didn’t dance or pose this time, though. Instead, I used my points in between rolling to send out my own salvo of mini-bullets.

 

The King tried to duck between them himself, but with his girth and lack of dodging experience he was impacted many times over.

 

A single fireball managed to strike me during a moment of distraction. I fell to the ground at the same time that the King went to a knee.

 

We remained in our respective positions, panting heavily.

 

The King moved first.

 

“I… I feel your intent. Your dedication. You truly… you truly believe that… that…”

 

He finally ducked his head down as he grew close. I couldn’t see Asgore’s face from the shadow it cast, even from my prone position.

  
“You… you made your point. You fought well…”

 

He raised his trident up. I was too sore… I couldn’t move… I used too much energy...

 

“I… am… sorry…”

 

The air whistled as the points dove down to hit their mark.

 

I closed my eyes, waiting for the end...

 

**_KABLAM!!!_ **

 

An explosion rocked the air above me. And seconds later, I felt the floor rumble and shake.

 

I cracked an eye open. I saw the King’s prone, smoking form on the ground several feet away from me.

 

“How horrid! Striking down an innocent being after they tried so hard to get you to see reason!”

 

Toriel’s voice rang through the void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody came...
> 
> A note for posterity: The end of the chapter equaled the 77777th word. 
> 
> Here is Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core ](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Go ask them things! This is her chance to get all artsy with a plan behind it!
> 
>  
> 
> Mini quiz: What is the Narrator's current inventory as of the end of this chapter?


	34. That Was a Close One!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to the mini-quiz:
> 
> Stick  
> C-B-Scotch Pie  
> Snowman Piece  
> Face-Steak  
> Nice Cream
> 
> Gloves on hands  
> Apron on back  
> Watch on wrist  
> Shoes on feet
> 
>  
> 
> Burnt Pan dropped
> 
> 380 GP
> 
> Congrats to SmashQ for being the closest :D
> 
> Quick reminder of Awesome Beta-Reader Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core .](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)

I strained to get up off my back. “Nnngh. H-hey Toriel.”

 

There was a gasp and the sound of running feet. A great white paw entered my vision and picked me up gently.

 

“Are you al- oh that is a stupid question.”

 

Toriel helped me to my feet. Just as I was starting to get stabilized, I heard some struggling breathing coming from behind.

 

“W-who…”

 

“Our mutual friend used his odd talent to get me here as soon as he could.”

 

“longest… shortcut… ever…” sans gasped between breaths.

 

“Th-thanks sans.”

 

“don’t, ugh, don’t mention it…” 

 

Toriel wrapped my arm around her shoulder and got me to the entrance of the room. “Here. Sit. I will go see if there are some provisions-”

 

“I-I-I got… stuff.”

 

I reached into my hammerspace, and pulled out…

 

THE NICE CREAM.

 

“Good a time as any to give this a try.”

 

I was about to take a bite.

 

“ASGORE! WAIT DON’T FI- SANS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???”

 

sans stood up straight. “uh. hi paps. that was fast.”

 

“WHEN YOU TOLD ME THAT OUR FRIEND WAS GOING TO SEE THE KING, I KNEW I HAD TO RUN LIKE THE WIND! WHICH I DID! I THINK I LEFT THE WIND BEHIND SOMEWHERE AROUND WATERFALL. HELLO! THE KING IS ALSO A LOT MORE FEMININE THAN I REMEMBER!”

 

I couldn’t eat. I was holding too much laughter back.

 

“uhh… paps? this is the queen. your majesty? this is papyrus. my brother and royal guard-to-be.”

 

“Hello Papyrus! Your brother has told me much about you! Nice to meet you.” She held out a firemaker for Papyrus.

 

“HELLO QUEEN ASGORE!”

 

Toriel bristled. “Just Toriel will do.”

 

“OH! OKAY! HELLO QUEEN TORIEL!” Papyrus took the firemaker in his own mittened hand. “SO ARE YOU THE PERSON MY BROTHER KEPT TALKING TO BEHIND THE DOOR WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN-”

 

“Uuughh.”

 

“hey. the king’s moving.”

 

“Good. I have some w-”

 

“YOUR MAJESTY! I CAN EXP- sans? Papyrus? What the heck are you two doing here???”

 

And there was Undyne. And… Monster Kid?

 

Indeed. Monster Kid was with Undyne this go around. Tucked under her arm like a football. And had a face like they were living their greatest dream.

 

“And. Uh. Who are you?” Undyne looked Toriel over. Her eye widened in realization when she saw the crest on Toriel's robe. “Wait. Could it be?”

 

“Hello. I am Toriel.”

 

“Ohhhhh wow. Your Majesty! I am Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard!” Undyne stood in a salute. The effect was slightly ruined by the star-struck Monster Kid in her armpit.

 

“Hello Undyne. And who is-”

 

“W-W-W-WAIT PLEASE NO F-F-F-F-FIGHTING!”

 

**“AT LEAST NOT UNTIL WE CAN GET THE CAMERAS SET UP!”**

 

_ “METTATON!” _

 

**“And after we save the human, of course.”**

 

There was a skittering of talons and the click of heels. Alphys and Mettaton made their arrival.

 

The poor Royal Scientist was just as out of breath as sans was. Mettaton took this time to pose grandiosely.

 

“Wh-wh-where is… why… huuuuuuu….”

 

“Alphys! Breathe! Slowly!”

 

“THIS IS WHY I AM HAPPY TO NOT HAVE LUNGS!”

 

“ditto.”

 

“BUT YOU ARE STILL OUT OF BREATH!”

 

“zero out of zero is still…. uhm…. nevermind.”

 

While the gaggle of monsters started to talk amongst themselves, I brought the Nice Cream to my mouth-

 

“WAIT! WHERE IS OUR HUMAN FRIEND???”

 

Toriel looked a little shocked. “You consider them-”

“My bestie!”

 

**“Oh darling!”**

 

Mettaton and Undyne rushed over to where I was sitting.

 

“Oh crudballs! When I got a text from Alphys that you were stupid enough to see the King without backup, I had to get here as fast as I could!”

 

I looked to the still-struck Monster Kid. “I can, ow, see that.”

 

“Huh?” Undyne looked down, and finally seemed to realize her passenger. “Ohhhhh crud, I carried you from Waterfall didn’t I?”

 

“Best. Day. EVER.” Was the Kid’s whispered reply.

 

I gave Mettaton a look. He responded with an apologetic pose.

 

**“She was halfway done with her checkups in that odd second Lab when she finally figured out you weren’t around. My goodness, she can be a real firecracker when riled up, can’t she darling?”**

 

I leaned around the metal star, and found that Alphys and Papyrus were tending to the still-slightly-smoking King.

 

“Y-yep. She can.”

 

“Wait.” Undyne looked between me, and the King, then back at me.

 

“Did… did you face the King?”

 

“Y-yep.”

 

“Did… did you fight him to a standstill???”

 

“A-almost?”

 

Undyne’s eye widened. “Kid, I need to let you go a moment.”

 

“Okay!”

 

Monster Kid was set on their feet. Undyne knelt down at mine and stared for a few seconds.

 

The next thing I know I am in the crushing hug of a particularly strong Amazon anime fish-woman.

“DAYMN YOU’RE AWESOME! I MEAN, I FEEL BAD FOR THE KING, BUT HOT DAYMN THAT’S AWESOME!”

 

“Undyne! Please! Your language!”

 

“FOR UNDYNE IN THIS MOMENT, THAT IS PROBABLY THE BEST SHE CAN DO RIGHT NOW! I WOULD KNOW, I AM HER APPRENTICE!”

 

“I---thank---you---please---let---go---hurts---so---much---”

 

“AH CRUD!” Undyne let me go after she set me back on my feet. My knees wobbled but I stood semi-firm.

 

“Th-th-thanks.”

 

**“It may not be melting any time soon, but you may want to at least eat that Nice Cream, darling.”**

 

“....Yeah. I should.”

 

I finally, FINALLY took my first bite of Nice Cream.

 

The taste! THE TASTE!!!

 

…

 

It was indescribable.

 

…

 

I felt considerably better after the treat though my aches and pains remained. My legs shivered a lot less at least.

 

“Oww… Hey. Alphys? How is he?”

 

Toriel, who had been chatting away with sans, looked up at that. She directed a glare right at the defeated King.

 

“He’s a little out of it, but he should be fine. H-h-heck, it appears that most of the dangerous damage came from fire magic, so… uhm…” Alphys twiddled her finger claws. “G-g-g-good shot Ms. Toriel?”

 

“Thank you… Alphys, was it?”

 

“Eep. Y-y-y-yes ma’am.” Alphys blushed mightily.

 

Undyne let out a great guffaw, and leaned so that only I and Mettaton could hear.

 

“I knew she had a type.”

 

He and I laughed a bit with a knowing nod from each of us. Fortunately, Monster Kid had since run over to say hi to Toriel. The two started to speak to one another animatedly.

 

“How did you all get here? I mean, sans has his shortcut, but the elevator-”

 

**“Is not the only elevator, darling. When Burgerpants heard the massive crash come from the CORE during an unregulated smoke break, he actually showed a little initiative. I got a call, right before Alphys decided to notice you weren’t answering her questions.”**

 

“So we hijacked the main elevator in the lobby and told them all it was special Royal Guard, Scientist, and Entertainer business!” Undyne grinned mightily. “It worked!”

 

“And Papyrus?”

 

“I think after he was done screaming at the top of his non-existent lungs across Snowdin, he basically did the same. Just in his own Papyrus-y way.” Undyne's eye narrowed. "I think he passed us, actually. Somehow. Would explain the burst of wind we got outta nowhere."

 

**“It also helped that I made a small blurb on the Undernet about the little confrontation.”**

 

“You wanted the ratings points!”

 

**“Multiple benefits, Undyne darling!”**

 

I wobbled over to where the King laid while the Royal Guard and the Royal Entertainer bickered. The guy’s eyes were slightly out of focus, but I could tell he was going to be okay.

 

I reached into my hammerspace and pulled out a small container. Alphys peeked into it, and gave me an odd look.

 

“Bet this will work like smelling salts.”

 

I popped open the lid and held the pie just beyond Asgore’s nostrils.

 

It took a few seconds but the King started to gain some focus. I put the pie back in my hammerspace.

 

“Is… is that….”

 

“It is. And if you start thinking a little more, MAYBE you two can swap recipes one day.”

 

Toriel gave a harsh snort in the background.

 

“Maybe.”

 

The King groaned, and tried to sit up. I offered a hand to him while Alphys fretted.

 

“Shall we bury the hatchet?”

 

He looked at the hand, then up at me.

“But… I just…”

 

“And so did nearly every person in this room, at least once, in their own way. Everyone deserves a second chance. You gonna take it or what?”

 

Asgore stared at my offered limb. Just when I was about to give up, he reached out and took it.

 

“Yes… I will. And I don’t think I will squander this chance…”

 

“Hmph.”

 

“Toriel…”

 

“Don’t. You may be willing to forgive him, but I-”

 

“Toriel, he has yet to raise a hand against you.” I pulled back as hard as I could, and kinda. Maybe. Sorta lifted the King up. By a fraction of an inch. Or maybe a millimeter.

 

“He UNNNG! Was the one that took a fireball to the chest. And yes, he’s killed folks.”  Asgore’s face turned downwards again. “But he was misguided by his own ethics and sadness. You? You’re a lovely woman, but what’d you do?”

 

“I tried to stop the humans from going on!”

 

“Aaaand what did you do after?”

 

“......”

 

“Right. And before you say ‘oh, but he could have simply-’ no. He couldn’t have. One, one SOUL has been PROVEN to not be enough. Two, it STILL isn’t in his nature. And three, his waiting game has paid off, in a way, cause now you folks can get to a world where we humans are  _ less _ trigger-happy.”

 

Everyone was stock still and silent at that.

 

“I like you plenty ma’am, and I really do like you as a person. But that train of thought...ugh, you’re a heavy guy. That thinking  _ maaaaay _ have caused more issues.”

 

I pointed at her. “You grew bitter.” I pointed at Asgore. “And you lost your nerve.

 

“Am I wrong?”

 

The King and former Queen looked at one another. Toriel dropped her gaze first, Asgore soon after.

 

“For someone that just shot me with mercy-filled bullets, you are quite the demon with your words.”

 

“Ehhh, I had some time to think.” I grinned to the King. “Now. Hatchet. Buried. You two. Yes?”

 

Asgore looked back over at his ex-wife.

 

“....If she is willing, I am as well.”

 

Now everyone in the room was looking at Toriel. Even Monster Kid.

 

She rubbed the top of one firemaker with another. Her eyes closed hard, and her head turned away.

 

“...I am willing.”

 

I let out a sigh of relief and fell over backwards.

 

“HUMAN!”

 

“I-I’m fine Paps. Ugh.  Today has been a long day.”

 

Chuckles were shared amongst my friends. Mettaton walked over to Toriel and started speaking animatedly with her ( **“What** **_is_ ** **that fashion, dearie? That is quite enchanting on you!”** ). Alphys and sans began catching up, while sans cracked a few groan-worthy puns. Monster Kid just stood around and stared in awe at the Barrier’s lightshow.

 

Undyne gave Asgore a nudge. “Hey. You did what you could, your Majesty.”

 

He shook his head and started to get to his feet. “No. If it wasn’t for you and your friends’ kindness… or of the kindness of Monsters… I doubt I would have survived this day.”

 

“Ditto.” I piped up with an arm pointed up from the ground where I laid.

 

Asgore let out a dark chuckle at that. “You must be Papyrus?” He regarded to the stock-still skeleton.

 

“THAT I AM! THE GREAT HERO PAPYRUS, ROYAL-GUARD-TO-BE! AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR!”

 

Asgore lifted up a shaky hand and patted Papyrus on the shoulder. “If all goes well, the to-be may soon be dropped.”

 

Papyrus looked like he was about to explode.

 

Undyne laughed some more and wrapped an arm around Papyrus. She led him back over to where the group was starting to congregate.

 

It was just the King and I left where we stood. After I got up that is.

 

“I… I am sorry. Truly. For the atrocities I had committed, and was to commit.”

 

I reached up and patted him on his elbow. 

 

“I can forgive you. You doing yourself is another story.”

 

Asgore gave a heavy nod.

 

“If… if you are willing, I can offer you a place among my subjects.”

 

“Sir?”

 

“You would be treated as one of us. A start to the olive branch we should have extended so long ago. A new beginning.”

 

He walked around, and stood before me.

 

“You would be our new hope to the Underground. Please… do you accept?”

 

Asgore held out a firemaker. 

 

I stared at the firemaker. So much had changed. I glanced over, and saw that the SOULs were still where they were supposed to be.

 

No vines.

 

No leaves.

 

No laughing.

 

I smiled. This may not be my home, but it could become one.

 

My grin grew wider and I looked up to the King's face. 

 

“Your Majesty! I ac-”

“NNGH!”

 

Asgore’s face twisted into utter pain.

 

“Asg-” I looked down.

 

A massive, pointed green vine poked through Asgore’s chest.

 

“GOREY!”

 

I had never heard anyone as pained as Toriel in that moment.

 

“HahahHAHAHAH **AHAHAHAHAHAH _H_** **_AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”_ **

 

Asgore fell to his knees. Before the rest of his body followed, he turned to Dust and spread across the floor.

 

“NO!”

“YOUR MAJESTY!”

 

“KID! WATCH-!”

 

Vines exploded from everywhere. They writhed. They stabbed around, looking for victims.

 

Toriel was kneeling at the ground, grasping at the Dust that was her ex-husband.

 

Undyne was brandishing a spear while Papyrus created a wall of bones around Alphys and Monster Kid.

 

Mettaton was unfortunate enough to have been ensnared by several tendrils. I could hear his joints popping out of place.

 

And sans….

 

“sans.”

 

He kept his face down.

 

“sans!”

 

“No… don’t make me…”

  
“SANS YOU PROMISED! DO! IT!”

 

He couldn’t look at me. He couldn’t do it.

 

He…

 

Sans raised his hand. A Gaster Blaster materialized and was pointed straight at me.

 

**“...I’m sorry.”**

 

**_BWAAAAMMM!!!_ **

 

The light pierced me all over. I felt my self… dissolve. 

 

It was fading.

 

I was fading.

 

I was…

 

I…

 

….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*TICK*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*TICK*

 

 

 

 

 

 

*TICK*

 

 

*TICK*

 

 

*TICK*

 

 

*TICK*

 

*TICK*

 

*TICK*

 

*TICK*

*TICK*

*TICK*

 

**_CRACK!!!_ **


	35. That Was a Close... Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to the mini-quiz:
> 
> Stick  
> C-B-Scotch Pie  
> Snowman Piece  
> Face-Steak  
> Nice Cream
> 
> Gloves on hands  
> Apron on back  
> Watch on wrist  
> Shoes on feet
> 
>  
> 
> Burnt Pan dropped
> 
> 380 GP
> 
> Congrats to SmashQ for being the closest :D
> 
> Quick reminder of Awesome Beta-Reader Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core .](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ......This feels familiar.

“If… if you are willing, I can offer you a place among my subjects.”

 

_Wait… what?_

 

I looked up at Asgore. The… Dusted Asgore?

 

“Sir?”

 

“You would be treated as one of us. A start to the olive branch we should have extended so long ago. A new beginning.”

 

_I just lived this._

 

He walked around, and stood before me.

 

_Something… what…?_

 

“You would be our new hope to the Underground. Please… do you accept?”

 

Asgore held out a hand.

 

I stared at the hand. I had already done this. I knew this action. I… I looked to where the SOULs were. They were still in place.

 

I looked at my wrist. My watch’s face had shattered, with the minute hand gone and the blue metal beneath sheared in half.

 

I double checked my surroundings.

 

No vines.

 

No leaves.

 

No laughing.

 

_NO TIME!_

 

I clicked my heels twice.

 

“SIR GET DOWN!!!”

 

I rocketed forth and barreled straight into the King. He gave an almighty “OOF!” from the impact, and we both went tumbling.

 

“WHAT!?” 

 

“YOUR MAJESTY!” 

“HUMAN HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MARBLES?!”

 

When the two of us finally stopped rolling, I looked up to Asgore.

 

“I’m sorry, b-URK!”

 

A vine curled around my neck. With a flick, I was sent flying once more.

 

I tumbled ass over tea kettle until my body slammed against the rock-made entrance.

 

“HoW??? HoW DiD YoU KnOw?????”

 

The vines were everywhere again. This time they flew straight at the monsters that I had met and befriended.

 

Each one was curled up in the greenery. As I struggled to get up, I saw the tendrils squeeze against the captured. In the case of Papyrus and sans, they became intertwined with their individual bones and holes.

 

The SOULs were gone. And Flowey the Flower’s head pushed up from the magical floor.

 

He wasn’t quite at the point of Photoshop Flowey, but he was massive.  He was melting, with drips of his face falling to the floor.

 

He. Was. Pissed.

 

“I PlAnNeD IT! I WATCHED YOU! **I SAW YOU!** **YOU CHANGED EVERYTHING! ”**

 

Flowey menaced down at me. His massive created teeth gnashed in my face.

 

“YOU! YOU RUINED **_EVERYTHING!_ ** YOU CHANGED IT ALL! MY PLAN! **_THEIR PLAN!_ ** ”

 

“L-like I said… change of… script.”

 

Flowey roared. The air vibrated from the force of his anger.

 

“I WANTED TO RUIN YOUR HAPPY ENDING! **JUST LIKE YOU HAD RUINED MY FUN!** _YOU DARE TO TAKE_ THEIR _PLACE!?_ **_YOU DON’T EVEN LOOK LIKE THEM!”_ **

 

His face twisted into an evil grin.

 

**_“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE SAME ABILITY AS THEM.”_ **

 

I struggled to get to my feet, but failed again. “Wh… what do you-”  


I heard gasps of pain from the eight monsters that Flowey had in his grips.

 

“I. _KNOW_.”

 

“Kn-know what, weed?”

 

The grin on his face twisted so much, it had no reason for existence.

 

“YOU. CAN’T. SAVE!”

 

I stopped struggling.

 

“I SaW yOu! AAALLLLLLLL THE WAY BACK IN WATERFALL!”

 

My mind raced trying to recall-

 

“YOU LOOKED AROUND EXPECTANTLY! AND YOU LOOKED SSSSOOOOOOOO **_DISAPPOINTED!”_ **

 

_Expectant… expectant… Waterf-_

 

My eyes widened in realization and horror.

 

“YESSSSSS YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME DIDN’T YOU???”

 

“If nngh if you knew, the-”

 

Flowey got even closer.

 

“I wanted to WATCH. To see what you would DO. AND WHAT YOU WOULDN’T. ANd you STILL. DiDN’t SAVE.”

 

That face of his morphed into a sinister snarl.

 

“I waited. AnD WaItEd. I WAS SO BORED.”

 

“P-pity.”

 

“TEE HEE HEE. Then I SAW MY CHANCE!”

 

He morphed into that horrid melting face of his again.

 

**_“AND YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING!”_ **

 

Vines wrapped around my ankle and drew me up into the air.

 

_“HOW DID YOU-”_

 

Flowey stopped, and leaned in close to my wrist.

 

“Tee… TeeHeee… TEEEEHHHAAHAHA **HAHAHAAHAHAHA** **_HAHAHAHHARHARHARHARHAAARR!”_ **

 

He held me up higher so that I was eye to void-filled eye.

 

“You CHEATED! I KNEW IT! CHEATER _CHEATER_ **_CHEATER_ ** **_CHEATER_ ** **_!!!”_ **

 

He flipped me away and into the wall again.

 

“NO!”

 

“HUMAN!”

 

“BESTIE!”

 

**“DARLING!”**

 

“Ngghh…”

 

“Noooo more CHEATING FOR YOU! AND NOTHING BUT FUN FOR ME!”

 

Flowey retreated back towards his captive audience.

  
“I THINK! I WILL! KILL EACH OF YOU! ONE! AT! A! **_TIME!”_ **

 

The group struggled as much as they could.

 

Undyne had to be held with twice as many vines compared to everyone else, and it looked like that was still a small struggle for Flowey.

 

Monster Kid kept trying to breathe… something, but they kept getting squeezed at the last second.

 

sans was still, but I could see his hands twitching.

 

Papyrus wiggled like a fish, as if he was trying to slip out of Flowey’s grip.

 

Toriel’s arms were stretched out as far as they could go, and likely then some.

 

Mettaton’s hull was starting to buckle and spark from the pressure.

 

Alphys was actually actively shocking the vines with her claws, but to no avail.

 

And Asgore… poor Asgore. The King didn’t look to have the energy to fight back. After the battle with me, the fireball from Toriel, and the action I took to save his life…

 

“AND THE BEST PART….”

 

Flowey slowly turned back to regard me.

 

“ **_THANKS TO YOU!? IT! IS! PERMANENT! KILL OR BE KILLED! AND YOU JUST HELPED ME!”_ **

 

The psychotic weed bellowed out a laugh that rattled my bones.

 

While he was enjoying his evil laugh I curled my fingers back into their gun shape.

 

I struggled to lift my arm to aim it at his face.

 

_I feel… one… shot… left…_

 

_Have to…._

 

_Make it…_

 

_Count…._

 

**_BLAM!!!_ **

 

**_“AAARRRGGGHH!!!”_ **

 

That didn’t-

 

“GET YOUR VINES OFF OUR KING!”

 

“ALPHYS! METTATON!”

 

“LIKE, WE’LL SAVE YOU!”

 

A great cacophony of voices rang out from the doorway.

 

“SAVE THEM!”

 

“GET THAT BEAST!”

 

“UNVINE THEM! WA HA HA!”

 

I felt two fuzzy pairs of arms help me to my feet.

 

“Hun, can you hear me?!”

 

“Come on, we need to get you out of here!”

 

The air lit up with the bullets of Monsterkind. Flowey was screaming in pain and rage, flipping his tendrils about to try and stem the flow of magic.

 

He was failing.

 

“THEY DON’T DESERVE THIS!”

 

“HOI! OI’M  **_ANGRIE_ ** !” 

 

“TIME FOR YOU TO GET YOUR OWN VACATION IN HELL!”

 

Flowey gnashed his teeth, and tried to send out his own salvo of Friendliness Pellets. They were destroyed by the sheer number of magical flies, moths, fish, blobs of goo, carrots, fireballs, spearheads, dogs, arrows, and I think I saw a single kitchen sink.

 

“NO!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! THIS  **_ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!!”_ **

 

“YEAH WELL TOO BAD!”

 

“YOU WON’T HURT OUR KING!”

 

“OUR FRIENDS!”

 

“THE HUMAN!”

 

As one, the crowd screamed out _ **“** **OUR WORLD!!!”** _

 

Flowey roared again and again. His vines started to grow tattered and his face dripped more and more as the bullets kept coming.

 

“I… I…”

 

I got a Cinnabunny shoved in my mouth.

 

“We’ll handle this hun!”

 

“We can save you!”

 

He must of heard that even with the chaos.

 

“NO! NO NO NO NO **_NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!”_ **

 

Vines exploded from everywhere at once. Walls, ceiling, columns, floor.  EVERYWHERE.

 

“ _YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO DENY ME MY TOYS???_ **_YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO DENY ME MY PLAYTHINGS???_ ** **_YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO DENY ME MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD???”_ **

 

The vines aimed at everyone.

 

**_"YOU!”_ **

 

The vines jabbed all at once.

 

**_“IDIOTS!!!”_ **

 

Light flooded the whole world. Even with my body shaking as it was, I managed to bring up my arms.

 

I could feel the light fade. I don’t know how, but I did.  When I took a chance to open my eyes, I looked around.

 

Nothing.

 

Absolutely nothing.

 

The darkness was deep, deeper, deeper still.

 

“Howdy.”

 

“GAAH!!” I spun around at the voice.

 

“I suppose you already know me, Human from Beyond.”

 

There he was. In his yellow and green-striped shirt.

 

“But. I suppose I should introduce myself anyways.”

 

He looked over his shoulder. Far from the grin of a child happy to see their friend again, he wore a face of malice and contempt.

 

“I am…”

 

He turned to face me, and I was blinded by another flash of light.

 

“ **_ASRIEL! DREEMUR!”_ **


	36. All Things End, Right?

The spots were blinked out of my eyes, and I got a good look at my doom.

Asriel Dreemur looked almost exactly like he did in the game. Massive, curled horns around his elongated ears. Fangs jutting out just a little from the top of his mouth. A deep, purple robe emblazoned with the Delta Rune. A heart locket as a clasp for his cape. And piercing, red eyes with black sclera.

_“It truly is amazing, isn’t it?”_

Asriel waved an arm, and the void shuddered.

_“All those changes. All those little nuances. All your efforts. And I am still here.”_

The Absolute GOD of Hyperdeath cackled.

_“In another lifetime, I bet I would have simply tried to reset the world. Over and over and over again.”_

Even without a floor to really hold us up, Asriel lifted himself off the ground and floated towards me.

 _“But now? I think… I shall end it all. Starting with_ you. _”_

I went into the best fighting stance I could muster. My left leg was sore, my right arm felt slightly numb, and my glasses were definitely cracked.

But I wasn’t going to give in.

Asriel cackled again. I felt the darkness itself vibrate.

 _“Do you really think you stand a chance against me? You can’t even SAVE! And that trinket of yours is_ worthless _now!”_

He pointed at the remains of my watch.

“Maybe. But I am not gonna back down.”

 _“Ha. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”_ He thrust his arm forward. A blast of invisible energy struck me in the chest and sent me flying yet again.

_“You have no chance! I AM THE ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH! I can end you with a thought!”_

I winced heavily as I picked myself up.

“Th-then why haven’t you…”

The Prince of Thorns went silent.

I used his pause to get back into my stance.

“You don’t want to do this…”

Asriel bristled, and summoned his two Chaos Sabers.

_“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!”_

Hopes and Dreams filled the silence around us.

_“YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! BUT YOU DON’T!”_

He sliced forth and a massive beam sprang out from the tip!

“Aw CRUD!”

I leapt out of the way and rolled on impact with the invisible floor.

_“You stole my friend from me!”_

A wave of energy was shot out.

I responded with a blast from my finger gun. It was eaten like a jellybean. Lady Luck smiled on me when I managed to duck down at the last freaking second.

“How could I have done that!” Another blast of rainbow energy was sent my way. “I have no clue how I got here!”

_“LIES! YOU JUST WANTED TO STEAL MY FRIEND AWAY!!!”_

Asriel raised his hand, and prepared one of his special attacks.

“Why? Why would I want to do that?!”

I knelt down and set out my own volley of shots. They dissolved before they could impact his form.

“I know you two had a bond!” I looked up and saw the Star Blazing projectiles incoming.

“I know you waited so long for them to come back! To come in the first place!”

_“SO VERY LONG! AND YOU RUINED IT!”_

He pointed an open firemaker at me. The Stars flew down from the inky heavens at blinding speed.

“I can’t have ruined it!” I ducked and bobbed under the Stars. A well timed explosion on his part sent a mini-star into the small of my back and sent me sprawling forward.

“OOF!”

_“You took their place! They should be here! Not you!”_

I coughed and struggled to get back onto my feet.

“H-How…?”

_“What?”_

I wobbled. But when I got my bearings I stood up as straight as I could and looked them dead in the eye.

“How? Could I? Have? They have been dead for so long.”

_“I SAW THEM COME BACK!”_

“Who? That kid in the purple shirt?”

Asriel snarled and readied his Chaos Buster.

_“That was them!”_

“They’re as much them as I am!”

The Buster started to charge.

_“YOU’RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING THEM!”_

“That’s the point!”

He screamed in rage. The Chaos Buster exploded right with him.

I didn’t bother trying to shoot the projectiles this time around. I just did my level best to avoid the worst of the damage.

A Chaos Saber interrupted my last roll.

_“HAHAHAH! RUN! RUN RUN RUN RUN! MAKE THIS FUN FOR ME!”_

Asriel swung over and over again. I barely managed to dodge each slice. What wasn’t helping was that he kept doing that head-twisting thing before each swipe.

…..It was like his neck was made out of liquid.

“Great Gob how are you not dead?!”

_“I am dead. Remember?”_

He raised his hand again. I felt the air crackle.

_“And you will be too.”_

_CRUDBALLS!_

I took a run right at the God of Hyperdeath.

_“What are you…?”_

I waited till the last second and leapt right at him.

He cackled madly and backhanded me up into the air.

Well away from the lightning that flared up from the ground.

_“Ohhh clever, clever…”_

Asriel caught my foot before I hit the ground.

“Oh cr-”

My choice curse was cut short when he slammed me into the floor himself.

Despite myself, I moaned in pain. My ribs felt like they were going to be bruised forever at this point, and the numb feeling in my right arm felt deeper.

_“I am going to enjoy this. You caused me so much grief. You stole so much from me…”_

I winced as I tried to look up at Asriel.

“You… you aren’t supposed to be like… this…”

_“And just what do you know about me? Some dialogue from a game? A great bit of code? Ohhh sans and Alphys’ memories of your talks are so delicious…”_

I panted hard. It was excruciating just trying to sit up.

A Chaos Buster was brought to bear once more.

“You… you didn’t strike the humans that… killed you…”

 _“My biggest mistake.”_ He growled.

“No. The best of Monsters was shown that day.”

The God of Hyperdeath stilled yet again.

“They… they wouldn’t want this…”

_“You can’t possibly know that. They killed themselves to bring hope to Monsterkind.”_

“And what did… nng. That do?”

Asriel said nothing. The energy of Chaos Buster kept building.

“It ruined… so much… and you… you think they’d want you…. to do this…?”

I fought myself to get to my feet.

“They… they moved on… Asriel.”

The God’s eyes flew open.

_“YOU LIE.”_

“I… didn’t… hear a... word…. in my head... that... wasn’t mine…”

The Buster shook.

_“THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING! THEY JUST DIDN’T LIKE YOU!”_

“They… aren’t… here any more….”

_“SHUT UP!!!”_

I slipped a hand behind myself. I couldn’t feel my inventory. Not any more.

But with a bit of prodding, I found something else.

“They’ve… moved on….”

_“NOT WITHOUT ME THEY HAVEN’T!!! THEY WOULDN’T!!!”_

He fired.

I activated the first object I touched.

The Beam struck me dead center and sent me flying.

I should have died.

I should have been obliterated.

But my Hopes kept me firm.

_“YOU’RE WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!”_

Asriel went berserk. Stars, Bolts, Busters, and all sorts of rainbow effects went absolutely everywhere. Even the song at his call was warped and distorted to demonic levels.

I stood firm. Stars were caught and tossed aside. Bolts deflected. And I shot bolt after bolt at the Busters and interrupted their blasts.

_“STOP! DENYING! MY! VICTORY!!!”_

“What victory!?” I smacked a Star out of my way as I stalked towards the Fallen Prince.

“You’re planning on destroying everything! Everyone! What victory is that?!”

_“The one that reunites me with my friend again! The one that PUNISHES THE UNIVERSE THAT TOOK THEM FROM ME!”_

I put on the best cocky face I could.

“I thought you said _I_ took them away from you.”

Asriel sputtered.

_“You did! THEY DID TOO! THEY ALL DID!”_

“So are you trying to punish me, the world, or just lashing out like a little child?”

Asriel screeched in rage.

_“Child??? CHILD!?! I AM THE ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH!!!”_

“You’re a child that shouldn’t be anymore! You should be asleep amongst the flowers!”

_“No.”_

“You came back when your frien- your sibling didn’t! And now you’re throwing a cosmic tantrum just ‘cause you can!”

_“No!”_

“And you’re pointing your rage and grief at the people _that nearly collapsed from loss of hope over your stupid plan!”_

_“NO!”_

Asriel howled and raged. The void collapsed with his screams. His form shattered and shifted into a hideous mockery of the child prince.

 _“SHUT UP!_ **_SHUT UP! SHUUUUUUT UUUUUUUP!!!!!!!”_ **

His claws came together for a moment before they split apart and spread away from his body.

 _“_ **_HYPER GONER!!!”_ **

_….Crud...I went too far..._

I struggled to keep my ground, but the chunks of the void slammed into me. The effects of my Hopes started to fade and the aches of the battles before rebounded.

Soon enough I lost the fight to stay. I was pulled in…

….Shattered…

….Scattered…

...Splintered…

The Darkness was all around.

Darker. So much darker still….

I was lost…

I was falling..

I was gone.

H̡̥̙̜̺̟̪U͏̪͕M̞͓͍̬͓̟̻̕AN͖̪̜̝̻͍

Huh… that sounded like…

D̺̰̜̠̖̼O̴̯ ̭̝͚̘̲N̤͇̱̝O͎̜͇T ̞̳͕̪̩̩̰͡GI͕̬̹V͍͔͘E̵͖̪̭̜̠̣ ̛̤̼͇̘̙̺̮U͜P̫͈̤̠̭̦͈

It can’t be…

Y̫̪͚̣̰̦O̮̖U̫͔͟ ͖A̧͎̬͚̳̦R̨͍̳̟E̦͢ T̬͈H̡̦͇͍̜̝͓E҉̪ ̳̪͎͔̹̜͍HO̬̟P͇̮̙͕̺̹̦͘E͉̥̺̟ ͚͚̯̹̘̲F͇̳͍OR̠̖͚̤̮ ̜̳̼̪̟ͅT̴͙̥̖͕͔HE͉͕̯̮͉ͅI͕̫̩̟͇͕͠ͅR̡͈̠̼̠͕͇ ͔̰̺͈͇F͉̙͎͎̲Ṷ̜͕̬̲T̻̯̙̼̥U̼͍̥̣̫̦R͢Ę͎̟̭̠̰͓

I opened my eyes.

Asriel was in his final form. Great wings of the cosmos sprang out of his back. His arms were completely removed from his body and floating freely. His face had gotten more demonic and yet more angel-like at the same time.

_“So you survived my little ‘tantrum’ did you?”_

His laugh echoed through the end of the world.

_“Too bad that won’t be for long!!!”_

The Prince of Thorns waved his arms. Streams of comets flared from his fingertips.

I tried to move but my body was unresponsive. The bullets struck me without fail.

_“This is the end for you.”_

My breathing grew ragged.

_“This is the end for everyone.”_

I couldn’t give up…

_“We will be reunited.”_

I wouldn’t give up.

_“No one is going to SAVE you.”_

I reached into my space one more time.

_“No one is going to be SAVEd ever again.”_

I touched my final booster.

“You’re… wrong….”

Asriel cackled into the decaying void again.

_“CALL FOR THEM! NO ONE WILL COME!”_

I felt the energy flow into me. I felt the power course through my veins.

I felt the Dream of my SOUL resonating out into the multitudes that Asriel had absorbed.

I aimed myself and clicked my heels twice.

“THEN I WILL GO TO THEM!”

**_BLAM!_ **

I rocketed forth. Half my shoes were left behind as they gave me their last, greatest boost of Orange Magic.

It was time for me to SAVE the World!

Asriel cried out in alarm when I made my impact. I disappeared into the depths of his SOUL cage.

_“NO NO NO YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”_

I ignored him in favor of looking for my friends.

My search was shorter than expected when a fiery spear nearly took off my head.

“Humans are the worst.”

“All humans must die.”

I spun in the air and saw two figures floating towards me. Their faces were obstructed with white fire. But I recognized them anyways.

Undyne held up her hand. Another spear appeared.

Monster Kid inhaled and shot a small fireball onto the summoned weapon.

“We have to be enemies.”

“We have to get the SOULs.”

“Kid! Come on!” I ducked the next volley of spears and willed myself towards them. “We’re friends! Allies! Honest talkers!”

“I have to hate you.”

“Humans are weak.”

“Undye, we took it upon ourselves to wreak wanton destruction! And I helped you get with Alphys!”

“I have to…”

“Humans are worthless.”

“We have to stop the biggest bully you two have ever seen!”

Monster Kid shivered and the flames started to dissipate.

“NNNGGGAHHH!!! I CHALLENGE YOU TO SNAP THE HECK OUT OF IT!”

Undyne’s flame disappeared.

  
“YOU DO WHAT???”

“You heard me!”

An excitable voice sprang up next to Undyne.

“I heard ya! I can do it too! I can be a hero like my human friend AND my monster friend!”

“You got it!” I snapped a finger gun at Monster Kid.

Undyne laughed at the top of her lungs.

“Get going! The other folks need you too!” She directed, before she faded away into a ball of light.

“I’ll root for ya! Don’t give up!” Monster Kid cried out before he too faded away.

I felt their warmth in my SOUL. More of my aches and pains faded away.

“Okay, who’s next?” I whirled around to see the next corporeal being.

Everywhere around me were blobs of white. They didn’t seem to react to my presence as I floated around.

I got my answer when a blast of lightning flew over my head.

When I turned to meet Alphys, I nearly got barreled over by a Mini-Metta.

“I am s-s-s-so screwed up…”

**“The spotlight is only for me!”**

Alphys pointed a shaking hand at me and let loose another wave of sparks. Mettaton posed angrily and sent out more Mini-Mettas out blindly.

I ducked and danced around the bullets.

“Alphys! Breathe! Remember the spirit of your lines!”

“I k-k-k-keep failing…”

**“I have to shine! Brighter! The brightest!”**

“Darling, if we die, how are we going to go out on our dates? I have like fifty owed at this point!”

I disco-posed around their wavering bullets.

“N-n-no one loves me…”

**“I will take my center stage, no matter what!”**

“Mettaton, what about Blooky? They need you! You can be there for them again!”

Mettaton shook his head as the flames started to fade away.

**“Blooky… dear Blooky….”**

Alphys sniffed and started to curl up into a ball.

“Alphys, Undyne loves you. She has for far longer than she got to admit. She’ll be there for you.”

The dino-lizard Royal Scientist looked up.

“Y-y-you mean it?”

“Absolutely. You’re awesome!”

“N-n-no you’re awesome!”

“You!”

“M-m-me! Hah!”

The flames disappeared and Alphys was beaming like the sun.

“Oh gosh you have to save everyone!”

**“Darling, you better live through this or I will be so miffed!”**

I grinned to the diva and gave him a wink. “I’ll be back for ya, babe.”

The pair of them laughed and turned into balls of light, just like Undyne and Monster Kid had.

My right arm wasn’t feeling numb anymore, and my ribs didn’t feel like someone had tap danced on them for an hour. Just a half-hour.

“sans! Papyrus! Toriel! Asgore! Where are you?”

The space around me shook.

_“GET OUT OF THERE!!!!”_

I ignore Asriel again and kept my eyes peeled for…

“sans! Papyrus!”

I spotted the bony pair and floated over to them. As expected, the two of them raised their hands and sent a salvo of bones at me.

“What was the point of trying.”

“I HAVE TO CAPTURE A HUMAN!”

“sans, the point is to make your brother proud! To make yourself proud! You CAN change your fate, you proved it!”

A Gaster Blaster formed above each brother and charged up.

“I didn’t make a difference.”

“I HAVE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!”

“Paps, you make a difference every day by being you! Even if you don’t make the Royal Guard, you can still help people! YOU ARE THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

The Blasters started to falter.

I put on my best heroic pose.

“Popular! Stupendous! Prestigious! Spectacular! That’s Paps and sans for ya!”

The Gaster Blasters exploded into nothingness as the flames snuffed out at the same time.

“WOWIE! WE REALLY ARE GREAT!”

“heh. what do you think, human?”

“Yes! Yes you are!”

sans chuckled and gave his brother a nudge.

“you got this far. you can keep going.”

“WE BELIEVE IN YOU! JUST LIKE YOU BELIEVE IN US!”

The faded away too. I wasted no time in trying to find the King and Queen.

No matter how much I swam around, I couldn’t find them. Asriel was growing more and more peeved off the longer I took.

_Come on, come on, where are you???_

In my haste, I bounced into a small ball of light. It bounced me off lightly and into a larger group of the lights.

Once I got my bearings I looked around.

There were Toriel and Asgore.

_Surrounded by their subjects. Duh._

My joy was short lived when a crapton of fireballs were formed.

“I am doing this for your own good.”

“I do this for the good of my people.”

The projectiles swarmed around me, but did not make contact.

“Toriel! I need your help to get the happy ending you and your kind deserve!”

Her firemaker shook. Half the fireballs around me started to fade.

“Asgore! Your people need you! Snap out of it and think!”

Asgore’s firemakers also lost their composure.

“You’re both needed to SAVE YOUR SON’S SOUL!!!”

They snapped out of it at the same time!

“Asriel!”

“Our son!?”

“It’s a long story, but he’s out there! Right now! So pull yourselves together and do what you need to do! Not what you feel is ‘good for whoever!’”

The Royal Ex-Couple looked at one another.

“We must.”

“We shall.”

They faded away just like the others and disappeared.

“Now… All that’s left is-”

“HUMAN!”

“STAY STRONG!!!”

The balls of light around me pulsed.

“GO GET ‘EM HUN!”

“SAVE US!”

“SAVE THE WORLD!”

As one, the whole of Monsterkind glowed.

**_“SAVE THE PRINCE!”_ **

A great white light flared around me and filled my SOUL.

I was shot out of Asriel’s SOUL space and back to being in front of him.  
  
_“What have you done?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?”_

Glowing cracks had formed along his final body. Shards of his existence peeled off and disappeared into the void.

_“I…. I can’t go! Not yet! They aren’t here! I can’t see them! I can’t feel them!”_

He growled and raged at the heavens, the darkness, and at me.

_“I WON’T GO! I CAN’T!!! I WON’T!!!”_

He brought his hands together.

_This is it!_

I knelt down on the invisible floor again and combined my hands as well.

_“JUST LET ME STAY! I WANT TO STAY! I WANT TO FIND THEM!”_

Rainbow energy collected at his firemakers.

Yellow, Blue and Purple flowed into mine.

“You have to rest, kiddo.”

_“NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!”_

He screamed out in pain and let loose all the energy he had.

I braced myself and fired back in kind.

It wasn’t much. Not nearly all that much compared to the wave of pure emotion he drove at me.

But it was enough. Just enough to cut through the blast.

One second.

Five seconds.

My arms started to shake.

Ten.

Sweat rolled down my face.

Twenty.

My knees started to buckle.

Thirty.

Right when my energy came to a halt the rainbow of destruction ceased as well.

I collapsed onto my stomach the moment the colors ceased.

  
I pressed against the ground to try and get up.

“*sniff* I don’t want to go… I’m so tired… where are they…?”

When I looked up… there was Asriel. The real Asriel. The tiny, adorable little goat-dragon kid that died so long ago and came back in such a horrid manner.

The poor kid rocked on his backside, his arms curled up around his legs.

“I miss them… I miss them so much… why didn’t they come back?”

I struggled hard to get up. With my last ounce of strength, I made it to my feet. I made my way over to the small prince.

“I’m so tired… I’m so tired….”

I knelt down. He looked up at me. Tears were streaming down his face and dripping into the void around us.

I did what any person would do.

He accepted my hug and cried harder.

“I’m sorry kiddo. I really am.”

“Th-th-they’re suppose t-t-t-to come back! Why… why…”

I pulled away and looked at the prince.

“Because they really aren’t supposed to.”

“B-but I…”

“You did, but not by choice. You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

He sniffled. “Cause of our stupid plan…”

“Ah… I let my mouth get the b-”

He shook his head. Heh, the ears bobbed just like his mom’s did way back when.

“Y-you were r-r-right. That’s why I got so u-upset…”

Asriel sniffled again. “I should have said s-s-something, to someone. But I didn’t. And l-l-look what happened!”

I hugged him again. “Kiddo. It’s okay. In the grand scheme… it worked. You… you did it. You both did.”

He hugged back this time.

“You showed the best of Monsterkind that day too, you know. Didn’t once raise your ha- firemakers against them.”

“W-w-we call them ‘p-paws’.”

“Good to know.”

We shared a watery chuckle.

Asriel pulled away with a somber expression.

“....I have to go, don’t I?”

I nodded solemnly. “I think you do. You need to rest.”

“But… but I…”

I reached into my hammerspace and pulled out my last item.

“Here.”

He took the container gently.

“In spite of everything, you’re still you. You can still do one last great act.”

Asriel sniffled again.

“You can set them free.”

He nodded and put the pie slice away in his own pocketspace.

“Th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Asriel stood up and walked a short ways away from me.

He held his head up high and gave me a smile.

“EVERYONE!

“MY NAME IS ASRIEL DREEMUR!

“AND THANKS TO YOUR FRIEND! AND MINE!

“I CAN NOW!

“SET!

“YOU!

“FREE!”

He raised his arms, and the void around us shattered. In between the cracks of the darkness around us, I could see the Barrier trying to pulse through.

It too started to splinter and dissolve.

I heard a laugh.

“W… what… you’re here?”

Asriel was staring off into space. His grin grew bigger and brighter and his eyes shone like the sun.

“....I’m coming….”

The Prince of Monsters paled. Before I could do a thing he dissolved into a wind that touched only him.

He was gone.

The void shattered completely.

I fell into a blinding light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To everyone that had this subscribed and got a billion emails, I am so so sorry. AO3 was being a butt about something I wanted to do, and I didn't find out till after that it would continue to be a butt. Thank you for your patience.)


	37. A Story's End.

The light was all encompassing. I couldn’t see a thing. I shut my eyes as hard as I could to block out the light.

 

I felt the void give out from under my feet. My descent was slow. Almost methodical. My senses slowed down as well. Time went into a crawl. I kept my eyes closed for fear of what I may see.

Then, it all stopped.

 

I felt covers all around me. Blankets? Definitely blankets. Pillows. Mattress.

 

_ Heh. Neat! Another final change! I was taken back to either Toriel’s home in the Ruins or Asgore’s bed! Guess I get to ride out this adventure a little longer. _

 

I lifted my right foot and accidentally swung it that way. The anticipation for the impact with their wall was partnered with a wince.

 

My foot hit the air.

 

_ Wait… _

 

I finally cracked open my eyes to see where I was. For a moment, I didn’t see much. It was too dark. And a little too blurry. My glasses were missing.

 

I sat up straight to get a good look around and I just about burst into tears.

 

My clock. My bed. My blanket. My pillows. Clothes hamper, computer, desk, everything…

 

“I’m home?”

 

Both of my hands came up to rub my temples.

 

“No no no no no, I didn’t get to say goodbye!” Then it occurred to me.

 

_ Am I in my sleepwear??? _

 

Indeed I was. My long suffering hoodie, torn jeans… it was all replaced with my usual sleep clothes.

 

I couldn’t help it. I started to sob.

 

_ Was-was-was it all a dream? I mean, what… what was the point??? I just did what I would do in that sort of… it was a DREAM? The most awesome adventure I could have and it… it… _

 

My bed creaked as I stoop up with a bit more force than I usually would.

 

_ I didn’t get to say goodbye… _

 

I pulled at my head and almost roared at the top of my lungs.

 

_ WHY!? Why would.. the most insipid! Overused! Craptacular endings, I could possibly- _

 

A blue light shone directly into a bead of my tears. Its amplified end result was enough to bring my thoughts to a screeching halt if just because it hurt a little.

 

_...Why is my computer on? _

 

I made my way over to where my glasses were sitting as though I had just let them down minutes before, and jammed them on my face.  Then I opened the earpieces and put them on correctly.

 

My monitor was still off but my computer was definitely running. Unless I was gone longer than I thought and someone turned it on to see where I might have gone…

 

“I coulda sworn this was off.”

 

I pressed the power button for my monitor and let it boot up. Once everything was up and running I noticed that there was an active program on my toolbar.

 

_ Undertale. _

 

“Hookay. Let’s… see what’s going on here.”

 

I clicked the icon and the thing immediately went into full-screen mode. Just like I would have completed a Pacifist run I was greeted with a nearly empty screen. Just a purple circle. No music as usual, and… wait.

 

_ That… that ain’t normal. _

 

The RESET option was cut in half horizontally and the TRUE RESET option was missing entirely. Same for the CONTINUE option.

 

Instead? All I had was a single word I could choose.

 

I clicked on MESSAGE.

 

The screen went black again. A few seconds passed where nothing happened.

 

Finally, sans’ pixelated mug popped up in the top left-hand corner.

 

“sup.”

 

The word was typed out, just like it would in the game- just like it does for people pl- just like normal.

 

“so. hi. no idea if this message will get to you. or if there’s still a you to get a message to. but hey. i didn’t get where i am by giving up. at least, not how i am now.”

 

His face shifted just like it did in all his other post-game voicemails. Whether he actually did it, or if the game was simply interpreting that for me, I didn’t know.

 

I got myself comfy in my desk chair, and pressed the spacebar.

 

“let’s go the positive route. we’re alive. we’re on the surface. and we have at least two beings to thank for that.

 

“first one is obvious. the human from beyond. we have no idea where you came from, but i have an idea of how you got here. see, the same thing that i am sending this through? i think brought you here. somehow.

 

“and everyone kept telling me the damn thing would never work again. joke’s on them. i found the machine purring away in the basement when i went to check your watch out.

 

“it was running. just a little, and it was fragile as hell then too, but it was running. damndest thing.

 

“i kept it a secret. old habits i guess.

 

“i kept it a secret long into the migration to the surface. tried to fix it a little more. couldn’t. and figured out last week that it had enough juice to send one thing out.

 

“you’re welcome.” sans’s pixelated face went into a left-eyed wink.

 

“it’s been a little over a year since we got up here. everyone’s doing fine.

 

“toriel went straight into the teaching business. she hasn’t gotten the school she’d like, but after a bit of vetting and tests, she’s slated to be the newest and fluffiest kindergarten teacher the system’s seen.

 

“papyrus took your words to heart and is now pulling double duties. he may not have made it to the royal guard before they were dissolved, but he wowed his way into the local police force. in the last couple months, he helped bring crime to an all time low and positivity to an all time high. all without a single act of violence on his part. in his spare time, he’s been volunteering everywhere he can. and i mean everywhere. he’s the coolest, isn’t he?”

 

_ Darn straight he is. _

 

“undyne did the same police thing, though she took a little longer ‘cause of her personality. same rank as papyrus but she’s happy. big changes on the force thanks to her too. we now have the most physically fit force in the country and everyone is pumped to do what they can. it’s astounding.

 

“alphys was… fired. you likely already knew that. however, her recycling abilities put her on the biggest project the world’s ever seen. with the help of her reunited friends, she bratty and catty are coming up with ways to reduce all sorts of garbage problems down to nothing.

 

“that’s not even mentioning her magic-applications for humans. that alone has been bringing a ton of dough for her and undyne.

 

“speaking of. wedding is next month. they, uh, they’re gonna be having a spot reserved for ya. alphys already confided in me that if you fail to show, they have a picture to put in your place.”

 

_ Good for them. Good for them… _

 

“mettaton’s popularity shot off like a rocket. the guy’s living his dream. his first tour was dedicated to ya. burgerpants graduated from shrub to extra. he’s doing good too. less nihilistic. been talking to bratty and catty more when he’s in town too.

 

“the bunnyfolks’ business took off just as fast as mettaton’s rise to stardom. apparently they found out what you meant about monsters being accepted, eh? shopkeep’s gotten at least a dozen guys try to ask her out, and a few girls too. same for the innkeep. heh. but i already knew humans loved hot animals.

 

“the temmies have become the single most popular type of monster on the planet. period. they have also become the most welcome addition to all sorts of institutions. especially therapy based ones. bob and the shop-tem have gone all out to make sure everyone is happy with the arrangements.

 

“asgore…. hm. asgore took the brunt of everything. and i mean _everything_. toriel tried her best to tell him to let her join in on the proceedings and hearings, but he wasn’t having it. he told her that while she overreacted too, she needed to focus on life or some such schlock. you know him, bleeding heart and such.

 

“he’s currently helping with the human identification process. it’s been morbid but he’s hanging in there. little secret? toriel’s been helping too behind his back. she still cares. but their relationship otherwise is gone and done. not surprising i guess.

 

“as for me? i’ve, uh, i’ve been talking to someone. getting help. granted what i’ve been through is a little more that what most folks can comprehend, but the shrink i’m seeing is doing their best. i’m doing my best. just one day at a time.

 

“and yeah, there are a few days when it’s hard to get up. heck, i’ve found out that a lot of us have that. but… we work through it. we get through it together.

 

“last but not least? we found the kid.”

 

I sat up straight in my chair when those words flashed across the screen.

 

“happy little kid. part of an orphanage in an area near the mountain. but happy nonetheless. strangely enough, when they saw us they ran from their little play yard to greet us all as though they knew a gaggle of monsters. most of us didn’t buuuuut i had my gut feeling.” 

 

sans did his left-eye wink again.

 

“toriel decided then and there to adopt the kiddo. it took a few weeks, but after some gold was exchanged for the local currency, forms filled, and all the usual red tape finished? she got herself a human to raise and care for.

 

“darndest thing happened soon after that. they came up to me one day, and told me that the impulses were gone. that they could do what they wanted. that the feeling of climbing the mountain for no clear reason just ceased. no more stars. no more time shifts. they can live their life. and they have been absolutely at peace with that. 

 

“there was one thing we didn’t get some peace over for a long time though.

 

“...” 

 

sans’s smile drooped but didn’t completely disappear.

 

“everyone was devastated when they saw you weren’t there. all we found were your hoodie, an uneaten face-steak, your blown out shoes, destroyed watch, apron, gloves, a pile of snow, and a stick. we collected everything but the stick. the small annoying dog popped out of nowhere, snagged it, and ran off to parts still unknown to this day. no idea where your phone went, though.”

 

I checked my pockets. I didn’t find it either. That was… perplexing, but I put it out of my head to focus back on the text that was before me.

 

“monster kid was inconsolable for weeks. snowdrake and his buddies worked with their parents to come up with a massive snow-themed statue of you in snowdin before you left. the snowman didn’t say anything which was odd. he just sort of accepted the piece back and refused to be moved from his spot.”

 

I slumped in my seat at the mental images.

 

“and, well, the king and queen were torn up over the second person we have to thank for our release. we may not have gotten to know your name, but…

 

“never thought that the wee-... the prince would do something like that.

 

“a proper statue of the two of you was made in the new living area of monsterkind. you in your hoodie, of course. we even put your busted watch on it complete with a little preserving magic. no one can really make out your face for some odd reason.

 

“it’s of you and the prince. hugging. the final moments. a memory. a perfect example of humans and monsters accepting one another. to add to it, the human politicians actually held a fundraiser to get professional work done. it… it’s nice..

 

Pixel-sans’ grin returned and grew even wider. The happiness in his smile actually showed in his eye-lights.

 

“monsterkind is doing well. great even. we’re all doing what we can to make our world and lives better. and the humans? they’ve accepted us. with very very little resistance or problem.

 

“wherever you are? whenever you are? just know that you helped a lot of people and way more awesome for it.“

 

I gave a watery chuckle at that. sans’ face meanwhile stopped smiling.

 

“.....i have one last request for ya. time’s been fine. really. it has been. no deja vu. so, uhm. if you can? that game thing you told me about?

 

“...”

 

I leaned forward in my seat.

 

“i don’t think you’d be able to use it again. and even if you reinstall, you’d just mess up another world’s lifetime. so please? just leave it be. don’t get rid of it, just in case. but don’t install another one. all i can do is ask, and there ya go. i done did it.”

 

My hand nearly cracked the mouse. 

 

_ I promise. _

 

“....machine’s starting to fade on me. so. yeah. that’s us in a nutshell. keep fighting the good fight. who knows? maybe things will conspire for us to meet again.

 

“and if ya do? you’ll always have a room and a smile waiting.”

 

The pixel-sans winked again, and the game-screen shut down automatically after a few moments.

 

I just sat there and looked at my screen.

 

After some time had passed and my tears had been shed, I gripped my mouse again.

 

I put the Undertale icon in a folder, and set the folder to hidden and locked.

 

And shut the computer down.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow. The end of this story, folks.
> 
> I have to admit, I was... very very surprised by how well this was recieved. Yeah, I know, I did a ton of hiccups here and there. But I'd like to think it worked overall. Ya'll seem to think so ;)
> 
> A huuuuuge shout out to three people.
> 
> Chairtastic, for his help in getting me going in a quick rough patch in chapter three. His advice stuck through for a good chunk of the narrative. Thanks dude.
> 
> Michelle. Back up beta-reader and another good source of advice for a few chapters. Including my overuse of the poor comma. Thank you.
> 
> And last but certainly not least? Liatai. She's been my beta-reader from the beginning. She's been a huge help the whole way. Encouraging, polite, and willing to put up with my shenanigoats. :P
> 
> This was fun. Very fun. I think I will do another story. Sometime. Maybe soon. Who knows?
> 
> Welp. The end, folks. I hope that you all enjoyed the ride.
> 
> See you in the next story.
> 
>  
> 
> Also! Liatai's Gaster-OC-Ask-Me Tumbler [ Ask the Living Core .](https://askthelivingcore.tumblr.com/) Going strong, and she is looking for some fun asks. 
> 
> Thank you all who have sent her a thing or two. She's been very happy with that :D


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